Ha this is a fanfiction woooooooooo

"Caldwell!?" Ms. Pennywise exclaimed in shock, walking up to Cladwell and poking his rugged face, as if you confirm he was real. "How are you here?"

Cladwell just shrugged, looking just as confused as the rest of the room.

"I dunno," he said, scratching his stubble. "All I remember was floating naked in a pool of urine, then BAM. Here."

"Er…that's my bad." Lockstock admitted awkwardly. Little Sally, Ms. Pennywise, Hope, Bobby and Cladwell all looked at Lockstock in confusion. Lockstock shifted his feet.

"The spell I used was specifically made to revive main characters," Lockstock explained. "Unfortunately…that includes Caldwell B. Cladwell."

"And me." Officer Christine Barrel added awkwardly from the corner of the room, also naked. Lockstock glanced over and muttered a quick "Ken'etsu" before continuing his explanation.

"There was no other way to bring back Bobby Strong," Lockstock admitted with a frown. "Thankfully, the main characters are a fairly small group of people so-"

"Who art thou fiends?"

The seven humanoids all looked over to the final corner of the room in shock. From the shadows stepped a Hagrid-looking fellow, with anime loli light blue hair and a shaggy beard. He was quite small, only about a head taller than Little Sally (who, as the name implied, was not very tall herself) and carried a sheathed sword in his right hand. His left arm was completely robotic, with glowing lines the same color as his hair and his right eye was nothing but a jagged scar.

"Old-So-And-So?" Lockstock and Barrel both exclaimed in shock simultaneously at the sight of the man. Old-So-And-So nodded and glared at the two (former) officers with seething rage in his eyes.

"How have thoust lives been?" Old-So-And-So asked in mocking Shakespearian. "Myest? Well, I's been fine ever since thoust THREW ME OFF A BUILDING YOU POISONOUS BUNCH-BACKED TOADS!"

"Er…yeah…" Lockstock said, scratching his head awkwardly. "Sorry?"

"I am sick when I do look on thee…" Old-So-And-So muttered in disgust, pointedly looking away and at the other individuals in the room. "So who are you?"

"You're Old-So-And-So?" Bobby asked the man, mouth hanging open as wide as the rest of the motley cast. "I mean, you're so…you know?"

Old-So-And-So sighed, placing his face into his (robotic) hand. Hope elbowed Bobby with a glare, the boy shifting awkwardly in response. Little Sally perked up and raised her hand with a small gasp, attracting the attention of Old-So-And-So

"Yes…" Old-So-And-So said, trailing off as he looked the young girl up, trying to place her name. "Becky?"

"Little Sally." Little Sally corrected, a bit upset that the man didn't recognize her. Then again, they had only met once or twice. Then then again, there weren't exactly a ton of poor people in the town to memorize the names of. Just her, Little Becky Two Shoes, Hot Blades Harry, Soupy Sue, Tiny Tom, Tiny Tina, Billy Boy Bill, Robby the Stockfish and the assorted ensemble whose names had been lost to time. "So if you're here…does that mean we could bring back all the people Cladwell killed?"

Before Old-So-And-So could speak however, a pillar of flames erupted in the middle of the room. From the pillar, a fifteen year old figure emerged, dressed in a posh British outfit and sipping from a cup of Earl gay tea. The girl bounced excitedly as she gulped down the remaining tea, and waved away the smoke generated from the fire, coughing slightly. Lockstock pointed his finger at the still raging pillar of flames.

"Jikan Sukippu!" Lockstock exclaimed. From the tips of his fingers, green energy shot out, hitting the flames. The moment it did, the fire began to speed up, before suddenly dying out as if hours had passed. With the hazardous fire put out and the smoke cleared, the girl smiled as she looked at the homosapians…specifically the male ones. The humans all stepped back in fear of what this strange, British-looking girl might do.

"It's…it's…." The girl stammered, unable to fully form her sentence. The six of the seven humanoids exchanged confused glances a the girl's stammering, while Lockstock simply sighed silently. There was a tense silence until finally…


"Hello Satan…" Lockstock sighed, sitting down onto Hope's desk. "Nice to see you again."

"S-Satan?" Bobby asked in disbelief, staring at the girl. That was Satan? As in…the devil?

"In the flesh." Satan said with a curtsey and bow at the same time. "Nice to meet you Bobby Strong! I have…great plans for you."

"Er…thank you Ms….Tan," Bobby awkwardly stammered. "What…plans are those?"

"Well, to ship you of course!" Satan answered with a smile. "All my favorite ships involved you, and when you died I was heartbroken. But thanks to Locky, you're back! Speaking of….how do you feel about Dr. Sir Mr. Officer Lockstock?"

Satan pulled a notepad and pen from her plunging neckline, and clicked the tip out, ready to take notes.

"How do I…feel about Officer Lockstock?" Bobby slowly confirmed, confusion firmly planted on his face. "Well…I…don't like him very much. He's a cop."

"Hm…." Satan murmured, writing frantically, her pen flying across the page. "I'll have to do something about that…."

Bobby glanced over to Hope, who shrugged, just as confused as the young man.

"Now," Satan said, flipping to the next page. "Cladwell."

"Cladwell?" Bobby asked, clear disgust appearing on his face. "Ugh, I hate him! Especially now since he…you know…killed me."

Satan clicked her tongue, shaking her head slowly.

"I suppose this is why they said it's "so non-canon"…" she muttered to herself, glancing between Cladwell and Bobby from the corner of her eye. "Well…we can fix this with time as well."

Satan flipped to the next page of her notebook and looked back at Bobby.


"I don't even know him!"

"Final question Mr. Strong." Satan quickly continued, making direct eye contact with Bobby. "Are you currently in a relationship?"

"In a relationship?" Bobby asked, sweat running down his forehead. "Well I…uh, that is to say….I think that….I might be-"

"We're a couple." Hope cut in, grabbing Bobby's arm and pulling him right up against her with a smile. Satan's cheerful expression immediately fell flat.

"I see…" the devil muttered darkly, frowning as she glanced between Hope and Bobby. "Well…we'll see about that."

The next instant, Satan was right back to her regular, cheerful, bubbly, energetic, friendly self. She waved goodbye with a big smile.

"Bye-bye Bobby!" She called, giving a playful wink. "Play nice with Claddy Daddy!"

With that, a dark portal opened beneath Satan, dropping her back into her small cottage in Brittland. The moment the devil vanished, Lockstock groaned, and pinched between his eyes in exasperation.

"I should have seen this coming." Lockstock admitted. "But I didn't…and now we're in this mess…"

"What's so bad Officer Lockstock?" Little Sally asked, tugging on the man's belt. Lockstock sighed and looked down at Little Sally.

"Satan is a…she's a shipper." Officer Lockstock finally blurted out. "And she'll stop at nothing to make those ships come true."

"Well that shouldn't be a problem." Little Sally said confidently. "We're not even on a coast or anything. Her ships shouldn't come close to us."

The entire room grew rather awkward at Little Sally's words, the six individuals exchanging glances. Finally Pennywise spoke up.

"Well, Little Sally…" she began slowly, walking over and squatting beside the small pigtailed girl. "You see…it's not those kinds of ships."

"Not those kinds of ships?" Little Sally echoed in confusion, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Like airships?"

"N-no…" Barrel said with a shake of his head. He walked over, joining Pennywise beside Little Sally. "Little Sally…they're not airships."

"Not airships or sea ships?" Little Sally asked in disbelief and confusion. She squeezed Teddy Lockstock tighter as she tilted her head curiously. "Then…what kind of ships?"

"R-r-relationships." Bobby finally managed to stammer out. Little Sally looked to the hero of the poor, the confusion evident in her youthful eyes. "Satan is a relationshipper. She…chooses pairings she likes…and puts them together."

Little Sally furrowed her eyebrows, utterly baffled by the explanations she was given. Relation…ships? And Satan…put them together?

"But…what if they don't really love each other?" Little Sally finally spoke. At this, the room are most uncomfortable, the homosapians silently arguing about who should explain the concept to the young girl. Finally, Lockstock lost his mental Street Fighter match with Bobby, thus designating him as the explanation giver.

"Satan…doesn't care if they don't really love each other at all." Lockstock explained, pointing to Bobby and Cladwell. "For example, Satan "ships" them. That means she believes that they make a good couple…for whatever reasons go on in her…skull."

"Don't you mean in her brain?"

"…no Little Sally. No, I don't."