2So, I actually first started writing this maybe half a year ago? Yeah, something like that, and then it just ended up sitting in my Google Docs for a really long time. I finally picked it back up a couple of nights ago and finished it.
Angst ahoy, my dudes!
His hands were shaking.
His mind was a hurricane- thoughts swirling about in an undignified mess, his internal voice screaming every single one, all of them boiling down to the same sentence: Please don't die, please don't die, please don't die...
His eyes stayed trained on the boy in his arms. There was blood soaking the teen's shredded shirt and jacket. Ripped and torn skin peeked out from underneath the destroyed garments, there were glimpses of white, undoubtedly bone….
"Eren, please, keep your eyes open. You have to keep your eyes open," His voice shook, his body was rigid, he wished he had been faster-
He watched as cloudy green eyes slowly opened. They were sluggish to find him. Eren's eyebrows drew together, his lips parting to say something, but he instead began to cough. It wracked his frame, it was wet sounding and then there was a line of blood dribbling down Eren's chin.
His grip tightened on the titan shifter.
Don't die. Please don't die.
He'd lost so many people, so many smiles and so many voices- Farlan and Isabel- his squad, Auruo, Eld, Gunther, Petra- Lord, Petra…
The teen in his arms drew in a shaky breath and muttered, voice hoarse and dry, "Corporal?"
Pearly grey met ocean turquoise. Levi's breath hitched slightly and he tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat.
"Yes, I'm here, Eren." He managed to croak. The teen's eyes lingered on him before drifting to the sky, gaze cloudy, just as the canopy of blue-ish grey above them.
His heart clenched so painfully in his chest. His own eyes squeezed shut, his mouth tugging down into a remorseful frown. He bowed his head, chin touching his collarbone.
"I'm sorry." His eyes stayed closed, even though he could feel the boy's stare shift back to him.
"Why?"
The question was asked so quietly. So weakly. He hated it.
Levi fought the urge to tremble. The corners of his eyes were beginning to prickle. He fought that too. "I should have been faster."
He'd killed the titan, yes, but the damage had already been done… he could still hear Eren's scream, his scream, his infuriated yells of hatred as he had cut the beast down- his heartbeat thrumming loudly in his ears, all sounds ringing painfully as he'd sprinted to the fallen boy. His breaths had slowed at the gruesome sight- he'd felt dizzy for a moment then, he had thought that he was too late. That Eren was already gone.
He unconsciously brought Eren closer to his chest, cradling him slightly.
His eyes opened after a moment. Levi looked down at Eren, finding the teen staring up at him, eyes a bit more cloudy. Fear tainted those eyes.
"I'm… going to die, aren't I?" came his weak inquiry. He coughed again, thicker streams of blood running down his chin- that was not good, that was not good at all- and Levi tried to fight the tears gathering in his eyes so hard, but his heart was a hammer pounding against fragile, glass ribs, and he couldn't stop the two tears that slipped down his face.
Eren's chest rattled as he struggled to regain his breath. They were gradually becoming shorter, more labored, and Levi's panic only doubled.
Eren's eyes wandered off into the distance, away from Levi, and while the fear was still there, it was veiled by the bitterness that had crept into his voice when he spoke.
"I guess… I guess it won't be much of a loss. I was always a monster… I don't think… anyone would- would mind… if the m-monster died…"
Levi felt anger welling up inside him- not at Eren, (never at Eren) but at the people who titled him a monster, the people who cursed him, the people who despised him and fed him the self-demeaning lies that the boy seemed to have taken for the truth.
You're not a monster, you've never been a monster, monsters don't smile, monsters don't laugh, but you do. You're human, that's all you've ever been. Because you're the idiotic grins and nervous fidgeting in my office, you're the loudest, most annoying voice in the mess hall and the obnoxious snoring in the dungeon. You're the stupid jokes and the bad puns, you're the klutz in the stables. And you're the only person that I have left.
"You're not a monster. You never have been." Another tear slid down his cheek, although part of him still tried to stop them from falling.
The teen in his arms seemed vaguely surprised to hear this, His eyes flickering up to Levi's. Levi could hardly bear to look at Eren's face anymore. His head rose and he gazed around them, looking over the dense forest and thick foliage.
He needed to do something, he needed to find the others, Eren needed help, treatment… they'd be able to save him (would they?) if he could just do something… but he was out of gas, Eren's gear was shot and out of commission, their horses were gone and they were way off course of the original expedition route. He couldn't move very well, thanks to his twisted ankle… ah... he'd actually forgotten about that...
Eren's feeble breaths snapped Levi out of his thoughts and drew his eyes back to him. The boy's eyes were squeezed shut, face twisted in pain. One of his hands gripped weakly at the front of Levi's shirt. His breathing was short and shallow, breaths coming sporadically.
His heart leaped into his throat.
No, no no no- he wasn't ready to lose him. He wasn't ready to lose Eren. He wasn't ready to lose the only person that he was willing to call family, the only person that kept on surviving, just like him, the only person he was willing, daresay, to call his son.
He didn't want to keep on being the single, lone survivor. It was always him, always him, no one else, just him. Him alone. No one else.
But why couldn't that change? Why couldn't Eren survive too? Why couldn't they both survive? Everyone died, every single person close to him died, but what about Eren? Why couldn't this be different? Why couldn't his son be different? Why couldn't Eren stay?
He'd stopped caring about whether or not he cried, and now they came freely- the tears dragged down his cheeks and fell to Eren's head in almost a dance, of sorts. (A sad, sad dance.) His hands shook violently and he clutched Eren as close to him as possible- he'd lost all composure, but it hardly mattered now.
Stay with me, please. Don't die, Eren. Please. Stay, son.
"Was- was I worth it, Corporal…?" Eren wheezed, eyes still closed. "Was I- was I worth the… trouble? Did I… change a-anything in the- the world...?"
Levi held back a sob and nodded jerkily, watching the boy's face. His own voice came out so much softer than he ever spoke.
"Yes- yes, yes, Eren, you were worth every second of it," He breathed.
Eren's eyes barely opened- Levi could only see a sliver of those once vibrant green eyes- but tears suddenly glistened on those lashes, his face softened, and his mouth curved into the smallest, but most genuine of smiles, and he whispered as his last tears spilled-
"Thank you, dad."
He caught one last glimpse of Levi's crumpled, pleading face- Please, please, please, please, please stay, Eren- and his eyes fell shut, he took one more stuttering breath- then his chest settled, and his smile faded. His grip on Levi's shirt loosened. He grew limp in Levi's arms.
"Eren…?" No, no, no, please, Eren- no, please come back, please stay, don't let me be the only survivor again-
"Eren, please," His voice became exceedingly more panicked, agony lanced through him, through his heart- Please, not him. Not my son.
The tears fell faster, his vision blurred. He hugged Eren to his chest, rocking back and forth, back and forth. A trembling hand cupped his chin and raised his head- Levin leaned down and pressed such a gentle, gentle kiss to Eren's forehead.
He cried and cried and cried and murmured brokenly, tearfully, lovingly- "Please, son."
Yeeeeeaaah... I'd say I'm sorry for ruining you all like that but I'm really not.
Thanks for reading! Don't forget; reviews are candy for an author that has a major sweet tooth! :)
~erebororbust