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Stardate 54869 - Personal Log of Lieutenant Commander Tuvok
As Voyager was about to leave the asteroid belt to resume its journey to the Alpha Quadrant, my son Tuvix formally resigned from Starfleet. He has bestowed the digital key to his personal log to me and to our superior officers, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. His official log entries are a part of Voyager's record as a matter of course, but he also wished us to have entrée into his private thoughts for the period he lived with us on Voyager. He also expressed the desire for me to bring his personal log home to Vulcan, in lieu of his katra (since, as he said in his inimitable way, he remains in need of his soul at present). Tuvix is a true son of Vulcan, even though he may never set foot in the system where his Father was born.
Tuvix stated another reason he wished to share his memories with me in this manner. He told me that I shared mine with him when he was inadvertently created from his "Dad" Neelix and his "Father" Tuvok, through the influence of a third, most disinterested party, a very unusual orchid plant. Perhaps I should add the fourth "parent" in the mix, which Tuvix usually does not mention: the transporter beam, which blended all of those disparate DNA molecules into the unique person he came to be.
Neelix, Kathryn Janeway, Commander Chakotay, and I were all present in the captain's ready room when Tuvix ended his formal association with Voyager. He most graciously thanked the captain for permitting him to live. He had previously thanked Lieutenant Paris, Lieutenant Torres, Ensign Kim, and the Ensigns Delaney for finding a way for him to survive as the blended being called Tuvix. In this conversation, he also mentioned his twin brother Neevok, who sacrificed himself so that Neelix and I could return to our own individual lives.
During this visit with the captain and commander, Tuvix admitted he'd thought he was a fully formed being from the very first day of his existence, but his experiences over the past five years have shown him how wrong he was. He needed to live as "himself" for an extended period to mature into the person he's become. He told us he now knows that possessing the memories of two "exceptional" fathers did not mean he could have ever replaced either of us. To quote Tuvix exactly: "I discovered limitations which I never suspected were there during my two week 'newborn' period. Captain, Commander, thank you for having patience with me as I grew into true adulthood. As much as I look forward to my future life on Talax II, I will miss everyone on board Voyager so terribly much."
The captain told him that accepting your limitations and learning to go on despite them is essential to the development of true wisdom. She added, "Everything you've learned will be of great value to the people living on this asteroid, Tuvix. They need the talents you and Neelix possess in such abundance to thrive in their life here. I know you're up to the task."
Neelix reported that Brax is very pleased he will have a big brother. He's already told Dexa and Neelix he hopes they will have a little brother or sister someday, too. Neelix was almost bursting with happiness when he related this to me. From the way Neelix regards Dexa, I suspect young Brax will get his wish sooner, rather than later.
The commander shook the hands of Neelix and Tuvix, wishing them all the best in the future. The captain's farewell was a tearful one. She said she will miss both of her "Talaxians." I did not object to the way she put this. In truth, I have long known that Tuvix takes after his "Dad" more than he does me, despite his diligent efforts to please me by becoming as Vulcan as he could.
Very early on, he confided his fears that his brain was "not Vulcan enough" for him to achieve complete competency in all Vulcan mental disciplines, in particular, telepathic communications and mind melding. Although I privately agreed with his assessment, I instructed him in those techniques nonetheless. I have been known to be wrong upon occasion. But from the time of my first meeting with the Doctor after my reconstitution as Tuvok, when I exercised my right as the father of a son who was only weeks old to view his brain scans, I suspected it was unlikely that Tuvix would ever be fully competent in those disciplines.
Tuvix is absolutely correct. The Talaxian inclusions in his brain interfere with his ability to mind meld independently. How gratified I was that he continued his efforts for so long, despite never being able to fully learn this skill! Meditation, on the other hand, is something he learned to do without any trouble at all. He is able to clear his mind of distractions even better than I can. He has also demonstrated the ability to provide instruction to any who wish to practice this discipline, no matter theit species. The Talaxians may find having Tuvix, who is as adept in meditative techniques as any Vulcan Master, to be a particularly beneficial resource.
When Neelix hugs me, as he is wont to do, I must control my annoyance. With Tuvix, however, to return his embrace is instinctive. I embraced my fully-Vulcan children many times when they were young. All children require the support of a parent, particularly when they are learning to control their vivid emotions as our cultural demands. Tuvix may be fully mature in appearance, but he is only five years old.
I told Tuvix I would grieve his loss, and I will. Tears came to his eyes, and I must confess I felt moisture in my own while we embraced. I almost lost all emotional control.
The symptoms of fal-tor-voh are now unmistakable. If I believed Tuvix to be the family member who could heal me, I would ask him to remain with me on Voyager. Perhaps a monk from the Vulcan monastery could have counseled us through Operation Watson, to give us enough guidance to begin the procedures needed to cure me of the condition. Tuvix has never been able to initiate a mind meld with me, however. I have always been the one to perform the actual meld, as I would with anyone who is not Vulcan. He could not help me, shortly after his advent, when the memory virus afflicted me. His blended brain is too different. It would be illogical to burden Tuvix with the knowledge that I need healing, but he cannot be the one to provide it.
Tuvix has frequently expressed his concerns about the brain damage I suffered over the years, particularly from the Ba'Neth weapon. He offered to take my place on the Borg cube to be assimilated in my stead but was turned down. It may have been a wiser course for him to have gone with the captain and Lieutenant Torres, since, as he pointed out at that time, he had never suffered any calamitous brain trauma, as I have. Since Tuvix's brain is very different from mine, perhaps the Borg Queen would not have been able to break through the protection offered by the Doctor's anti-assimilation serum. She might have been unaware of our invasion of the cube until after we had completed our mission. Had I recognized the symptoms of my condition before this incident, I might have allowed Tuvix to take my place. Unfortunately, I did not.
The Doctor has also admitted how worried Tuvix was about my mental state after the treatments inflicted upon me on Quarra by Dr. Kadan. He was right to worry, but the damage had already been done by that point. I resisted the Doctor's recommendation to share my condition with my son, or with anyone else, for that matter. I will continue to act in my capacity as Second Officer of Voyager and chief of the Tactical and Security Divisions for as long as I am able.
When Tuvix and his other father walked to Voyager's shuttlebay to board Neelix's little ship Baxial to travel to their new home inside the asteroid, they stopped briefly to embrace the "godchildren" they'd mentored during their time on this ship. Mezoti clung to Tuvix for a second longer than Naomi did Neelix. As my Talaxians were just about to enter the bay, I called out to gain their attention. I then performed a little soft shoe dance for Neelix, the one he'd begged me to perform on First Contact Day. I refused to do so then. The commander's announcement that he'd discovered Talaxian life signs had spared me from enduring one of Neelix's protracted attempts at getting me to change my mind. Today, it seemed only right that I should finally honor his request. I could see Tuvix in the background, watching my steps and smiling at both of us with tears in his eyes. I could barely suppress my own at that moment.
My emotional control is far from what it once was, but I have no need to suppress my pride at how well Tuvix has turned out. He possesses many gifts. Although many come from of me, his "Father," just as many originated from his "Dad," Neelix.
Tuvix is a unique individual and a fine man. I am privileged to call him my son. I will miss both of my very unique, accidental family members more than I can ever say. Tuvix and Neelix will live on in my memory - for as long as it lasts.
Hopefully, longer.
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The End
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Afterward: The best thing about writing an alternate universe story is that a fanfiction writer can fix things that the series writers, in the fanfic writer's (not so humble) opinion, messed up. While I thought "Tuvix" was a fascinating episode of Star Trek, with a conundrum worthy of any of the Trek series, I wanted the guy to live! Tom Wright did such a wonderful job portraying Tuvok and Neelix's accidental son, I wanted to see more of him. By presenting this story, I could, even if it was only in my mind's eye, not on a screen.
Kes' departure from Star Trek: Voyager in "The Gift" was sad but inspiring. The script for "Fury" was not only a mess, it trashed a beloved character so totally, I wanted to scream at the screen when I saw it the first time. (Actually, I think I did.) Whenever I've written stories that are "basically canon compliant," I have no choice. I either have to deal with the episode or omit any reference to it. I rewrote the event here in a way that I believe better fits the character of Kes as I've always viewed her. (And if anyone thinks, "Hey, the Voyager Virtual Season 7.5 writers wrote up that scenario years ago," - well, yeah, they did. I was the writer who devised and wrote that story line for Kes. It isn't plagiarism if you plunder your own work.)
The loss of Mezoti in "Imperfection" was simply tragic. I see why the writers did it now. It was more than a simple case of not wanting to work around Child Labor Laws, since they were already doing that with Scarlett Pomers, who played Naomi. Showing how a Mezoti who remained on Voyager dealt with the possibility that Seven and Icheb both might die would require a lot of screen time which they simply didn't have in the episode. There was plenty of story as it was - but not enough for a "movie" special two-hour show without inserting a LOT of padding. Neelix was the only one who could have taken on the role of temporary guardian until Seven's and Icheb's health issues were resolved. Here in AU land, Tuvix, our helpful Talaxian/Vulcan, was available, willing, and able, so I was in a position to keep Mezoti where she belonged. (I hope you approve, Six of Twelve, since this agrees with your wonderful story, "Mezoti's Collective.")
You may notice the chronology of this story isn't exactly the same as the way UPN aired the episodes. In some cases, internal evidence and the stardates given indicate the shows may have been aired out of order (especially true of "Drive," "Repression," and "Imperfection," at the beginning of the final season). Since many episodes had no given stardates, but there doesn't seem to have been enough time for all the events to take place between the ones that were provided, I flipped the timing of certain events to make the order more logical. In an alternate universe story, we already know things aren't exactly the same as we saw on the show, so I did what made sense for this piece. I hope you don't mind too much about that.
I consulted episode reviews from Jim Wright's "Delta Blues" website, as well as summaries from Memory Alpha, during the writing of Tuvix's life on Voyager. I am greatly indebted to Jim and to the people at Memory Alpha for keeping these resources available, this long after the end of the series. I also owe much to tmtcltb, TLWtlw, Beth6787, and Juddysbuddy for the reviews they left as this story was posted on fanfiction dot net. Their insights often pointed the story down avenues I might not have pursued, had their comments not spurred my imagination. They helped nudge this story along to its conclusion. Thank you so very much!
Music credit for "At Last," B'Elanna and Tom's wedding song: Writer(s): Glenn Miller, Bill Conway, William J. Finegan, Harold H. Dickinson Jr. - Copyright: Chappell & Co. Inc.
Music credit for "You'll Never Walk Alone": Richard Rodgers/Oscar Hammerstein, from the 1945 musical play, "Carousel," Copyright: The Rodgers and Hammerstein Organization.
Author's Note on 10/30/2018 (when I posted the chapter covering "One Small Step"): In memory of my cousin Patrick John "PJ" Toner, a terrific musician and a great person. Rest in Peace, Soul Cat. - 5/22/59-10/28/18
Disclaimer:
As always, the all-important disclaimer must appear here: I acknowledge that Paramount, CBS, and whoever else they're in league with at this moment in time owns the rights of Star Trek in general and Star Trek: Voyager in particular, lock, stock, and photon torpedo barrel. I make no claims of ownership of any of the characters or storylines. Since this piece retells many events from the series to portray Tuvix's roles and opinions about said events, had he remained alive, I owe a great debt to the writers of all the stories and scripts, as well as the actors, directors, and production crew, who related the story of the good ship Voyager. I couldn't have written this story without all of you. Thank you! - jamelia