A/N: Inspired by many comedic sources. In this one-shot fic, it takes many elements of the DC and outside media with you (Y/N) in it. Portrays your nostalgic self while being into many wacky situations. Detailing of your past against these familiar notorious foes. Constructive criticism welcome. Reviews welcome. Eye-out any other context references and Easter Eggs. Credits to DC comics' fandom. Enjoy!
Giant inspiration from Youtube's HISHE and CollegHumor ;)
It wasn't really normal.
Sure, I mean. In the world filled with caped crusaders and metahumans with "invaders from outer space", what exactly normal anyways? You asked to yourself.
(Y/N) was a veteran police officer in Gotham city, home to usual corruption and danger everywhere.
Geez, soon enough, I might want to go to Jump City or Metropolis, Mission City, perhaps Riverdale, for a vacation break. Or try out a substitute career...
What everyone else doesn't know exactly, is that (y/n) was actually past CIA informant with UN investigative clearance or SSBI, trained with the best of the best as a fellow US Marine.
However, if one person gets a good look at you, they would eventually fall in disbelief of how you ended up here in the first place.
Truth be told, you were actually born here-as a U.S citizen in Gotham's own hospital. Thank god, you were lucky born alive. Otherwise, Gotham's own wackos with same agenda, like superheroes, as supervillains they would have blown it up again...
Meanwhile, it is good to be home. After serving the country, you seen lots of places and interesting people...
Little did you know you would meet a hell more different people.
"Going home early soon?"
Those words scared the daylights of (y/n).
In response, (y/n) fumbled and dropped from leaning on the chair with feet on the desk.
(Y/N)'s head pops up. "I am so sorry, you were saying something?" As you rub your eyes.
As far everyone in GCPD such as Chief O'Hara knows, (y/n) was very clumsy. Some even say (y/n) wouldn't last a day.
However, you proved them wrong.
"Awfully late I presume."
"Pretty much, still haven't found out the man, myth, and legend" as (y/n) indicated to the bulletin on the board containing past historical and fictional figures to the recent photo sighting of the Batman.
Truth be told, "low-profiled" civil servants of the law hired you as a private investigator to find out if Batman is real.
To the criminal underworld, he's worst than his arch-nemesis, who's basically that clown in the sewers beckoning you.
He's the real Nightmare on Crime Alley.
The Boogeyman that the children only can be safe and rely on.
It follows them in the dark. Always.
Evil is dead to the mere sight of him.
Lights Out for those who are unlucky to confront him.
It is very sinister. It split many crime families like Falcone or Maroni apart in fear or quarantined. Many so-called theorists believe it is the fulfillment of the made-up "The Batman Prophecies".
Moreover, his car (or the Batmoblie) is the dark incarnate of haunted vehicles you see in movies.
Unfortunately for them once they tried to give the "bribe", you turned the guns on them with "Patrick Malone" individual and arrest warrants that are already issued.
Corrupt bastards. They don't even deserve to know what you already know.
"Pretty much..." as you pulled yourself up.
Commissioner James Gordon smiles through his familiar mustache. He is the only "friendly" folk alongside Dr Leslie Thompkins and gruff Harvey Bullock. Besides, from your younger age, you have already been through alot. Destiny marked you with comedic wit from the start. From investigating your once-been younger friend's parents (the Wayne's Murders) to messy showdown of Gotham's first "no-man's-land".
In way, you were the fourth original "musketeer" alongside with Jim, Leslie, and Harvey.
You sigh. You decided to look at your past history and leave soon for the day.
You first take a good look around before heading in to take a walk in memory lane.
You look at your 1st taken picture of full GCPD prominent members with unexpected allies.
The world and Gotham has already taken a toll on you. Half of the people in the picture turned corrupt and have died (none of them imprisoned) such as Carmen, Josh, Arnold Flass, or Josef Muller, quarter of them including you and Aaron Cash, Gary Dell, William North, Eddie Burlow, Mike, and Kevin Liew volunteered for Arkham security which some didn't survive regardless they were honest or not, some but not many died in line of duty or M.I.A such as Renee Montoya, Crispus Allen, Micheal Lane, and Kelvin Mao-great reliable individuals, wonder where John Jones went. Slam Bradley, Joseph Potato, and Stanley Kitch are good fellow teammates. Others like Martin and Agatha can be trusted. Alfred Pennyworth of the British SAS and Lucius Fox of Wayne Enterprises were great friends. So was Dent, before he turned mad. Same with Lyle Bolton. At least, Inspector Ace Ventura can give some light-hearted assistance. Dan Turpin is always remembered. Chief Angle Rojas works with Ellen Yin, Cash Tankinson, officer Karen, and Ethan Bennett. Many study the works of Cassander Baker. There are certain cases of people like Knute Brody, Tan Lujun, Dr Reeder, Ben Arnell, Malke S. Morgenstern, and Ronald Ferguson Jr.
The 2nd taken photo is kept top secret obviously.
After all, many outward villains and that mad clown often take the "best of us" in the Bat-Family. Behold: the Batman Incorporated (with their disguises on of course, and some used to be Bat's rogue galleries). The Blood Pack. Forgotten Heroes. The Outsiders. Wayne Enterprises members such as Harold Allnut, Teddy, Jackie, Ron, Emily Locke, reluctant Vanderveer "Van" Wayne, Chairman West, and Wendy. Crimson Fox. Stanley Ipkiss. Grey Ghost. The Shadow. Nightwing (and his followers). Batgirl. Red Hood. Red Robin (Yum! SHUT UP! -Tim Drake). The Huntress (wounded an arrow on you when first meeting you). Spawn. The Spoiler. Talon. (Chinese Batgirl). Carrie Kelly. Catwoman (once stole your Rolex. In return you got her diamond ring) and her friends, Holly Robinson and Arizona. Anarky. Killer Croc. Clayface. The Creeper. Azrael. Jonah Hex. Black Canary. Green Arrow. Catman. Katana. Batwing. Newest Robin. Duke Thomas with his friends (We Are Robin Movement). Bluebird. Gotham and Gotham Girl. Ragman. Batwoman. Alan Scott. The Oracle with the Birds of Prey! (Once stole Ms Gordon's wheelchair due to misunderstanding). Dr. Halreen Quinzel. Knight and Squire. Manhunter. Flamebird. Jason Blood. Abuse. Alexis Luthor. Deadman. Bat-Cow. Goliath. Ace the hound. Detective Chimp. Alfred the cat.
Teen Titians were memorable too. (Y/N) scanned the 3rd kept safe in (y/n)'s possession. Justice is always young these days.
Aqualad. Kid Flash. Cyborg. The Doom Patrol. Beast Boy. Raven. Starfire. Bumblebee. Casey Jones. Argent. David Zavimbe. Big Shot and Hard Line with a silly man wearing a fedora and scarf. Superboy. Static Shock.
The 4th photo is highly classified. (Y/N) cannot look into it. You would get killed. However (y/n) already knows whose in it.
ARGUS. DEO. S.H.A.D.E. Amanda Waller (known with her cronies of course: The Sucide Squad). Jarro. The very much alive "Mutant" Turtles with their "rodent" sensei. The Power Rangers. "W.I.T.C.H-Guardians of Kandrakar". The Wildcats. U.N.C.L.E. The Losers. Frank Moses with his crew.
Eventually these adventures got him/her into lots of series in trouble. However, this would introduce (y/n) to the Justice League...after series of international incidents...
You almost groan.
It was considered to be a lucky, or bad timing...
A tip was provided by Dr. Getchen Whistler and Chase Meridian in Arkham Asylum (now officially a supervillains' max prison). Henchmen such as Emiliano and Braccio are with Dove Corps to await further orders. Hopefully it's like not that situation with Anarky.
(Y/N) was investigating Dr. Tito Daka.
The target had two hostages: Linda Page and Capt. Arnold.
(Y/N) bust into his office.
The files were on the table.
"...Soylent Green? No. Umbrella Corps? A brand manufacturing company?! No. The Templars-nope. The BnL-hm?...GLOBEX as in global? SQ-no, Vespers-no, The Oathbound-what even is that? Oh! "The Light"...something about serpent with many-AH HA! The "Injustice League" and H.I.V.E-!"
You hear someone is coming in.
"Gah!" (Y/N) quickly places the rest of the papers into waste-trash compartment. This would prove to save many lives and the world.
Once the supposed doctor goes in, you went out without him noticing you.
Suddenly you see the hostages. Alongside is Vicki Vale, and The Wizard is holding her with a teen kid and...Lois Lane?!
(Y/N) suddenly get down, perhaps Lois own superhero: Superman, or Batman, might show up.
After all, The Joker, Oswald Cobblepot, and former GCPD Dr. Edward Nygma are there too. Somewhat they all split up. Each are given certain hostages.
Whether the Batman is here or not, (y/n) can't wait-
Suddenly, a dark blue-themed came out of the shadows.
Both found their way to rescue officer Arnold from Oswald Cobblepot, or the mobster Penguin.
"You never going to get out of here, Cobblepot!"
"Shut-up and wait your turn! Waugh! Waugh! Waugh!"
Suddenly with the appearance of Red Robin, both (y/n) and Nightwing jumped on his given henchmen.
As the Penguin was distracted by both known Robins, (y/n) grabbed him and nailed him on the wall.
"End me, boys! You think you're just doing your job for Gordon or the Bat himself?!"
"I Do It by the BOOK like any officers would! Meanwhile Batman will get here!"
Arnold approaches Oswald as he is being handcuffed by (y/n), "Most of us aren't like you birde!"
"Your stupid rules will be your downfall kids! EVEN Batman will admit that, right kiddos!?"
(Y/N) whirred his face in front of him. "HE'S not a coward who hides behind a gun! He would never the life of another-for he is-"
"(Y/N)! Watch out!" Red Robin indicates an incoming henchman.
"Hold on, buddy! For he is-"
Nightwing shouted, "No, seriously!"
At that moment, (y/n) goes down to pick up one of Penguin's trick umbrella dropped from the ground which saved his life from incoming metal bat attack, and shot the henchman's thigh while going upside down under his knees, crippling him. He blows off the smoke.
"-For he's a dark knight! Better than the rest of us!" (Y/N) ran off with his new-found weapon.
Suddenly he goes in a corner, whispering to Tim, "SHHH! Be vewy vewy quiet! I am hunting a wabbit!" He suddenly sees the shadow. He then points the umbrella gun backwards, holding it by the end-and shooting it at incoming Mad Hatter's attack with his trick cards. Nightwing quickly subdues him.
Quickly, they passed Mr. Freeze's icy cell that was made for him, Poison Ivy's makeshift garden in her own cell, and Two-Face's empty cell. The Robins and (y/n) head off to the Riddler's position.
You quickly see Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane tied back-to-back position.
You trail Nightwing and Red Robin to save the superheroes' closest allies.
"Ah-nah-haha! Not so fast!"
The usual chirping voice of once so-called friend stated.
You remember the time you foiled him after his attempt on Lucius Fox's life and his daughter.
Nightwing and Red Robin ready their weapons...
"Riddle Me This, officer! Only you, NOT THE BIRDES, can answer this riddle!"
"-Riddler, DON'T!" As (y/n) tries to appeal to him, knowing much and most of Batman's enemies tragic backstories also.
"AHEM! If you gave an aim to give a shot-!"
Lois winced at the sharp tone.
"We'll RIDDLE you! What are we?"
Tim burrows his brows. His thoughts were interrupted by (y/n)
"Oh...OH, that's a stumper! Ahem, Say it again?"
The Riddler raises his head, "If you aim, to give us a shot, we'll riddle you!" as he pressed the gun on Jimmy's forehead.
"Guys! Its bull-"
The Riddler tries to stop him-
"WAIT, Wait! Wait! No hints!"
Nightwing and Tim look at (y/n).
"It is bul...bull...bul?"
The Riddler pinches his nose under his glasses. "You think...the answer to my riddle is: "bul"?!"
"I mean he says-"
"Don't worry what he says, just ANSWER IT!"
"IS it Helicopter?"
Every eye is on you.
"Alright, now, what makes you think that I say that makes you think of helicopter?"
"Well, you did say-if you aim, and if us a shot-I mean-have no idea. Man, I just shooting in the dark..."
The Riddler sighed, "Ok, listen-if you AIM, to give us a shot..."
Lois adds in, "-With a gun..."
"To give us a SHOT-!"
Lois and Jimmy try to help by pretending if they were being shot...
"We'll riddle YOU-!"
"With little pieces of metal," Nightwing tries to help.
Tim adds in, "That are called-?"
The Riddler stated, "WHAT ARE THEY CALLED? What's going to come out of the gun?"
(Y/N) pointed his finger at him, "INJUSTICE! The tools of cowards and criminals!"
The Riddler was confused angrily, "Are-Are-You being serious right now?! Because I got ten more of these riddles that are harder than this one...this is the concept of, just riddling you..."
"I got it! It's YOU!"
"You're riddling me!"
"Ok, listen-in this context of the word, riddle, doesn't mean a joke, or a brain teaser-or..."
Jimmy stated, "I mean words can have different meaning like Robin! Bird or thrush..."
(Y/N) pointed both Nightwing and Tim Drake, "They are Robin!"
The Riddler was in disbelief.
"Is the answer a small boy's trousers?"
"Is it invisalign braces?"
"FOR REAL, How does Batman even match this guy to you two, what you even see in this guy?!"
Nightwing shrugs, "Honestly, I actually don't know, much..."
"Please, at least I stopped two villainous girls trying to get you-know-what...anyways is it a bag of steel-cut oats?"
The Riddler replied furiously, "OK JUST LISTEN! Multiple choice!"
"What comes out of a gun? A: BULLETS!"
"It sounds good to me!"
"What's B and C?" (Y/N) asked confusingly.
He huffed, "There are no B or C!"
"NO B AND C!? IT'S A TRAP!"
"ARGH! IT'S BULLETS!"
Lois shouts also, "RIDDLED WITH BULLETS! IT'S A COMMON EXPRESSION!"
(Y/N) then asks unwittingly, "Ok wait, how can a BULLET 'riddle' me? It doesn't have a mouth!"
"OH MY GOD! I TOLD YOU THE RIDDLE! THE ANSWER WAS BULLETS! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER BULLET THEN I SHOOT YOU-LIKE THIS!"
Tim shouts, "Watch out-!"
The angry Riddler shoots at (y/n).
Unfortunately for him, (y/n) was wearing bullet-proof chest-plate which one bounced back and grazed Riddler in the leg. "ARGH!"
Nightwing and Tim quickly free amused Lois and Jimmy.
(Y/N) replied to the wounded Riddler while cuffing him, "Pfft, if you are going to tell riddles, you shouldn't give away the answer. Totally ruins the fun!"
Soon engages a knife fight with Victor Zsasz with a frying pan in Arkham's kitchen. After wounding him in the hand by picked up knife, he wounds himself after trying to swipe at you. (Y/N) finds Linda Page which he finds out Dr. Daka and the Wizard are holding Vicki as a prisoner in the lower departments.
(Y/N) took a right...and subdues two obvious Russian henchmen. He also quickly swung a door to knock out the female henchman with a loaded pistol. Made her lose some teeth.
Suddenly, a tap on the left shoulder.
You look up. Scarecrow!
"Cran-" Without hesitation, he sprays (y/n) with fear toxins.
"Oh? Having trouble old friend? Usually Batman himself helps out this time. One piece of advice: you got to lighten-"
"NO! BOY SCOUTS!"
"WHEN PEOPLE HAVE TO JOIN, THEY HAVE RECITE LONG LINES OF ALLEGIANCES IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY! TOO BORING!"
Dr. Crane was confused, "...maybe I didn't use enough stuff.."
Sprays poor (y/n) more fear toxin.
"YES EMBRACE THE FEAR!"
"NO! SLEEVELESS T-SHIRTS!"
"YOUR TORSO IS WARM! BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR ARMS!?"
"Wait, hold on, hold on-"
After being sprayed at more, (y/n) yells out, "ROOMBA!"
"HOW DOES IT KNOW WHERE IT GOES?! IF WE DON'T PUSH IT!"
Crane was now more confused...and bit mad.
"Okay, what it is now you fool?!"
"UKULELES! GET THEM AWAY! ITS JINGLE-JANGLES TELLS ME I AM IN A CLUB MED!"
"...why would you be afraid of that?" Suddenly Nightwing appears near him. Red Robin came nearby too.
"WAYNE'S FLORESCENT LIGHTBLUBS! SURE SAVE THE EARTH BUT AT WHAT WEIRD TWISTY COST?!"
Nightwing readies his batons...and equally amused by Scarecrow's confusion also.
"JINGLY KEYS! FUN FOR BABIES NOT FOR-GAH!"
"I don't understand..."
"INTIMACY ON BROWSER HISTORY!"
"AHHH!" as he spots Nightwing. "STAY WAY! CHRISTOPHER MCDONALD!"
Scarecrow was livid. "For crying aloud-are you kidding me?!"
"GOOSE MCKENZIE! YOU KEEP YOUR DISTANCE, SHOOTER MCGAVIN!"
"YAAAHHH!" as Nightway was about to hit Scarecrow, but gassed (y/n) punches Dr. Crane daylights out of him first. "TV SHOW DOUBLE DOWN! INVISALIGN BRACES! A BAG OF SUNCHIPS! BABE RUTH'S TINY LEGS YAAAAAHHH!"
Tim Drake tries not to laugh while he cuffs Scarecrow, as Nightwing soon gave (y/n) the antidote.
(Y/N), Nightwing, and Red Robin race in where Vicki Vale the reporter is held hostage.
Suddenly you were ambushed by the "Man in Black".
Apparently he has the appearance of Dr. Robert Kirkland's once-been scary alter-ego: Man-Bat.
But he has the technology of Firefly, and Deadshot's similar weapons.
Fortunately for (y/n) he picked up outrageous spy gadgets in people's eyes, and back-up tools from Batman.
For one, there is the ballpoint pen that can be used as a tranquilizer dart.
Two clicks and it seems to do it.
As the perpetrator was knocked out, his com-link was on. "Calling in...leave Arkham until further orders. The Detective himself will appear..."
It was uncanny resemblance to someone that you and Batman know.
Soon after, the prison security managed to contain certain threats.
Grayson and Drake are successful of saving Ms. Vale...with help of Red Hood, who shot and crippled the Wizard point-blank. Very tragic as he used to be a likable person who fixed Thomas Wayne's watch.
Dr. Daka was mysteriously murdered through death by pit of alligators nearby.
The escaped inmates are: The Joker, and Two-Face.
Quickly, you run up with Grayson and Drake which they explain Red Hood is also after them by following their henchmen, with his own means of tracking them down.
You decided to show your own red convertible (Cord). But it was in middle of being towed away...
You stated bluntly, "Watch and learn you guys..."
(Y/N) was in the hijacked tow truck with the Robins.
"Dudes, they too far ahead of us!"
"Have faith, they are around south!"
The tow truck screeched to the right of the Gotham's Narrows, surprising many bystanders.
The clown henchmen's messy car tries to evade them by twists and turns.
"THERE THEY ARE!"
"Just as I thought!"
"Hold tight you guys!" (Y/N) warns.
The cars are in high speed chase, going through traffic all the way.
"We might able to catch them! Dick! Take the wheel with Drake! I going for my car!"
But quickly closes the open door when an incoming car rushes through.
"Change places! I am getting to the other side!"
You struggle but successfully get to your car. Vehicles are always a struggle ever since being in GMV. "I am in boys! Swing me out!"
Drake presses truck's controller to pull out (y/n)'s car.
You signal them to put you down, "Down! Down!"
The car does go down gently. Suddenly an incoming car comes at you.
"UP! UP! UP! UP!"
The Robins saves you from upcoming disaster.
The car swoops by, while the rush briefly turns the wheels of the red car.
But then you see the clown car.
"Guys! Pull out!"
The chase gets intense, the red hanging car was swinging.
Then a traffic camera takes a picture of (y/n).
Annoyed, (y/n) pushes a button from the secret intelligence car's inventory: a missile obliterating the camera.
But the traffic turns red. The clown car escapes. "Drop me here guys!"
They did but you land on another hanger towed by another car. "AW! Come on!"
Quickly you turn on the gear and speed away from it, on the pursuit of the suspects' vehicle.
Although you have top level ten clearance above the Interpol, you work in the mist of GCPD. The suspects were all apprehended by Batman surprising them-crashing angrily on their car's front.
"The Joker is still on the run, but I am betting that he'll get him, nonetheless." Detective Blake (Grayson) replied. Drake is on watch by scouting where Two-Face is with the Oracle.
Both you and Grayson head off in the GCPD garage department.
"Morning Smith!" (Y/N) stated nonchalantly.
"Morning..." the repairman replied.
"...and oh! You might have to tell him that it is the "Demon's Head" himself. No doubt that the late Dr. Daka and newest Arkham breakout was staged as a distraction...meanwhile our secretive "owl" friends are proposing to ally themselves with the shadowy assassins, I saw the familiar marking on "Man in Black's" ring ...hang on..."
Dick gets (y/n)'s sudden hesitation. "...does that sound like Smith to you..."
The two peer anxiously back, before running off in cover by the supposed repairman's open fire.
The assailant was wearing half-black-and-white tuxedo. No doubt that is one of Two-Face's henchman himself. Either that or a hired corrupt officer on the payroll.
"Damn! Like a coil viper, he strikes!"
After dispatching the assailant quickly, the Oracle informed that while highlighting the city, Two-Face new hired men are robbing a bank.
Somewhat...you have an insane plan that might have put you in Arkham.
"PIZZA DELIVERY!" as Grayson and the others ready themselves to save hostages.
(Y/N) called out, "If it isn't hot, there is a dollar and fifty refund! On your next purchase of diet or regular pepsi!...But it only applies between 6:30 and 7:00 Mondays and Tuesdays, Subject to availability...Usual restrictions apply." as you rant on and on to get the door open.
The robbers lets you in.
Like Bruce's son would say, "Well I might have known, I am not impressed!"
The supposed perpetrators were wearing familiar superheroes masks.
"Oh wow! You guys are the Justice League of...United States? Well what are you guys doing here? Anyways, YOU GUYS HAVE REALLY GONE TOO FAR!"
"Alright, give us the pizza, and-and lie with them people too!" as they point their rifles at you.
"'Give us the pizza?'" and "'Them people too?"' Pfft, you janging jellybeans should spend more time in lectures at Gotham's Academy than playing ridiculous pranks like this, you guys might sound less more moronic! Your guys' nonsense have gone far enough! NOW HAND ME THOSE RIDICULOUS TOYS AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL!" as the robbers got more confused.
"KILL THE DAMN BASTARD!"
"Don't take that tone to me, laddie! There's nothing clever about foul language! I am a police officer. And you are all under arrest." As you take off the guise.
"Get away or you're dead!"
"-And I'm going to count to 10. One-Two!"
"Don't, Reg! I don't want anything to do with murdering coppers."
"Blimey, IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT all the coppers!"
"I've never heard of such naughtiness, I really haven't." You exclaimed. "All right, Blake, the "siege" is over." as you take away their weapons, as they surrender reluctantly.
"I'm the manager of this bank, and I have to say. You acted with tremendous courage." As soon Grayson with the others arrest the assilants.
"Thank god it's all over!
"Go, go, go! Well, you broke every rule in the book, (y/n). Though I can't deny you ended the siege without bloodshed. It's pretty cool to talk round armed robbers like that, except in the night...more violent and awesome as that."
"Oh really, Blake? Hasn't the penny dropped? Armed robbers? I hardly think so. Why, under these silly colorful masks, you'll find no craggy-faced criminals, But beardless spotty-faced students on a rag stunt. There are plenty of mature students at college these days..." as you take off each masks one by one, while you realize these are recognizable stone-thick prison Blackgate cellmates that escaped not so long ago. One of them was nervous Sidney Debris.
"So...such desperate villains, just as I thought...why one of you guys wear Wonder Woman for Hera's sake?"
Commissioner Gordon wants you to interrogate the now-then captured Joker. The lunatic who is crazy as an evil nurse ratcheting on destruction.
This shocked you at first, asking why not Batman?
The reply was that he was out looking for Dent, and the Joker only knows where he is before they split paths in Arkham...
Knowing that the Joker is unpredictable, you look at a page of "Criminally Insane For Dummies" and decided to get tough.
"Winslow Heath! Stolen ID: John Dough. Suspect of aiding the gang war of "Batmen" and "Jokers". Started this due to Joker scarring you-"
"Oh! I know that guy! Pretty dramatic if you ask me!" The Joker licked up his usual creepy tone. "He's right you know about Batsy's problem of fighting fire with fire!"
"Wait a minute if (y/n) isn't here-then...DAMN THE MESSY PAPERWORK!"
The lights come on revealing (y/n) standing behind Winslow.
You slam Winslow's head on the table.
"What the shit?! God! My head feels fuzzy..."
You hammer his hand. He screams in suprise. You sit down
"Well, you wanted this, here I am!"
"I don't want you! Who are you?! WHERE IS MY LAWYER-!"
"My head. I can't see color! I think you broke my hand-"
"You're garbage who kills for FUN!"
"What!? I'm Winslow! My name is Winslow! Batman made me upset that-YARH!"
You pull him across the table by the collar.
"Where's Dent CLOWN!?"
"I don't know! I was angry at Batman for not rescuing-argh!"
You throw him against the wall.
"I have one rule, BUB! YOU PICKED THE WRONG SIDE OF ME!"
"I'm so sorry! Officer! I'll never do it-again!"
In response, you flip him and throws his back onto the table.
Jesus! My back. Oh my God, my back!"
You then grab his head and smash it into the glass.
"WHERE IS HE?!"
"WHO? Oh my god, who?!"
You punch him hard.
"WHERE IS HE?!
"I don't know! I just don't know!"
You punch him, again. Finally Grayson opens the door
"(Y/N)! Wait! This is a just wannabe mime! The Joker is in the other room! Besides he told us where Dent is!"
A long, awkward beat.
Two-Face, holding a pistol, stands over Red Hood who has just been pistol whipped and is appropriately fazed.
He puts the gun to Batwoman's temple. "Damn it, Harvey. Put the gun down. You're dead if you kill her!"
"No, just the person you work with the most. So who is it?" as he then points it at Roy Harper.
"...Put the gun down, asshole-Goddamit! YOU ARE DEAD!" as Jason was furious than ever since Dent once killed his father.
"...We have a winner."
"You don't want to hurt the boy, Two-Face!" as (y/n) approaches the scene.
Two Face turns towards you, who steps from the shadows.
"It's not about what I want. It's about what's fair!"
Two face turns to Jason, so his normal face is clear to you.
"Harvey! Thank god you're here! Two-Face is holding Red Arrow hostage."
"What are you talking about?!"
"Two-Face! You're back! Give up it up! Nothing fair ever came out of the barrel of a gun."
"He knows what happened to me, right?" asking Jason and Kate.
"Harvey! Use that gun you're holding on Two-Face next time he shows his faces!"
He turns back to you.
"You know I'm Harvey Dent, right? Is it because you only can see one of my..."faces"?"
"Harvey? Where'd you go? Two-Face is back and he looks super pissed off!"
"...YEAH! I'm Harvey Dent!"
"Nice try Two-Face, but your tricks won't work on me. Let go him go!"
Jason was bewildered for the first time...
"Uh (y/n), remember? Acid-like explosions?"
"You kidding me? My face melted! I'm insane now! You don't remember this?"
"Well it's been a crazy day...and...know...uh, Hood remember Ra? We have go to get him!"
Two-Face interrupts, "COME ON! I AM TWO-FACE! I HAVE TWO FACES OK!? I AM HARVEY DENT AND TWO-FACE! I AM TWO-FACE AND HARVEY DENT. Ok OK, look at me. Look at both sides of my face..."
"Oh! Good and evil, waging war! Read this on your profile."
"Forget about that. See this side?" as points to his scarred, burnt side, "What does it look like?"
"Half of two face...anyways, now that Harvey left, I have to ask, can we trust him like Batman did?"
"Uh...No we can't trust him. He has a gun up to my head." Roy stated.
"This is the guy that joined with Batman and took out crazies like us?"
"Yeah...I don't know."
(Y/N) exclaims, "Harvey! It's good to see you! You're almost as good at disappearing as Batman!"
Batwoman explains, "Listen. Harvey Dent IS Two-Face."
"Harvey is the white knight of Gotham!"
"And now he's Two Face. Half of Two-Face is Harvey!"
"So Harvey...used to be Two-Face?"
"NO! I am Two-Face! I HAVE TWO-FACES! OK! Look at me. What do you see."
"And now what do you see?"
"Scary face. Oh no! A new villain! Is there no end to the homicidal maniacs Gotham produces?!"
"And when we put them together..."
"What have you done with Harvey and Scary Face! They've done nothing to you."
"OK! Let's just get this over with. We all have as much chance as I had. 50/50!"
"How can we possibly determine that?
"With a F*cking COIN!" Two-Face deadpans.
"That's just heads or tails. We'll need 50 coins for that to work. And 50 more! Then Batman will analyze it with SCIENCE!"
Two-Face cringes in frustration. "I am going to flip to see if I can kill you first!"
"It's Heads! Which means I can't kill him...Everyone here object with a redo?" He asks calmly.
Jason Todd and Katherine Kate and Roy Harper just shake their heads. "Nope! Nope...shoot him!"
"OH COME ON!"
The coin flies in the air. You quickly tackle Two Face.
Both of you fall over the edge of the burnt wall.
Dent is just knocked unconscious.
(Y/N) holds Harper by his arm.
"Well...And thus-I guess it is the end in the saga of scary face."
"Give me back my friend, dipshit!"
Soon enough, the Oracle gave directions of where Ra' A' Ghul's meeting with the Court of Owl is.
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin (Bruce's son), Red Arrow, and Batwoman fly and prance in the air.
(Y/N) meanwhile is struggling with the running a bit...
"(Y/N)! Remember your training!"
With your odd sense of perception, you have an idea, after reviving memories of "certain training"...
You run then slid off a ramp which flies you off into the darkness then crashing down from the rooftop of the secret-held meeting.
The debris crashes on the table that holds people with masks of owls on one side, and certain ninjas on the other side...
"Heh, heh...anyways..." as you cringe nervously, then quickly picking up an Uzi on the table.
"NOBODY MOVE! YOU ALL ARE UNDER ARREST!"
Nightwing pinches his bridge of his nose, above the make-shift hole.
The ninjas tries to pull out their swords.
"Hit the dirt boys! I don't care what you guys are! Unless you want be on the ground dead!" as you swing the machine gun around.
You slowly get up as you point it at Ra' A' Ghul himself. "Well! Well! The Demon Head himself! Expert swordsman and an immortal eco-terrorist!"
"You fool! No one insults the great-"
"Oh shut your mouth you poor excuse fighter of a samurai!"
Wrong retort to couple of members in sinister organizations.
After a quick chase, things take turn for worse when being captured and almost subjected to gruesome torture.
Ra' A' Ghul have took an interest in you, by planning to brainwash you as their loyal warrior to undermine Bruce Wayne and the others.
Apparently he read your "interesting" resume. Along with wacky exploits you have.
After retorting that you like to keep your arm to yourself, and stating that it was no difference by the Joker once trying to torture (y/n) by inviting all other villains to give a scar on you to remember by.
If it weren't for the Robins, the Joker would have tried to add a finishing touch of Glasgow smile, a bullet on your shoulder, crowbar on the body everywhere, electro-shock "therapy", etc, etc with things that makes people cry if they see it.
You quickly held up Taila' A' Ghul (his daughter) and later you were shot at by the Court of Owls members after trying to pretend if you were an escaping pirate convict.
With the contact of the Robins, Batman has already arrived here. But you soon got info that Selina Kyle is held prisoner here after trying to steal Court of Owls' goods.
"You made a serious mistake..." as you tried to open her cage.
"Not as serious as yours...I fear!" the ominous fied stated. You turn around, and eyes widens.
"Let's not stand on ceremony here, Agent (y/n)."
"Urm...sounds GOOD TO ME!" as you spat Batman's given tool.
"-? Sleeping agents?"
"Uh, sure! I was gonna to save them later, but then again, Batman recommends that pounding with you wouldn't be a good idea or satisfying..."
"Please you think you can escape your breaking? What are you doing to do now? YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN-"
You quickly cut off his steel stern principles' speeches by spitting more.
"...well, that will do it..." as Bane slumps to his knees. After freeing Catwoman, you approach Bane.
You push him off the railing ramp into the water.
"Well that could've been worse..."
Suddenly you and Catwoman are in a chase by the storming henchmen. "YOU GOT TO BE JOKING!"
Ra himself was in the way with a deadly sword. He was ready to deal the death blow.
Solution: "BAT-NET!" (Y/N) shouted, while using the gadget.
Those were the good old days.
You look at your final photo before locking things up: The Mystery Incorporated with their famous Scooby-Doo. Talked about meeting Falcon and Dog Wonder, Johnny Bravo, Harvey Birdman, WWE, supernatural stuff, Batman, and something about "let's be heroes"...
Although you were "helpful" on the Justice League, you rather teach geography at Gotham Academy.
Interesting students: Olive, Mia, Colton, Kyle, Tristan, Eric, Heathcliff, and Karlo. Special guests: The Lumberjanes.
You taught them some skills and became the most interesting teacher at the school, with unique and unorthodox ways to teach students.
Often times, you have good tea conversations with Headmaster Hammer.
For one, you train students to be like a police SWAT team.
You take a look at the clock, it is time to head to Batman to report in.
Unfortunately, due to your burden knowledge-you are marked for death.
(Y/N) head off to get a taxi to the Wayne Manor.
Around the world, many hitmen try to kill (y/n). It is a shooting gallery.
While getting your suitcase, a man in sunglasses hired by Ignatius Ogilvy tries to stab (y/n). The knife was stuck on the briefcase, you thought he was trying to get it for himself so you turn it around and unwittingly stabs him. "What are you doing-hm?"
Strange occurrences are always happening.
A woman from the Wonderland Gang uses her hidden breast sharp pins to try to pin (y/n) but was thwarted by a given loaf of bread and backfired when was tripped.
The small-sized man from the Whisper Men tries to use the crossbow but was darted by an instrument hidden rifle by a sniper.
An Asian man whose hired by False-Facers was behind (y/n) with a silencer, but was stabbed by a rival by his hidden shoe knife.
That rival was taken out by another sniper.
Soon, two snipers are targeting (y/n). They followed (y/n) into the bathroom stalls, suddenly a roll of toilet paper was dropped, (y/n) ducked as opposing assassin bullets took out both hired killers.