Entrance to new exhibit.
"Behind these walls is a brand new adventure," Mcslade said, "a new experience that will redefine zoos and aquariums forever. A new era of conservation, learning, and discovery is about to unfold right here in our wonderful city. What your about to witness is a first not just in this zoo…but in every zoo and aquarium across the nation. This was the result of years of research and development using the lastest methods and best technology. Great advancements in the sciences of biology, genetics, and bioengineering has made this amazing spectale your about to witness possible. And I am proud to represent the New York Parks commission, the New York Zoological Society, and the central park zoo!" "Get on with it," I muttered, "I hate when speeches get all long winded and adjective-y." "Politicians thrive off of long-winded speeches," Kowalski said, "Also…Adjective-y? You can't turn adjective into an…adjective."
"Thank you professior grammer police," I said. "Well without further ado… people of the city that never sleeps I give you the zoological event you all been waiting for! I assure you this attraction will blow your discerning minds. This has been sixty five million years in the making…and trust me it is well worth the wait. Thanks to the miracles of science and technology I give you the primeval results of this Jurassic endeavor!" Suddenly the walls that had obscured our view of the exhibit fell away revealing a area surrounded by a gaint prehistoric themed wall with a gaint wooden gate that had torches running down the gate's sides. On the gate's massive arched sign in Jurassic-styled letters was "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth: The Wonders of the Dinosaur age."
"Welcome my dear friends…our dear guests…to Jurassic Zoo!" the Commissoner said, "see what I did there." He turned to his security detail, "they did get that reference right?" "Very Clever sir," one of the security officers replied. The massive gates opened and a mass of excited people entered. This was followed by the Ohs and aws of the adults, the excited cries of children, the indifference of the teenagers. "I like seen more realistic dinos in like the movies," one of the teens said. And the anger of the older generation, "this is a disaster waiting to happen! Humans and Dinosaurs aren't meant to co-exist!" The Commissoner was standing by the entrance as the press arrived, "I will now accept questions from the press!"
"what is the disaster plan in the event of dinosaur escape," Chuck charles asked. "We have the finest and most well trained Animal Containment team that will stop an escaped animal before it goes on a rampage and then safetly and humanely return them to it habitat. Plus on the park commissions website you can find all our safety plans and disaster prevention strategies." "is there any possibility of dinosaur escape?" another reporter asked.
"No," Mcslade replied, "the habitats were built by the best structural engineers in the world and our lockdown procedures are topnotch. The security Systems are the most advanced on the market. PCmatic is installed on all the computers. We have a team of the best and brightly cyber-security experts and game wardens with experience handling large and dangerous predators. And a full team of zoologists, paleontologists, animal behavior specialists, and the most experienced animal enrichment experts in the world of zoos and aquariums. Anything that can possible go wrong from hackers to angry dinos have been accounted for and prepared for. I can assure you the Central Park Zoo, the New York Parks Commission, and our many private and coporate donors and sponsers have spared no expense when it comes to your safety." "Any other questions?" Mcslade asked. "I was wondering if you can give new york action news the rights to an exculsive news piece about the new attraction at the central park zoo," Chuck Charles asked.
"No the rights to do a story on this belong to CNN," a CNN reporter replied. "The Hobokener News got here first," a reporter from Hoboken replied. "NBC has exculsive rights to this story." "As if," ABC said, "the rights belong to ABC." "No they don't actually," a reporter from Fox said, "they belong to Fox News." "Not so fast," another reporter said, "The BBC have a agreement with the New York Parks Commission to have this exclusive." "WGN has more rights to this exclusive than you," A WGN reporter said, "so go back across the pond and contiune to the be the worst managed boardcasting company on the planet." "Sorry but ITV got the exclusive first so the BBC can buzz off!" a ITV reporter said. "I'm sorry but MSNBC has this story," another reporter said. "This is buzzfeed and we have the rights to this story," a buzzfeed reporter said. "This is USA Today and WE have the rights," Usa Today said. "Whoa!" Park Commissioner Mcslade said, "before we start a news media war…you will all have equal access to our new attraction I assure you."
"Oh come on!" I said, "I wanted to see all the news organizations get at each others thoats." "Don't you think the press has other matters to worry about?" Kowalski said. "I was trying not to go political today, Kowalski," I said. "Sorry," Kowalski said. "Kowalski give me the odds!" I said. "The odds of a presidential impeachment are at about…" "No about the zoo's newest attraction!" I said. "95% change of a utter disaster that will claim a lot of lives," Kowalski said. "But you heard the Commissioner," Private said, "they spared no expense. And plus they prepared for every possible situation that could endanger the public." "They prepared for every HUMAN threat they could think of," I said, "it's the threats they didn't think of that's the problem!" "Threats like what?" Private asked. I turned to private said said, "Threats like one of kowalski's madcap inventions threatening to destroy us all! Or Threats like Space squid, Russian hackers, Blowhole, the Red squirrel, the chinstrap sisters, blowhole, Hans, Daleks, Blowhole, Officer X, Brick and Cecil, Blowhole, Dino Hybrids, Blowhole, Lord Shen, the Vesuvius twins, Blowhole…you get the idea." Suddenly there was a loud explosion inside the main part of the zoo. This was of course predictably followed by someone yelling, "My car!"
"What the armed forces was that?" I said. "Let's find out," Kowalski said as police sirens blared and people screamed. "Sir! This way!" A security officer said. "Who's a brave commissioner!" Mcslade shouted, "New York will never falter! You will not get away with this terrorists! Never again! New York will never surrender! New York will never negotiate! New York will not be pushed around!" This was followed by the commissioner being shoved into his armoured limo by his security detail. "Terrorists!? Those are a bit outside our wheelhouse skipper," Kowalski said. "This isn't terrorists," I said noticed a puffin shaped shadow enter the new attraction. I pointed towards the entrance to "when dinosaurs ruled the earth" and said, "After that deranged puffin!"
(end of chapter two)