Chaos, Kevin thought, then about three seconds later he changed his views on his family to crazy. He could here everyone rushing about for their trip to France and why because it was full of love. He sighed and pulled the pillow over his head to drown out the noise coming from down stairs. When that didn't work he got up out of bed and found his uncle Frank sorting through some old junk the spare in the room.

"Uncle Frank im bored, can i watch Predator?" Kevin asked him, he slowly turned around, in his weird way he did " Kevin, your suppose to be packing and No its R18. Now go, i need to find my crystal spoons" he snapped and turned back to whatever he was doing.

"Oh man, this family sucks' Kevin grumbled, then he stomped off to find his mom.

"Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch a movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?"

"Kevin, I'm on the phone". She said rolling her eyes at him" When do you come back? Not 'til then?"

"It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk."

"Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel for the- Hey hey hey, get off! Kevin, out of the room." she said trying to shoo him off the bed.

"Hang up the phone and make me, why don't ya?" he said without thinking and his mom stopped in her tracks and eyed him hesitantly..

His father then entered the room "Kate, did you pick up those..Gah what's that blasted muggle contraption called again?"

"Peter!" his mom shouted at his father and Kevin looked at up at his parents weird behaviour and then shook his head. Parents were so weird it wasn't funny, Kevin thought looking back down at his magazine.

"I mean did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing?"

"No, I didn't have time to do that.

"Then how do I shave in France?"

"Grow a goatee or.."

"Dad " Kevin interrupted "nobody will let me do anything."

"You don't have anything to do? I have something for you to do. You can pick up those Micro Machines that are all over in there" his father said pointing out of the room to the toys sitting next to the stairs " Aunt Leslie stepped on one of them and almost broke her neck"

"Really!? i wish i was there to see that" Kevin said smirking and rubbing his hands together.

"He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun." his mother had said, looking all weird like while his father looked at him with horror.

"Didn't we talk about that? "

"Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks."

"My new fish hooks?

"I can't make them out of old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them.


"Come on, Kevin. Out." his father said then picked him up while aunt Leslie entered the room.

"Peter, Kate, do you guys have one of those voltage adaptors?"

"Here! Here's a voltage adapter! " His father said, handing him over to his aunt.

"Oh God, you're getting heavy!" she said dropping him to ground "Go pack your suitcase." she hustled him out the door and closed it behind him.

Weird he thought, then hushed voices and flickering lights came from his parents room. Adults are so weird. He shook his head "Pack my suitcase?" he grumbled then headed back to his room.

"I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done this once in my whole life." he mumbled.

"Tough." His brother Jeff said grabbing his own suitcase.

"That's what Megan said"

"What did I say?" his sister Megan said appearing next to Jeff.

"You told Kevin "Tough."

"The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?

"I'm not an idiot!"

"Oh, really? You're completely helpless! Everyone has to do everything for you.

"She's right, Kev."

"Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm a lot smaller than you. I don't know how to pack a suitcase."

"I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff." his younger sister Linnie said

"Shut up, Linnie."

"Do you know what I should pack?"

"Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water. " Jeff said pushing Linnie out of the way with his suitcase in his other hand.

"Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call "les incompetents".


"Bombs away! His brother said throwing his bag down the stairs.

"P.S.: You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he's going to wet the bed. " she said with a evil grin, flicking her hair and walking out with Megan by her side.

"This house is so full of people. It makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

"Did you hear me?"

"I'm living alone! I'm living alone! I'm living alone" the whole house started to shake and no one knew better than the guy standing at the doorway..

Kevin stopped his triade and entered Buzz's room.

"Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone and where did you get it again its massive?" Rodd asked Buzz.

"Oh, He just ate a load of mice guts, He should be good for a couple of weeks. My dad found him on one of his business trips, I swear he just keeps on growing and growing. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits?"

"Some don't."

"But they got nude beaches?."

"Not in the winter."

"Buzz?" Kevin asked standing beside him and Rodd.

"Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?"

"Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep in the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed."

"I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass." Buzz looked out the window. "Check it out. Old man Marley". Rod, Kevin, and Buzz went over to the window and watched the Old Man outside..

"Who's he?" Rodd asked taking a gulp.

"You ever heard of the South Bend Stick Slayer?"


"That's him. Back in '58, he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block... with a broken stick he snapped from a tree. Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since."

"If he's the Stick slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him?" Rodd asked pushing his glasses back on his face. Kevin watched his deer caught in the headlight look and suppressed a laugh. He was such a wimp he thought.

"Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. But everyone around here knows he did it. It'll just be a matter of time, before he does it again."

"What's he doing now?"

"He walks up and down the street every night, salting the sidewalks."

"Maybe he's just trying to be nice."

"No way. You see that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies into muggles."


"Muggles, that's what dad said" Kevin said frowning, then the Old Man looked up them.

"Look out!" Buzz said quickly, shutting the curtain blinds.

Unbeknownst to them the old man shook his head and mumbled "damn squibs" before pulling out his wand and clearing the snow away from the driveway.