Enjolras was awake when Combeferre and Courfeyrac quietly entered his bedroom. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling with a small, satisfied smile on his face. There was no sign of pain or restlessness, which was good. And definitely a whole better look than the panicked one from twelve hours earlier. He hadn't really slept much, and he was tired. But for now, he felt content to just lay there and relive to the happy feeling from the night before.

"Hey there droopy," Courfeyrac said happily when he saw Enjolras awake. He walked over to the bed and flopped down next to his friend. "We thought you'd still be asleep. How are you feeling?"

Enjolras chuckled when Courfeyrac booped his nose and pushed his friend away. "'M okay. Little tired, but fine otherwise. 'S good to see you." He smiled at both his friends. And though Courfeyrac responded with a quick kiss to his forehead, Combeferre only gave a twitch of his lips. Enjolras' own smile faded, and he bit his lip. He had been worried that Combeferre wouldn't take it well. And now he guessed he was right.

Courfeyrac noticed Enjolras' expression turn from happy to nervous and he glanced at Combeferre. His boyfriend had his eyes downcast, brows drawn together in a worried frown. It was clear that Combeferre felt awkward, not knowing how to take the lead in this or how to respond. But that was okay, because Courefyrac had experience in this field and he knew just how to go about it. He just hoped his boyfriend would turn that frown upside down for Enjolras' sake. They'd talked about this. Enjolras' needed to feel loved right now. Especially if they wanted to minimalize the depressed feeling you could get after using.

"It's very good to see you too, awake and sober." He winked at Enjolras. "Come, sit up next to me." Courfeyrac pulled Enjolras' pillow up and helped his friend upright. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders so that his friend could lean against him. "Is this alright?" When Enjolras nodded, he pressed another kiss against his temple. "Good."

The three friends were silent for a moment. Then Enjolras softly cleared his throat. "I guess I owe you guys an apology," he said, not looking at either of them.

Combeferre opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Courfeyrac spoke up: "For what exactly?" He saw Combeferre glare at him and gave him a pointed look in return. "Because as far as I know you're an adult and you make your own decisions. And whether you tell us about it or not, that's your choice."

Enjolras looked up and seemed surprised by Courfeyrac's reaction. "I… I-I guess," he mumbled, though he seemed unsure. Then he turned to look at Combeferre who wasn't nearly as breezy-looking about the subject as Courfeyrac. Truth be told, Enjolras hadn't really expected Courfeyrac to make a big deal out of this. After all, he'd taken ecstasy himself on numerous occasions. But Combeferre was a different story entirely. His oldest friend spent his entire life looking out for him, worrying about him, guiding and helping him. And Enjolras loved him for it, but sometimes it could get suffocating. That's why this time, he hadn't told his friend what he was about to do. Because he knew that Combeferre would protest and probably talk him out of it. It just really sucked that this one time, things had to go wrong. And Enjolras knew he'd hurt his friend by not confiding with him.

"Still," he continued softly, "I'm sorry for scaring you. I… I'd done the research, and nothing was supposed to go wrong. R was really well prepared and caring. I just hate that it had to take a turn for the worse in the end. I had such a great time up until then. And now I've worried you guys and you're probably hurt that I didn't tell you about it before."

Courfeyrac sighed and smiled at him. "You'll always worry us, E. It's kind of in your DNA. And in ours. But why did it go wrong? Do you know that? Because according to your doctor, it had nothing to do with the combination of the pill you took and your chemo. You had a panic attack. Something must've caused it… You were fine when we came home last night."

Enjolras swallowed and shrugged his shoulders. He looked from Courfeyrac to Combeferre and then to his own hands and fingers, which were fumbling with the duvet. "I was still feeling very happy when you came home," he whispered. "But a few hours later, I knew it was wearing off. And Grantaire told me it would, he prepared me for it and he didn't allow me to take another quarter. And I just… I wasn't ready for it to be over. I wasn't ready to go back… to feel like shit again, to do chemo, to be tired… I didn't want for it to end so soon, but I felt it was going to. And that triggered the panic attack, I think."

"Oh, Enj…," Courfeyrac sighed, pulling his friend closer.

Enjolras allowed himself to be pulled into the hug and closed his eyes for a moment. Now that he thought back on it, it was stupid to get so worked up about something so stupid. He had known it wouldn't last. And now that the drugs were out of his system, he still felt its afterglow. The pain wasn't too bad, and he didn't have to do chemo for another two and a half weeks. And on top of that, he and Grantaire really made progress the other night. Enjolras still hadn't told him he liked him, but they'd cuddled and danced together and that was something.

The only thing that didn't really sit right with Enjolras was the fact that Combeferre still hadn't said anything. His oldest friend just sat there, silently.

Enjolras cleared his throat and turned away from Courfeyrac so he could see Combeferre better. "'Ferre…," he whispered, eyes not leaving those of his best friend, "Are you angry with me?"

Combeferre breathed in slowly and sighed. He looked at Enjolras and saw what he always saw: his oldest, best and dearest friend. There was no way he could be ever angry with him. He may have been frustrated or annoyed at times, but never angry. Especially not when the younger man looked up at him with those big blue eyes, uncertain and almost pleading. So, Combeferre forced a smile on his face and shook his head.

"No, E… I'm not angry with you."

"Disappointed then?" Enjolras asked in a small voice. Somehow, he thought that was even worse.

Seeing Enjolras' unsure face nearly broke Combeferre's heart and he kicked himself for being this absent up until then. He moved from the chair to the bed and sat down on Enjolras' other side. Courfeyrac smiled and pushed the blonde gently towards his boyfriend, so that Enjolras was now leaning against Combeferre's chest.

"No, I'm not disappointed in you either, Enjolras. I'm sorry for making you think so," Combeferre said, drawing Enjolras in closer. He rested his forehead against Enjolras' temple and was silent for a moment. Then he said: "When I heard what you and R did… Sure, it shocked and scared me. And it terrified me to see you in such a panicked state. I know it turned out to be only a panic attack, but your heart was beating like crazy and I thought you had a bad trip or something and that in combination with the chemo you've had... But I think I understand why you wanted to try it. And Courf is right, you're a grown man and you make your own decisions, no matter what I might think of them."

He fell silent for a moment, thinking of what to say next. Sure, he wasn't disappointed, and he wasn't angry either. But he was worried. Combeferre looked at Courfeyrac, who watched him with a small smile and eyes so full of love. His boyfriend understood.

"I'm just worried," Combeferre whispered. And he was surprised by the sudden sob that escaped his throat.

Enjolras' head snapped up at the sound, eyebrows drawn together in worry. "'Ferre?"

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry," Combeferre said, willing his voice to stop trembling. "I'm sorry E… I just... Fuck, Enjolras, you're so very sick and your body is weak, exhausted. I worry about you constantly, you know that. And I know you hate it, but I can't help it. I'm so worried about you and I'm scared, and I curse the universe every single day for putting you through this. I'm terrified that we're going to lose you… And I just… last night when I saw you like that; I thought we got really fucking close. And now I'm just all over the place. I'm sorry."

Enjolras glanced at Courfeyrac and saw that his other friend's eyes were swimming with tears as well. They hadn't really talked about this much. Of course, they talked about the illness and the treatment. But none of them had dared to discuss the possibility that he might not pull through. Even though they all knew that he had a 40% chance of that happening.

Enjolras swallowed, forcing his own tears to stay back. "Guys… I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I'm doing the treatment and even though it sucks, I think it's helping. It feels like it's helping." The lie easily fell from his lips. "And yesterday, I did a stupid thing, but I loved doing it and I had a great night. That's all. If anything, be happy for me. I won't do it again any time soon, I promise. And I'm fine. Nothing really happened…"

Courfeyrac laughed through his tears and kissed Enjolras firmly on the cheek. "You're a jackass, you know that?" He said, but his tone was soft and Enjolras could clearly hear the endearment in there.

Combeferre didn't' say anything but sniffed and squeezed Enjolras hand in response.

"So, are we okay? Are we cool?" Enjolras asked Combeferre, squeezing back.

Combeferre offered him a small smile. And though there was still great sadness in his eyes, he felt a little better. Enjolras was right: in the end nothing really happened. "Yes, we're alright."

"Good, because I'm kinda still feeling it's afterglow and it's quite a nice feeling….," Enjolras admitted, a blush creeping up his cheeks. He sank back against the cushions, comfortably squished by his two best friends. "I thought I'd feel horrible, but I 'm not. I'm just a bit tired. All I wanna do is lie here and cuddle with you guys and the blankets and reminisce last night feeling."

Combeferre snorted. "You sound like Courf."

"He could sound like you if you'd ever give it a try." Courfeyrac countered teasingly. He winked at his boyfriend to let him know he didn't mean it and then patted Enjolras' shoulder. "So? How was it, really? How did you feel? What did you guys do?"

Enjolras glanced at Combeferre for a moment and when he saw his oldest friend smile, he felt comfortable enough to talk freely. "It was really fun," he admitted a little shy. "In the beginning it was a bit weird, you know, because Grantaire wasn't going to take it with me. I felt awkward doing it on my own, but I had my mind made up and I wanted to go through with it. And Grantaire was actually really cool about it. He'd done it often enough, so he knew how to set the right mood, I guess. He put on some music, took my mind of it until it hit me."

He smiled, thinking back to the moment he felt the effects. "It was so weird at first. My hands started to sweat, and I felt so lightheaded, but in a good way, you know? Like I was floating."

Combeferre set his jaw but didn't say anything. He knew Enjolras had had a wonderful night, but for him it was difficult to hear his best friend talk of such things. Only a year before, they'd taken Courfeyrac apart and told him what they thought of his drug use. Now, Enjolras talked so enthusiastically about the experience, Combeferre wondered if he'd ever had to have the same conversation with him too.

He was brought back from his ponderings by a gentle squeeze in the nape of his neck. Combeferre didn't have to look up to know it was Courfeyrac. He knew what his boyfriend tried to tell him by that: Don't worry. Everything is okay. Enjolras is a smart guy. And Combeferre knew he was right. Hell, they were all in their twenties. It was only logical that they experimented. Sure, Combeferre didn't like experimenting with drugs, but he and Courfeyrac tried other stuff that Enjolras would never even consider doing. He knew he shouldn't judge. He knew he shouldn't be this upset that his oldest friend tried a quarter of an Ecstasy pill for the first time in 25 years. He hadn't been upset when Joly did it, or Cosette. Or Courfeyrac even, before he let it go out of hand. He knew, like Courfeyrac said, that it wasn't such a big deal if you were responsible about it. But then how come he felt this anxious about Enjolras' experience?

"At first my legs were really heavy," Enjolras continued, not noticing Combeferre's discomfort. "But then Grantaire told me to start dancing with him and once I got started, I couldn't stop. I had so much fun."

"Nothing hurt…," he whispered, smile fading a little. "Which was a miracle in itself; because I can't remember the last time I felt no pain at all. And there was just nothing to worry about, you know? I felt carefree… Happy."

Courfeyrac brought Enjolras' hand to his mouth and kissed his friend's knuckles. He looked at his best friend with so much sympathy and compassion, Enjolras felt tears well in his eyes. But he didn't want to cry. He still wanted to feel happy.

"Grantaire was really sweet," Enjolras continued after a moment. "I knew he was a bit worried, but he tried to conceal it and he kept rubbing my back and holding my hands. It was really nice… Speaking of R, is he okay? He must've been really scared after what happened… I'd thought he'd be here as well. Do you think I should call him? Let him know I'm fine?"

Courfeyrac glanced at Combeferre. His boyfriend sighed but did not speak.

"What?" Enjolras asked, noticing the exchange between his two best friends. "What did that mean?"

Courfeyrac turned to Enjolras, feeling a little embarrassed. "Uhm… 'Ferre kind of sent Grantaire home the moment we arrived at the hospital. You were too out of it to notice. He's been texting me non-stop, wanting to come over, but 'Ferre isn't sure about it.

"What? Why?" Enjolras said, voice rising. He turned around to look at Combeferre. "Ferre, why? Don't tell me you're mad at him?"

Combeferre glared at his boyfriend, who only shrugged in return. Then he let out an exasperated sigh. "Of course, I was angry with him, Enjolras! I find you panicked and hyperventilating in the middle of the night, thinking you're having a seizure or something and then Grantaire tells me you've taken ecstasy. That scared the hell out of me, in your condition. I was furious that he gave you that pill. And even more furious that he hadn't consulted me or Joly about it. I wanted him gone because he had done enough damage."

Enjolras stared at his oldest friend with his mouth slightly agape. "You've got to be kidding me 'Ferre!" he said, disbelieve clear in his voice. "This isn't Grantaire's fault! I wanted to do this, it was mydecision and I didn't want Grantaire to tell you, because you would've never allowed it. Do you have any idea how much convincing it took to finally have him consent to last night? He already felt guilty for going through with it. And now you've-..."

"I've already had this lecture from Courf, Enjolras." Combeferre snapped, successfully cutting off Enjolras' words. "I don't need it from you as well. It would be nice if you two tried to see it from my perspective, alright? If this was the other way around, and I was the one who was fighting cancer, you'd both be biting of Grantaire's head off if he'd given me that stuff without tell you."

"No don't deny it!" Combeferre said, holding his hand up when Enjolras wanted to intervene. "You know it's true. Especially you. You can be brutal when you're concerned about one of your friends' wellbeing. None of us have forgotten how you exploded in front of Bahorel when he brought Courfeyrac back with a broken arm."

Enjolras glanced at Courfeyrac and they both sighed. Combeferre was right of course. But still… Enjolras hated for Grantaire to feel guilty about this. He'd only done his bidding.

"Anyway," Combeferre continued, when he'd calmed down a little. "I understand that I may have overreacted towards Grantaire. So, I've texted him half an hour earlier that he was welcome to stop by later this afternoon."

And with that Combeferre disentangled himself from his two friends and stepped out of the room.

"Ferre!" Enjolras called after him.

"Let him go, E… He just needs a moment," Courfeyrac said quietly, squeezing Enjolras' hand. Though his heart ached to go after his boyfriend. "It's been a rough twelve hours."

Enjolras sighed. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. Everything will be okay, you'll see. Grantaire is coming to see you later this afternoon and then he and 'Ferre can talk things over. It'll work out, it always does. Nothing for you to worry about, okay? Don't get worked up. All you need to do is rest and enjoy the memories of last night."

Enjolras sank back into the cushions and offered Courfeyrac a small smile. He knew his friend was right and he also knew why Courfeyrac was so determined to get him to calm down. They didn't need a repeat of last night. "Alright," he mumbled quietly.

"Good," Courfeyrac said. "Now, I won't go anywhere, so if you want to talk about last night, you can. And if you want to sleep, that's fine too. Just tell me what you need, and I'll make it happen."

"Can we cuddle?"

That brought a genuine smile to Courfeyrac's face. He pulled his friend in his arms and peppered his face with kisses. "We can always cuddle!"