'Ah, crap I didn't expect that to happen...'
'What did you do?'
'Er, I may have done something to the boss's favorite.'
'Don't worry, I'll fix it.'
Today would be the best day of Harry Potter's life. Walking down the aisle with his wife, surrounded by his friends, he was truly a lucky man.
"Oh, Harry your shoe is untied." His wife said.
"Really I didn't noti-"
And so, Harry Potter, who had survived being poisoned by a basilisk, who had defeated the dark wizard Voldemort, who had obtained the elder wand and had cheated death multiple times throughout his life, died after tripping over his own shoelaces.
"Hey, move up, you're holding up the line!"
Harry blinked as he suddenly found himself standing in a brimstone cave that seemed to stretch on forever. Flames from the pools of lava in the cave licked the walls, serving as the only source of light. A long line of people moved deeper into the cave.
"Hey, have you gone deaf?! Move!"
Harry felt someone shove him forward and he stumbled. Harry glared at the person who had shoved him and moved forward, eventually he reached a room where a girl wearing a judge's uniform sat at a large podium. Standing behind the defendant's bench was nervous man who couldn't stop fidgeting.
"Let's see, where should you go? Heaven or Hell?" The judge said
"Heaven! I've been a really great guy, I haven't committed a single crime!" The man shouted
"Well that's true, you haven't done anything illegal..." The judge said as she flipped through a large book, "But is it true that you were a developer who worked on that abomination of an Atari game?"
"Straight to Hell with you then." The judge slammed her gavel, and a whirling portal formed under the man, dragging him screaming to Hell.
"Ms. Judge, might I say you're looking quite well today," A man with a reedy voice said, "Did you dye your hair?"
"Aw, you noticed!" The judge smiled.
"It would be hard not to notice your elegance," The man said as he pushed his glasses up, "Only a blind fool could ignore your beauty."
"That's right, that idiot should've noticed me!" The judge said, "Instead, I'm being hit on by a pedophile, ugh."
"Oh...so you already knew about..."
"Yeah, anyway you're going straight to Hell." The judge said, and the man was dragged to hell, screaming at the top of his lungs.
Harry swallowed heavily as he walked to the defendant's bench.
"Let's see here..." The judge said as she flipped through her book, her brow furrowed as she rapidly flipped through the pages. "It's all blank, none of your records are in here..."
"Is that bad?" Harry asked.
"I can't judge you if I don't know what you've done," The judge said, "What's your name anyway?"
"Harry Potter?!" The judge shouted, "But you're not supposed to be here yet..."
"What do you mean by that?" Harry asked, but the judge ignored him as she muttered to herself.
"What should I do? He'll be pissed if he finds out that Potter's here, maybe I should..."
"Okay here's what I'm going to do," The judge said as she closed her book and walked over to Harry, "I'm going to send you back, so stand still, I'm not really great at aiming."
"Hey what the hell?!" someone in the line shouted, "Why does he get special treatme-"
A lightning bolt cracked down from the heavens, striking the person who had complained.
"Does anyone else want to complain?" The judge said as she lowered her smoking hand. Everyone in the line shook their heads in fear. "Great, Harry look at this please."
Harry turned back to the judge, who shoved a blue medallion into his face. The cavern seemed to fade as Harry felt himself fly backwards, events he'd gone through seemed to play back in reverse.
"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."
"The thing about growing up with Fred and George, is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."
"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
"Mr. Potter our new celebrity."
"Yer a wizard Harry."
"Gryffindor!" Harry heard the sorting hat yell, and he suddenly found himself back in the Great Hall. He ended up falling out of the chair in surprise, and the Slytherins chuckled at Harry's misfortune.
"Are you alright Mr. Potter?" Harry heard Professor McGonagall asked. Harry looked up to see a younger Professor McGonagall looking at him in worry.
"I-I'm fine..." Harry said as he pushed himself off the ground. He paused as he saw a large black box that had a white outline floating next to Professor McGonagall.
In fact, there were other black boxes floating next to the other students, that had various stats on display.
"What the hell?" Harry asked himself as he saw his own box that had his stats proudly displayed.
'See I told you things would work out!'
'Actually, I think there's something you forgot.'
'Well for one, you didn't set his stats, and I think you might've broken something.'
'Eh don't worry, I'm sure that nothing will go wrong.'
'I wish I had your blind optimism...'
'Anyway, you'll keep this a secret from the boss, right?'
'Considering the fact that I'll get fired if I don't, sure, let's just hope that very fabric of space time doesn't fall apart.'