A/N

I am writing a lemon for the first time, so please be warned and be kind. I try to write them in character and I apologize if I could not capture it that well.

CHAPTER 3

PHYSICAL AFFIRMATION

Ji Hoo POV

I ease my hold when I feel Jan Di winding down after crying so much. My heart is breaking as I feel her pain. Now that she has stopped crying, I looked at the beautiful and vulnerable girl on my arms, stroking her tear-lined cheeks softly with my fingers. I carried her to my bed so she can rest, easing her between the sheets.

I noticed she did not wear the pajama bottoms. Did she forget to put it on while she was crying? I made a move to go and retrieve it when she held tightly on my hand, bringing my arms towards her chest, trapping it with her other hand. I laid down on my side on top of the sheets. She laid on her right side, facing me while still holding on. Jan Di's proximity is giving me an awareness that I do not welcome tonight. I can feel the softness of her breasts on my trapped arm, held tight by her hands. She is not wearing a bra underneath her shirt. As she moves even nearer, the movement made my arm graze her hardening peaks. I slowly released my breath to ease the increasing tension in my body. I tug on my hands, easing from her chest slowly, my palm accidentally grazing her nipple through her shirt. I feel perspiration breaking on my temples.

Jan Di has closed the distance and has turned her face on my chest, nuzzling with her cheeks. Her left arms embracing me.

"Please don't go, Ji Hoo, I feel so cold." she pleads softly echoing my own pleas a long time ago in New Caledonia when Jan Di comforted me.

I was startled when I heard her call my name for the first time without honorifics.

"I'll never leave you, Otter, I will be here for as long as you want me."

I lifted the sheets underneath me and eased myself beside her, gathering her into my arms, aware that I am putting myself in a very precarious position. She is half lying on my chest, still nuzzling her cheeks on my shoulder and chest, her eyes closed. Small bursts of warm air from her mouth are fanning my overheating skin. Her lips are starting to give small kisses on my jaw, while her left leg is thrown over my legs. Her bare thighs giving more ammunition to my growing erection.

I try to hold on to being a gentleman, trying to ease Jan Di off me while still maintaining a hold on her with some space. I need to physically distance myself from her as I need to be the rational one between us but it is getting difficult. Her gentle kisses, her soft skin, her curves, and her natural perfume inflaming me more and more.

While I hovered over her to ease my arms, she opened her eyes and looked at me directly. I lost myself in her chocolate depths, made clearer by the tears she shed earlier.

"I need you, Ji Hoo, I thought I will die tonight, I felt so alone. Please hold me." she murmured.

Did I hear that right? I wondered, Jan Di is usually reserved and shy. She has a hard time expressing her feelings except when she is angry at some injustice.

"Jan Di, what you're asking me, are you sure?"

"I need you tonight, Ji Hoo," she repeated, "Please hold me."

"We may end up..." I could not voice it out. I want to hold her and be with her but I can barely control myself. This is the hardest thing Jan Di is asking me. I may not be able to stop.

I looked at her, she is still watching me with her clear eyes, rimmed red with her recent crying, pupils darkening by emotions. Those eyes are the death of whatever moral dilemma I was wrestling with.

She squeezed my upper arms that she's holding then snaked her hands on my neck and moving up while lowering my head to meet her lips to kiss me.

I feel her lips insistent upon my own. I am getting enveloped by her sweet scent. I responded in kind, deepening our kiss. The heady sensation and the growing desire are not helping my situation.

Breathless, I put my forehead on hers, thinking, 'I am kissing Jan Di'. The night certainly took a strange turn, I thought of what Jan Di has been through tonight. She must have been exhausted emotionally and physically. It seems strange that from pining for Jun Pyo just a few hours ago, she is now in my arms.

"I want you tonight, Ji Hoo, I need your warmth. I need you to hold me, " she whispered fervently.

To hell with it, I thought. Jan Di is calling my name! She wants me! I did not understand how it ended up this way, but I will no longer question this miracle. I love Jan Di and even when lust and longing have unfurled on my belly, I won't do anything that will make her regret or put the special relationship we share in jeopardy.

I softly kissed her lips again, but passion and want have taken hold of my senses as I deepen my kisses, demanding entrance to her mouth and battling with her tongue and grazing her lower lips, rendering both of us breathless. I continue my assault to her lips and tongue, then nipping and kissing her jaw, ears, and neck, while my hands caress her back and curves, feeling her soft skin breaking goosebumps. My tongue going on a rampage as I lick and taste Jan Di's skin, and delighting her pulse points that had grown erratic as our bodies heat up.

I have taken hold of the pajama top she's wearing and ease it off her head in one go, making her naked upon my gaze except for her tiny panties. I viewed with awe at her perfection. Her white, creamy skin in contrast to the beige and brown bedsheets, her full breasts highlighted by pink nipples that have hardened into tiny nubs. Her cute belly button against her flat stomach, her long and muscular legs and the promise of more heat at the apex of her thighs.

I marveled at Jan Di's boldness. She did not resist when I took hold of her shirt. She has met my eyes and held my gaze as I blatantly looked at her body and she did not try to cover up even while her chest, neck, cheeks, and ears have reddened by her blush.

I lowered myself to her neck and shoulders, caressing and kissing inches of her skin. My hands have worked its way to her breasts, feeling their softness and fullness while being amazed at how they fit my palms. I lowered my head, my lips on her chest, I kissed on her right breast and then I lapped and suck on her nipples, while my fingers caress her other breast. Jan Di arched her body at my touch. Her moans and whimpers, music to my ears.

Jan Di POV

When Ji Hoo sucked on my nipples, a strange sensation shuddered my body, fire racing from my breast straight to my vagina. I am imploring for something I don't know and don't understand, my moans so loud in my ears.

Instinct has taken hold of me since Ji Hoo caressed my arms and back earlier while comforting me. All of a sudden, I have an awareness of my body. The continuous rubbing of my back and arms may be meant to give me comfort but my heightened senses made me hyper-aware at the intensifying heat of my body and longing for more. When he carried me to bed, I felt a heaviness in my nether area and my panties have grown wet as his hands held my bare thighs. I did not want him to leave me, prompting me to hold on his hand and bring it to my chest.

I felt my body drawn to his heat, as I still feel so cold. I do not know if its because my near-death experience, but I have grown bold, I got past my reservations as I try to get myself closer to him, giving him small kisses in his jaw and neck and feeling my nipples hardening and my core aching. I felt his hardening erection against me.

I did not shy away from voicing what I want. This is something I never did before. I have always been hesitant in asking what I want and need. I try to avoid asking for anything from my parents or my friends which I know frustrates the F4, but now I demanded.

I did feel that I am taking advantage of Ji Hoo when I asked him to love me tonight. I am aware why I am doing this and it's because I need a physical manifestation of being alive. True, Ji Hoo is a very attractive man, he was my first crush after all and though I try not to see him as a man and only as a friend due to my loyalty with Jun Pyo, there were moments when we are alone when I still find him desirable. When he collapsed into me after walking under the rain and I took care of him, I could not help but gaze into him and caress his face. I love Ji Hoo as a special friend but tonight is not about being together as a physical manifestation of love between two persons; tonight it is about an affirmation of me being alive.

I feel Ji Hoo's hands moving south, caressing my belly then easing his fingers inside my panties. I felt his fingers stroking my opening and finding the nub that heightened my fire, leaving me panting. While his hot mouth is on my nipples and his thumb on my nub, drawing small circles, another finger is on my core, stroking and intensifying everything.

I let my instincts take over as my trembling hands tried to undo the buttons of his shirt and stroking his chest as his shirt open, feeling his nipples on my palms, his heartbeat incessantly beating upon my hand. This is the first time I have been naked and openly caressing a man. Ji Hoo helped me take his shirt off, then I let my hands descend to his hard abs. I caress and kiss the expanse of his chest, as he continues to make me squirm. I lowered my hands and felt his hardness against his pajama pants. Ji Hoo released a moan at my caresses.

"Am I doing it right, Ji Hoo?" I whispered.

He looked at me with darkened eyes and groan his response. His fingers continue to explore the center of my heat while his other hand caresses my breast, my waist or my back. I tightened my hold on him through his pants while my breaths are coming out in gasps.

My mind flew and I feel my body trembling. Ji Hoo kissed me again then descended on my stomach, kissing my tummy, dipping his tongue on my belly button. I could no longer control the trembling of my thighs while his hands caress the length of it, especially into the inner softness between my legs. He went down, taking off my panties and kissed my mound, drawing the nub out with his mouth. I may have released a strangled cry.

"Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo, please, aahhh," I plead, for what I do not know. My hands on his shoulders and back, digging and scratching. But the heat is building up and trying to find release, I could not stop trembling and tingling all over.

Ji Hoo inserted one finger to my core, stretching me, while he continuously sucks on my nub, my juices flowing. My hands moved to his hair, stroking its soft strands. Then he added another finger, curling to rub inside while his tongue stroked and sucks until I feel myself screaming as I reached my orgasm, feeling the tingling sensation, my toes curling. He continues lapping on my juices, and kiss until I somehow ceased trembling.

Ji Hoo came up and hugged me then kissed me and I can taste myself from his lips. He drew a ragged breath and then laid down next to me, trying to put distance between us, he told me we need to stop as he does not have protection. He laid back, closed his eyes, drawing deep breaths. I looked at him with concern, I can sense his body does not want to stop. He is trying his best to control himself.

And I do not want it to end that way. With a sense of purpose and just going by instincts because of my lack of experience, I got up and hover at his prone form. I sat on his stomach and caress his chest.

"Jan Di-yah..." he drew a ragged breath, "We cannot go on."

I looked upon his face, his eyes still closed. I can feel his tension and rigidness.

"I don't want you to stop," I said. "Please Ji Hoo, I know this is difficult for you. I want you to find your release too. I'll deal with the consequences."

I lowered my body to his chest and kissed his lips. Imitating how he tries to open my lips to deepen our kiss, nibbling on his lower lips. I opened my eyes and saw looked into his darkened irises, while my hands caress his chest and shoulders.

Ji Hoo looked at me with naked desire. His hands went to my breasts, caressing, weighing them with his palms and twisting my nipples while watching me. I bit my lips while reigning my trembles, looking at him with equal desire. I closed my eyes, panting, to feel more of the havoc he is wrecking my body.

"Jan Di, it's not just you but us, we will both deal with the consequences," he said. I opened my eyes when he spoke, he sat up while holding me, then he flipped me over the bed, laid me down as I feel his lips once again on my nipples. Feeling again the fire that connects my nipples to my core. I whimpered as his teeth graze my nipples and the underside of my breast.

"Ji Hoo, aahhhh, please."

"I can never say no to you, Otter."

Ji Hoo stood up and freed his pajama pants and boxers. I looked at him, so magnificently handsome and when I lowered my eyes, I feel my cheeks burning while watching him in all his naked glory.

I know about sex from sex ed classes since middle school and I have seen my fair share of male bodies in various state of undress, being a swimmer. But this is the first time I saw a naked and virile body, the first time I see Ji Hoo as a man and I swallowed, my throat dry... I wondered, how will that fit me as he's so huge, while I am small?

My trepidation may have shown in my eyes, as Ji Hoo smiled his wonderful, angelic smile that never fails to melt me. He approached me, lying down next to me, his eyes never breaking contact and his fingers, caressing my cheeks and my face.

"Are you sure you want to go on? You can say no."

"Yes," I croaked, "Will you fit me? Won't it be uncomfortable for you?"

Ji Hoo laughed at my surprise.

"Oh, Otter, my sweet, innocent Jan Di. It will never be uncomfortable for me. But it may for you as it's your first time, and you'll feel a bit of pain."

"I know. But..."

"You're still doing it, you're thinking of my comfort, not yours."

I stopped. Yes, I am thinking about him and his comfort.

"Have you... ummm"

Ji Hoo smiled, "If you're asking if I had sexual relations before, yes, but only with one woman. That is why there are no condoms in this house."

I blushed and yet, I am glad to know Ji Hoo is so loyal. He'll be a great partner to someone really special, I thought. Suddenly, I feel guilty about taking advantage of him.

"Am I taking advantage of you when I asked you to... ummm, hold me, then I kissed you?" I tried to stop my blush from creeping my cheeks but I felt its heat.

Ji Hoo looked at me in astonishment. "You're asking me if you're taking advantage of me?" he kissed my lips softly, then my cheeks, then my jaw, then back to my lips while looking deep into my eyes. "You're giving me a gift, Jan Di-yah. A gift that I feel I may not be worthy of as its tremendously special. Are you doing this because I saved you? You don't need to, you know. I will save you anytime, anywhere for eternity if you need me without compensation."

"I did not mean for it like that, Ji Hoo, I am extremely grateful for you saving my life. I cannot repay you enough and I did not go into this with that in mind. I just want to feel warm. I am honestly feeling so cold inside."

"Do you still feel cold?" I shook my head no.

Ji Hoo leaned to me and whisper on my ears."You're so beautiful, Jan Di-yah, I want to kiss your lips forever, if you let me. Your skin is so soft, I cannot keep myself from touching you."

He has yet to touch me and I just let his seductive voice wash over me and yet, I can feel my body responding with warmth and my vagina getting wet.

Ji Hoo caressed my back and then my tummy moving slowly up to cup my breast. "See how your breast fits into my hand, Jan Di-yah," he continues to whisper while his tongue caresses the shell of my ear and his hand caresses my breast.

I looked at him with eyes heavy with desire, "Ji Hoo-yah"

"Say my name again, Jan Di" while his lips and tongue dipped into my neck.

"Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo" I chant his name while moaning, my skin breaking goosebumps and I feel the heavy longing between my thighs.

He continues to whisper sweet nothings, caressing me all over and kissing me until I felt myself exploding with want.

When his fingers got into my core, he whispered, "I love how wet you are for me, Jan Di-yah, I could never resist the sweetness of your juices"

I felt him opening my thighs wider, his fingers caressing me. He hovers above me, easing his way forward. He slowly got inside me, felt the resistance which stilled him from proceeding. He adjusted himself and tried another angle, I held my breath as we both adjusted. I bit my lips as he entered me, feeling a pinch of pain but I looked into his eyes and nod for him to proceed. I felt him fully enter slowly, letting me adjust to his width and length and take him fully inside me, marveling at the feeling of fullness. The brief pain is now just an ache. I move with him as he adjusts inside me, the movement drawing moans and gasps. His hardness being enveloped by my wet and trembling flesh is amazing. I feel him move and we both try to find our rhythm.

I was told for someone of my size, I have a big voice. And I think my moans, gasps, and whimpers may have wakened the neighbors if Ji Hoo's house is near one, so loud was it in my ears. I was trembling for my release once again, my whole body tingling. I feel my flesh trembling and squeezing his length tightly, holding on. Ji Hoo managed to capture my lips for a searing kiss, his tongue evasive and entwining with mine and his hands squeezing my breasts while my hands held him tightly by the shoulder, the pressure making me bite his flesh and scratch his shoulders and back rather aggressively. I scream while my mind flew and I went over the edge.

Ji Hoo's release came soon after. His seed spilling over, its warmth making me squeeze him harder and getting my insides tingle and tremble again, giving me another orgasm that night.

Afterwards, I fell into a deep sleep, as exhaustion finally enveloping me in its arms.

Ji Hoo POV

When my fingers felt Jan Di's liquid heat, I know I am a goner. I have dreamed and fantasized about this and now, I am here.

I gaze upon her beauty, the way her eyes convey her desire, her lips, her skin, her breasts, her core, her moans, her aroma, and my name, it is my name that she called in her needs and wants. I am in love with Jan Di and now, I want everything about her. From our one kiss in New Caledonia to jumping into this banquet, I want to kiss her endlessly and explore her body, I vowed that I will never let her go.

After I claim Jan Di's first orgasm, I know I have to stop. Being loyal to Seo Hyun and then to Jan Di, I did not have any condoms at home. It took a lot to move away from her while my body is demanding its release. I cannot think of anything to dissipate the tension when I can smell Jan Di and taste her nectar on my tongue.

When Jan Di closed the gap and sat on my stomach, whatever control I try to maintain is gone. Looking at her in all her magnificence, feeling her juices dripping. I cannot help but claim her breasts again while watching her reaction.

Knowing Jan Di is a virgin, I feel jubilant that I am her first though I am apprehensive as I do not want to hurt her and I want to make her first time special.

When we made love, Jan Di's gasps and moans are drawing me closer. I felt I could no longer contain it. She let out a scream as her orgasm took hold. I rock on, knowing my release is imminent. Then while I made my release to her warm core, her inner muscles squeezed me tighter and Jan Di had another orgasm. Making me marvel how responsive she is and how perfectly we fit together.

Bodies tangled and enveloped with a sheen of sweat, I hold Jan Di as I descended from the pleasure palace of my mind. I found Jan Di asleep. After her ordeal in the pool, I am amazed that she has lasted this long. I waited as my heartbeat normalize, then I arranged Jan Di into a comfortable position in bed, drawing her near me and succumbing to sleep myself.