Lost Stories From the New World
Prince Zanac's Dilemma
Prince Zanac was trying to think of a way to become more popular with the citizens of the Re-Estize Kingdom and decided to take a ride through the countryside of his personal estate just outside of the capital in order to organize his plans.
He was riding his horse through a pleasant, peaceful meadow when a dangerous looking serpent startled his mount and he fell to the ground. He quickly drew out his sword and got ready to decapitate the snake when the reptile suddenly spoke up.
"Please! My good prince, do not kill me!"
"Why not?" asked Zanac.
"Well," replied the serpent, "I am a magic snake, as you can tell by the fact that I can talk and if you spare my life, I will grant you any three wishes concerning your appearance."
Prince Zanac knew that part of his unpopularity was due to his being overweight and not very handsome, so he said, "Okay, my scaly new friend. It's a deal."
The snake then said, "So tell me your wishes, my good Prince."
Zanac then said, "For my first wish, I would like to have a face that is even more handsome than that of Emperor Jircniv of the Baharuth Empire."
The serpent eagerly said, "No problem! When you wake up tomorrow morning, you will look just like Emperor Jircniv, but even more handsome."
"For my second wish," Zanac stated, "I would like to have the muscular physique of Gazef Stronoff."
"Easy as pie," the snake replied, " When you wake up tomorrow morning you will have the body and muscles of your kingdom's greatest warrior, Gazef Stronoff."
"The prince then knelt down close to the serpent and cupped his hand around his mouth and whispered, "And for my third wish, I'd like to be hung like my horse, if you know what I mean."
"I know exactly what you mean, my dear prince!" said the snake in a conspiratorial voice, "And when you wake up tomorrow morning, you will be built JUST like your noble steed!"
Prince Zanac then stood up and allowed the snake to slither away before he got back up on his horse and rode at full speed back to his mansion. He immediately went to his room and did his best to fall asleep so that the wishes could be granted.
But he was so hyped up that he tossed and turned for many hours before finally drifting off to a fitful sleep.
The next morning when he finally woke up, he rushed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He was amazed.
"My god, I look like a much handsomer version of Emperor Jircniv!"
Zanac then flexed his muscles and his nightshirt burst into shredded rags.
"My god, I have muscles that are superior to even those of the great Gazef Stronoff!"
The prince then dropped his pajama bottoms and looked down.
"My god, I forgot I was riding Old Nellie yesterday!
Brain Unglauss' Problem
Brain Unglauss was feeling a bit frisky, so he decided to pick up a girl in a local tavern and seduce her. He met an attractive lady in the bar and talked her into going with him to an upstairs room for some fun.
Once there, he decided to warm her up by going down on her and he buried his face in her nether region.
After a few minutes of tongue action on her privates, he suddenly got a puzzled look on his face and rose up. He reached into his mouth and pulled out a kernel of corn.
"Must have been from my last meal," Brain thought to himself and went back to licking the lady's inner folds of flesh between her thighs.
A look of consternation once again appeared on Brain's face as he rose up again and pulled out a piece of green bean out of his mouth.
He looked up at the lady's very happy face and he asked her, "Miss, are you sick?"
The very young looking lady with silver hair and very red eyes looked down at Brain's face seductively and replied...
"No, but the last guy who went down on me was."
Brain and Climb's Adventure
Brain Unglauss and Climb had gone on a mission for Princess Renner that took them deep into a vast, unknown desert. Unfortunately, during their journey, a passing dragon had swooped down upon them and while they were unhurt, the dragon had eaten their horses and all of their supplies.
They then started back on foot to reach civilization, but after many days of walking, they were suffering from the effects of both hunger and dehydration. As they grew weaker from deprivation, they came to the top of a sand dune and at the bottom of the other side, they spotted the carcass of some unknown animal.
Brain said, "We are saved, Climb! We can eat this animal and survive long enough to get out of this desert!" And they both stumbled down the side of the dune towards the dead beast.
Upon reaching the carcass, they saw that it had been dead for some time as the body was reeking of rot and the flesh had begun to turn to a gooey, slimey mess. Furthermore, the body was covered in maggots, grubs, worms and all sorts of disgusting creepy-crawly scavenger bugs.
But Brain, disregarding this filthy, stinking mess, reached right in and started wolfing down handful after handful of rotting flesh, maggots, grubs and various other nasty multi-legged insects. Climb stood back and didn't do anything.
"Aren't you going to eat this?" asked Brain, "You will need this sustenance to survive."
"N-n-no..." stammered Climb, "I can't eat that!"
Brain then said, "Then it looks like I am going to be the only one to live through this ordeal." And Brain continued to stuff himself with that malodorous rotting flesh.
Finally, Brain sat back and rubbed his full stomach and once again asked Climb, "Won't you at least eat a little..."
But suddenly, his voice gave out as his face turned a putrid shade of green, his tummy started rumbling, and then...
"BLLLLEEEEEECCCCHHH!" And everything that Brain had eaten came back up in one tremendous fit of projectile vomiting, pooling on the ground as a huge, steaming soupy pile of partially digested flesh mixed with all of the maggots and grubs that Brain had swallowed.
"Ahhh..." declared Climb, "That is what I have been waiting for... a NICE, HOT MEAL!"