10Repercussions
Buffy struggled to get back to sleep after that. She spent the rest of the night thinking too much, and if she was being honest with herself, a bit terrified. The emotions that that vampire brought out in her weren't pretty; burning fiery hate was a fitting summary. Of everything and everyone he was the one thing she truly hated, wished dead, and had wished herself dead over. She would happily be swallowed whole by some icky demon than focus on exactly why; but shame and self-destruction were both major themes. And the sick joke was, none of it had happened.
She was determined that it wouldn't.
But what the hell was he doing here, now? This wasn't right, she had to speak to Giles.
"Morning Buffy, you're here early?" Giles greeted her in the library at 7:30am the following morning.
"I know, but I need to talk to you." She responded quickly, her tone an immediate draw on his attention.
Ah, he wondered if perhaps she was ready to tell him what had been bothering her? He quietly regarded her agitated presence and waited for her to speak.
He soon realised it was not. Buffy recounted her dreams and her fear that Spike had arrived in Sunnydale earlier than expected.
"Didn't you say that Spike and Drusilla were due to arrive early in September? What makes you think that this dream means they are here now? You may be projecting your fears as a result of your vision. And all your resultant feelings."
Buffy glared at him, did he think she was new at this?
"No, I know Spike is here, now, I just know. Slayer dreams aren't to be scoffed at Giles, I know what it felt like."
Giles frowned and began cleaning his glasses, clearly considering the implications. He looked back at her after a short pause.
"Right, I defer to your instincts then."
Buffy blinked, almost in shock at the ease of his agreement. That was not something she remembered happening. Not without their shared experience of serious life-threatening circumstances, fights, apocalypse. The fact that he trusted her so much already created a warmth in her stomach somehow. And lessened that lonely one-girl in all the world rubbish she was faced with every day.
Giles smiled slightly at Buffy's quiet reaction and continued.
"And assuming Spike is here, well, while it isn't good, I don't see how this changes anything. We just prepare for him now. Research etcetera."
She reacted with some surprise.
"It changes everything Giles, this isn't what I remember! It's got to mean something right? Did something I do change stuff?" She began to pace, her nervous energy needing an outlet and unfortunately, there wasn't much to punch right then, just books. Apparently, her Watcher had managed to instil some respect for the aged volumes he was so fond of.
"It's possible Buffy, of course, equally possible is that this, our reality rather, is fundamentally different to the one you experienced, anyway. Added to that, at any time any number of tiny events, actions, reactions, they affect how things will pan out. And because of that we cannot expect it to be the same."
She collapsed dramatically into a chair.
"This is so unfair!" She whined, knowing she sounded childish and little pathetic but not caring.
Giles smiled again, but it wasn't a happy look.
"No, but life is such. And life as the Slayer…" He told her.
She held up her hand to stop any further irritating recitation or platitudes, she didn't want to hear anything more in that vein right now, or ever.
"I know Giles, I know!" She exclaimed, the stress getting to her.
Talk to the hand cos Buffy isn't listening. Sometimes it was too much.
Meanwhile, beneath the bright warm topside of Sunnydale and the school where Buffy was grumbling, the crumbling ruins of an ancient church stood in defiance of time. And an equally ancient creature was greeting a couple of new arrivals.
"Well, well, dear William, what is it that brings you to my shores? It's a long way from where I last saw you, tearing through Europe, or was it, Asia?"
The Sid Vicious wannabe flicked a cigarette butt into the shadows. He shrugged,
"Yeah, well, I felt like a change, thought this place would be good for Dru to build up her strength. Also been hearing things about some slayer causing problems for you New-World lot?"
"She will be taken care of." The master spoke, the venom and disgust saturating his tones.
"Really? I heard tell that she already took out some of your best buddies, Darla, Luke?" The blonde asked, his voice ripe with ill-concealed mischief and condescension.
The master looked pained at the memory, as if he felt deep sorrow at their demise.
"She was my favourite, but they were over confident, it made them careless and weak."
"I'll be taking care of this slayer then," Spike told him, his words indicating that he already had a plan in mind.
"No Spike, I have my own plans for her."
Spike considered him for a moment before shrugging again,
"Whatever you say mate," And he turned away, guiding Drusilla out of the cavernous darkness, "doesn't mean I can't have a bit of fun of my own." He shot back into the void.
This was bad, she wasn't sure just how bad yet, but it didn't matter. Spike meant trouble, in some ways, she'd rather hide out in a big hole o' crap than deal with him.
But she could deal. She was the slayer.
Right?
The rest of it was coming from a place of pain and despair that just didn't exist or shouldn't. She knew this reality wasn't ideal, and never would be, with pesky demons running around but things hadn't descended to that level.
However, Buffy couldn't just dismiss Spike's part in her own personal hell, vision or no vision.
She couldn't stop herself questioning why and what he was doing there now.
Was it because of her? Or was she over-playing this in paranoid self-importance?
This place wasn't exactly like her vision world and might never have been.
But it could be because of her. Silly idiot that she was.
Boy, Spike sure did stir up a special kind of self-hatred. So, were there any unoccupied holes hereabouts so she could go to ground?
Maybe not such a good question to ask when you're hanging out in a graveyard that sees an inordinate number of rising vampires. There were more vacant holes in the ground here than a dodgy construction site.
Buffy just wanted to go home, curl up in bed and pretend this wasn't happening. But she wouldn't do that. It wasn't in her to run away, not anymore, no matter how bad it got or how tempting that course of action was.
She had to fight, to prove that he would never win, and to get him out of town. She had enough to deal with, he had to go.
She was only hanging around in this cemetery hoping he would make an appearance so that she could get to the ass-kicking.
Buffy had good instincts.
"Well, well, well," drawled a voice.
Buffy froze for a split second, her stomach sinking with an ominous nausea, and then collecting herself, sneered in disgust. You could hear the smirk in his voice, and she turned, seeing that again, she was correct.
There he was, leaning against a tree, smirk in place despite the cigarette that hung out of the side of his mouth.
"Isn't this a pretty sight? Does your mummy know you're out this late?"
She rolled her eyes, her momentary paralysis forgotten, the fire inside answering the call to arms.
"Oh funny, spare me the pathetic dialogue Spike, I have better things to do," She threw her words back at him.
His face was hilarious. He was clearly taken aback but put the conceited smirk back on his smarmy features, as if he wasn't unnerved.
Good, she hoped he was, arrogant vamp.
"You know me? I don't believe I've had the pleasure, slayer," He drawled lewdly.
Yeah and you never will.
Buffy put on a slight air of boredom, casually waving her stake around, to give him the message this this conversation wasn't going to end without a fight. Preferably with a pile of dust, or him running out of town with his tail between his legs. Whichever it was, a fight would be a good place to start.
"Aww no, did I spoil your fun? Sounds like you do know me, asshole, so that gets the pleasantries out of the way."
His expression didn't change but his physical stance altered a little. Now looking slightly defensive, it told her all she needed to know; he didn't like this one bit.
"You sure you got me right pet?" He asked, his tone dark but not quite as cock sure as he had been only minutes earlier.
She ignored his question.
"Where's Drusilla tonight? You left her home alone, playing with her dollies? Was that wise considering her condition?" Buffy asked, all faux innocence.
His eyes narrowed to slits at the implied threat. Even so his mind was working overtime to compensate for this unexpected twist. He had planned to blind-side her and instead, somehow, she had got one up on him.
Just as she had done, he chose to ignore her question.
"I'm worse than you think, I've killed two slayers and it's about time I made it a hat trick." Came his boastful reply.
"Oh yeah, two slayers, but you know what Spike? You don't scare me, I can take you, I've got more than enough in me to kill you, and I will kill you."
Buffy had omitted the word hate in there, but there was no need to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he stirred such deep feelings within her.
He was shaking his head.
"I don't think…"
"That's just it Spike, you don't think, you shouldn't have come here." She interrupted him, shaking her head in mock rueful thought.
"I know, you have better things to do, but I tell you what, as we're such good friends now, as a personal favour from me to you, I'll make it quick it won't hurt a bit." He snarled as his face morphed into his vamp visage.
Buffy almost enjoyed the déjà vu as her next words flowed from her lips with practiced ease.
"No Spike, it's gonna hurt a lot." Though she found she sounded calmer than she felt.
He growled and lunged, anger making him sloppy; she ducked and evaded him easily. They exchanged blows and punches.
She flipped over a gravestone and kicked him in the face on her way down. She landed with an agility that never seemed to transfer to her 'normal' life and kept a fraction ahead of the blonde vampire. She punched his face and chest in such quick succession that she could feel his resolve weakening, particularly when she heard something crack, probably a rib or two.
He fell to the ground and she kicked him; her new heavy-duty patrolling boots already put to good use.
"Get up, piece of shit," She told him, kicking again. Abruptly her legs were pulled out from under her and she fell with a painful thud on the sun-baked ground. Annoyed, Buffy quickly scrambled back onto her feet, tripping him as he tried to rise.
"I don't think so," Buffy spoke again, feeling a grim and great satisfaction in knowing that he was going to die at her hands.
"Buffy!"
Giles?! She twisted around for a split second, spotting her watcher as he emerged from behind an overgrown bush. As she turned back, she caught Spike in the periphery of her vision as he prepared to elbow her in the face.
She managed to dodge it, her speed surprising him, smacking down on his arm with such force she heard a significant crack. She caught the crossbow that Giles had offered and aimed it at him as he made a retreat.
She fired and watched as the arrow sped its way towards him, but just when she thought he was as good as dust, he turned, catching it inches before it met its mark. He snapped it as he shared a fleeting final smirk. She was only slightly mollified to see his previous confidence was visibly shaken. He made a far less intimidating figure as he limped quickly away cradling his arm.
Buffy started to go after him, but Giles placed his hand on her shoulder to forestall her, a warning gesture, and matching expression on his face.
"There'll be another chance to get him Buffy; you did a good job of letting him know that."
Buffy turned to see him considering her, that thoughtful look in place; he seemed to know there was something more going on. And that wasn't unsurprising due to the performance he'd just witnessed, it must have been clear that she was intent on killing Spike and was motivated in a way that eclipsed common garden variety vamps. He was simply sensing the obvious undercurrent.
"I can't believe I let him go," She exclaimed, deciding that a rant on the obvious was preferable to exploring anything else he might be wondering.
And she was furious with herself and mildly annoyed at Giles interference. He had distracted her at just the wrong moment and then stopped her going after him. She might have caught up with Spike, she could run fast when necessary. A shame she wasn't allowed to try out for the track team. On second thought, no, it wasn't a shame.
"Well the bad news is that I'm quite sure he'll be back to try again, you can finish the job then." He told her, still fixing her with his questioning gaze.
She recognised he wasn't going to let it go but how could she possibly tell him her true reason for hating Spike so much?
"Not a bad day's work I guess," She conceded, "He won't forget me anyway." Not sure if this was a good thing or not but she hoped it would keep him off her back for a while.
"There's something you aren't telling me," Giles stated as they walked away. Buffy risked a sidelong glance in his direction.
"Yeah," She admitted, hoping he wouldn't push it. He nodded as they came to stand next to his car.
"When you're ready to tell me, I will be here,"
Buffy smiled, getting in the passenger side.
"My mind is always open, it has to be in this job Buffy. I am your guide, I am here to help you, I can't truly uphold my duty if I don't know what's going on. And, I do not judge."
Buffy snapped her head back up to look at him so quickly she might end up with whiplash.
Where did that come from? He couldn't know, right? He couldn't have an inkling of the hell she associated with that vampire. Her watcher was far better at reading her than alter-Giles from before, it was mildly disturbing. And yet, he was offering her an impartial ear if she needed it, which almost took the edge off the sunken feeling that still had a hold of her stomach.
"One more thing you should know now, and I'll be quiet. I wasn't always a fuddy-duddy librarian, one day I'll tell you the longer version but suffice to say before I accepted my heritage and duty to become a watcher, I rebelled in spectacular fashion."
He grimaced as he drove, Buffy looked up at him with sharp interest. She knew a little of his exploits having experienced some first hand, or almost, all the trouble with Ethan Rayne and the living nightmare that was Eyghon. But he had never been this open about his past. She couldn't recall a time he had offered to tell her the whole story either.
"I spent several years of my youth acting out, doing anything and everything that I had been taught was wrong to do. Bad dangerous things I did to escape, things I regret every day. I may not understand what it's like to be a 16-year-old girl, or the slayer but I might understand more than you think."
The familiarity of those words wasn't lost on Buffy, nor the promised support that fuelled them.
She nodded gravely as he slowed to a stop at the end of her road. She'd think about how to tell him. It was such a dark, shaming and desperate set of memories and all connected feeling and the trauma felt real even though it had not been.
The following morning found Buffy entering the library with some trepidation. It was unnerving knowing that Giles was more aware but strangely reassuring too. He was the one constant right now and she prayed he'd stick around and continue to be there watching her back.
He greeted her with his usual smile.
"Good morning Buffy."
"Morning Giles."
"Did you sleep well, after last night's, err, run in?"
It was worded politely enough but she knew he was asking more than the words he'd spoken.
"Yeah I'm good Giles, just hope he stays away for a while." She replied honestly, her night's sleep had been unusually peaceful and uninterrupted.
Doubt clouded his features, but he was diplomatic enough to keep further thoughts inside his head.
"Hey, I can hope right?" She smiled, attempting to bring a little levity. Buffy was feeling remarkably less concerned this morning. She'd deal with Spike eventually, that's what she did, she kicked evils butt, it was simply who she was.
Yeah, it felt like a good day.
"Oh, here Giles, I have this for you, for us." Buffy offered him the old leather-bound volume. His eyes lit up in avid interest.
"The Codex?" He spoke almost reverently, as she placed it in his open hands. "From…?" He asked, looking at her hesitantly.
Apparently, Giles was just as loathe to bring up his name now as he had been then.
"Yes," She nodded curtly, leaving him with little doubt that she too did not want to discuss that vampire either, at least not right now.
She smiled and moved on, spotting Willow and Xander sitting at the table. Xander looked bored while Willow was clearly in her element.
"Hey guys, what's going on?" Buffy enquired, noticing the numerous piles of books covering table and floor. Glancing at Giles she almost laughed, he was wearing his 'I'm not amused' face.
"Miss Calendar and some of her students are updating those dreaded machines libraries by, scanning all these books." Giles replied, not masking any effort to conceal his displeasure. He wasn't a fan of any kind of intrusion, but this was probably the worst kind; clearly, he was not at all keen to develop any better understanding of anything computer related.
As she thought this though, Buffy spotted the looks and glances he was throwing in Miss Calendar's direction; she was stood at the computer with Willow.
"But frankly I do not want to know what she is doing with my books, it's sacrilege really." He muttered more quietly, annoyed despite his interest in something else in the room.
Buffy turned her own attention toward Miss Calendar, though for wildly different reasons.
"Hey Buffy," The new age teacher greeted her, friendly, possibly too friendly considering Buffy had only 'met' her once so far. That had been last week when she had been a surprise replacement for the old computer science teacher. Hmm, too friendly, too interested, too much of a coincidence.
"Hey," Buffy returned, trying her hardest to appear oblivious. She wondered what the older woman was thinking. The lying two-faced cow-bag. Was that too harsh?
No.
It would have been, would be far better, simpler, safer, if Miss Calendar was honest with them. The disaster involving Angelus might never have happened if she'd been open about her presence and intentions from the beginning. Buffy found it hard to think about it now, now she knew what she knew. Yes, her own involvement was the major factor, obviously the stroke that sunk the tall dark ship; but this woman's hidden agenda had put them in danger too.
She regarded Giles who was talking with Willow. He deserved to know, what he did with that information was his decision. But Buffy didn't see any point in letting Jenny Calendar in the loop, yet.
Buffy had omitted the teacher's part in the narrative for various reasons. The Angel saga had been difficult enough to convey without adding that complication, it being so sensitive. How could she have begun to explain that Angelus had targeted all her closest allies and murdered her Watcher's love interest, going so far as to arrange her on his bed; as sick and twisted as a date night could be? But now, she felt there was no getting out of it, the sparks were there, and he needed to know the truth no matter what he did with it later. She'd been a fool to think she could avoid it, but she'd been hoping to spare Giles the hurt. Buffy was trying to come to terms with the idea that some things were inevitable, psychic vision or no.
Buffy began to head out of the library again, promising herself an in-depth conversation with Giles later that day. Ever the procrastinator.
Until she happened to briefly lay her eyes on an odd-looking chest hiding amongst the masses of books.
Uh oh.
"Giles come take a look at this," She gestured discreetly to the chest as she spoke, trying to keep a neutral voice with non-scoobies around.
"We need to deal with the book in there, otherwise there'll be a chaos demon unleashed on the internet and heaven knows the internet has enough issues without that."
He looked startled then regained his composure. They opened it to find the book Buffy that remembered, Moloch's delightful features snarling at them from the imposing cover.
Miss Calendar glanced at them, her interest piqued.
"Anything interesting over there in the British classics section?"
Did she think she was funny? Making fun of him wasn't going to win her any points.
"No nothing here I assure you, just something for us to sort out." Giles replied coolly, Buffy admired his composure in the face of that, and the obviousness of his attraction.
Her eyes narrowed imperceptibly. Now her interest was palpable.
"Alright, maybe you could tell me about it sometime."
Wait, now she was flirting?
Ugh did the woman have no scruples? Though as she thought this Buffy realised there had always been something between those two, hard as it was to correlate with Miss Calendars duplicity.
Giles was momentarily distracted by this offer and flustered for a second while Buffy exhaled a little too forcefully. He sent a brief glance toward Buffy before responding.
"Perhaps," Was all he told her. Buffy blinked in surprise.
This answer seemed enough to mollify Miss Calendar who smiled and gave her full attention back to Willow, the computer screen and another book from their pile.
Giles nodded to Buffy, half smiling in grim acceptance as he finished replacing the lid and resealed the chest. At least one good outcome this week; Willow wouldn't find out the hard way that internet dating wasn't good for her.
"We better get this somewhere it won't ever be found, since I'm guessing it can't be burned?" She looked to Giles expectantly.
"No, you're quite right, it won't burn, time for a boat trip," Giles said, looking not the least bit annoyed at the prospect. He really needed to get out more.
"A boat trip? Can I come with?" Xander piped up.
Buffy was vaguely concerned to realise Xander was looking up at them with interest and something else too, an odd look in his eyes. How long had he been listening?
"Possibly," Giles told him, already resigned. "It will have to wait until after dark."
"Ha all good, all the best stuff happens at night round here. No biggie." He declared before heading off, may be to class. Maybe not.
He needed a life too, something non-demony, he seemed far too comfortable. But he was there for her, which was a comfort despite the danger it put him in.
Buffy almost smiled as she considered the options for their field trip. And then also considered going to class. It almost felt like things were back to normal, as normal as life in big Sunny D could get.
She knew that Spike's early appearance was unlikely to be the last thing that differed in her twisted new reality. Again, she hoped he wouldn't be back for a while. Next time she saw him she intended to live up to her slayer name.
As she wandered home later, she kept going over Giles words. They echoed in her head as they had done when she'd first told him the whole sorry tale.
"When you change events, you can't expect other things to stay the same,"
She knew what he'd meant, the dumbed down version of the butterfly effect. She had some idea about that, she'd seen the movie after all.
There'd always be consequences.
And no matter how hard Buffy tried there would be bad things to fight, to stop, whether they were familiar or completely new, she had better get used to it. She had no idea why she'd ever thought knowing the future would make things easier.
So there we are, Spike dur dur duuuurrrr!
It's probably obvious by now that I am not a Spuffy fangirl. I just can't be doing with it. It came from a place of absolute misery, self-doubt and self-destruction. Her belief that she had come back 'wrong' and therefore belonged in the dark. He took advantage of all that, as you'd expect an evil creature to do; being neutered did not change that much. As a result it was an abusive relationship between a victimised woman and a manipulative murderous stalker. Just no. I hated the bulk of season 6 with a passion, it bordered on painful to watch. 'Normal Again' was a rare highlight, and part inspiration for this story, originally begun more than 16 years ago.
Besides all that, the far more natural, adversarial relationship between Buffy and Spike/Dru, ala seasons 1-4 was far more fun and entertaining as hell.
A note on Spike's accent/dialect, I considered him using the word 'mommy', in a mocking kind of way, because that's very commonly used in America (and other countries) and he's representative of more than just another vampire. Being English it takes on more meaning in light of all the history between Britain and American. But, I settled on him saying 'mummy' and simply being true to his roots.
Thoughts, questions, comments all gratefully received thank you!
There must be questions, heaven knows I have tons myself as I'm still working out the directions to take with it, so yes I'm probably quite open to suggestion, there are so many options! This instalment presses issues into my mind regarding Willow and how she may be affected by not having had the experience of internet dating a demon, as far as character development goes; how it's a lesson in trusting her friends and not being so easily manipulated etc. That Xander may or may not be on the precipice of discovering *something* and how his reaction to that may influence his decision making and the direction he takes. Not to mention how this will alter Spike's perspective, how he will react to this initial run-in, how this will affect his decisions and plans to off the slayer. Ad infinitum.
Next up...I wonder! I've finished revising the early chapters so next up is somewhere in the ether, provided I can find some of my brain after it's all dribbled out of my ears every evening - the joys of kids offset by no head space by the time I sit down ready to write! Hmm tricky that one. Off to consult some very very old notes...
B x