New Year's Resolution
A/N: This is probably super overdone, but I just wanted to post it. It kinda just wrote it on a plane ride, so sorry that the editing is not the best. Let me know what you think!
It's almost midnight, and they're still at the office. This time, though, it's not due to a particularly difficult case or a book deadline. It's because they're cleaning up after the New Year's party. The rest of the staff has either gone home or to another party with more alcohol and fewer coworkers, but Cal and Gillian are still there finishing up the office-wide New Year's Resolution board.
"Come on, it's an office wide thing," Gillian pleads. "Literally everyone else has put up a resolution except you. Look, even Loker put one up. 'Watch less porn,'" she reads. "We don't even have to put it up on the board. You can just tell me. I can keep it a secret." She winks.
"Well, Love, that's the problem." Cal's trademark cockiness and mischievous glint are nowhere to be seen are are replaced with a distant, glassy haze that she see more and more often now. It's not quite pity or sadness. It's like he's sad at her, or maybe because of her.
"Am I the problem?" she asks hesitantly, dropping her teasing tone from moments before.
"No! You're never the problem," Cal says, and he looks pained that she might think that. His expression is then replaces with a self-deprecating smile. "I'm the problem. As per usual."
"Well, New Year's Resolutions are about self-improvement," Gil says softly. "You don't have to tell me."
"I wanna be more honest with the people I love," he admits. He looks guilty while he's saying it, maybe because he doubts his own ability to achieve it.
"That's a wonderful resolution, Cal."
"It's not fair that I'm thinkin' all these things about ya but don't tell ya."
Gillian rests her palm over his heart. "For what it's worth, I think you're honest in all the ways that matter."
"I was talkin' to Em the other night, and I realized that there's somethin' I gotta tell ya." The thumping under her hand quickens. "I love you."
"I love you too," she replies immediately. It's not the first time they've said it. It's the only words they could use to describe the deep trust and platonic bond that they have.
"No, like really, really love you. The 'I wanna take you out to dinner, wine ya, and dine ya' kinda love you. Em asked me why I haven't told you yet. At the time, I wasn't sure why, but now I know: It's because I'm bloody terrified. I don't wanna hurt you, but with me it's kinda inevitable." He takes a breath to continue, but Gillian cuts him off.
"Stop." Her eyes a full of tears, but there's a genuine smile on her lips. "I really, really love you too. I'd be delighted go to dinner with you and—" suddenly he's kissing her, she's kissing him, and love doesn't seem like a big enough word for how they feel.
Somewhere in the office, a clock chimes twelve times, signaling midnight.
"Happy new year, Cal."
"Happy new year, Love."