"What are you thinking about?" Magnus asked, curling around Alec's back, making his breath icy on the Shadowhunter's neck as his fingers trailed over his sweat slicked skin, heart still thudding under Magnus' touch from the orgasm he had shared with the warlock not moments ago.
Alec was acting strange, though; usually he was a kissing, cuddling, sleepy mess who pressed himself as close to Magnus as he could after they finished, but right now… well, the set of his shoulders, the slope of his back, very much so told Magnus that his Alexander was moping for whatever reason that Magnus very much so intended to get to the bottom of as quickly as humanly possible. Alec's moping was ruining their afterglow, and was interfering with their post love making routine, and Magnus simply could not have that, not when it felt so wonderful to give himself so completely to Alexander and then fall asleep tangled together.
No, he couldn't have Alec robbing either of them of something like that.
But what could Alexander possibly be moping about? He had certainly seemed to be enjoying himself when he had arched his back and begged for more more more Magnus please I need you I love you so fucking much.
(In the back of Magnus' mind, there was a far off flicker that would never go away that whispered about Alec regretting this, regretting him and every moment they were together.
He quieted that voice by pressing a kiss to the back of Alec's neck and feeling his body sigh into the embrace despite his moping.)
"Alexander... " Magnus murmured soothingly and prompting at once, fingers trailing over Alec's body all the more.
Alec let out an audible, content sigh and turned around so he was facing Magnus now, eyes staring at him with something gentle and fragile just under the surface there, and something in Magnus fluttered at that sight. He moved his hands to trail over Alec's chest, needing to touch him—always needing to touch him whenever he could. Alec's eyes slid shut, and he reached down to grab one of Magnus' hands, brought it up to press idle kisses to his fingers as he seemed to be gathering his thoughts; Magnus let him have his moment, and simply watched his shadowhunter in silence, smiling softly at the display of affection. It was gentle in the way Alec always was in these moments, and even though something was still wrong, he allowed himself some comfort in the thought that not everything was.
"It's always so…" Alec finally started, pressing Magnus' hand to his chest just over his heart. "I don't know. Making love to you is the single most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life," he said, pausing on the verge of what the real problem was, Magnus knew, but that didn't stop his own heart from stuttering, didn't stop him from smiling and bringing his free hand up to frame the side of Alec's face.
"But…?" he prompted after a moment, gentle but curious.
Alec let go of his hand then and shook his head.
"But… sometimes I wonder…" he trailed off, seeming to be collecting his thoughts again, how he was going to phrase the rest of whatever it was he was going to say. "Is it… just as good for you?" he asked finally, a vulnerability shining through in his eyes that made Magnus' heart sink. "Like… maybe I'm too boring; you've experienced so much, you've done so many exciting things in your life, whereas I'm so inexperienced and plain—you've been with warlocks and seelies and vampires and historical figures, but I'm just... Alec, you know? I just worry you're going to get bored with me," he finished finally, looking for the entire world like a kicked, lost puppy that Magnus wanted to take home, even though, well, they were currently in his bed.
It wouldn't help, he knew, looking into Alexander's eyes, to tell him he was being rather ridiculous, that of course he would never get bored, that of course the sex was just as amazing for him as it was for Alec, that it didn't matter who else he had been with in the past, because when he was with Alec, he was just being with Alec, and he didn't expect Alec to understand but he had to believe him because, well, why would Magnus ever want to be with anyone else when he could be with Alexander Lightwood?
"Alexander," Magnus began softly, torn between pressing his body against the other's and leaning in to kiss him. Instead, he leaned in to press his forehead to Alec's for a quick moment before he continued. "I could never get bored with you; you're absolutely the love of my life, and every time we're together…" it was Magnus' turn here to trail off with a shake of his head; how could he put into words just how in awe he was of Alexander? How he was the best person Magnus had ever had the pleasure of knowing or the pleasure of pleasuring? "... it's amazing. Even without your runes, without my magic, just us… it's incredible. It doesn't matter what I've done in the past, because I love you, and when you love someone, it's amazing every time. I'm nothing short of honored that I've found something like this with you."
Alec licked his lips at that, and Magnus thought he was so innocent, and so incredibly sexy at the same time, and it wasn't fair; nothing about Alexander was ever fair, really.
"Of course," Magnus replied all too easily. "I wouldn't keep doing something that didn't feel good, you know," he said with a wink, giving in to the urge to press a kiss to Alec's lips finally. "Now then," he added, voice dropping seductively. "Perhaps I should show you just how not bored I am with you and our love making…" he said, pushing forward to kiss Alec again.
"Perhaps you should," Alec added in a low voice, meeting his kiss in the middle and putting an end to that particular conversation.