3Courfeyrac sighed, throwing his arms in the air and turned a frustrated turn. He'd known Combeferre his entire life and he knew how protective the man was of Enjolras, but he really needed to let loose and stop babying him.
"Why are you being this difficult? What's the big deal of Grantaire wanting to see Enjolras, huh? They are friends, are they not? Especially after what happened, Grantaire needs to see Enjolras is okay. You weren't this controlling when Jehan wanted to visit this morning. Or Joly."
Combeferre watched Courfeyrac over the top of his glasses and settled him with a glare. "That's because neither Jehan nor Joly are responsible for the condition Enjolras is in now. That's only on Grantaire and I don't want him near Enjolras when he's this sick. He's done enough damage."
Courfeyrac shook his head in disbelief. "They made a mistake, 'Ferre. Both of them. E was there wasn't he? He consented. Hell, he even said it was his idea! Grantaire only wanted to help him relax and have a little fun. What's so horrible about that?"
Combeferre slapped his book shut and stood up so quickly that Courfeyrac had to take a step back in order not to knock into him.
"What's so horrible? Are you really asking me that? He gave Enjolras ecstacy, Courfeyrac! He gave Enjolras, who is seriously ill and just finished his third round of chemotherapy, ecstacy. Have you any idea how dangerous that is? He's already so weak and exhausted all the time. What the hell was he thinking? How could he do that to him?"
Courfeyrac pursed his lips and counted to ten. Of course he was as shocked as Combeferre to find out what Enjolras and Grantaire had been doing when they were left alone the other night. Grantaire was supposed to keep Enjolras company and help him out anyway he needed so that Combeferre and Courfeyrac could have a datenight out. Who knew that that evening would have such nasty consequences.
"You need to remember that Enjolras is a grown man. Yes, he's sick, but he's not a child and he's not stupid. He's allowed to make his own choices – even if those choices are bad. He told us himself, this was his idea. He said he'd never done it before and he'd read on the internet that it could help you relax and forget about everything for a while. He'd done the research, 'Ferre. And how can you blame him for wanting to feel pure bliss for a couple of hours considering the hell he's going through."
"I'm not blaming him for anything, Courf!" Combeferre snapped. "I'm blaming Grantaire. He should've known better. He should've at least asked me or Joly if it was dangerous to his condition. I don't care what Enjolras said to him or how much he pressured him. He still should've asked us! For God's sake, we could've lost him."
"But we didn't." Courfeyrac took a step closer to his boyfriend and placed one hand on his shoulder. He knew Combeferre was angry and in a way he had every right to be. But it wasn't fair to turn all that anger to Grantaire, who had done nothing but comply to Enjolras' wishes. And God knew how convincing Enjolras could be once he put his mind to something.
"We didn't lose him, 'Ferre. His doctor told us, he'll be fine. Yes, he'll be a bit more out of it and yes, he might feel depressed for a little while. But his life isn't in danger. At least not from the ecstasy."
Courfeyrac heard Combeferre's breath hitch.
"Look," Courfeyrac continued. "I understand why you're mad and of course, it would've been better if they had talked to us about it. But, 'Ferre, if they had, neither you nor Joly would've ever allowed it, would you?"
"Of course not!"
Courfeyrac tried not to smile at the pure look of exasperation Combeferre gave him. "Exactly. And Enjolras knew that too. That's why he didn't want Grantaire to run it by you. What they did… Or what E did… yes, it was stupid considering the condition he's in. But he doesn't regret it one bit. He told us himself. Hell, he even said he'd had one of the best nights of his life because of this. And honestly, if that's how he feels then I'm happy that he took it. He deserves some time off of all this bullshit he has to go through, don't you think?"
Combeferre closed his eyes and sighed. Lord knew how much he thought Enjolras deserved some time off. His friend never deserved to be in this condition in the first place. He shouldn't have to fight for his life at 25 years old. He should be studying, working, building a future for himself and the world around him. He should be attending meetings and write speeches. He should be living the live he'd always dreamed about. But life isn't fair. It never was.
"Of course he deserves time of," Combeferre began softly. "He deserves a best night of his life every night. But this… Courf… It could've ended so horribly. Whenever I close my eyes, I see him lying there, all out of sorts with a heart beating like crazy. What if he had died? What if after all the fighting he's been doing, this was the thing that killed him?"
Courfeyrac took Combeferre in his arms and kissed him on the forehead. "Why think in what ifs, 'Ferre? Nothing happened… he was only hyperventilating. I asked R what kind of pill E took and he told me it had been tested and clean and he said E searched the internet beforehand to see what damage it could do in combination with the chemo he's getting. Enjolras isn't stupid, Combeferre. He never does anything halfway. He was prepared the best way he could. Sure, he scared the hell out of us all, but he never was in any real danger. Besides, Grantaire was with him the whole time and he…"
"Grantaire!" Combeferre spat, wiping angrily at a tear that fell. "What was Grantaire going to do when something went wrong? He probably drank alcohol right alongside that pill. If E had needed any real help, Grantaire sure as hell wouldn't be able to do anything. He'd be far too much out of it. Like always."
Courfeyrac sighed heavily. "First of all, that's not fair and not true. We both know you love R so don't speak about him that way. Second of all, Grantaire didn't take anything last night. He stayed completely sober. No drugs, no alcohol. E wanted them to do the drugs together, but R only agreed to that evening on the condition that he wouldn't take anything at all."
Combeferre blinked and stepped away from Courfeyrac so that he could look his boyfriend in the eyes. "What? Grantaire was sober last night?"
"Yes", Courfeyrac nodded, adding a little smile. "Of course he was. He loves Enjolras. He didn't want to give him the pill in the first place, but you know how convincing the man can be once he puts his mind to it. And Grantaire would rather die himself than put his beloved Apollo in danger. So of course he stayed sober. And he made sure E drank enough, that he wasn't too hot or too cold. He made sure he didn't take any more than a quarter."
Combeferre sighed and sank down at the kitchen table. He pulled a hand through his hair and shook his head every so slightly. "But why did he want to take the pills in the first place?" he whispered. "I don't understand. Enjolras was always opposed to the stuff. I know he argued with you about it numerous times. He hated it when you and Grantaire took it."
Courfeyrac sat down next to him and let his eyes focus on the door at the end of the hallway. Enjolras was asleep in there. Courfeyrac hoped it was a peaceful sleep. He needed it after what he'd been through.
The past 24 hours had been killing. When he and Combeferre had come home late last night, they expected Enjolras to be fast asleep. What they didn't expect was coming home to loud music and a very droopy looking Enjolras, cuddled up against Grantaire who was gently rubbing his hand up and down Enjolras' back. At first, they didn't think much about it. Sure, it was odd to see Enjolras in such a relaxed and cuddly state of mind, but they figured it was just due to the fact that it was late and Enjolras was tired.
Both Courfeyrac and Combeferre had come to sit with the two friends for a little while before going to bed. Courfeyrac remembered the feeling of dread when Enjolras put his fingers in a glass of water and then moved those fingers from his forehead down to the tip of his nose. His worry turned up a notch when Enjolras smiled at Grantaire and whispered: "Man, you're right. This still feels nice." Courfeyrac's eyes found those of Grantaire and then he knew. Fuck. Of all the things Courfeyrac thought Enjolras and Grantaire would do together, this was definitely nowhere near making it to his list.
He remembered sneaking a glance at Combeferre, who watched Enjolras with an eyebrow raised, but nothing more. He didn't know. Combeferre was as vanilla when it came to drugs as Enjolras was. Or used to be.
Courfeyrac hadn't been pleased by the fact that Enjolras was doing drugs without him or Combeferre knowing about it. But he trusted Grantaire with his life and he knew the man wouldn't bring Enjolras in any danger. Besides, Enjolras seemed to be doing okay and he was having fun. So Courfeyrac had decided to swallow his worry and take Combeferre to bed so Enjolras could enjoy his little high without his best friend's nervous glance.
Things had gone downhill fast after that. In the three hours that followed, they were woken up by a panicked Grantaire, found Enjolras in an even more panicked state of mind, rushed him to the hospital, and brought him back home after a thorough examination. In the end, it turned out nothing more than some serious hyperventilation. But with Enjolras' condition already so bad, and after hearing he had taken ecstacy that night, it was only logical that Combeferre, Courfeyrac and Grantaire didn't think twice about bringing him in.
Combeferre had banned Grantaire from seeing Enjolras the second they arrived at the hospital. And Grantaire, already feeling guilty as hell, left in tears before Courfeyrac could stop him.
"Why didn't he come to me or you about it?" Combeferre's voice brought Courfeyrac out of his ponderings. "I just don't understand… It's not like him. It's not like him at all."
"Maybe that's the point," Courfeyrac said, at first more to himself than to Combeferre. When he noticed his boyfriend's confused face, he shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, neither of us can really imagine what he's going through… I think I can understand why he wanted to try. Why he wanted to do something completely different, something so unlike him. I guess, maybe, he just wanted to feel… weightless? Like, Enjolras basically carried the weight of the world since he was ten years old. And now with this cancer thing… Maybe he just didn't want to be himfor a little while. I mean… I know it's nothing like him, but maybe because of that, it's exactly like him. Does that make sense?"
Combeferre frowned, but said nothing.
"I know you never touched the stuff," Courfeyrac continued gently. "But in all honesty… it's not that big a deal if you're careful about it. I'm not saying it's good for you, course it's not. I know that, you know that and everybody knows it. And sure, when you're as sick as Enjolras, it's never a good idea… but would you be this disheveled if you found it E had been drinking alcohol instead last night?"
Combeferre shrugged. "Probably not," he admitted. "I still wouldn't be happy about it… but no, I wouldn't be as shocked."
"That's because alcohol is widely accepted and tolerated. People are used to it. But it's in no way less bad for you as ecstacy is. There's been a lot of research nowadays and most of those studies share that same result…" Courfeyrac fell silent. He watched Combeferre's face closely. His boyfriend still looked defeated. "Look… what I'm trying to say is… I know it's shocking to hear that E took a quarter of pill, but try not to make too big a deal out of it, okay? Because it really isn't. Enjolras' doctor said so himself, no harm done. And I'm sure E won't do it again any time soon."
Combeferre choked on sob and hid his face behind his hands. "How do you know that, Courf? You said yourself he'd had one of the best nights of his life. How do you know he won't do it again and again and then maybe after that he'll try something even more dangerous and…"
His words were cut off by a gentle kiss on his lips. When Courfeyrac pulled back he smiled. "Kindly shut up, will you? I knowbecause this is Enjolras we're talking about." He pulled his boyfriend in his arms and held him tight for a little while. Then he said: "Now, let's go and cuddle with E for a bit. If I know anything about aftermaths of ecstacy – and I think I do – he'll want the social attention. And then after that, we can see if we can invite Grantaire over so that he can see he didn't kill his sunshine."
Combeferre chuckled. "I love you."