October 21st 2018

So heres the thing, i haven't written anything in quite a long time now. I think about writing something every single day , i always say that i'll just do it tomorrow but then surprise surprise that tomorrow never comes. I guess you could chalk it up to a severe lack of motivation. Things have been grey , life has been just really really grey for the past while. Way too grey to write.

So whats changed? Why am i doing this now? I mean yes its a struggle, i feel a bit out of whack with the keyboard like we don't have that same rhythm we had before. I am strongly fighting the urge to look at my phone (its face down for good measure) and i'm willing my brain not to wander. I'm here with a purpose , a goal , to channel all my feelings and all my creative withdraws into one ambitious project. But before we get into things lets just take a little stroll down memory lane.

So the year is 2015 and i've just left school, just turned 18 and i am ready to start living. I had just gotten out of a pretty intense relationship that kind of left a sour taste in my mouth when it came to the whole dating thing. My plan was just to stay single and enjoy life, how hard could that be? Well we will see won't we.

This particular story starts the night i turned 18. It was a tuesday and i had already had my birthday party the previous weekend but since it was a special birthday i wanted to do something on the night as well. So there i was all dressed up and ready to go with my two best friends by my side. I remember it being a really fun night , granted i was very very drunk so i could've been at a funeral and had a pretty decent night. I remember turning around on the dance floor and not being able to find my friends and in my drunken state i instantly panic. Looking around the room i'm desperate to find a familiar face , literally anybody at all , and then i see someone i think i know but i heres the problem : i don't know if its him or his brother. I know his brother because he's dating one of the two friends i brought with me that night. Which would be totally justified if they looked anything alike , but thats not the case. So little drunk stupid me decides to just waltz up , interrupt his conversation and ask him if he was him or he was his brother , not my proudest moment.

He didn't falter , he entire aura was overflowing with unabashed confidence, i could see it surrounding him. I asked him if he had seen my friends since i'd lost them. He told me i didn't need to find my friends as i'd found him instead. His hand was now on my waist. Okay so now its time to think because there is two paths in front of me and i have to carefully decide which one i go down. Quickly its time to make a pros and cons list. Pros - he is attractive , he's clearly confident which is sexy , i'm a fan of kissing so that would be fun (especially while i'm drunk). Cons- he is definitely player , i mean this is clearly not his first rodeo if you know what i mean , he is still basically a stranger so theres that , he has already kissed one of my best friends (the one that is now dating his brother) (scandalous i know) and finally i'm drunk so there's that. I mean i don't know why i bothered thinking about it , i never stood a chance.

That was the beginning of it all, a drunken kiss in a nightclub spiralled into more than we both has bargained for.