He's never going to drink again.

He knows that's a damn lie, but hey it's not like he'll remember this the next day. He is standing next to the apartment's kitchen counter using his full weight on his arm in an attempt to stay standing, his other arm clutching the front of his hoodie. Must have been a bad batch, that's the only logical scenario he can think of that would cause such overwhelming pain. Not much else could explain the immense amount of pain he was feeling in his lower abdomen. Using the counter and then the wall for support, as well as many other sturdy pieces of furniture, he made his way over to the couch. Sitting on the cushiony surface, he tried to relax and hopefully ignore the pain. The vibrating of his phone in the pocket of his hoodie wasn't helping at all. In fact it made the pain more renounced. Taking out the device and turning on the screen he was met with bright light and a picture of himself and his two best friends. The picture was taken in front of the old house the three had shared for years, but the picture itself was quite recent. It showed the three of them standing in the front yard. It was taken two maybe three weeks before the incident. He'd much rather forget about that at this moment in all honesty. Unlocking the phone he was met with thirteen new messages. Scrolling through said messages, he deleted the ones that didn't matter. Opening up the most recent one he read it, his pain having been ignored for the moment.

'Hey Tom. Matt and I are going by the store. If you need anything text back.'

He thought for a moment before texting back that he was fine and didn't need anything. Closing the phone back up and putting it back in his pocket, Tom is reminded of the pain by a sharp jab going through his lower abdomen, almost comparable to being shot or stabbed. Getting up from the couch he stumbled his way into his room, discarding his hoodie and black jeans to the side. Left in only his boxers and t-shirt, he made his way to the bed, hoping sleep would take the pain away. He laid down, sighing as his eyelids closed, and he fell into slumber.

A few hours later, he was jolted awake by a pain five hundred times worse than what it had been only hours previous. He felt his body trying to do something, but he just didn't know what it was trying to do. Shifting his body, he laid back against the pillows taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. He reached over to his nightstand to grab his phone only to find it was not there. Remembering that he had left it in the pocket of his hoodie he looked around the room. The discarded fabric was laying on the floor next to the door. Moving to get up off the bed so as to get the jacket he was struck by an even harsher jab of pain quickly followed by another one. He laid back down and moved onto his side curling into himself. This was the worst pain he's felt in years. The two times he was shot with lasers to the face and that time he walked right into an old Egyptian arrow trap couldn't compare to the pain he was suffering from currently. He's gotten shot, stabbed, run over, had a missile aimed for him, and almost murdered countless times in his life but he would relive all of that ten times over if his current pain would stop. Letting off a sharp, pain filled groan as he felt another three jabs hit him simultaneously, his mind told him to sit up and lean back against the headboard.

Shifting up the bed and leaning back, he feels something tighten up in his stomach causing even more discomfort and pain to wash over him. He is annoyed with himself for being so haphazard and leaving his phone in his hoodie over by the door. Moving to go get it now would just end up with him falling to the floor and hopefully dying right then and there. By this point he just wanted this to end, the pain was so overwhelming.

All of a sudden he felt a rush of fluid run down his thighs and soaking his boxers and bedsheets. He hadn't felt the urge to go, but the release had given him an albeit short lived relief from the abdominal pain. The pressure he had previously felt dissipated. Minutes that only felt like seconds passed, and the pain increased tenfold. He swore loudly, hoping that his neighbors couldn't hear. If this didn't end soon, he told himself, he was going to gut himself. The pain would not end.

After what seemed like hours but was in reality only a few minutes, he felt the urge to push. Push what he doesn't know, but listening to his body seems to be the best idea he's had for quite some time. Baring down in an attempt to push, he felt something moving down slowly. Not wanting to think about what kind of thing his body is attempting to get rid of, he gives all of his attention to pushing whatever the thing is out. He finds that the jabs are both helping and hindering him with all of this.

Feeling something large sitting at the inside of his entrance he takes a few shuddering breaths. He has no clue what is going on, but he can tell that the next part of this whole thing is going to take alot. The jabs, not allowing for a break, attempt to shove the large object out. Yelping in pain he pushes with the pain trying to get whatever it is out. He feels the thing is about halfway lodged in him, and if it were any wider then he believes that he would tear. Pushing roughly once again he feels it slide out, but he doesn't feel it hit the bed under him. Deciding to ignore this in favor of baring down at another sharp pain, he feels something stretch him quite a bit before slipping out even more. It's just one more push and the thing slides out of him falling onto the soiled mattress. Closing his sockets he lays back relaxing.

His relaxation period is cut short by a loud, high pitched screech. Sitting up, he first sees a fleshy cord like object connecting him and...



This shouldn't be possible.

He scooped up the screaming child who was still connected to him by the umbilical cord, their screams softening as he holds them close to his chest. He couldn't believe this. Did he really just give birth?

Deciding it would make both of them feel better if he cut the cord and took a bath, Tom lifted himself shakily from the soiled mattress, still holding the child close. It wasn't his first time limping from his room to the bathroom in only a shirt, but this time he was accompanied by the baby in his arms. Starting the water in the tub, he opened the medicine cabinet and a drawer within the bathroom counter. Using the pair of scissors he found to cut the connection between the two, he adjusted how he was holding them before filling up the cup he used when brushing his teeth and taking the medicine. It was plainly obvious that he was going to be sore for the next few days. Climbing into the tub he began to wash off the child, being gentle as he cleaned the blood and fluid off. The little girl squirmed a bit before cooing at her maternal parent. She had yet to open her eyes. Finishing up cleaning both himself and the girl he got out and wrapped her up in a towel wrapping another around his own waist. Sitting down on the couch with her he tried thinking about what to do now. Hearing small whimpering he looked down at her and saw her eyes were open, or well the lack thereof. Trying to think of what could be wrong, he feels her latch onto his nipple and begin suckling.

Damn he was definitely never going to drink again.

1404 words
Uhhh don't judge me...
Or do I don't care.

I tortured this poor guy I feel so bad now.

Uhhh I might do more of these with the other guys.

Sorry I haven't updated Who Says Karma Hates You I got sick then I couldn't think of anything to continue with.

Then I got the idea for this.

Graphic labor and delivery scene anyone?
Thought of having Edd come in because he heard the screaming then question Tom about things but nahh.

References to The End, Ruined, Zanta Clause 2, Space Face 2, Hammer and Fail 2 and any others that I may have forgotten.