A/N: So the first part of this fic is actually a bedtime story I wrote on the fly for DinerGuy and Koohii Kappu in a chat of ours and I was told to make into a real fic, so here it is!
"Once upon a time on a pineapple farm...
A snarky psychic skipped through the fields,
With his best friend Garble Blockbuster at his side.
They came across a body, all sticky and red!
'Omg! I think this is Fred!'
The psychic knew that something was amiss... As Garble threw up all over the fruit!
The detectives didn't believe what their consultants had found, for this was their missing fruit stand worker!
He had disappeared two days earlier when he was picking out some fruit. His family was worried and his fruit had been rotting!
The psychic did what no one else could! He knew right away what had happened out in those fields!
There had been a scuffle! A shove and a push! The man had been bashed in the head with a very large pineapple!
'Who could do such a sour thing with such a sweet treat!'
The detectives worked and worked but could just not solve the case! Until the psychic had a very strong vision!
The worker just wanted the biggest and sweetest fruit! But he wasn't the only one! A mean old grocery store owner had his eye on those fruit! He would do anything to get his hands on the best stock!
He grabbed the biggest and hardest pineapple and held it above his head! He knocked it over the fruit stand owner and killed him dead!
'If I can't have it no one can! And next year I'll have the best pineapples around!'
The detectives found the owner and put him in cuffs. Everyone cheered and raised their fruits! For the psychic had just saved the day!
Garble slapped his friend on the back and dubbed him Sir Saviour of the Pineapples!
And everyone lived happily ever after! (Except Fred who was still dead)! The psychic and Garble got lifetime passes to unlimited pineapple for life! The End."
Gus stared at his friend, a mix of dumbfoundedness and annoyance covering his face. "Shawn, that is not at all how it happened!"
"What're you talking about Garble? That's exactly how it happened!"
"C'mon son! The only truth in that story is that Frederick Fields was murdered, but it wasn't with a pineapple. I don't even think that's possible! And no one would ever call you 'Sir Saviour of the Pineapples'. Your story doesn't even have proper grammar! You could have at least tried to make it rhyme more."
Shawn feigned hurt. "You forgot the part where I had a vision and solved the case!"
"You got lucky! If you hadn't talked to that witness before Jules and Lassie did-"
"Gus! Gus! None of that is important, they don't want to hear that!"
"Who exactly is 'they' Shawn?" Gus asked, glancing around their empty office.
"The viewers!" Shawn pointed to a camera sitting on a bookshelf that had gone unnoticed by the other occupant of the room. "Welcome to the official Psych YouTube channel!"
Gus rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I am not going to be a part of that."
"Oh, come on buddy! We're going to be viral stars! We could vlog the behind-the-scenes of our cases and show everyone what it's like in the day of a life of a psychic detective and his pharmaceutical salesman best friend!"
"I think you're forgetting one little thing, Shawn."
Shawn furrowed his brows as he tried to figure out what he could be missing. "What's that?"
"You're not actually psychic."
Shawn narrowed his eyes before it sinked in. "Oh, right. I could see where the vlogging part might be an issue…"
"Yeah…." Shawn snatched his camera off the shelf and turned it off as he sighed deeply. "Well, that lasted a lot less longer than I hoped it would."
"And that's why you need the smart and trusty Garble Blockbuster at your side."
"You know that's right!" Shawn held his fist out to be bumped.
Gus immediately bumped it back. "Ready to put our lifetime pineapple passes to use?"
Shawn flashed a mischievous smile as they walked out the door and suggested, "Want to see how long it takes for them to be revoked?"
"What? No!" Gus watched as Shawn skipped to The Blueberry as he stayed behind to lock up. "Shawn… Shawn!"
He shook his head and mumbled as he turned the key in the lock, "Maybe we'll find out if pineapples really can be used as a murder weapon."
A/N: Thankfully I was able to turn this crackfic into something not SO cracky. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!