This was originally written in August of 2011 for my Life is Like a Novel account. It's been mostly untouched outside of a few quick typo fixes.
Trigger warning: eating disorder, purging, relapse.
She stares at the toilet in front of her. She knows she shouldn't. He would be upset if she did, but she feels ugly and knows it will make her feel better, prettier... lovelier. Plus, her stomach is growling and rumbling, and she knows it will make the noises stop, at least for a bit. The hunger will still be there, which she doesn't mind, and it won't be noticeable to others. He won't be able to hear it. He always notices when her stomach growls. Though... maybe she should let it just continue. Then maybe it will keep his attention on her instead of that cow he currently has his eyes glued to. He would turn right back to the cow after she ate though. He wouldn't notice how she would feel even uglier after eating whatever he decided to practically shove down her throat. She would feel like a cow if she ate. If she did it though, he would think she was lovely. She would be lovely. Yes, she nods leaning back over the toilet. It's worth it to be lovely. She has to be lovely if she wants him to love her. Oh, how she wants his love.
She looks in the mirror as she takes a wet paper towel to her mouth and straightens her hair. "Lovely", she whispers to her reflection before going back out to him, a smile on her face.
Maman note: As a mom, I have to say this. These Skin stories, especially the Cassie ones, were written at a time when I was suffering with my own eating disorder, one I was temporarily (and somewhat secretly) hospitalized for because I kept it to myself. If this is something you are struggling with, please, feel free to reach out to me. No one should ever have to deal with that on their own. Also, any glamorizing of an eating disorder is because it was written by an extremely sick teen, not a happy, healthy adult.
- Maman Abeille