49My Favourite Broken Heart
ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING: I am going to be touching upon some sensitive health situations like depression and bulimia… so please do not read if this might be a trigger. Regarding these issues, they are serious and real medical diagnoses. I assume everyone had a firm understanding of what depression is? I would also like to clarify, bulimia: usually someone within a healthy weight range who participates in binge eating with compensatory behaviour of vomiting, excessive exercise, abuse of laxatives, diuretics, or diet pills to prevent weight gain. Not to be confused with binge-eating disorder where the compensatory behaviour is not present as it's the rapid consumption and lack of control over eating.
Also… Aussie writer here… so for clarification:
Grade 1-7 is primary school, 8-12 is high school. We start school at the age of 6, through to 17.
Medical degrees here are a 4yr bachelor, 5th year honours. Plus another 2 years to get accredited. There are 3 options to get registered for accreditation. 2 of these 3 options are working under the supervision of an accredited practitioner who can sign off for your accreditation to the particular association of choice.
Psychological degrees are 3yr bachelors, 4th year honours. Same process for accreditation.
So I have based the ages and study periods off this information since I might mention some things and flashbacks at age points. However true to the series, they live in Japan for all tense and purposes. This is a fiction story in any case! Enjoy~
Finally - I do not own Sailor Moon :3
Prologue
When I was a little girl playing with my dolls I had a clear vision of my future: a perfect white dress marrying Mr Right. It's what every girl dreamt of right? Finding Mr Right as soon as possible and marrying him and having his babies. Simple. But our perception of Mr Right was way off… perhaps lack of experience… let's just call it ignorance and innocents. Oh to be 5 years old again and believing the world was a magical place where princes were real and magic could save lives.
Growing up we had our crushes, and finding out they liked someone else was the end of the world to us! Life was definitely dramatic. You would get your girls around and talk about your crushes and what made them perfect. Was it their good looks? Great grades? How they acted cool? Maybe perhaps they were good at sports? But never once did anyone stop to figure out that that was all superficial stuff. That good looks and grades and even being good at sports didn't make a person, or mean they had good personal values or a sense of humour, or even a good personality. Pfft, no one cared about that stuff right? It was all about appearances that mattered the most.
Finally we do grow up and realise we wasted our childhood years crushing on people who were vain and arrogant, who were never going to look at us… and we missed those opportunities to meet the love of our life who we dreamt we would meet in high school and marry after college. We were too consumed with what we thought we needed and wanted to realise that perhaps someone needed and wanted us? Too consumed with trying to be like everyone else at the same time. The idea of individualisation was so far fetched, no one wanted that right? Our social groups and society told us we needed to crush on those famous people and those who looked like them in order to be popular and be liked? To want to belong with our peers and be accepted?
Did my parents keep those dolls from my childhood so I could go home and take my anger out on them and throw them out for misleading me? Or are my friends the ones I need to yell at for none of them told me I shouldn't worry about superficial things? Do I write a letter to every famous person and take my anger out on them for not sending the right messages across? Perhaps I should have talked to my parents or taken their advice? Whoa! Where did this maturity come from?
Maturity… the realisation of what we value most and really want. I think it comes back down to experience. That's what life is all about right? Experiences. The good and the bad. It takes a lot of maturity to accept it all right? To take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, including our thoughts. While I wish I could go back to being an innocent 5 year old, I really wish my current subconscious was present from the age of 5. How life would have been so different! But then if that was the case, I never would have gone through the experiences that got me here today… such a vicious cycle "experience" is.
The biggest experience that impacts us the most is definitely heartache. I'm sure we have all had our own fair share of broken hearts. Or at least had someone close to us go through a broken heart. At the very least, heard about broken hearts. It's an actual syndrome you know? I studied enough in the medical field to know what I'm talking about. Broken heart syndrome is also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy, with established ties between depression, mental health and heart disease. True fact! Most cases describe symptoms just like a heart attack. The bodies reaction to a surge of stress hormones caused by an emotionally stressful event like a death of a loved one, divorce, breakup, betrayal, or even rejection.
As a very emotional person myself, I was clinically diagnosed at the ripe age of 19 with broken heart syndrome… along with a few other medical conditions. Of course my younger self originally self-diagnosed this due to my tender young heart being broken by my very first love. I swore it was true love. I had developed depression and bulimia as a result. At the time of the break up I didn't want to understand the situation, nor take the time to understand where the other person was coming from, or why he felt the need to break up with me. Instead, I took his words to heart and took a massive hit to my self-confidence, which obliterated how I perceived myself and my worth. I was very vulnerable. Hence the depression and bulimia. But I'd like to mention that I sought professional help and I'm totally better now. Well that's a lie... I'm like 70% better now.
You see when I was younger, a fresh teenager entering high school, I realised my arch nemesis who terrorised me at my favourite arcade was also a senior at my school. I'll be honest; I never took note of the little things to piece this all together before choosing the high school I did. Upon reflection I'm not sure if I'd have chosen any different even if I was aware he went there as well. BUT, it was not pleasurable, his tormenting that is. Luckily I had 4 amazing best friends who made it all bearable. I was never one to believe that boys bully girls they liked, however in my case, it was completely true. I was astonished when this guy asked me out, out of nowhere, to be his girlfriend. Of course it took him 4 years, after my 16th birthday. Because of our age difference, I only had to endure one year at school of constant teasing. Being 5 years my senior, he was in his 3rd year of college studies by the time we started dating.
Might I add, it wasn't a simple yes either. I was really hesitant and thought for sure he was trying to tease me again, so it took him a few months of major sucking up before I finally caved in and said yes. Although our time together was short, I really felt our connection and relished in every opportunity we could be together. He was my first everything… he invaded every corner of my being to the point I didn't think I could live without him. He was like a drug. He came into my life like a whirlwind and made me feel things I never thought possible… and the day he left… was the most unbearable time of my life. I felt the withdrawals of him drive me crazy as if I was being strung-out.
AH! What a headache! I really need to stop thinking about these things. But long story short, he waited until I graduated high school before he decided to break up with me. He had also just graduated college with his honours and was planning to go overseas for work in order to get his accreditation. I don't really want to think about our word exchange at that time. It's too painful. But as an adult now, I can truly say I do understand where he was coming from. But I'm just as positive he was selfish and didn't realise how I would feel afterwards. It was not a clean break up. It was sudden, out and nowhere. And just as quick as the words left our mouths, he was out the door and we never seen each other again. I'd like to say ever again, life would have been much easier that way. But he did eventually come back to Tokyo…
I don't know if I believe in karma or coincidence… But of all the people in the world, and all the placed in the world… he ended up back in my life. He returned to Tokyo living in the same area, working in the same hospital… and I find myself questioning everything again. Going back to old habits I thought I once won against. But I guess Forest Gump's mother's advice was right; Life really is like a box of chocolates! Assuming you don't cheat and see what each flavour is. Perhaps a better analogy is a lucky dip?
You know, I tried to get my life on the straight and narrow. I had already applied for college before my high school graduation. After everything that happened afterwards I wanted to give up on life, so I took a year to find myself… and seek professional advice. I decided to go back the following year, but this time I changed my bachelor to Health science. Psychology to be exact. I wanted to be able to help others like my psychologist was able to help me. It was a very rewarding time for me. I valued everything I learned. I happened to get some pretty good grades that landed me a great opportunity to work under one of the top psychologists in Tokyo. I happened to get my accreditation and worked there for many years before I decided to open my own practice.
As part of my annual membership to the psychology association I have to do some pro rate work, which meant free work to patients at the hospitals. I chose the South Tomoe Private Hospital because one of my best friends happened to work there and it was relatively close to my practice and home. It is the biggest hospital in Tokyo, which also happens to be best with the latest technology and biggest funding available. Because of this reason, the one person I never wanted to see again chose this hospital to return to. Life really can be a pain in the arse.
And yet life had me sitting on my 31 year old arse, inside my childhood cupboard going through a box I really should have thrown out… possible even burnt up years ago! I really don't know why I kept these things… the reason why I reminisced about the past… arg! If I'd have thrown them away when I should have, I never would have had to remember such horrible painful things and had this ache in my heart again! But then again, the bad does also come with the good. Funny how that works. Like ying and yang. As much as my heart ached and eyes cried for the all the hurt this box awakened inside me… I also wanted to ache and cry over the happy memories.
Ohhh. How depressing I am being again! Why can't I just get over things easily and move on with my life! Why can't we just erase our memories and forget. But than maybe that is what makes us human? Oh why am I so tired… well I'm pretty sure it's going to be dawn soon… I should get some sleep. It's another bad day for me tomorrow… today? Let's get some shut-eye first and I'll let you in on my story? I'll start at the part where things turned my life upside down again… just a few months before this tragic moment right now.
Okay, deal!
A/N: I am making this a short story – so don't expect a lot of chapters, characters, and POV's. Chapters will be longer than this one for sure! =D
But I hope this sets a basis of how I want Serena's character to be.