She found herself driving aimlessly around, not sure where to go, an hour driving no where ran into two and then three hours. Past the beaches, the promenades of Virginina Beach, past the arcades and the shops where normality was right in front of her.

But despite the bright shining sun, evidence of real life in front of her, kids coming home from school, playing in the playgrounds or along the beach, laughing at some unknown jokes, she felt detached from it all, close to breaking point.

How could normal life go on, yet the world doesn't know the loss the world had almost had today. The men who risked themselves so that normality could go on for everyone else. She knew she couldn't carry on like this all evening, there was still 6 or more hours till they'd be back.

But where else could she go, she couldn't stay there, not with the reminder's at the cage, of the argument, the hurt in his eyes.

She knew why he lashed out, understood it even. It was Sonny after all, nearly 10 years with him in her life meant she understood him, quick temper and anger covering up the hurt and the perceived betrayal.

She could admit to herself, now that he was right, she did lie to him, by omission but a lie at any rate, she so wished she could take it back. Initially it was the wrong time, wrong place to tell him, just loosing Alana, wasn't the right time to celebrate her success.

Sure she knew they might not react too well initially, but they would come around, like they did last time. She couldn't go before though, she couldn't abandon them all after the helicopter crash, Jason's concussion, Ray's Op and then with Danny.

Reality hit and her plans changed, family came first.

Ambition burned in her though, she had managed to get this far, to escape the crap she had been raised in, escaping from her blood family as soon as she could, enlisting in the Navy at just 17 and finding her true family, her real belonging, her home.

Sure it wasn't easy, being a woman in the military not to mention the colour of her skin meant that it would be a challenge, but after all challenge was something Lisa Davies was used to, and after time she was able to build the trust and respect of those around her.

So again with that ambition and determination burning she had decided to give OCS another go. Not mentioning to the others that she was even applying at the time, not sure if her backing out previously would go against her.

After Alana died, she made excuses to herself, as to why not to tell them, and time started to pass. The longer it was kept quiet the harder she found it to say something. Especially the closer she and Sonny became.

That was something that took her by surprise at first, the increasing attraction and closeness to Sonny. They always had a different relationship than she did with her other boys.

With them, Ray especially, it was always a brother sister thing, mentors even a connection and Kinship built on trust respect, not to mention that they loved she would give back any crap they gave her just as much.

With Sonny though was always a different matter. Never really seeing him as a brother, more like best friends, allies, his right hand woman as she once remembers him calling her. She always assumed it was because they were the two single ones of the group, Ray having Naima and the kids, Jason and Alana, Nate and Molly, not to mention Trent and Brock and their wives.

Now though after the development of their relationship (not sure what to call it as it was so short lived before it imploded to see what it could develop) she wondered otherwise. Realising now that it was more than just them being the two singletons, but perhaps just that time was needed before they were in a position to ready for something more, something of a slow burn to allow them to trust in themselves and each other and what they had to give.

Both had emotional scars, her especially when it comes to family and relationships, her so called parents showing how destructive marriage, family and dependancy on a person could be.

Still Lisa decided driving around she couldn't carry on like this all night, but still stuck as where to go.

Normally her home, was her true safe place. Where she could shut the doors on the horrors she had seen over the years, a cocoon from the crappy childhood, the loss of friends, loved ones and colleagues. It was no longer her sanctuary at the moment though.

Instead it was too full of memories of him holding her in the night, the way he kissed her, touched and caressed her, and she him. Finally letting him breakdown the wall around her, consequences and UMJC be damned. Remembering he butterflies in her stomach just over a comment about wearing his hat, the significance of that not being lost on her. Also the playfulness of the morning before it went to shit.

Lisa was still kicking herself that he found out that way, trust and honesty the two biggest things to Sonny and she managed to possibly sever that in one go.

Still shaking at how close she was to never have the opportunity to try to put things right, that even if he decided she was no longer what he wanted relationship wise, the thought of loosing him in her life, loosing him as a best friend, soul mate, even if he couldn't take her back had rocked her to the core.

As a child, the one saving grace in her blood family was her nan, a god fearing woman who tried to install faith and god within Lisa. Sadly Lisa lost her early in her life, leaving her with no way to escape from the abuse surrounding her.

Despite her nan's efforts, growing up seeing the crap she did, and then as she got older seeing what people in this world could do to each other, and the good people in her life she lost, she never could take on the faith that her nan had in a higher being, or Ray's for that matter. Today though she couldn't help but wonder if maybe someone could've been looking after Sonny after all.

He shouldn't still be here, that he was taken from them albeit momentarily and had to be bought back by a machine, still running round her head.

Blackburn had contacted them and confirmed he was safe and ok, had come around on the sub and was starting to talk to them again. Explaining that once they were back in the US he would be in the hospital for a few days at least to monitor him, but signs were that all would be ok long term, Lisa was finally able to breath again.

It was after this as she found herself in the car, driving aimlessly. The majority of the team being sent home to rest, leaving smaller number to monitor the progress home, Lisa, Mandy, Trent and Brock being amongst those being told to go home and "relax" after the past few hours.

Relax that was a joke, she wouldn't be able to do that until she was able to see him to touch him.

3 and a quarter hours after leaving the base, she found herself sitting outside in the car park. Not wanting to move, not knowing what she was doing there.

A short while later, Lisa was startled out of her thoughts by a tap on a window.

"You coming in, or are you going to sit outside here all night"

"Sorry i shouldn't have come, not sure why I did really, you're probably busy"

"Lisa Davies, get your bum inside, you look a mess and clearly came here for a reason, now don't make me drag you out of this car"

Lisa smiled to herself, whilst Ray was like a brother to her, Naima also was a somewhat surrogate sister, especially at times of need. Although Lisa was slightly distanced from the wives, having a completely different relationship to them, than they had with each other, Naima had such a big heart that took everyone in.

Not to mention she always respected and loved Naima's ability to kick the boys (and hers) arse when needing it. It always amazed her the ability she had to reign Ray in, even Sonny would bend to her will when needed (indeed after Alana she's not sure any one other than her would've managed to get him to pull it together long enough to get off the couch and away from the Whisky bottle).

Knowing if she didn't go in willingly it would just delay the inevitable, Lisa got out of the car.

As they entered the apartment, Naima thanked the neighbour for keeping an eye on the kids whilst she popped downstairs, then went straight to the coffee machine.

Seeing how close Lisa was to loosing it, ignoring the coffee, she just walked to Lisa wrapped her in her arms whilst she just broke. Finally Lisa was safe enough to let it all out, and once the tears started it was as if they wouldn't stop.

Though she knew she probably shouldn't, it all ended up coming out. What had happened to Sonny, how close it was to him dying, even the developments in their relationship, that she was terrified that she almost lost him without a chance to say sorry and talk things through with him.

Eventually when Lisa could say no more and the tears had ran out, Naima with tears in her eyes but a smile on her face just said three words to her, that opened Lisa's eyes once and for all.

"You love him"