A/N: This is just for my (and hopefully your) amusement. I own nothing and I'm not seeking any profit from publishing this work.

Meet The Fockers

There had been a small part inside Daphne, the insecure part she normally did her best to squash down, that had worried she and Harry would drift apart now that their project was complete...that their attraction was based only on the camaraderie and intensity surrounding the high stakes game they had been playing. She couldn't have been more wrong. Even though they spent virtually all of their free time together Daphne felt herself still wanting more. Summer was going to be brilliant.

All the previous time spent on their project had been transferred to other non-academic activities and it was glorious. Let the rabble sneak around and snog in broom closets. She and Harry had dozens of empty classrooms, cushioning charms and most importantly, an invisibility cloak. The castle was their oyster. Harry had been so relaxed and so attentive. She adored noble Harry but she could not get enough of relaxed, attentive Harry.

Daphne smiled as she gazed down at Harry who was currently using her lap as a pillow to take a nap. As she gently ran her fingers through his hair she was thankful he had this final moment of peace before officially closing the door on the last part of his wretched past. The Dursleys.

He had been unusually tense that morning and she knew his relatives were the reason why. He had repeatedly asked her to hold her tongue when she met them. She assured him she would do her best but did not make any promises.

"About five minutes," Hermione offered as she looked at her watch. "Are you ready?"

"How bad are they really, Hermione?" Daphne asked instead of answering. "Harry has told me some stories but he purposely avoids talking about it."

Hermione looked as if she had just tasted something that had gone bad. "His aunt isn't as horrible...well she is horrible...but she doesn't say much...she just looks like she is thinking horrible things about Harry instead of saying them. I suppose she's much worse in the privacy of her own home but Harry never wants to talk about it. I think his cousin stays quiet when other people are around so he shouldn't be too bad, either."

"His uncle though...his uncle is unbearable," she muttered, shaking her head. "His normal voice is this cross between a grunt and a scream. I've only seen him a few times at Kings Cross and it's clear he hates all of us. And as much as he hates us he somehow hates Harry even more."

Hermione's gaze turned down to look at Harry and immediately softened. "I know you want to tell them off and hex their bits but Harry is right. It won't do any good because they don't care. Just act as normal as possible."

Hermione's coaching was interrupted by the telltale squealing of the train coming to a stop. She gently shook Harry awake.

"Time to meet the relatives!" she chirped. "I hope they like me!"

Harry snorted a laugh as he stood up and stretched. "Just let me do the talking...and don't give them that smug look you do. That will just make Vernon angry."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she lied horribly.

"Really? Are you sure?" Harry asked. "Because you're doing it right now."

"Am I?" she asked innocently. "I had no idea."

"If you two are quite finished it's time to leave," Tracey muttered as she opened the door of their cabin. "I'll see you all next week. Good luck, Harry. Be nice, Daphne," she commanded before waving goodbye and heading for the exit.

"I'm always nice," she said dismissively to Harry as she headed toward the door. From behind her she heard Ron let loose a cough that sounded remarkably like the word "McClaggen."

"That was different," she replied with a wave of her hand, "he had it coming."

Ron clapped her on the shoulder and replied. "That's the thing though isn't it? They have it coming. They've got sixteen years of it coming."

"Bugger, I hadn't thought of that," she frowned insincerely, breaking into a laugh when she saw Harry's look of annoyance.

"Just teasing, Harry," she reassured as she grasped his hand, leading him toward the exit. "Everything is fine."

"It will be in ten minutes," he grunted before leaning over and kissing her on the temple.

After the perfunctory goodbyes with Hermione and Ron (including Ron's gloating reminder to Harry, again, that he and Hermione were apparating home because they had their license) Daphne quickly spotted her parents.

Her heart swelled when she realized they were wearing their most exceedingly normal muggle clothes in solidarity with Harry. Six months ago they would have never even considered "going muggle" in an area so rife with wizards for any reason. It was Daphne's guess that this time they hadn't given it a second thought. She couldn't decide if Harry's relatives would be relieved or annoyed at being confronted with such a 'normal' group of witches and wizards. She hoped they would be annoyed.

Partly because they had all seen each other recently and partly because Harry wanted to get the unpleasantness over with the family reunion was kept short and her father quickly got down to business, handing a muggle football to Harry.

"So this is it then?" Harry asked as he cradled the ball against his hip with his left hand and reflexively grabbed Daphne's with the other. "It's about as boring as it gets. It's perfect."

"Happy you approve, Harry," her father answered as he placed his hands on Harry's shoulders, looking him straight in the eye. "We'll be a few feet behind you two. If he gets out of hand you give us the signal and Amanda and I will...how did you put it Astoria?"

"You'll cheering charm the shit out of them," Astoria said determinedly as she stared at the barricade they were about to walk through. Apparently just thinking about where the Dursleys were standing was enough to aggravate her.

Her father winced at her colorful description. "The last time you used a different word but yes, we will cheering charm the...crap...out of them."

"I appreciate it but I'm sure it won't be necessary," Harry reassured. "Their bark is worse than their bite."

It was her mother's turn to speak as she echoed her husband's earlier act of grasping Harry's shoulders. "You're family now Harry, and we look out for family. Always. I'm sure you can handle this but we want to be there just in case."

"Thank you, Amanda," Harry answered sincerely, "now let's get this nonsense with my…whatever they are...over with."

It was remarkable to Daphne that despite being surrounded by hundreds of aggravated muggles impatiently waiting for their train she was able to spot the Dursleys immediately. It was most likely because their looks of all-consuming irritation seemed to be their default expression. Their disdain for everything around them was coming off in waves. As she and Harry approached the unhappy pair she discreetly cast Muffliato. The last thing she wanted was Harry getting angry and violating the Statute for Secrecy by shouting about magic.

"Hello," Harry greeted the pair simply. She could tell he was already tired of the conversation.

"Took you long enough," his uncle grunted before eyeing her suspiciously. "Who is this?"

"This is Daphne. She's my girlfriend," Harry answered calmly as he rubbed her hand.

"Well there's no accounting for taste," Vernon mused before refocusing on being aggravated. "Say your bloody goodbyes so we can get out of here," he ordered before turning his attention her way.

"And you," he threatened as he pointed at her. "Don't get any ideas about coming to the house. The next time you'll see him is when we are well shot of him in the fall.

"About that, Uncle Vernon," Harry interrupted, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that Voldemort is dead so you are well shot of me now. The bad news is there are still a few of his crazy supporters out and about that may still be looking for me. Since I'm not going to be living there any longer the protections on the house are going to start eroding before my birthday."

"Good riddance," Vernon muttered as he focused solely on the good news. His face had curved into something resembling a smile.

"Did you hear what I said?" Harry asked, aggravation now seeping into his voice. "You could still be in danger," he pleaded.

"Nonsense," Vernon said dismissively, "the only danger we've ever seen from your kind was caused by your freaky friends."

"Yeah, besides those Dementors who almost sucked out Dudley's soul last year," Harry reminded, drawing an audible shriek from his Aunt.

Harry nobly trudged on. "We have people who have offered to keep guarding the house in secret for the rest of the summer, and I have this p-"

"I said I want to be done with your kind, boy!" Vernon practically shouted in response as spittles of saliva flew. This man really hated magic.

She watched as Harry shook his head subtly, signaling to her parents that he had everything under control. Daphne never had a doubt.

"This is your last chance, Vernon. If you refuse you are on your own," Harry warned.

His Aunt looked like she wanted to say something but kept quiet as Vernon angrily shook his head 'no' once again.

"Well I tried. Goodbye," Harry stated unemotionally before turning away. "Let's go Daphne."

"Wait!" Petunia pleaded as they began walking away. "You said that man...the one who murdered Lily...is dead?

"Yeah, about a month ago. They've rounded up most of his followers but there are still a few in hiding."

For the briefest of moments Daphne saw Petunia's expression relax before it returned to its normal pinched state. "What happened?"

"Do you really want to know?," Harry asked, the skepticism clear in his voice. At her nod he continued.

"Daphne and I did it. I had an idea and she came up with something brilliant based on what I proposed. Daphne used some of what she learned from studying Mum's protection spell to do it so I suppose your sister helped as well."

"You're lying," she said disbelievingly.

"Right. I'm done," Harry spit out before walking away once again. This time it was his Uncle who interrupted.

"Why did you make us drive all this ruddy way if you didn't need a ride, boy?" Vernon asked in his standard tone of fury.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you the other bad news," Harry answered, a smile appearing on his face for the first time since he'd spotted his relatives. "In my rushed exit last year I left a few things behind that I want to keep. Daphne and I are going to apparate to Privet Drive and grab my things while you lot are stuck in traffic for the next hour and half."

"You'll never get in," Vernon gloated. "Dudley isn't home and you don't have a key. You're not allowed to do magic out of school until your birthday." The man was so pleased with himself.

"Didn't I tell you?" Harry answered. "The Minister for Magic personally gave me special dispensation to use magic as thanks for the whole 'saving the wizarding world' thing. A quick unlocking spell on the door and we'll be all set. Daphne's of age already so we can both do all the magic we want in your house. If I bring my elf friend that will be three of us mucking about casting spells. See you later!" he called out as he began walking again.

As Harry pulled her toward the barrier Daphne finally spoke. "It was nice meeting you!" she called, waving goodbye. "Let's never do this again!"

Next chapter will be Harry's final visit to Privet Drive and a guest appearance from Big D.