This is going to be my first multi-chapter Lie To Me story, it will (probably) have 5 chapters. The story is loosely inspired by the song "Poison And Wine" by Civil Wars, which I personally think perfectly describes the dynamics of Cal and Gillian's relationship.
I'm very exited about writing this story and I hope you'll enjoy reading it! Please let me know what you thought.
She stares absentmindedly at the empty coffee cup in her hands. She's been holding onto it for nearly twenty minutes since she drank the last sip, trying to warm her hands on the once steaming cup.
She doesn't always feel so lonely, sitting home alone in her quiet living room. Sometimes she enjoys the peace and quiet, being able to do everything just so, without having to account for anything to anybody.
But other times she longs for the presence of a loved one, or rather a house full of them. She yearns to warm her hands in somebody elses, instead of seeking comfort in the fading warmth of a lifeless coffee cup.
Sometimes she can almost hear the sound of children laughing in the upstairs bedroom, of footsteps going up the stairs, a door creaking open and the warm voice of their father softly but sternly telling them to go to sleep.
Sometimes she can almost feel an arm around her shoulder and lips against her temple, and a tiny baby sleeping soundly in her arms.
When she opens up her eyes they're gone, and she misses them. She doesn't understand how you can miss people that were never there to begin with, but she does.
She's startled out of her dreary musings by the sound of the doorbell. She quickly puts her coffee cup on the table before getting up from the couch. She checks her watch as she walks to the door and briefly wonders who would be stopping by at ten thirty in the evening.
She guesses it might be an equally lonely Cal, looking for some company and a cheap drink. She doesn't really expect it to be anyone else, let alone the man that actually is waiting for her on the other side of the door.
She opens the door and stares straight into a pair of eyes she thought she'd never see again. "David," she whispers.
Before her stands the man who walked away from her, over two years ago. The man she once thought of as her home, her happy ending. The same man who later made her cry so many tears she thought she would surely dry out, who broke her heart so badly she can still feel the cracks some days.
"Gillian," he says. She can feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes at the sound of his voice, eventhough she doesn't want to cry, doesn't want to still feel emotions over this man.
She doesn't know what to say. She wants to ask him why he's here, and why he left in the first place. She wants to tell him to go away, but also to never leave ever again. She wants to tell him she's missed him, and she wants to tell him she doesn't need him.
She wants to say so many things, that in the end none of them come out of her mouth.
They stand there in her dooropening for what feels like a lifetime. "Please say something," he eventually whispers. She clears her throath and blinks the tears away.
"It's cold," she whispers. "You can come in if you want." She lets him in and he follows her into the living room.
"Why are you here?" she finally asks after they've both sat down on the couch. "I missed you, Gillian," he says. "I don't want to be without you anymore." His face is so close to hers she can feel his breath on her skin. "I came back for you."
"What do you want me to say?" she whispers. He brushes a stray of hair out of her face with his thumb before taking her hands in his own.
"I want you to give me another chance," he says. "Please."
"Why should I do that?" she asks, her voice cracking.
They're both silent for a long time. She looks down at their hands, fingers intertwined. She knows if she's going to turn him away, the first step has to be pulling her hands away. But she can't bring herself to do it.
"What do you need from me?" he asks. "How can I earn your trust back?"
"How can I know you're going to stick around this time?" she asks.
"I gave up my job, Gill," he says. "My cover, everything. I've got a new identity. I want to start a new life, a real life. And I want you to be in it."
She looks down at their hands again, remembering the empty, lukewarm coffeecup she'd been holding earlier that night.
"I love you Gillian," David says. "I'm so, so sorry I hurt you. And if you let me, I promise I'll try to make up for that for the rest of my life."
"It's late," she says. "Do you have a place to stay?" He shakes his head. "I came here straight from the airport," he says. "I have a new name, a backstory, some money. But nothing else," he tells her.
"You can sleep in the guestroom for tonight," she says. "I need… some time. I need to think."
"I understand," he says. "Thank you for not turning me away."
That night she lies awake in her bed for a long time. She thinks about all the wonderful memories she shares with David, about how good she felt when they were together. She thinks about how devastated she felt when he left.
She thinks about her slowly fading dreams of marriage and children, and remembers when David played the main part in those dreams.
She finally falls asleep after hours of wondering and pondering, painfully aware of the empty space next to her.
The next morning she tries to leave the house early enough not to run into David. It's seven a.m. and she's sitting in a dark kitchen, trying not to make any noise while drinking her coffee, when she hears footsteps coming down the stairs anyway.
He comes in barefeet, wearing last nights wrinkled and rumpled clothes. "Hey," he says. "Hey," she says. "Can I have some of that?" he asks, pointing at the coffee pot on the counter. She nods.
He pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down on the other end of the table. "What are you going to do now?" she asks. "I need a house," he says, "and a job. I'll go looking for an apartment today. And for now, check into a hotel."
"Good idea," she says. "I'm also going to try to get a job interview," he says. "I've got good references, or 'Jeffrey Kingston' does, anyway. So I guess it shouldn't be that hard."
"So that's your new name?" she asks. "Jeffrey Kingston?" He nods.
"Gill, I won't be here when you get home," he says, "you don't have to worry about that. But, do you think, maybe, I can take you out to dinner tonight? So we can talk?"
She shakes her head. "Don't spend your money on me right now," she says. "Just… come eat dinner here tonight. I won't cook, but we can order something."
"Okay," he says.
She puts her coffeecup in the dishwasher and grabs her bag from the table. "There's a spare key on the key rack by the front door," she says. "Please lock up when you leave. I'll get the key back tonight. See you around seven?"
He nods. "Yeah," he says. "See you then." She quickly leaves the house without looking back at the man she'll have to get used to calling Jeffrey now.
She arrives at the office not ten minutes later. It's another fourty minutes before they open, so she hopes to be the first one there. Of course, working with a certain workaholic named Cal Lightman, no such luck.
She tiptoes past his office without triggering a reaction, so she enters her own office thinking her workpartner and best friend of over a decade hasn't noticed her arrival. She sits down on her chair and puts her head in her hands. Her forehead is throbbing and when she closes her eyes she sees silver spots fluttering behind her eyelids.
She wants to think about everything again, about David, whose name is Jeffrey now, about their past and about her future, but her head hurts from all the thinking she's done in the last nine hours.
"Having a rough day, sweetheart?" She's suddenly jolted back to reality by the sound of a voice she knows all to well. She looks up to see Cal standing before her desk, looking down at her.
"God, you scared me!" she says. "How long have you been standing there?" He shrugs his shoulders. "I think since about two minutes after you very sneakily crept past my office," he says. "If you've got something to hide, please don't be so obvious about it."
Now it's her turn to shrug. "Nothing to hide," she says, shaking her head. "Okay then," Cal says, before leaving as quickly and quietly as he arrived.
The man has some nerve, calling her sneaky.
Later that day she's trying her best to concentrate on the videos of some interviews she and Ria did yesterday. They're trying to figure out which of their cliënts employees is selling off confedential records to his competitors.
But every time she attempts to focus on the facial expressions and choice of words of their potential suspects, her thoughts somehow just drift back to last night.
Suddenly, Cal grabs the remote and hits the pause button. "Okay, let's take a short break," he says, slapping his hands together. "Torres, go get a cup of coffee."
The younger latina girl looks stunned at her boss. "You heard me, go on!" Cal says, pointing at the door. Ria lets out an irritated sigh before getting up and walking out the door.
Cal pulls his chair closer to hers and sits down on the edge of it, leaning so far forward that his knees touch hers. He puts his hands on her armrests and she tries not to think about the fact that his face is less than three inches away from hers.
"You don't want to tell me what's going on, that's fine," he says. "That's your choice. But don't lie to me. And don't act like whatever's going on doesn't affect your work. I've known who our thief is for almost twenty minutes, even Torres's almost figured it out."
She blushes and tries with might and main to push back the tears that are burning behind her eyes.
"If you want to talk about it, talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk about it," he says. "But don't play pretend, Gill, not with me."
She looks up at his eyes and thinks about telling him. About David, about last night, about what he said to her, and about their date tonight. She thinks about maybe even telling him about how she feels, how she felt even before David came back.
"I don't want to talk about it," she whispers.
"Fine," Cal says, suddenly moving away from her, pushing his chair back and standing up. "Now you've said it." he says. "Do you want to go out for lunch or something? We can not talk about it somewhere else, and it's not like you're going to be very productive today, anyway."
She shakes her head. "No, thanks," she says. "I think I'll just go up to my office, try to get some work done there. You and Ria can finish this. Just tell her I had a headache, it's not exactly a lie, anyway."
Cal nods, looking down at the floor. Cal looking rejected always reminds her a bit of a kicked puppy, trying to look tough. She hates it.
"Sure," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "Just know that…" he shakes his head. "Never mind."
"Know what?" she asks against better judgement.
"Nothing," he says. "You bloody well already know that I'm always here for you, I don't have to tell you."
He stamps away and opens the door. "I'm going to go find Torres, she's had a long enough break already," he says before slamming the door shut behind him.
She lets out a deep sigh before getting up herself and walking out of the room. She walks through the hallways to her office, the sound of every step of her highheeled boots causing a dull pounding in her head.
She's done it now. She and Cal don't always tell each other everything, but they don't push each other away. They don't put up walls, or pretend to be different than they are.
She didn't mean to push him away now, but she knows if she went with him she'd end up telling him everything, and she's not sure she's ready for that.
Once in her office she immediately grabs a strip of advil out of the bottom drawer of her desk. She swallows two pills with a big gulp of water before sitting down on the couch against the back wall of her office.
Taking in a deep breath, she tries to think rationally. Two years ago, this man broke her heart. Back then, she would have done anything for him to come back for her, to hear him say that he loved her and never wanted to leave her ever again.
For so long she held on to the secret, irrational hope that he would show up at her doorstep again one day. She couldn't believe that she'd really never see him again.
And when he didn't come back, she cried and grieved over him. She missed him and worried about him and, eventually, she stopped waiting for him. And then one day she realised, she didn't miss him anymore. She didn't dream about him coming back anymore, didn't think she still felt much of anything about him anymore.
But now, two years too late, now he's suddenly shown up again. Now the dream she hasn't dreamt in such a long time is finally coming true, and she doesn't know if she still wants it to.
But it's a hard thing to completely stop loving somebody you once loved so fiercely. And now that he's back, saying all the things she needed to hear two years ago, it's even harder to seperate the love she felt for him in her memories from any love she may still feel for him today.
She kicks off her shoes, pulls her feet up on the couch and lies her head down on one of the pillows. She closes her eyes, trying to numb the annoying, throbbing pain in her head.
She doesn't know if she believes in predestination, but couldn't it be that some things are meant to happen a certain way? She thinks about the daydream David's arrival interrupted last night, about the family she so desperately wants to start with someone. What if David's supposed to give her all that?
What if no one else is ever going to?
That was that, I hope you enjoyed! I will try to have the next chapter up as soon as possible, but between school and work everything is crazy busy right now, so I have no idea when I'll be able to. Until then, please leave me a review, it means a lot!