A Scollops

"D'you want to hear something you definitely won't believe?"

Remus stopped brushing his hair and looked at her through the mirror. "Is this a trick question?"

Tonks laid back on the mattress and crossed her arms behind her head. "Molly fancies you,"

"You're right, I don't believe you,"

"Ha! Knew it. Watch her this evening, she'll be over you like dragonpox. She always is,"

"She mithers about me, that's all,"

Tonks rolled her eyes. "You can be proper dense sometimes. Molly mithers about everyone, but it's only you she gets flustered around. She's always asking you to fix stuff and help her with stuff. I'm eating for two but she'll still give you more food than me. I'm telling you, watch her tonight,"

"She's always said I'm too thin," Remus answered, in what could have either been an admission or a counter-argument.

"Proof. Plus, you've got to admit that you and Arthur are similar,"

"Are we?"

"Adorably geeky," she shrugged, then added knowingly, "Molly has a type,"

"I heard her type was Gilderoy Lockhart,"

"Didn't he try to kill Ron or something?"

"Yes," Remus acknowledged, "Although I nearly did the same the following year,"

"But you weren't in control of your faculties. And you've saved her kids' lives loads of times since then, so you've definitely made up for it,"

He went back to brushing his hair. "Perhaps,"

"And she's always interfering with us, isn't she? She'd only do that if she liked you,"

"Would she?" Remus asked. He had no idea if this was true, or if Tonks was only trying to wind him up.

"Yeah. Mums do that with blokes they fancy. She's got this cute little crush on you so she sticks her nose in in your love life,"

He met her eyes through the mirror. "God bless her for that,"

She grinned back at him. "Exactly,"

"I still think you're exaggerating,"

"I told you you wouldn't believe me. We're married and expecting a baby and sometimes I don't think you've noticed I fancy you,"

He turned to face her and pinned her with a look. "Oh, I have noticed,"

Tonks propped herself up on her elbows. "Yeah?"


"Prove it," she pouted.

"Later," Remus shrugged, and Tonks nearly laughed because he was supposed to retort, "make me," though obviously Remus didn't know that. He was so different to every other bloke she'd met, and even after all this time and everything they'd been through, his blend of intellectualism and naivety was still totally charming.

"Such a tease. I suppose you're planning on making me jealous by spending all evening with Molly," she sighed.

"Are you? Jealous?"

"Course not. I think it's hilarious, her being all Remus this, Remus that and you being oblivious to it. Plus, Molly's nearly fifty, which we all know is twenty years too old for you,"

"Mmm," he said noncommittally.

"D'you like that?" she goaded, "Me getting jealous?"

Remus shrugged, and Tonks was sure she could see him smiling.

"You do! On my God, you do! You want me to be jealous over you!"

"I didn't say that,"

"Your face says it all, you total cad! That's the last time I tell anyone my husband's all reserved and gentlemanly,"

"You're making it harder for me to imagine getting through this evening with a straight face,"

"You never have a straight face when Molly's plying you with wine,"

"That doesn't count. I'm drinking for us both at the moment,"

"Oh please, she's been doing it for years," Tonks said with an eye-roll. She'd been waiting for ages to have this conversation with him- partly because she knew he'd be this adorably bamboozled, but also because she wanted him to face the idea that there were two women on the planet who liked him in that way. She often suspected that as far as Remus saw it, finding him attractive was another item on his list of Dora's Odd Opinions. And it wasn't, because he wasn't Weirdly Fanciable or Secretly Fanciable or Only Fanciable To Her. He was Fanciable Full Stop, and Molly proved it.

"Molly spent most of the year at Grimmauld Place trying to persuade me to stop Sirius drinking," Remus pointed out.

"Yes, and asking you to help her clean stuff, fix stuff, catch the boggart, work out what the shelf system in the library was. And you fell for it because, typical bloke, you liked playing the hero. I guarantee she knew how to do most of that stuff already. What she really wanted was to spend time with you and have an excuse to tell you how good you were at it all,"

"Now you mention it, Molly and I had many heated moments when discussing scouring charms,"

Remus unpegged his coat from the door and pulled it on. Tonks saw him begin to move over to the bed to help her up, then stop himself- she'd told him yesterday that she didn't like him doing stuff for her. She was pregnant, not paralysed.

"Joke all you want- I bet she remembers it," she told him, standing up herself, "You ready to go?"


"Better get a move on, then," said Tonks linking their fingers together, "We don't want to keep your girlfriend waiting".