Rough hands gripped the side of the mirror. He stared at his reflection, his eyes roaming over his appearance. He sighed, as he brought a hand up to his check, tracing the new scar. His hand drifted down, racing the patchwork of scars covering his chest and collarbones. Tears slowly trail down his face, as he stares at the physical proof of the monster he is.
Don't be that way
Fall apart twice a day
I just wish you could feel what you say
He hears Sirius and James joke. He laughs along. His friends had quickly become the burning sunshine in his life. Chasing away the dark, the hateful night. But not forever. Never forever. Because inside, he knows what he is. A monster.
Show, never tell
But I know you too well
Kind of mood that you wish you could sell
Sometimes he questions why he exists. How can someone like him still be good when a monster is lurking just inches below? He finds it hard to believe what others tell him. The praise he gets. His accomplishment. All overshadowed by what he hides under his skin. He tries to get past it though. Tries his best.
Hands, hands getting cold
Losing feeling's getting old
Was I made from a broken mold?
Then, it all shatters. Something happens that brings it all crashing down. They almost died. And now he can do nothing to hide. He made the greatest mistake. And now there is nowhere to run from the monster he hid from.
Hurt, I can't shake
We've made every mistake
Only you know the way that I break
"Not a monster," he recites. It becomes a chant in his mind. He prays and cries and screams. But it doesn't change what he knows now. The monster is not inside. There is no monster under his skin. He is the monster.
If "I love you" was a promise
Would you break it, if you're honest
Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before
And as he stares at his reflection, one thought enters his mind, blazing everything before.
I don't wanna be you anymore
AN: Credit for the song goes to Billie Eilish!
I heard this song and this scene came to mind. I finally wrote it out, but I'm not sure it worked like I was thinking...oh well :) please review, tell me your thoughts! Thanks for reading! - dam chosen one