Hello and welcome back to a random story idea. This is a crackfic that spawned from a comment made by Riku Kingdom Hearts about one of our other stories, and it just devolved from there. So anything and everything is involved here, and characters are just random personalities as well. So yea, we have come up with this crazy idea for a therapy group. Hope you enjoy the randomness that has come from this!


"Hello everyone and welcome to this therapy. Now you all know why you are here today. There is one thing that unites all of you. One single person that caused you all problems, but that's what brings us here. Welcome to the 'Victims of Hojo's Experiments Therapy Group'!" the therapist said before the group of six men.

The therapist paused for a moment as he glanced at one of the people. "Um… Zack… are you going to take your seat?" The spiky raven-haired young adult was standing next to his chair as he was doing squats.

"Is that even a real question?" asked the long raven-haired man that had his legs and arms crossed.

Zack just smiled as he looked over to the therapist that had just spoken to him without letting up from doing his exercises. "Nope. I'm content with doing these squats. It helps me relax more."

"Once he starts, he never can stop," Cloud, the young adult with blond hair, stated simply.

The others that were present just remained quiet for the time being after that.

"All… right…" the therapist said before his throat. "Does anyone want to go first?"

No one spoke up, they all continued to stay quiet. They only glanced briefly at one another, but that was it. The therapist sighed as he looked at the sheet he had, containing everyone's names. "Okay, I suppose I will just pick someone. How about you Genesis? Care to tell us your troubles involving Hojo?"

Suddenly, everyone in the room let out an exasperated sigh as they knew what was going to happen.

"Great, you just had to ask him first," Angeal started.

"And so it begins," Sephiroth replied casually in a cool and relaxed voice.

Genesis smiled with glee as he held up his book of LOVELESS. He took in a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"There is no hate, only joy

For you are beloved by the goddess

Hero of the dawn, Healer of worlds

Dreams of the morrow hath the shattered soul

Pride is lost

Wings stripped away, the end is nigh"

The therapist looked on, confused at what he had just heard. "Um… okay? I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but it sounded… lovely?"

"It's his favorite book, LOVELESS," Angeal replied.

"Act 2 specifically is what he said," Sephiroth added.

"And you two know this… how?" Vincent asked, finally speaking up.

"He prattles on about it. Never shuts up. I had to hear it so much now I think even I know it by heart," Zack suddenly replied through breaths while still doing his squats.

"I guess that means that Vincent and I are the lucky ones," Cloud commented as he stared at the redheaded man, who continue to flip through pages of his book.

"Well then, let's move to one of you two," the therapist said. "Vincent, do you care to talk about how Hojo has ruined your life?"

"Not particularly," Vincent replied quietly.

"Come on, this is the point of this group. To come forth and talk about the horrible things Hojo has done to all of you. Trust me, it will all help you guys to talk things out. So please, tell us Vincent," the therapist replied.

"Well, where do I begin," he said as he anguished slightly. "To put it simply, he stole my girl. Shot me in the chest, nearly killing me. Did many experiments on me and left me in a death-like state."

"And… how are you here now then if you were left like that?" Sephiroth asked.

"Lucrecia, the love of my life, infused chaos mako into me, which made me stronger and revitalized me. But then I was ashamed and locked myself in a coffin for over 20 years. Also, I'm immortal," he stated coldly.

"Lucrecia? Mother?" Sephiroth asked with wide curious eyes.

Zack on the other hand gasped with surprise. "No way! Seriously dude? So you are like a vampire?"

"I guess? If you want me to be…" he trailed off in a nonchalant tone.

"My friend, the fates are cruel

There are no dreams, no honor remains," Genesis said, replying with another line from LOVELESS.

"Oh my Gaia, do you ever shut up?!" Zack protested as finally stopped doing his squats.

"Well, you got him to stop doing his squats at least. But now we have Mr. Rambles over here," Angeal retorted.

"Wait a minute," Zack said as he looked around the room. He started to count each person and then spoke up. "Eight of us, nine including the therapist dude… but… where's Aerith? Shouldn't she be here?"

There was a brief silence as a bit more light suddenly shown into the room. "BECAUSE I'M DEAD!" Aerith's voice echoed around the room as all of the men stared with wide eyes.

Zack pouted with puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry Aerith…"

"Now that I think about it… how can you even here Zack? Aren't you supposed to be dead as well?" Sephiroth asked as he crossed his arms.

Zack stiffened up as he glared at the silver-haired man. "Uh…. m-maybe? But! Aren't YOU supposed to be dead too? Like multiple times?"

Sephiroth grinned mildy. "I keep coming back. Seems you guys can't get enough of me. I appreciate the love."

"Love?" Genesis asked, perking up again. "LOVELESS?!"

"When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end

The goddess descends from the sky

Wings of light and dark spread afar

She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting"

Angeal, Sephiroth, and Zack all let out long sighs.

Someone cleared their throat and everyone looked back towards the front of the room. The therapist was still standing up at the front. He cleared his throat once more. "Well… um first off thank you Vicent for sharing that information. Now… uh how about you Angeal. Would you wanna go next?"

"Not anything in particular, other than keeping these two in line," he said, motioning to Sephiroth and Genesis. "Also, Hojo is a dick."

"That… wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but I'll accept that," the therapist replied. He then glanced over the group of men again. "Cloud how about you? You've been awfully quietly this entire time."

Cloud blinked a few times before sighing. "What don't I have to say about that prick. He is the cause of nearly all my problems."

"Try all of your problems," Sephiroth interjected snidely.

Cloud rolled his eyes as he went on. "If it wasn't for him and his stupid experiments, I wouldn't have been in a catatonic state for a year. Zack wouldn't have died if Hojo hadn't broken my mind from overdosing me on Mako. I would have been able to do something."

Zack frowned again as he looked at Cloud. "But Cloud, I'm right here."

"I swear I can still hear Zack's voice sometimes," Cloud replied as he closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair.

"You were talking to me just earlier!' Zack exclaimed.

"Oh how I miss him."

"Cloud! Stop fooling around," Zack said as he walked over to Cloud and shook his shoulder.

"It's like he is right here next to me."

Genesis's voice once again was heard as he cut off Cloud.

"And your eternal slumber

Legend shall speak

Of sacrifice at world's end

The wind sails over the water's surface

Quietly, but surely"

"Can someone please shut him up please? I'd rather be stuck in the coffin again," Vincent said, not knowing how much longer he would be able to hear the man talk about some stupid story from a book.

Sephiroth then reaches out from across the room and a bright flash appears from him. He rams his sword straight through the book of LOVELESS without hesitation. Everyone around the room breathes a sigh of relief. Even the therapist was happy to see the book gone.

Genesis stared blankly at the book for a moment. With the tip of the sword poking out from the center of it, only a few inches from his face. He continued to stare as he started to blink a few times, seemingly coming back into reality.

"Bu… But… LOVELESS…" he muttered as he tried to pulled it off from the sword. But before be could Sephiroth swung the sword back, making the book slide off the sword and go flying off towards the far corner of the room. He stood up and looked like he was about to run towards it when Sephiroth casted a fire spell right at the book, setting it on fire.

The others in the room almost wanted to break out into a cheer over the destruction of that book, but they managed to reserve themselves. A grin had come to each of their faces though, showing their satisfaction with what had happened.

"Maybe now we won't have any more interruptions," Angeal snidely said.

However, Genesis started to ruffle his red coat slightly as some of the members noticed. After a few seconds, what he pulled out of it surprised them all. It was another copy of LOVELESS.

"What?! Just where the hell were you storing that?!" Zack replied in frustration.

"Settle down...Zack the puppy," Genesis spoke for the first time not in poem. "This is the gift of the goddess. You cannot truly destroy words so divine."

"Yeah? Well, that didn't answer my question," Zack retorted.

Vincent looked forward past everyone. "I'm pretty sure that means he has no idea and we nor the audience need know it. Probably wherever Sephiroth pulled his sword from."

"Ahem!" the therapist said as he tried to get everyone's attention again. "Can we please not start up anything? And please… don't set anything else on fire." The therapist quickly ran over to the burning book and stopped out the flames.

"I won't guarantee that," Sephiroth muttered quietly.

"What was that?" the therapist asked as he walked back to his spot in front of the group.

"Nothing," Sephiroth replied as he shrugged. "Carry on with your pitiful attempts to 'help' us."

"Um… okay… So let's see… where were we?" the therapist said as he tried to remember what was the last important thing that had been said.

Cloud glared over at Sephiroth slightly, not trusting the silver-haired man with anything he said. "Are you done now?"

"Well, that's up to you Cloud," Sephiroth coldy responded.

"You should have just stayed in my memories where you belong."

Sephiroth was taken aback. "Wh- We've been over this. In the movie remember? 'I'll never be a memory'. Remember those lines? Or, have you gotten amnesia again?"

Cloud stared at Sephiroth for a moment, blinking a few times. "No."

Zack leaned over at Cloud. "Are you sure? Cause, you kinda thought you were me for a little while there buddy."

Cloud looked up "Oh I think I'm hearing Zack's voice again. I wish he were here beside me."

Zack narrowed his eyes and sulked. "You're doing this on purpose now."

Cloud shrugged. "I don't even understand the continuity of this anymore."

"Can we pleeeease get back on with this therapy group?" the therapist begged. "I'm suppose to be helping all of you with your problems that were caused by Hojo."

Genesis could be heard in the background reciting lines from LOVELESS once again. However, everyone had tuned him out to the point that it was just static noise to them. Though, they all had to start talking louder because of it.

"Well, we could if someone had not gotten us off topic," Zack replied.

"Yeah, that was you remember?" Angeal responded quickly to him.

Zack turned to his mentor and noticed that he was now holding his precious sword, staring at it intently. "Hey where did you get that?" Zack asked nervously.

"It's my sword. It comes to me if I want it," Angeal replied to his protege.

Zack started to say something, but Angeal cut him off. "Besides, I'm taking it back now. Since apparently you can't seem to learn proper sword maintenance. Look at this?!" he exclaimed, a hint of frustration building in his voice. "ALL THIS DIRT AND GRIME. THESE SCRAPES. DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM ME?!"

"Uuhhhh. It's Cloud's fault!" Zack quickly said, pointing to the blond. "He left it to rust for a really long time!"

Cloud's head snapped over at Zack as he finally acknowledged that he was there. "Why you...I did that for you. For your honor as SOLDIER?"

Zack reached out his hand and ruffled Cloud's hair. "So you do know that I'm here after all. I knew you'd come around," he said with a grin.

Cloud stared at Zack blankly for a moment. "Wait, who are you again?"

Zack almost looked pained for a moment at Cloud's comment as he sighed. "No need to focus on me right now," he pointed in the opposite direction of them.

Cloud slowly craned his head and saw Angeal's face contorted into a look of displeasure. Cloud's eyes darted around the room to see if he would get some assistance from anyone.

"Zack?" Cloud asked as he looked at his friend.

"Oh did I hear something? I can't really tell. Maybe it's cause I'm not really supposed to be here," Zack replied with a snicker.

"Oh come on! That's not funny, man," Cloud pouted as he looked away.

He looked over beside Angeal to Sephiroth. He knew they were enemies but...maybe Sephiroth would listen to reason. Before he even had a chance to speak, Sephiroth cut his thoughts off.

"Nope, not a chance. Once he gets like this, you just have to take it. You might want to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness," Sephiroth chuckled coldly.

Cloud glanced over Genesis, who was still blabbering about his book. His eyes then landed on Vincent, who had what appeared to be popcorn in his hand.

"Uhh...what are you doing?" Cloud asked curiously.

"Oh, I'm just enjoying the show for now, as are many other people. I'm not getting involved in this. Good luck," he replied.

"EVERYONE!" the therapist shouted. "Let's not claw at each other's throats. There will be no fighting here. We are here for a reason to talk about problems, not the maintenance of a sword. Please relax and let's get back on track. I think… erm… Sephiroth, I don't think we've gotten to you yet, have we?"

"No, I don't think you have," Sephiroth replied.

"Well do you care to tell us anything? How has Hojo and his experiments affected your life?"

Sephiroth leaned back and crossed his legs. "Well for starters...Hojo is my father. Not something I'm proud of. I despise the man. He's nothing but a hack scientist. He made me the way I am. You should all pity me…"

Everyone that was still paying attention was in shock with mouths gaping open. Even Genesis who was rambling about LOVELESS stopped and stared at Sephiroth at that revelation. The only one who was in awe was Vincent, as he had already known this information.

"So...that's why you're crazy then," Zack started.

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "I'm not crazy. Mother had me tested."

"Mother?" a new voice asked.

Everyone turned to the entrance to the room to see three newcomers standing there. All of them wore black and had different lengths of silver hair. One of them hard rather short trimmed hair, the next had hair that ended just above his shoulders, and the third's hair ran past his shoulders. It was Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo.

Cloud groaned as he put his hands to his face. "Greeeeeat. Why are they here?"

"We were looking for Mother," Kadai answered. "But now I think we have found something just as wonderful."

"We have found our older brother," Yazoo added.

Sephiroth stared at them for a moment. They were looking for Mother? And they have the same kind of hair as him too. "What, do you mean me?"

"No you are our oldest brother. We were talking about Cloud," Kadaj said as he and the other two stepped more into the room.

Cloud let out another groan and everyone looked to his seat, but he was no longer in it. He was now in the far corner of the room, with his head resting against the wall. "Leave me alone… Why me?..."

"But, Cloud. Brother? How? This is even starting to hurt my head…" Sephiroth admitted. "Maybe I should just end all of this," he said as he started floating into the air, spreading out his large wing.

"Hey that's cheating!" Zack shouted as he stared up at the man.

The therapist sighed heavily as he ran a hand over his face. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

Genesis just began reciting lines of LOVELESS once again.

Zack started doing squats in preparation for what looked like another fight with Sephiroth. Then he began looking for his sword and realized he didn't have it. "Hey Angeal, I need my sword!"

Angeal was still mulling over his sword and rubbing it, trying to remove what tarnishes he could.

Suddenly, a coffin appeared in the place where Vincent was as he began to crawl in. "What? I'm going back to sleep. I don't have time for this," he said as he slid the lid shut.

Cloud stayed in the corner and sulked. "This is so stupid."

The new guests could be heard repeating the same things over and over. "Brother! Mother!"

"Wow I'm so glad I'm dead and not a part of this," Aerith stated from above.

Sephiroth began to set everything on fire in the room, laughing maniacally as he did so. "I've thought of a wonderful present for everyone. Shall I give you despair?"

The therapist rubbed his hands on his face hard. "Well I guess there's no need to keep this up anymore." He reached around the back of his head and then started to pull as a mask came off. And under it revealed a most shocking truth.

"You! It was you all along? You did this on purpose!" Zack yelled in frustration as he pointed.

Everyone else turned towards where Zack was as his voice carried loudly in that moment. Then everyone looked at where he was pointed. All of their eyes narrowed on the person that was the therapist, who had revealed himself to be none other than Hojo.

Hojo was smiling, until they all fixated their gazes on him. Then his face turned white. "Oh, shit."

"Get him!" Sephiroth yelled as he started to fly towards the man. Everyone else charged at the man whom they were all there to complain about. This ended up being perfect. They could finally have their revenge on the man that had all caused them suffering.


Well that sure was random. It was quite fun to write it though, and I hope that all of you who read it got a laugh out of it. This was just a one-shot of course. Let us know what you thought if you want to. Also, go check out the page of Riku Kingdom Hearts. There are many awesome stories there, as well as the one we are currently updating frequently. Until next time!