How to Survive on Berk

Hola, this is your good pal Darkshadow coming at ya with a BRAND NEW STORY!

*crickets*

Rule #1

Never, and I mean NEVER, get in on one of the twins' plans.

Three words, Hookfang, Wooden, Fishery.

Stoic then made us eat all of the ruined fish.

Three hundred fish…

Rule #2

Mentioning Scauldy around Ruffnut is a big no-no.

She locked herself in her and Tuffnut's room for two days.

Well, Tuffnut has this weird thing about only sleeping in his bed.

So by the time Ruffnut came out for extra provisions three days later, Tuffnut was sleep deprived and ornery.

Rule #3

An ornery Tuffnut is a BAD Tuffnut.

Rule #4

Don't give Gothi's Terrible Terrors honey, hardened syrup, or any sweets.

Poor Gothi, she tried gathering herbs with her hyper little buddies, but they just ate them.

Which then made them even more hyper.

DRAGON MADNESS!

Rule #5

Never watch a dragon **cough**Hookfang**cough** and a boy **cough**Snotlout**cough** guzzle down forty fish each.

And then eat two pounds of pudding.

That was the only time I've ever seen Astrid faint out of fear.

I think Hiccup threw up.

Rule #6

Don't casually ask Hiccup when he and Astrid are going to have cute Viking babies.

He immediately paled, and then turned to me with a look I can only describe as demon.

(Note: Do not ask the same of Toothless and Stormfly. Toothless will sit on you in the middle of town from sunrise 'till dawn.

(I'm just surprised no one tried to stop him.)

Rule #7

Absolutely do not dress up as Ruffnut and parade around town.

Ruffnut asked me to, and I owed her a favor.

So I dressed up in her clothes and braided my hair.

Surprisingly no one noticed, despite my red hair and the fact that I'm two inches shorter than her.

All except some guy who had a massive crush on her, he openly accused me of kidnapping Ruffnut and tried to get me to tell him where I was hiding her.

That's when I figured out why Ruffnut told me to be her for a day.

Rule #8

You shouldn't punch Snotlout in the face.

Like if he flirts with you.

Or insists boys are superior to girls.

Even if it a punch of affection.

A punch of affection when you punch him for doing something stupid.

Rule #9

If you aren't a medical expert, don't try to help Gothi.

I accidentally gave a guy too much of one herb.

And well, let's just say that particular viking had… er, bathroom problems…

Gobber refused to translate for Gothi, something about "Vile language to 'orrible for innocent ears."

Rule #10

Don't try to climb Gothi's mountain without someone to spot you.

I got scared halfway through and just hung there for about fifteen minutes.

Astrid saw me from to the ground and had to fly me down on Stormfly.

Hoped you liked it! I got some inspiration from the marvelous writer 'szynka2496'.