5The first thing Seryu noticed when she came to was a soft, warm presence underneath her. Sitting up, Seryu looked down to find Koro in his enlarged form beneath her. As she rolled off her companion, the Jaeger heard a pained whine come from the organic teigu.
"You took the brunt of the fall to save me. Thank you, Koro, you're a good boy," Seryu said comfortingly. She looked Koro over closely, trying to evaluate the wounds he had sustained from their tumble. "You're pretty beat up, but it doesn't look like your core was damaged. You should recover shortly." Koro barked in understanding before shrinking down to his usual size. What Seryu saw beneath Koro made her gasp.
"My God! Koro, I think we landed on someone!" she exclaimed. Koro looked at the ground beneath him, and sure enough, the splattered remains of an unrecognizable victim were spread around them. Their facial features were beyond discernible, but one could notice a few key details. The deceased had long hair, though its color couldn't be made out due to blood stains. The victim's clothes, on the other hand, did have a few clear spots where the color purple could be seen.
Maybe there are other people nearby who can identify this poor person. Seryu looked around, examining the environment for anyone who could help her. To her surprise, Seryu found herself surrounded by houses, small gardens, and even cobblestone roads; all features of a rural village. However, there was not a soul in sight. Upon observing the bright, cheerful colors of the dwellings and roads, Seryu summarized Pumpkin's blast had thrown her farther than she had imagined. "Koro," she whispered, "I've a feeling we're not in the Empire anymore." Koro, seeing something over his master's shoulder, began barking and jumping excitedly. Seryu spun around and spotted a smooth, clear, cubical object floating in her direction.
"I don't know what kind of danger beast this is. . . but I'm taking no chances!" the Jaeger cried, pulling out her two signature firearms. "TONFA GUNS!" With that, she fired a barrage of bullets at the mysterious cube.
The cube went from floating to a speeding blur as it dodged Seryu's attack. "Stop, stop, stop!" the object cried, "what is your problem!" Seryu ceased fire upon hearing the feminine voice coming from the cube.
"You can speak?" asked the Jaeger incredulously.
The object floated closer to Seryu, and the Jaeger now realized the cube appeared to be made of ice. The block of ice then transformed, taking the shape of a tall, beautiful, pale woman with long blue hair. Seryu stood dumbfounded. A moment ago, this lady was a flying block of frozen water. "Now I know we're not in the Empire," she whispered.
"Let's try this again. Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?" asked the pale woman.
"First of all, I am no witch. Witches are evil creatures. I am Seryu Ubiquitous of the Empire, an agent of JUSTICE," replied Seryu, putting extra emphasis on that last word.
"And yet, you shoot at people you just met."
"That was a misunderstanding. I didn't know what to make of a flying block of ice. Let's get one thing straight: I am not a witch."
The woman looked puzzled for a moment, before pointing at Koro. "Well then, is that the witch?"
"That's Koro, my imperial arms."
"Well, this is confusing. The dwarves called me because a new witch has just fallen on top of the Wicked Witch of the East. You two are right here. And over there are the remains of the Wicked Witch of the East. And some other parts of her are over there. And another bit got thrown way back there. . ." said the pale lady, almost salivating as she observed the gore.
"Ok, I get it," interrupted Seryu, who was more than a bit perturbed by the other woman's fondness for pointing out the grisly scene. "But like I said, I'm no witch. Witches are old and ugly."
"Well, isn't someone confident in her looks," replied the woman, eliciting sniggering from somewhere Seryu couldn't see.
The Jaeger spun around, aiming her weapons in the direction of the laughter. "Who goes there! Show yourself, before I start firing into the bushes!"
"Whoa, whoa whoa, let's not murder anyone," exclaimed the woman in a calming voice. "Those are just the dwarves, and they're laughing because I'm a witch. I'm Esudesu, the Good Witch of the North."
"Really? I didn't know witches could be, well, hot."
"Only bad witches are ugly."
"Oh. I didn't think moral character worked that way."
"It's that simple," laughed Esudesu. "The quality of a person can be accurately judged solely by their physical appearance."
"Wait, if you couldn't tell if I was good or bad, doesn't that mean that you think I look. . ."
"Never mind that," interrupted the good witch, "The dwarves all want to thank you for saving them."
"Who are the dwarves?" asked Seryu, "Are they like the creatures of myth?"
Esudesu looked around cautiously before whispering in Seryu's ear, "Honestly, they're just a group of midgets who moved to the countryside to avoid bullying. They're very insecure about their height, so don't bring it up or use the m-word." With that, Esudesu gestured outwards, singing, "Come out, come out, wherever you are, and meet the young lady who fell from a star. . ."
"It was really more like a cliff," corrected Seryu.
Ignoring her, Esudesu continued, "She fell from the sky, she fell very far. And the Empire, she says, is the name of the star."
"It really isn't a star!"
Then, short people began coming out from everywhere. From the bushes, out of their homes, a few even crawled out of manholes. "The Empire, she says, is the name of the star."
"It's not a. . . forget it," said Seryu, defeatedly.
Esudesu began singing again. "She brings you good news, or haven't you heard? When she fell out of the Empire, a miracle occurred." At this point, the dwarves were staring intently at the confused Jaeger, and Seryu felt the need to clarify things.
"It really wasn't a miracle. I was fighting a group of evil doers called Night Raid, when their most vile member shot me and Koro off a cliff. I guess we happened to land on this Wicked Witch."
At this, the dwarves began chattering amongst themselves, which eventually turned into singing about Seryu's killing of the witch. Before Seryu understood what was happening, she found herself and Koro being ushered to a carriage. The Jaeger, her dog, and Esudesu were driven all over Dwarf Land, and everywhere they went dwarves were lined up, tossing flowers at their path. At first, Seryu didn't know what to make of the whole ordeal, but then a thought crossed her mind. These dwarves are so cheerful, yet they also express such glee at the death of one they consider wicked. These are my people! Seryu resolved to enjoy herself, waving at her adoring crowds until the carriage came to a stop outside the dwarf town hall.
Seryu dismounted the carriage and was met by an older looking dwarf dressed in a suit and top hat. Shaking Seryu's metallic hand, he said, "As mayor of Dwarf Land, a county in the land of Ur, I am proud to award you with our greatest honor: the Dwarven Medal of Justice. But before I can do that, the coroner must legally verify that the witch is truly dead." Another dwarf, presumably the county coroner, walked over and carefully inspected the remains of the Wicked Witch of the East. After several agonizingly long minutes, the coroner returned, saying, "As coroner, I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead." The coroner then present a large sheet of paper with the words "Certificate of Death" written in large print.
"I could have told you that," muttered Seryu.
The governor announced to the crowd, "Then this is a day of independence for all dwarves and their descendents! Let the joyous news be spread: the wicked old witch at last is dead!" The proclamation was met with deafening cheers from the dwarves. The governor then produced a medal. Seryu, knowing that even if she bent over the governor wouldn't be able to place the medal around her neck, opted to drop to one knee.
"Oh, there's no need to kneel before me, I'm only an elected servant. Just bow your head and I'll bestow the award."
"Of course, I just thought it would be easier, since you are. . . you know."
At this, the governor's smile disappeared. Frowning, he replied, "No, I don't know. What am I?"
"Uh," stammered the Jaeger, who then looked at Esudesu for help. The good witch was frantically shaking her head while waving her arms in the universal "no" gesture.
"I'm going to ask you again," said the governor sternly, "What exactly am I?"
Seryu gulped hard. The tension was thick, and she really didn't need a whole village of insecure midgets pissed at her. Before things could get worse, the standoff was interrupted by a loud bang coming from behind the crowd. Everyone dispersed, crying in fear as a large cloud of pink smoke rose up. After the smoke cleared, in its place stood a thin young woman. Her skin was pink, as was her robe. Her equally pink hair was arranged into pigtails. The newcomer did an about face before laying eyes on the remains of the Wicked Witch of the East.
"That's the Wicked Witch of the East's sister, and she's much worse. She's known as the Wicked Witch of the West," explained Esudesu to Seryu.
Hearing the good witch, the wicked witch turn around and marched right up to Esudesu. "Stop saying I'm 'of the west!' Just because I'm of mixed blood and part of my family comes from the Western Kingdom, doesn't give you the right to treat me like a foreigner! I'm from here too, you know!"
Seryu realized she would have to explain her sister's death, the Jaeger addressed the pink girl, "Excuse me, Miss Wicked Witch of the West. . ."
"YOU!" creid the witch, "are you the one that killed my sister?"
"It was just an accident, I can't control where I fall."
"Well guess what, missy, I can make things fall too!"
"Aren't you forgetting the purple glasses?" asked Esudesu.
The wicked witch's expression perked up considerably. "Yes, the glasses!" She then ran over to her dead sister, rummaging through the gore, much to Seryu's disgust. "I have them!" she cried, only for the spectacles to vanish right out of her hands. When the pink witch turned around, she saw that purple glasses had placed themselves on Seryu's face.
"The glasses! Give them back or I'll. . ." began the Wicked Witch of the West, only for Esudesu to interrupt.
"It's too late. There they are, and there they'll stay."
"No really, it's fine," exclaimed Seryu, "This prescription is really severe, I can barely see anything."
"Yes, give them back to me. I'm the only one who knows how to use them. They're of no use to you."
Esudesu quickly added, "You had better hold on to them. Their magic must be very powerful, or else she wouldn't want them so bad."
"But I don't want them, they're giving me a migraine!" Seryu attempted to remove the glasses, only to receive a painful shock for her efforts. "Ow! What the hell kind of glasses are these?"
"Of course, those glasses won't come off until you're dead," mused the Wicked Witch of the West.
Esudesu laughed, "Don't be ridiculous, you have no power here. Now begone, before a giant dog falls on you too."
The wicked witch looked up nervously, as if such a thing might happen. Then she returned to staring daggers at Seryu. "Very well, I'll bide my time. As for you, my fine lady, I may not be able to fix you here, but just try staying out of my way, just try. I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!" With that, the witch let out a cackle before disappearing into a cloud of pink smoke.
"Could someone tell me what just happened?" asked a confused (and slightly dizzy) Seryu.
"It appears the Wicked Witch of the West has it out for you. You won't be safe as long as you're in Ur."
Seryu then remembered how badly she needed to get home. "My comrades are still fighting Night Raid! Wave, Kurome, and Bols need me! You have to help me get back to the Empire!"
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. However, there is one person who can help. The Wizard of Ur has great power. If anyone can help you get home, he can. Just follow the yellow brick road, and you'll arrive at the Gilded City, where the wizard is emperor."
Seryu tried to follow the path with her eyes, but the blurry vision caused by the glasses made it difficult. "How can I get there with these horrible prescription glasses stuck on my face?" she cried.
"You have that dog of yours, don't you?" replied Esudesu.
Seryu remembered the leash in her jacket, and reattached it to Koro. "Alright boy, you'll have to lead me this time."
After waving goodbye to the Good Witch of the North, the girl and her dog took off on their adventure.