"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He whispered, and she felt her heart take flight like those taking off from the nearby runway. "It'll be okay." Buffy calmed a bit and pulled away, finding a tissue from the depths of her small bag.
"I'm sorry." She sniffled, feeling like a huge mess.
"Don't be, I understand, and you shouldn't be sorry." They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. It was amazing just to sit there with him, to be so close; in this reality she hadn't felt this close to anyone else in all that time apart.
"So, have you kept in touch with anyone?" She asked a little later, feeling more comfortable now and feeling conscious that all conversation thus far had been ridiculously intense.
"Not really. I email Willow from time to time, but I don't really know what's going on with them. It was good to write to her occasionally because she's, she was my connection to you." He said looking down directly into her eyes.
"You kept in touch with her because of me?" Buffy asked, realising what this meant.
"Of course, I wanted to know how you were getting on and…whether you were happy."
"Oh, I, what did she tell you?"
"She couldn't tell me too much Buffy, she doesn't know." He said gently. She looked down then, feeling the familiar trappings of guilt. Knowing she should have made more of an effort to keep in touch with her best friend.
"I know, I just couldn't seem to…I don't know connect with them in the same way. Our lives had always been weirdness and death. I just cut myself off. I didn't think it would make a lot of difference to them." He shook his head in admonition.
"Buffy, of course it does, they love you, and they want you to be happy."
"I know but what would have been the point in telling them I wasn't? Even if I had admitted it to myself."
"They still want to be in your life Buffy. Do they even know where you live?" He asked, though he wasn't angry just frustrated.
"No." She said quietly. "I do miss them. The rational part of my brain told me to tell them, to actually be in their lives but the other side…I don't know."
"But you have kept in touch with Willow a little? You write to her, she knows you live in LA."
"She does?"
"The postmarks Buffy."
"Right, she told you?" He nodded.
"I did want to find you. I thought about it so many times. But years go by, I suppose I was afraid too."
"You were afraid of me? Okay, I don't blame you for that, but I did come to see you Angel…just one time. Do you remember?" He tensed a little then as she said this. Part of her pleased, though not very mature at least it showed he remembered and felt it had been a bad moment, yet another bad moment in their epic history of bad moments. He nodded,
"I remember," He began quietly. "You have no idea how much I regret that night…I'm sorry Buffy."
"You didn't seem very sorry at the time." She told him, clearly still feeling the resultant bitterness.
"No, I guess I wasn't. I wanted to hurt you, like you hurt me." He said this gently though it still caused a pain to shoot through her chest wall.
"You did, I came to see you, I might even have been ready…" Her eyes started watering again and she dabbed at them with the tissue. Sitting back a little, he held both her arms, and looked straight into her eyes,
"I knew immediately that I'd made a mistake Buffy. I should have stopped you, run out after you. I've regretted it ever since."
"Did you love her?" No idea why she even asked. Buffy did not want to know the answer. Yes or no he had still been with her and had chosen her instead…in a sense.
"No. No I couldn't…I didn't. I was just trying to make the pain go away." She snorted inelegantly in response.
"I know the feeling, only I'm particularly good at drowning my problems, though it never helps. Don't look at me like that I'm not an alcoholic, it's just around the holidays…"
"Not anymore." He said decisively, and she smiled a little.
"No?" She asked.
"No, I'm going to make sure of it." He told her in a softer voice. A voice that was full of promises for the future. He wouldn't break them.
"Thank you." She said simply, hugging him again. This time though he kept his arm around her; and she automatically leaned against him. "So, you're not going to Paris tonight?" She asked cheekily, hopefully. She was thankful when he laughed and pulled her closer, leaning his head on hers.
"No, I'm not going tonight, not unless you want to come with me?" She shook her head smiling.
"Maybe one day," She told him, elated. She'd always wanted to see Europe, probably due to Giles influence she'd always wanted to experience its history and heritage. He snaked his arm round her a little more. "But isn't this a bit sudden? Won't it cause a big mess? I don't want to mess up what you've worked so hard for?" Guilt loomed overhead again.
"No, it's ok, I can work from anywhere, I could split my time between here and there. I have options don't worry. I think I was running away. There were too many memories of you. I thought Europe might put you out of head. But nothing could ever do that. We'll just see what happens, go slow." Buffy nodded, hugely relieved, the guilt choking her loosened its grip. This was the best she could have ever hoped for, when she'd begun this fool's errand, her head full of silly ideas, stopping planes on the runway was one. He groaned, "My publicist is going to kill me." She chuckled; his publicist was not going to like her very much.
"He didn't look impressed when I saw you earlier, gave me a really weird look?"
"Yeah, am afraid he knows the story. He guessed I had this tragic past and somehow, or other persuade me to tell him. I'm not sure how though because he's not that great a friend. He was just there."
"Did you sell your place?" He shook his head and again she felt very relieved.
"No, I'm not sure why. I guess I wanted to keep a connection to the city. This is the city that had you in it. And now, well it's very helpful, though I guess I should call the removal company to get my things back from the plane tomorrow, they were going later." She nodded and went to get them something to eat while he called them; realising again how much of a sacrifice Angel was making just by staying here. He was all set to move all he had to France and here she was skipping in and changing his life around, again. Oh hell, but it WAS right.
"So, you've talked to Willow a little, do you know what they're all doing?" She asked later on.
"Not really, I know Willow stopped working for that computer company after she had Alex, but I don't know much. You know huh? Tell me." He asked, and she was glad to. It was good to talk about her friends again.
"I think Willow's been working for them again but not full time. Oz is working there of course as well. Funny I never imagined him as a computer business guy, but I don't think it's like that really. He works mostly from home, which she loves." Angel nodded,
"Xander's company is doing well and he obviously likes being self-employed. And Anya still manages the magic shop but not full time after she had William." I'm so glad they worked things out and got back together." Angel nodded but said,
"I was a little bit surprised to be honest. I thought for a while that, you and he…might."
"Angel" Buffy couldn't help but exclaim. "Okay, so it could have happened at one time but that moment came and went very quickly. We just…loved other people too much." He smiled; he knew what she meant. "I write to Giles sometimes, though he writes more than I do. I'd love to go and visit them in England. I'd love to see little Elizabeth and Olivia again. Did you know he wanted to call her Buffy for short?"
"Willow did mention something." He said amused at her tone,
"I'm glad Olivia was sensible enough to say no the poor little thing. They call her Ellie and her pictures so cute." She reached into her bag and pulled out the few photos' she carried around, showing him a recent one.
"Maybe we could take a trip to England too," He said, glancing at the images.
"Yeah, that would be good." She glanced at her watch. "How did it get so late?" Angel looked and mirrored her surprise.
"Time flies…"
"Yeah…maybe…I should go home? I don't want to but…"
"You're tired." He finished, "Yeah, so am I'm completely shattered actually, would you like to share a cab?"
"Yes I'd like that." Deciding she could pick up the car tomorrow. He took her hand as they walked out of the terminal and she felt that familiar shiver go through her again. The cab ride was quiet, a comfortable quiet now that they'd had a chance to talk.
"I'll call you tomorrow Buffy," He said as she got out of the car and felt his lips briefly touch her cheek. So brief a caress she could have imagined it. Feeling the tiniest bit disappointed, the feeling passed quickly enough when she remembered that he'd stayed in the country for her, for them. She smiled, and he closed the car door.
"Bye Angel," The cab drove off leaving her with the most incredible feeling.
One of hope restored.
Though tired she was too wired to sleep so started on some stretching instead. She was more than exhausted, both physically and mentally; despite the happiness that was spreading like wildfire through her veins. Hearing a knock at the door and her brain too slow to register the time, she opened it before checking who it was only to find Angel standing there and her breath caught.
"Angel?
Her unspoken question hanging in the air between them,
"I couldn't wait to call you, to ask you to dinner tomorrow." He spoke a little out of breath, as if he'd run up here. She'd have to ask him later just how he got in the building.
"I do love you Buffy." Oh my word but that was incredible to hear. She could barely breathe but managed to whisper.
"I love you back."
Angel moved forward, immediately taking her in his arms, lips meeting in a kiss that encompassed eight years of longing. She closed the door and any exhaustion seemed to dissipate completely.
"I love you, I always have." She repeated, though Buffy knew he knew that. She'd always loved him, even when she thought she didn't, like Angel once told her, I tried to stop but I couldn't. And they'd waited long enough.
This is where it starts, finally, after so much pain and torment, this is their path, and she knows it's the right one.
Fin