No matter how hard I work; the hours of studying, the nights sleeping in the lab, the every waking second spent in the pursuit of academic perfection, I can not shake that

feeling that I don't deserve to be at the Starfleet Academy. I am smart enough to know the root of my problem, being abandoned by your parents at a young age tends to

bring on feelings of self-worthlessness, and in my case it is compounded by the fact that my fellow classmates also don't feel that I belong here. The students in my class can

tell I am bright, I am good worker, I am usually seen as pleasant enough to be around though but I am somewhat unsociable and come out as an outcast. Secretly most

people like that, a fly on the wall, they don't really want to hear about your life and your problems just sit there quietly while finishing all the work on a team project and nod

like you are listening to and caring about their lives, their problems. I cant help my outsider status even if I was a social butterfly because here at the Starfleet Academy the

place attracts the bravados kind of people a place where creatures of all races, genders and walks of life go to make a name for themselves to be heroes and have adventures

and that is very obviously not me. As a child I wasn't afraid to try working on any project, on any given day. I would pick up a poisonous toad and tests his capacity to adapt

to different environments, I would play with a space pod's control panel as it was short circuiting or climb over any obstacle to collect a rare metal but I didn't do any of that

to be brave. I would have preferred these things be hand-delivered to me in a lab. I just have a curious kind of mind, I like using science and reasoning to understand things,

fix them, improve them, learn from them. There are plenty of scientist like this at the academy, but they also tend to be the type that dream of going off to visit distant

galaxies and get their hands dirty collecting specimens, or possibly just get their hands dirty on the beautiful specimens that inhabit those galaxies. Frankly most scientist I

work with need the help from wearing that attractive Starfleet uniform to make that happen, because students here have a certain reputation they are the kind of people you

want to be or if you cant you to be want to be around them. I again would be happy to just stay in my lab and have those items collected and delivered here second hand the

description of the lands and people encountered by others on the missions. Which is one of the reasons I work so hard, so I can get my choice of assignments and the

academy just happens to have a scientific lab on site that rivals the best known labs in the world no distant star travel required, thank you very much. Truthfully the main

reason I study so hard is so the board members of the academy don't start to question why I am here along with everyone else and start second guessing my admission. I

stumbled upon a periodical from the academy as a child and it opened my eyes to a whole world of learning I could have never imagined. I did lots of research after that, I

scourged the few places on my planet where reading material could be found, I asked every single creature I could that had traveled outside the system about the academy,

until one day a traveling salesman that knew I was interested in all things Starfleet sold me a helopad from a student that had left it on vacation on some moon I had never

even heard of. The little device was already dated by then but still cost me every personal belonging Id accumulated and in it was worth it. The helopad including all his level

one texts for school along with copies of his an admissions requests and acceptance to the one and only Starfleet Academy. I spent years reading and re-reading every

section of those documents long before I was old enough to attend. I learned every scholarship loop hole, used contact information to reach out to any graduate willing to

write me a recommendation transferring them every hard-earned and hard to come by Federation credits. You see, I had no connections of my own, I came from the most

unglamorous part of the universe, a desert planet named Jakku, a place no one visited if they could help it, at least no one reputable. So here I sit on a bench outside the

dean's office trying my very best to not be seen though I was called in for a meeting so I would eventually be seen. Suddenly I cringed as if I was hit my a brick wall but it

was really just a double dose of self-doubt as I watched my worst nightmare, my nemesis stroll over and sit next to me. There is no real reason why Ben Solo is my nemesis,

at least not to him as I do not rival him in any category, not even intellect. His very existence goads be, maybe I rival him in work ethic I think to myself, but I've seen him

working overtime in combat training where no one is his equal and from what I can tell he completes his labs at a high standard though it takes him much less time than me,

but that may be due to my perfectionist attitude. So there, I think bitterly, I beat him at one thing wasting my time worrying about a project that he can complete at almost

the same level in half of the time. As I think of this I worry and chew on my lip and I may let out a sigh of frustration because I notice Ben seems to register me with a quick

peripheral glance but then turns his attention back to the opposite blank wall which is apparently more interesting than me, thank the Order for that. How does one even

begin to describe someone like Ben Solo? Though we are both homo sapiens that is the end of our physical similarities. He is very tall and broad shouldered, where I am

average, very average all around, his hair is dark where mine is dull, his skin is alabaster where mine is the complexion of someone who is usually tanned and freckled but

has been in doors so much its fading and makes me look kind of sickly. Lets see I think as I sneak a peek at Ben his eyes are dark where mine are lighter, we are both fit but

on opposite ends of that spectrum as well. I am thin and willowy though I do keep up with the required physical regime at Academy, I even do extra endurance cardio for fear

I may one day be returned home where I will undoubtedly have to constantly scavenge and fight to survive. Ben on the other hand has a brutal strength and though both of

us are naturally well balanced and have quick reflexes in combat training I excel at out maneuvering my opponents with quick sharp strikes to their personage where Ben

overpowers opponents with sheer force of will backed by compounded muscles and a long reach of limbs. We both might be considered unsociable if it weren't for that fact

that were I am mainly left alone Ben is constantly surrounded by groupies. See, and this is the biggest difference between us, he has had a fan club from birth. See when

your parents hold titles like Ben's do such as captain, general, commandeer and princess and the most populated galaxies worship them as saviors. Apperently people get

excited when two of the most famous people procreate, its considered an amazing event and their offspring must be idolized. I am just assuming along with a family and

fame there is also probably a lot of wealth and privilege that go along with Ben given the aforementioned facts. I wouldn't know a thing about that I have none, no money, no

fame, no family but to be honest there is only one of those that stings to think about. So here I am, a nobody sitting next to someone who is really, really somebody with a

name know across the universe. I guess I found one similarity he is also anti-social like me but only because he seems to pay very little attention to anyone else especially his

groupies. I wonder if that's just at Starfleet Academy, maybe we are beneath him, maybe when he fought for the Federation he had friends or make home in his castle or

wherever people like him live, if he has actual friends he confides in. The only one that even speaks directly to him at university is his sidekick Hux, a squirrelly looking guy

constantly glued to Ben's side, that has apparently known Ben since birth which allows him the privilege of speaking directly to his majesty. I also heard some girls and I refer

to these women as girls because they act like pre-pubescent teens in the common room showers detail how if you go to Ben's door late at night and knock he sometimes

invites girls into his room. One of the very same girls that I overheard this gossip from was crying one day that she had tried and been allowed into his room. Apparently, he

had asked her to leave after their rendez-vous and couldn't even be bothered to walk her to the door. I imagine if Ben Solo wanted a girlfriend he would have one so I'm not

sure if that's what the girl wanted or if she just wanted to feel like it was a meaningful experience, I don't know but I took pity on her, either Ben is oblivious to his effect on

people or doesn't care. Though psychology was far from my favorite subject I do believe in its validity as a well-established science and I could see how one would be

attracted to Ben even though he wasn't your standard issue kind of handsome he was tall, dark and mysterious which is hard to pull off when you are so famous. My mind

starts to wonder as I gaze at his pouty lips and the war scar on his right cheek, there is a strength, power and intellect that can be read on his face in the set of his jaw the

brood permanently etched on this forehead its has easy to read as a line from a book. Crap now I realize I am staring which would be embarrassing if he seemed to notice I

existed. Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, I was saved by a staffer motioning us to follow him through a set of doors to see the dean. I chant the mantra in my head that

whatever is going to happen most be decent because Ben was with me and I doubt a bad thing as ever happened to a guy like Ben.