AN: Just a silly story I was thinking of. Seriously, with all of Light's screaming, how could no one have heard him? That's where this story comes in. Ryuk, Sayu, and apples. Friendship? Maybe. Mention of Sayu overhearing Light masturbating while using the Death Note.

Friendship Is...Apples?

Sayu Yagami hummed happily as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom, a little bowl filled with apples in her arms. Light loved apples! She would leave these on her brother's desk as a surprise for him! Sayu giggled to herself. Oh, Light! You HATE apples! I remember mom had to threaten to take away your computer just to make you taste grandma's apple pie! Sayu laughed aloud again. The youngest Yagami was far from stupid.

With an ignorant grin, Sayu opened Light's door, ignoring the stupidly elaborate measures he'd gone through to check if someone had been in his room, like the pencil lead and the door handle thing. She wouldn't bother replacing the paper. Light would know it had been Sayu. Even though he'd asked her to stay out of his room countless times.

Sayu sat the bowl of apples on his computer desk.

"Well, I guess I'll leave this entire bowl of apples here! I hope they don't disappear before Light gets back!," Sayu said loudly, before exiting and closing the door.

She held back a giggle as she pressed her ear against the door. Chomping noises. Tears ran down her face from the laughter she was holding back. Damn, that Shinigami pet of Light's REALLY loved apples!

Sayu opened the door a tiny crack, putting a hand over her mouth to hold in the laughter. The tall, black-leather, whatever-he-was-wearing Shinigami was hovering over the bowl chowing down on the apples as if he were a little kid given free reign in a candy shop! Sayu had accidentally touched the notebook a few days before Light set his silly trap, having been able to see and hear that Shinigami ever since.

Ryuk, she thought, that was his name. He was absolutely hilarious! Oh, how she wished to talk to him. Maybe...yes, he wouldn't kill her. She posed no threat to him. She liked him. Thought he was funny. She didn't give a crap that Light was Kira. Honestly, Sayu simply wished Light and Ryuk would stop yelling so much. They were the reason she was having so much trouble in school! She couldn't study hearing Light scream about justice and Ryuk screaming about apples or video games!

Sayu opened the door, and Ryuk immediately dropped the apple he was eating, letting it roll across the floor. Sayu faked a gasp.

"Oh no! The seller gave me a bad apple! One that's already been half eaten! Whatever shall I do?" She said mockingly, holding a hand to her head, as if a damsel in distress from an old fantasy film.

Sayu sighed.

"Seriously, do you like dust and hair and who knows what all over your apples?" Sayu picked up the half eaten apple and held it out to Ryuk.

The Shinigami blinked at her and tilted his head.

"I wonder who this girl is talking to?" Ryuk asked, not knowing Sayu could see and hear him, "Wow. Light's whole family is crazy. I knew his insanity came from somewhere."

Ryuk started cackling. The young Yagami rolled her eyes.

"Seriously? Shinigami? I can see and hear you, idiot. Just eat the damn apples. You love them so much. Light hates apples." Sayu said.

"Huh?" Ryuk looked at her blankly, "This girl...can she see me or is she just talking to herself again? And why mention shinigami and apples?"

"Shinigami! RYUK! I'm looking right AT you. Listening to you. You just said 'is she talking to herself again'...I touched the stupid notebook before Light hid it under that fake desk bottom," Sayu rolled her eyes again and tossed the half eaten apple to the Shinigami.

Ryuk gave her yet another stupid look, but grabbed the apple anyway. Sayu briefly wondered if ALL Shinigami had the IQ of a banana peel like this one. Ryuk started munching the apple, making soft moaning noises of pleasure. If Sayu hadn't been watching, she'd have assumed Light was in here masturbating.

Man, she hated it when he did that! He'd never done it until he got that stupid notebook. Now it was every damn night! Touching himself and moaning in pleasure, talking about how he was dealing out justice and how hot he felt when using the Death Note. It was truly no wonder Sayu couldn't understand her homework, ever.

She watched the Shinigami polish off two apples in less than thirty seconds with a bland expression on her face. She crossed her arms and sat down at Light's desk, grabbing hold of the apple bowl and leaning over it, preventing Ryuk from getting another apple again. The Shinigami gave her a confused look when he noticed what she was doing.

"Huh? Why can't I have anymore apples? It's not like I can get fat!" Ryuk yelled, "I'm a Shinigami! If I wanted, I could kill you right now for denying me apples!"

"You would seriously kill a young girl just because you couldn't get apples? You really are immature, Shinigami Ryuk." Sayu giggled at him and shook her head at his stupidity again.

"Uhh..." Ryuk said, "No, I guess not. But please let me have the apples! I'll do anything!"

The Shinigami was on the floor now, hands...claws...whatever...clasped in front of him, begging for an apple.

Sayu put a hand to her chin, considering.

"Anything, huh, Ryuk? Okay, how about...telling me more about the rules in that notebook?" Sayu grinned at him. Maybe she could figure out something Light didn't even know.

"Anything! Just give me an apple!" Ryuk screeched, causing Sayu to cover her ears momentarily.

Ryuk seized this opportunity and snatched an apple from the bowl. He was chomping and making pleasurable sounds again.

"Ahhh. Okay, little girl. What about the Death Note? Whaddya wanna know?" Ryuk asked, wiping apple juice off his face, where it was splattered all over.

"So...I had to sneak in here after glimpsing you just to see if I wasn't hallucinating...insanity DOES actually run in our least on dad's side. I thought maybe I had some kind of schizoid disorder. Anyway, I bypassed that stupid pen trap in Light's desk and checked out the note. Read some of the rules and such."

Ryuk was amazed. This girl was smart! Damned smart! How the hell…?

" you read the rules. What do you wanna know about them? One apple for one question. Since you already gave me one apple just now, you get one question. After that, an apple per question!" Exclaimed Ryuk, holding up a finger.

The girl shook her head, grinning wickedly.

"You ate three apples before I came in the room and started talking to you. So I get to start with four questions. Deal?" Sayu leaned over the apple bowl again, keeping Ryuk from getting any.

The Shinigami glared at her, but the delicious scent of juicy apples underneath her was too much. He nodded. "Agreed, Sayu Yagami. Ask away, but don't forget, after four questions, I get another apple!"

"Wow. You love apples more than any other person, er, thing, I've ever met! Anyway, question one...the Death Note says no one who uses it can do to Heaven or Hell. Yet another rule says there IS no Heaven or Hell, just Nothingness. Heaven and Hell exist or not?" Sayu asked. This was what she wanted to know most of all. She didn't care about Light's Kira-ness or whatever he was doing in here.

"Er...yeah...those rules...I just made them up to screw with the Death Note owner. It's true that a person who uses the note can't go to Heaven or Hell, though. The existence of Heaven and Hell, well...they do exist. After all, we all come from somewhere. Why not God or whatever?"

Ryuk shrugged, he knew Heaven was real, but he'd never been there. Only Shinigami who failed at being Shinigami by loving humans too much went to Heaven. Ryuk could care less about humans, so he was pretty sure he'd never see Heaven.

" second question. What happens to the people who actually use the Death Note? And since I touched it, do I count as a user?" Sayu asked, concerned.

"That was two questions! Meaning I get an extra apple! Okay, so humans who use the Death Note in the manner your brother is using it...they become Shinigami. Some Shinigami die, after all, and our ranks need to be replenished. This is how. Not everyone who uses a Death Note becomes a Shinigami, but your brother definitely will. He's killed more than most Shinigami. If someone who uses the note for someone else, however...they just get Heaven or Hell, depending on how it was used and why."

Ryuk sighed, thinking. He didn't know the rules as well as, say, that female Shinigami. The smart one who always liked watching humans. She was white with gold eyes. Hmm. Rem, he thought her name was.

"People who just touch the note, and can see the attached you...well, you're just a normal human, in the end. Unless you decide to help your brother become justice or whatever his ultimate goal is. Then you might get to become a Shinigami. I wouldn't recommend it though. The Shinigami realm sucks. It's boring. And the apples are awful!" Ryuk explained.

Sayu sighed, relieved. And happy. Heaven was real! Now she could stop worrying about her father all the time. He was gonna end up in a great place. Paradise! If he went down fighting the good fight like he wanted to. Her father was the greatest person alive, after all. Sayu really loved her father. Her mother was great, too, but she was a daddy's girl, and always had been.

"Hmm. Thank you, Ryuk. So Light's gonna be a Shinigami...but the rest of my family...we're gonna go to Heaven. That's great to know! At least Light's annoying yelling and moaning won't bother me up there. Next question...that eye you really take half a person's life for that or are you just messing with Light some more?"

"Er...we're supposed to take half the person's lifespan for the eyes, but it isn't against the rules to just give them to the owner of the note, too. I'm sure you know this already, but I'm just doing this out of boredom, and giving Light the eyes without him making some kind of sacrifice...meh. Just makes all this more boring. It's fun watching him try and find out names without the eyes," Ryuk chuckled wickedly.

Rolling her eye, Sayu leaned back in the chair. She pulled an apple out of the bowl and tossed it to Ryuk, who grabbed it excitedly and gobbled it up.

"Ewww! You're such a messy eater!" Sayu wiped the Shinigami spittle off her face, "So, you won't help my brother at all, then? Not even if he's gonna die?"

She was worried. Everyone was out to get Light. She loved him. Sayu couldn't care less about him being Kira, but damn she didn't want him dead either! This Shinigami was an asshole, Sayu decided. A hilarious asshole, but still an asshole. Then she started to come up with an idea.

"Hey, know if Light gets caught...or...or if he's in danger of won't save him?" Sayu's voice quivered, tears welling in her eyes, "I...I can't lose my brother. I love him! Please, Shinigami! Is there anything I can do that can make you help Light?"

Ryuk was startled, scared, and embarrassed. Girls...he was even shy around the female Shinigami. Human females were worse. This young one was about to start crying just because of Light, even though she knew he was a mass murderer. Oh, God, what was he going to do? He had no idea what to do with females!

"I...uhm...apples?" Answered Ryuk, not sure what to say.

Sayu resisted the urge to laugh. Seriously? He was a freakin' god of death and he couldn't tell her tears were fake and he was getting so embarrassed and emotional, like a damn twelve year old kid. His answer to 'will he help Light' was seriously just 'apples'. What. The. Hell. Sayu decided that Shinigami were idiots.

"Your If you really mean that, fine. I'll use all of my allowance to buy you more apples than you can eat! Just help Light! Don't let him get caught! Please? I promise. I swear on your precious apples that I'll keep my end of the bargain!" Sayu got on her knees, pleading, giving him a fake teary-eyed look again.

"Uh...duh...I don't...may I have this apple?" Ryuk asked tentatively, pointing to a particularly shiny apple in the bowl, still not sure WHAT to say to this girl. If he helped Light, he might die. Of course, he wasn't in LOVE with Light, so maybe not. Damn. Where was Rem when he needed her knowledge of the rules?

"Answer me, Shinigami! Or no more apples for you, ever again! I'll tell mom to stop buying them. AND I'll tell Light that mom doesn't want him to waste money on apples, too. So you'll never have another apple!" Sayu scooped the apples up and pressed them against her chest.

"Well...uhm...I think if a Shinigami deliberately helps a human to live longer, they die...but I think that's only if they love that human. I'm not as good with the rules as some other Shinigami are. If I can ever get Rem down here, I'll ask her to explain it to you. She's a white and purple female Shinigami. She's also super smart and loves humans." Ryuk said, hoping this would satisfy Sayu. He really couldn't stand the idea of never having another apple!

Sighing, Sayu pulled an apple-flavored jolly rancher candy from her pocket and tossed that to Ryuk. She didn't bother taking the wrapper off. She doubted it mattered to Shinigami. Ryuk looked baffled at the candy he'd caught. He examined it, sniffed it, and even licked it, before finally putting it in his large mouth.

"Apples!" Ryuk exclaimed happily, "This candy tastes like apples! I had no idea such a tiny candy could hold all the juicy deliciousness of a real apple! Wow! Thanks, little Yagami girl!"

Sayu just shook her head. "My name is Sayu. You should know that. You can see my name, right?"

"Oh...uh...right. Sayu. Apple candies...if I can find a way to help Light without causing my own death...will you buy me more apple candies? Please?" Ryuk begged. He sounded so pathetic, even to himself. How far the mighty had fallen! A Shinigami, begging a human girl for candy. No wonder the other Shinigami didn't take him seriously.

Staring at him for a short time, Sayu gave him a slight nod.

"Okay. You have to actually TRY, though! You can't just not do anything and then come to me and say you're trying! If you can get this girl Shinigami, I'd rather talk to her. Don't worry, you'll still get your stupid apples and apple candy," She said, when Ryuk had started to argue when she said she would prefer to talk to Rem, "but only if you can find this Rem and she can find a way for you to help Light without dying!"

Ryuk nodded. He would do anything for apples! Anything! Apples were his life!

"So...uh...can I have that apple now?" He pointed to the shiny apple again.

"One more question, and then yes, you can have them all and I'll leave. Light's almost home anyway. He wouldn't like me talking to his pet Shinigami." Sayu agreed.

"I'm no one's pet! I'm not a dog!" Ryuk whined.

Sayu raised an eyebrow and smirked at him.

"Really? You're begging me for treats, just like a dog. I guess...that makes you my pet. That's cool. I've always wanted a pet!" Sayu laughed at the Shinigami and patted him on the head, giving him another apple candy, but not a real apple. Ryuk made happy Shinigami noises, whatever those sounded like.

"I'm no one's pet! You can call me pet, though, as long as you give me apples." Said Ryuk, sounding rather pathetic. He would stoop to any low to get apples!

" last question. Why? Why is Light Kira? Why did he choose to take it upon himself to...what...cleanse the world of evil?" Sayu asked, her first truly serious question.

Ryuk was hungrily eyeing the shiny apple her arms and took awhile to answer.

"Light...uh...Kira...he was bored, he said. He doesn't like criminals, so he started killing them. That's all I know about that. If you wanna know more, just tell Light. I know he won't kill you. After all, that's one of the reasons he's doing this. To make the world a better place 'for Sayu' he had said." Ryuk explained.

Smiling, Sayu stood up. Light was cleansing the world...for her? That...was amazing. And sweet of him. Still...she didn't like her darling big bro being a mass murderer. At least the Shinigami might be able to help now. Light would probably wonder why Ryuk was suddenly being so helpful, but Sayu knew the Shinigami would never tell.

"Here's the rest of the apples, Shinig-er, Ryuk. Do you...wanna be friends?" Sayu held out a hand.

Ryuk blinked at her and reached out, shaking her hand, nodding.

"Yeah. Friends. Friends with Sayu Yagami. The girl with the apple candy. Thank you. I love all the apples you pick out. Light always picks out the cheap rotten ones because he knows I'll eat em' anyway. You give me fresh, delicious, juicy ones! And apple candy," Ryuk repeated.

"Enjoy your apples, Ryukie-poo. I'm gonna go try and study. Could you guys keep it down when yelling in the future? And maybe when Light starts masturbating, could you ask him to be quieter? I can't study. I'm failing a few of my classes because of you guys!" Sayu glared at her new Shinigami friend.

"Sure. I'll try. Can't promise to do anything about Light, but I can be quiet. Light gets all worked up when he's doing Kira stuff. Seriously, I can't do anything about that." Ryuk sighed, irritated. He wondered if Light being loud would affect his apple quota.

"That's fine. Thanks again, Ryukie." Sayu leaned over and gave him a small peck on the cheek before putting the apples back in the bowl on the desk and bouncing out of the room, humming to herself.

Ryuk ran a hand over his cheek. The human girl had...kissed him? Did that mean she was going to give him more apples? Did she like him? Ryuk was confused. Sayu Yagami was just as interesting as her brother, but in a different way. Ryuk wondered what if Sayu had found the notebook instead. He could almost see himself falling in love with her. She was so interesting...but then again, all humans were. Sayu was just special.

About an hour later, Light walked in.

"Damn Sayu! She was in my room again, wasn't she, Ryuk? Oh, I see she left apples," Light said, eyeing the now empty bowl that had contained a dozen apples.

"Hey Light. Say, how bout we keep it down when we're playing video games? And maybe you could stop...doing that thing where you write in the Death Note and touch yourself while yelling?" Ryuk asked, still confused about that part. Shinigami didn't have sexual organs, after all.

"What? Why? No one can hear us!" Light laughed, "Fine, if it bothers you that much, I'll stop playing the video games so loud, but I can't control the last one. So...what did you do all day, Ryuk? Just hang out in my room and play video games?"

Light sighed at the lazy Shinigami.

Ryuk tilted his head slightly at Light.

"Yeah. I mostly just hung around. And ate those apples when Sayu brought them in here. Hey, Light, did you know that apple flavored candy exists?"

R/R. Yes, this is stupid. I just had to write this. Ryuk's apple obsession is insanely hilarious.