A/N: So this 100% started as a way to poke some fun at how FREAKING common the misspelling of canon (and headcanon) have become (enough that typing "cannon" into Tumblr's GIF search thing, the first zillion things that come up are fandom things, not, y'know, boom-boom cannons). It sort of just...devolved from there.
Also I just want to say that I twitched every time I had to type out "headcannon" and "cannon" with my own two hands. It hurt me deep inside.
Hawkmoth should have known better than to transform and try to akumatize anyone when he saw that Nooroo was in an ornery mood, he really should have.
But he did it anyway. And now he had found a fanfiction writer who was upset because someone had called one of her...ideas implausible.
Apparently these ideas were called headcanons, but Hawkmoth didn't particularly care about that. It was just another convenient victim to use towards his goal. He launched into his normal spiel, leaning on his cane as he promised the akumas exactly what they wanted. And in this case-
"I will make all of my headcanons come true!" the girl cried, holding up her notebook. On the cover, in dark marker, was written Fanfictions and Headcannons.
Buried somewhere deep in Hawkmoth's consciousness, Nooroo noticed and perked up, making a very quick tweak to the akuma's design and powers before sinking back down into the back of Hawkmoth's mind before his wielder could notice.
A kilometer away, the latest akuma was enveloped in a cloud of billowing purple smoke. When it cleared, it revealed what was arguably the strangest akuma that Paris had seen to date.
Because while the body was relatively normal- a simple black fitted suit, with a gloved hand clutching the notebook- the head was not.
In place of a head was a stereotypical cannon, like what might be seen in a pirate movie, complete with fizzling fuse. Headcannon was written in elegant silver script along the side. She stumbled as she stood, slightly unbalanced by the weight where her head had been.
"I'll get the Miraculous, Hawkmoth!" she cried, her voice echoing up the cannon chamber. "And then all of my headcanons will come true!"
Paris was not expecting to see someone with a cannon in place of a head stumbling around in the streets. Even with all of the strangeness that they had seen over the past few months, this was a whole new level of weird.
"We have what appears to be another akuma out and about, this time one that has a cannon for a head," Madam Chamack told Paris as she and her cameraman drove down the street towards the last known location of the supervillain. "Motivations are yet unknown, so we're going to go learn! Excuse me!" she called, motioning for the driver to stop and hopping out of the van. The image shook as the camera scrambled to follow. "Can you tell Paris a little bit about yourself?"
"I am Headcannon, and I will make my headcanons reality!" the akuma yelled, stepping towards Madam Chamack. "And you- you will help me on my journey first!"
The fuse sparkled brighter, and then there was an almighty BANG! Once the smoke settled, Madam Chamack was stumbling around, clutching the cannon that had replaced her head. On the side, there was an embossed Ladybug and Chat Noir are dating.
"Wait, that's not supposed to happen!" Headcannon exclaimed. "What- Hawkmoth, what's happening? You promised-! Fix it!"
The cameraman made a break for it when the purple mask appeared, leaving Madam Chamack to stumble blindly around. The van tore back around the corner, ignoring the akuma arguing with Hawkmoth.
Several blocks over, Hawkmoth was more than a little puzzled. His akuma was complaining about misfiring powers, and since he couldn't exactly see what, exactly, was going on, that left him only one option.
"Nathalie, I'll need a tablet with the news feed pulled up," Hawkmoth said, pressing the intercom button. "Send it up immediately."
"Of course, sir."
While he waited, Hawkmoth paced impatiently. He didn't have the time to deal with this, he really didn't. Why couldn't his akumas deal with their own problems for once? Why couldn't they been smart, quick on the uptake, and cunning? He provided them with magic powers, and yet they were all incompetent idiots.
"Your tablet is on the way up, sir."
Nathalie's voice was interrupted by the smooth whir of his secret elevator returning to him, the floor opening to reveal a tablet with a news feed on it. He snatched it up and rewound, to see that annoying-voiced pink-haired reporter lady trying to talk to his akuma. Despite having found out many, many times in the past that his akumas wouldn't hesitate to take her out, she still pulled this nonsense.
High ratings must be like some sort of drug for reporters, he supposed. And it was always nice to know that there would always be a few constant victims for his akumas to hit and make into minions.
But it just irked his self-preservation sensibilities.
"Oh, for the love-" he started as soon as he spotted his akuma. "What the hell."
Headcannon. Clearly his ticked kwami had decided to take advantage of his victim's inability to spell correctly.
"Why aren't my headcanons coming true?" the akuma- Hawkmoth wouldn't even dignify it with its name, he was so ticked- asked- no whined. "I wanna see Ladybug and Chat Noir kiss!"
"It's because you're an idiot who can't spell," Hawkmoth snapped, irked that an opportunity had been lost. He was tempted to rip back the akuma now and cut his losses, except he knew full well that doing so would drain his kwami enough that he wouldn't be able to akumatize anyone for several days.
The akuma gasped. "I can so!" she snapped. "I'm a writer! I write all of the time, I can spell-"
"How do you spell headcanon?"
"H-e-a-d-c-a-n-n-o-n," she practically snarled. "Now-"
"Wrong," Hawkmoth snapped right back. "It's one N, not two. Cannons, with two Ns, are the things that go kaboom. As you might have deduced, since that's what you're bringing to life. Get me Ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous, and I'll consider fixing it." He wouldn't, of course. But it got the akuma off of his back, at least for the time being. She turned her attention back to the street, blasting several civilians that had stuck their heads back out into the street.
Hawkmoth massaged the bridge of his nose, wincing at the headache that was starting to form in the middle of his forehead.
Oh, how he wished this day would be over already.
Ladybug and Chat Noir arrived on the scene to find almost a dozen people wandering around with their heads turned into cannons. Several others had decided to simply lie down in the street, letting the pavement support their suddenly unwieldy head until they could be turning back to normal.
There was a bit of a pause as the superheroes took the scene in.
"I don't understand," Chat Noir said after almost a minute. "Just- what? People with cannons for heads? That makes no sense."
"Oh, I know what happened," Ladybug said, exasperated. "Marc- he was Reverser, remember?- was telling me about how so many people spell headcanon and canon- both of those are with one N- wrong, that on some sites, you can search cannon-with-two-Ns and only get pictures of TV shows and movies instead of, y'know, an actual cannon."
"Okay, but what does that mean?" Chat Noir wanted to know. He glanced towards the street, where someone with a cannon-head labeled Majesta designed her own costume but she can't sew. "I've heard people use those words before, but they've never explained. I'm confused."
"Well, they're normally used for fictional universes," Ladybug explained. Marc had explained a lot to her about the whole fandom thing, and what he hadn't told her, Alya had. "But I've heard them apply to real-world people or groups, too, on occasion. Canon means something that's established as true in that universe, while headcanon is more of what someone thinks personally. It's not actually established, or maybe it's only hinted at."
"O-kay," Chat Noir managed. "And yet somehow we ended up with someone who has a cannon- cannon with two Ns- for a head and gives other people inscribed cannon-heads."
"Maybe Hawkmoth's kwami was in a bad mood?" Ladybug suggested. "Or maybe it's some fandom person who got tired of seeing those words spelled wrong. It's funny, at any rate."
"But how do we fight this akuma?" Chat Noir wanted to know. "I don't want my head turned into a cannon. It looks really uncomfortable."
Ladybug worried her lip, then nodded decisively. "Okay. We'll find the akuma, but stay out of sight. We won't attack or catch the akuma's attention until we know where the possessed item is, and then we go for a surprise attack." She took a step forward, making to look for the akuma, then stopped and giggled.
Chat Noir eyed her warily. "What? What is it?"
"Oh, nothing much." Still, she giggled again. "I'm just imagining Marc's response to this akuma. I bet he's twitching."
It was not difficult to find Headcannon. It was also not difficult to discern what the possessed item was.
"Fanfiction writers and their notebooks," Ladybug sighed as she and Chat Noir peered out from behind a chimney at the street below. "I shouldn't even be surprised, really."
"It was the notebook for Reverser too, wasn't it?" Chat Noir asked. He frowned, trying to pick that battle out of all of the others. "Yeah, I remember that. So just be ready with your yo-yo when she's distracted?"
Ladybug nodded. "That sounds good. And look- here comes a group of people!"
Headcannon let out a delighted laugh when she spotted the approaching group- how she could see anything with her head as it was, neither superhero could tell- and the civilians paused, frowning and muttering among themselves. Several took cautious steps back. "More volunteers! Fantastic!"
"Tourists," Chat Noir commented, pointing to the cameras in the hands of several of the members of the group. A couple had fanny packs as well. "They won't know what's going on with the akumas, I bet."
"Unfortunate, but good for a distraction." Determined, Ladybug sprinted forward to the next chimney to get a better angle, and flung out her yo-yo. Her aim was true, and the little notebook that the akuma held was yanked out of her hands and hauled back to the superheroes as a second one of the tourists had their head turned.
"HEY!" they heard the akuma protest as Ladybug beats a hasty retreat to get out of shooting range before tearing the notebook in half. "That's not fair, Hawkmoth said that he would fix my powers if I got your Miraculous! At least give me a fighting chance!"
"Nope, sorry!" Chat Noir called back, just because he could. Behind him, Ladybug sighed in fond exasperation as she snagged the butterfly out of the air.
Headcannon stomped a foot. "That's rude! I just wanted to see you two kiss-!" The sentence got cut off as Ladybug threw her yo-yo up in the air and the magical ladybugs swept over Headcannon and then down the street to revert her victims to normal.
"Really, someone got akumatized over that?" Chat Noir asked incredulously as he picked up the repaired notebook and the two superheroes hopped down to the street to return it. He shoulder-bumped Ladybug gently. "Someone ships us, apparently."
She grinned over at him. "Oh, so I see that you know some fandom terminology."
"That's the extent of it, honestly," Chat Noir admitted. "So- ready to go try to explain to today's akuma what just happened?"
"Oh, gosh," Ladybug managed, rubbing her forehead, and Chat Noir grinned at her utterly exasperated expression. "Oh, I suppose. If we really must."
A/N: As with most of my stories, this is a one-shot and is therefore complete.
And as always, reviews make my day! :)