Waiting on the Last Day
I do not own any part of The West
Waiting on the Last Day
It's all rather simple though. You are my husband. We have had our differences and great troubles but we were destined to be with each other. No other man ever captured my soul. You were the only one. I love you too much maybe.
I can see you're slipping away from me. So, I wait. That's what I do now. I wait. I wait for something I can't believe is going to happen. Someday very soon, Jed, you will die. You're in such pain now. Your body is broken and no one can repair it. You know that truth and you hate it. You feel you're leaving too much undone. I can't seem to convince you that you changed the world for the better.
Why does your death have to come with such agony? Your life has been filled with pain; beatings, multiple sclerosis, a shooting. A man can't survive that without growing hateful and mean. Actually, one man did. You, my husband. Your genius wasn't just intellectual. You are a genius in humanity. I'm not sure the world has seen a man like you before and I don't know if the world will ever allow a man like you to exist again. Losing you makes the world a sadder place. It makes me a lost soul.
You're so afraid I'll plead with you to stay. I want you here with me. I know you're ready but I'm not. I see the pain in your face. I hear your moan when you think I can't hear. Your beautiful face skews in agony and I can't help but close my eyes. I don't want to see you like that.
I remember your boyish smile and mischievous laugh. Your eyes were so blue. They're veiled now, unable to reflect the joy they've given me for over 40 years. You know, we were supposed to celebrate fifty years of marriage. Forty years hasn't been enough. I do want you to stay. Selfish, I know but I don't understand a life without you.
But I'm going to be strong and let you go your way. Dear God, I didn't think I could hurt more than I already do. How can I let you go? You've been at my side through far too much for me to just let you go. Your love is too profound for me to simply dismiss your death as a natural passing for all of us. The end of our life together ends me. Do you understand? Please understand.
Anyhow, I'm going to be strong and stand as tall as I can. I want to do that for you. It's what you want and that's all that matters now. Your fading away tears my heart into shreds. I'm going to be strong and let you run along. If I say it often enough, I might believe it. Just know, my love, I'll take it like a man, like a woman, like your wife.
When you say it's the end, I'll be there holding you. I'll just hand you a line. I'll smile and say, "Don't you worry," but knowing you, you will. Just listen to me when I tell you "I'm fine," You'll know the truth though. Fine will never be mine again.
I'm crying now and you're still with me almost. I lay at your side. You hold me in your wearying arms. I smell your hair. The warmth in your hand fades away. You'll never know, darling, after you kiss me good-bye, how I'll break down and cry. That's for the best I suppose. For you, at least. I can't let you go. You're growing cold in my arms. I can't let you go.