So one day I was just thinking about Urinetown.
So now I'm gonna write fan fiction
Hope Caldwell groaned as she slammed her head into her toilet-shaped desk. They were beginning to run out of water at an alarming rate, and she had no clue what to do, short of reinstating the Water Preservation Act and charging people to pee once more. As tempting as that option sounded, Hope had unfortunately specifically promised to not reinstate the Water Preservation Act in her first speech as the president of the Bobby Strong Memorial Toilet Authority.
"There must be a way to do something…" Hope muttered to herself. "If only Bobby were here. He'd know what to do. Bobby always knew what to do…"
"Perhaps I can assist with that Ms. Cladwell."
Hope nearly fell out of her seat at the sound of the all too familiar voice.
"The one and only," the man said, stepping from the shadows of the room, wearing a tattered blue shirt and sporting a shaggy hairdo and beard that would make Steve Rogers proud. On his head sat an old, faded police cap and he had a brown leather bag over his shoulder. "Although I'm not quite an officer anymore…"
"Never mind that," Hope said, standing up and walking over to Lockstock. "You said you could help with the trouble we're having?"
"You said "If only Bobby were here", correct?" Lockstock asked. "Well…I may know of a way to bring him back."
"You do?" Hope asked, hope in her eyes for the first time in weeks. "Tell me!"
"Well…we're going to need help." Lockstock explained. "Get Ms. Pennywise and Little Sally."
A bit confused at the request, but at this point willing to grasp to any small hope she had left, Hope tapped a button on her desk. A few moments later, Tiny Tina strolled into the room, eyeing Lockstock curiously.
"Get Ms. Pennywise and Little Sally for me, will you Tina?" Hope requested. Tiny Tina nodded and left the room. A few minutes later, the doors opened and Penelope Pennywise and Little Sally walked in.
"What is it Hope dear?" Ms. Pennywise asked her daughter worriedly. "I know you've been going through a lot recently, and with Josephine's passing-"
"Officer Lockstock!" Little Sally interrupted, sprinting over and wrapping the former officer in a tight hug. "I thought you said you would lay low! What are you doing here?"
"I think I've found your happy ending Little Sally." Lockstock explained with a smile. Little Sally's face lit up with a hopeful grin.
"Really?" The girl asked, tears springing to her eyes.
Hope really hoped that Lockstock's plan would work. After all, it was their last hope. If it failed, all hope would be lost for the people of the town, and Hope would lose any hope she had left of surviving any longer.
Lockstock positioned the three girls in a triangular shape, with each at a point. Lockstock dug around in his bag and pulled out a Barbie Doll florescent pink piece of chalk. Little Sally tilted her head.
"Officer Lockstock?" She asked, a bit nervous as she stared at the haggard officer. "Why do you have Barbie Doll florescent pink chalk?"
Lockstock didn't respond and drew an equilateral triangle around the girls. Once the shape was finished, Lockstock threw away the Barbie Doll florescent pink chalk and dug around in his bag some more. After a moment, he pulled out some auto-erotic asphyxiation purple chalk, which he smiled at fondly. Lockstock caressed the chalk gently, before bending down and tracing a large circle around the triangle. Finally, Lockstock gently placed down the auto-erotic asphyxiation purple chalk and pulled out a court-ordered urine sample yellow chalk. Crouching down, the former officer slowly and deliberately drew a perfect square around the circle, completing the diagram.
The moment the diagram was completed, the lines lit up with dark magical energy, runes swirling around the room. All three girls looked around in shock at Lockstock's work. Little Sally nervously moved, causing the lines to flicker. Little Sally froze and stopped moving.
"Everyone, stay as still as possible." Lockstock warned. "I need a few moments to conduct the ritual."
The three female humanoids nodded and remained as still as possible. Between each of them, Lockstock drew another circle in Barbie Doll florescent pink, auto-erotic asphyxiation purple and court-ordered urine sample yellow chalk, before drawing a circle in the center with all three.
"Now…" Lockstock said, standing in the center of the circle. "We can begin…"
Lockstock closed his eyes, a golden urine-colored aura surrounding him. With a crack of thunder, Lockstock opened his eyes, which were pupils and completely Urinetown yellow. Unable to control their own limbs, all three feminine individuals lifted their arms straight up into the air and performed the splits. Lockstock began to chant in a deep bass voice, slowly floating into the air as Urinetown golden lightning began to crackle around him.
"Yrots tsedlo hte sti! Yrots tsedlo hte sti! Yrots tsedlo hte sti! Desserppo sessam htiw! Sessam! Desserppo sessam! Nwoteniru ni! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHS EHT HTIW NO!"
With a flash of energy, all the light of energy exploded, sending all four homosapians flying back away from the diagram. Lockstock smiled. Little Sally stared in awe as, from the Urinetown yellow light, a young man emerged.
"Ken'etsu!" Lockstock exclaimed, holding out his hand. Instantly a bright glare of light flashed over the man's lower half, blocking it from view. The boy gasped for air as he was reborn from beyond.
Bobby Strong had returned.
So yeah, that was it. Anyway that's all for now and-
Everyone gasped as they turned. Standing in the corner, arms folded with a smug smile on his face was the Baron of Urinetown himself, rifling through a stack of Clad-Bucks. He was also naked, which Lockstock quickly blocked with another swift "Ken'etsu". It was him. The Prince of Pee. The Master of Piss. Caldwell B. Cladwell was back with a vengeance.