4A/N: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Push and pull. Push and pull. Make the waves strong enough to hold their own.
The mantra gave her a sense of balance-a sense of sanity. The cascading waves pushed and pulled at her command, waiting for its master to tell it otherwise. Katara guided the waves to shore, then froze it into a moderate sized block of ice and unfroze it again.
She'd been doing this for several hours now.
A few days had passed since the arrest of Hama. Word had spread that she was to be sent to a secure Fire Nation prison, where she'd rot for the rest of her days. It had also been a few days since Katara had spoken. The group silently promised to leave her be until she was ready to talk-if she was ready to talk. Every one of them had tried to coax her into speaking, save for Zuko, but with a slight shake of her head, she left them before they could even voice their concerns.
The group decided to rest after hours of sparring, and to no one's surprise, Katara was absent.
"You guys can't just force her to talk. Especially after everything that happened." Zuko said.
"Oh and I suppose you have a better idea, jerkbender?"
"Actually, I do. Leave her alone until she's ready. You're her brother. You know how she gets when she's feeling bad."
"I know, but it's been three days now! Whenever she's cooking or sparring, she hardly says anything. I could play a prank on her right now and I bet five silver pieces that she still wouldn't say anything." The dark skinned warrior crossed his arms.
Aang sighed. "I think Zuko's right Sokka. We all nearly died that night. I can't imagine how she's feeling." The monk sat with his head in his hands.
"Well, I think Sweetness deserves some more time to herself. I wasn't there when it all went down, but from what I've heard, it had to be terrifying for her." Toph said.
Zuko looked down at his feet. "To be able to control someone by using their blood...that's insane. I thought firebending was brutal, but that technique..." He trailed off, shaking his head.
Everyone was quiet for a moment as they let Zuko's words sink in. Toph quietly asked Aang if he wanted to spar, so they left to test out new techniques, which left Sokka and Zuko alone.
After a heavy moment of silence, Sokka spoke up. "When our mom died, I thought that was the worst that Katara had to endure, but now...I'm not so sure. It's not like her to be like this."
Zuko sat quietly, pondering on what to say next.
Sokka sighed. "You know her. You know her better than you give yourself credit for. I think..." he paused, trying to find the right words, "I think you should talk to her, Zuko."
Zuko looked up and sighed. "Should I? I don't want her to be angry at me."
"She won't be. You have a way of reaching to her without speaking. I doubt she'd reject you."
"Alright then." With that, he left to find the waterbender.
"Don't hurt your friends, Katara! And don't let them hurt each other!"
"Katara, I can't move!" The sharp, metallic point of the blade slowly started to tear at Zuko's neck, blood slowly dripped from the wound. Sokka and Aang were frozen to the trees, temporarily safe from the manipulation of their blood. The strain on her body from the woman's bending prevented Katara from being able to do the same for Zuko.
She briefly glanced at her best friend and muffled a sob. She snarled at Hama, "You'll pay for that, you monster!"
Hama's body began to twist and turn as Katara forcefully guided the blood in her vessels to act on her command. She bent her legs and slowly guided the sinister woman to her knees. The old woman groaned in pain.
Katara was still on her knees, shaken from what she did, when the villagers appeared. They stood angrily, ready to put Hama away forever.
As the citizens began to drag her away, Hama gave her a wicked smile. "My work is done. Congratulations, Katara. You're a bloodbender."
Tears pooled in Katara's eyes as she let the woman's words sink in.
She was a bloodbender.
"Katara."
She looked up and saw everyone staring at her with sad eyes. She tried to speak, but sobs were the only thing that escaped her mouth as her body trembled. Everyone surrounded her, trying to give her some sort of comforting embrace. She looked up and saw Zuko's bloodied neck and gasped.
"Oh my god." She whispered. She forced herself not to look into his eyes while she healed him.
The memories of that night made a reappearance in her mind over and over again. She let them all down. She let Zuko down. If she hadn't summoned up enough strength, Zuko would've been dead.
With a frustrating scream, she lifted her arms in the air and bended the huge wave of water and threw it against a few old, decaying trees. Tears slowly ran down her face.
"Congratulations, Katara. You're a bloodbender."
"Katara?"
She knew that voice. She didn't even have to turn around to know that he wasn't that far away from her. She knew that she had to face everyone at some point-she knew that they were sick of her odd behavior.
"...Yes?" She tried to sound detached, but her voice cracked at the end. She silently cursed. She knew he wouldn't miss that.
Zuko stood, unsure of how to approach the topic, but already knowing the answer to his question. "How are you holding up?"
Katara watched the ocean waves descend on the horizon and bit her lip while trying to hold in her tears. "I'm fine." Zuko narrowed his eyes.
"That's bullshit and you and I both know it." Zuko stepped a bit closer, his voice softened, "I know that you don't let people see you break. Believe me, I get it. My father practically beat it into me until that's all I knew. You dont have to be so tough all the time, at least not around me. I'm...I'm worried about you. We all are. You're-," He licked his lips, "You're important to me. And I don't want you to hurt anymore."
Like a broken dam, Katara crumbled. Sobs wracked her body until she fell on her knees. Zuko ran to catch her and pulled her against him. He rubbed circles into her back to let her know he was there for her. Through thick and thin, good and bad. She was his best friend and he wasn't going to tolerate her being this hurt. This broken.
Katara wiped her eyes and face until she ready to speak.
"You know," she sniffled, "I was the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. No one was around to teach me how to bend. I was...an amateur at the very least. I could lift the water and freeze it, but that was it. I didn't know anything else."
Zuko thought about the raid on the Southern Water Tribe that occurred when he was only a kid. He remembered how his father would boast about the power of the Fire Nation and how it was their duty to spread its glory.
That power destroyed Katara's people.
He knew that he wasn't responsible, but to know that his family was...it still broke his heart. He could apologize a million times and it would never suffice. It wouldn't bring back the Southern benders. And it wouldn't bring back her mother.
Katara continued. "But when I met Hama, I was overjoyed. I thought, 'Maybe this is my chance to learn more about my culture, my heritage, my people'. I ignored you and Sokka and continued to trust her, because she reminded me so much of Gran Gran and I thought that I could learn to be a better bender. People say that I'm really good, a prodigy even, but I always strive to improve. Waterbending makes me feel whole and without it, I'm not sure who I'd be.
"But then she bended water out of flowers and trees, taking the life out of nature. I didn't know she could do that and it made me wonder what else she could. Then...she took control of my body, Zuko. My body! I could feel the ache in my bones as I tried to resist, but it hurt so much. I was so scared. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started to control you guys. I was able to stop Aang and Sokka, but - "
Her lips trembled as Zuko held onto her tighter.
"I couldn't help you! I tried so hard to protect you, but I couldn't! I'm so ashamed because if I hadn't mustered enough strength at the last minute, you would've died! I'm so sorry, I - "
She didn't have enough time to finish before Zuko pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, hey that is not your fault. You're so strong. You're so powerful. Aside from Azula and Aang, you're the most powerful bender I've ever seen. I know you were doing everything you could to help, and I'm still alive because of you."
Katara turned away before Zuko caught her arm, she looked up at him. "I know how it feels to trust someone, only for them to betray you in the end. It sucks. And I'm sorry Hama ended up that way, no one should be forced to learn something they don't want to. I know I warned you before, but I understand why you ignored it. My people...they decimated your tribe, Katara. You didn't have any benders left to teach you and it's understandable why you'd trust her. You can't blame yourself for that forever. At some point, you have to learn to forgive yourself."
Katara shook her head, but looked at him anyway. "How?"
"I don't know. I believe forgiveness is only for the strongest among us. It'll take time, because it's not easy. But..." he looked at her, "I hope you find peace."
She wiped her eyes and gave him a small smile. "Where'd you learn all that? Let me guess, your uncle?"
Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. "You could say that."
She leaned on his shoulder. "Well, thanks. I...I hope I can find peace with all this too." He squeezed her hand in reassurance.
They remained quiet for a moment. "You know, I've been thinking about something."
Katara snorted. "Keep doing that and your brain will stop working." Zuko only rolled his eyes.
"Anyway," he gave her a pointed look, "I've been thinking about what you said. You know, when you mentioned how Hama was able to control you. I...might have an idea. But you have to listen and wait until I'm done talking. No interruptions."
"All right. But I swear, if it involves Sokka's smelly clothes -"
"What?"
"- then I'm out."
Exasperated, Zuko pinched his nose. "No, it doesn't involve Sokka's smelly clothes, now can you please listen to what I have to say?"
Relieved, she grinned. "Okay, go ahead."
"I know how you said bloodbending controls others and is ultimately evil, but what if...what if you could heal with it?"
Katara's eyes widened. "I-I've never even thought of that. But I don't know, Zuko. I just...I don't know if I want to deal with that technique again. I'm still freaked out."
He held her hands as he held her gaze. "Katara, I know. It was terrifying for me too. But you said it yourself that you're always looking to improve. You always want to be better. If you can heal with water, why not blood? Uncle used to say that there is no such thing as bad bending. It's all about who is bending what. You can do it, I know you can."
They held each other's gazes as Katara measured the weight in his words.
"All right. I'll do it."
"Try bending it the other way."
"I'm doing what I can, Zuko," Katara huffed, "The vessels are damaged!"
"Well, can't you just bend the blood away?"
"Yeah and hurt the poor little thing by accident? No way."
It had been a few days after Katara confronted the Gaang with what had been going on with her. She was dealing with so much pain, that it shut her down and eventually shut everyone else out of her vicinity. After her apology, she was surprised that everyone had forgiven her.
"But why?"
Sokka sighed. "Katara, you were in a lot of pain. I don't think it would be fair to expect you to be okay after what that witch did to us-what she did to you. And you're my little sister. I would never turn my back on you when you need me most." Katara nearly cried in relief.
From that day on, Zuko helped Katara use her bloodbending for other useful purposes. Apparently, Toph had meant to throw a rock at Aang, but it ended up landing on a small sparrowkeet's wing instead. Toph apologized profusely, which Sokka rolled his eyes at, and wanted to make amends to the tiny bird. Zuko found this to be the perfect opportunity for Katara to try something new.
"Katara, you have to do something."
"Ugh, fine!"
Katara put her hands on the small wing, feeling for the warmth of blood and the small, weakened muscles. She then allowed herself to use the blood in the wing and guide it back into the wound. She wiped her sweaty forehead and smiled as the bird slowly flapped its wings and flew away.
"I did it! By Tui and La, Zuko! I can't believe I did it!"
Zuko grinned. "See? I told you there's no bad bending. You just have to have good intentions and the rest will take care of itself."
"Hmm. You may have a point there. Is that what you thought when you learned how to bend lightning?"
He sighed. It wasn't easy, that's for sure. He was so angry. Angry at his father. His sister. Himself. He was ready to die that day, as he stood in the midst of the violent storm, ready to be struck down.
"You've always thrown everything you could at me! Well, I can take it, and now I can give it back!" The rain poured harder as the lightning seemed to ignore his broken voice. "Come on, strike me! You've never held back before!"
He remembered the hot tears on his face, intermixed with the cold rain. It was a painful day indeed.
"I thought it was a really cool technique, but my uncle informed me that only royal benders knew how to do it. But you can't let it hit your heart. You have to guide the current in your body. He came up with that technique by studying waterbenders."
Katara's eyebrows rose at that. "He studied waterbenders? Wow. That's impressive. Maybe I could study firebenders and learn a few moves. But I have a question for you," Zuko lifted an eyebrow, "Have you ever used bending for more than just combat? I don't mean lighting a fire or creating a light source. I mean, like, to help people."
"To help?" Zuko asked incredulously, "Katara, the only thing fire has done is cause death and destruction. My family made that very clear."
Katara looked at him, sympathetically. "Zuko..."
"All my life I was taught that the Fire Nation was the most powerful and deserving nation in the world. Our culture, our people, our existence was worth more than anyone else's. It caused a hundred year war! It desecrated towns and ruined so many lives. It..." He clenched his fists, "It killed your mother, Katara. If it were up to me, I wouldn't bend fire at all."
Katara shook her head. "Zuko, fire is a part of you. It will always be a part of you. Your family has done some terrible things to this world, but bending fire is never a bad thing. As you said, it's all about who is doing the bending, right? It's what makes you you."
He gave her a long look. "I want to see it that way, but I can't. Not with firebending. I don't know, Katara. I feel conflicted. I believe that, but when I look in the mirror, all I see are my mistakes."
Katara put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to feel conflicted. I think it's normal to not know how to feel about certain things."
"I guess. But how can I embrace something that tormented me for years? My father," Zuko bit his lip to keep his tears at bay, "Burned me. He burned me Katara! After the Agni Kai, I was terrified. It took me weeks to start bending again. Every time I saw fire, I saw my father's face."
Katara's eyes widened. She always wanted to know how he got his scar, but she respected his privacy. She figured he'd tell her when he felt comfortable. She didn't know Zuko went through something this horrid. She had no idea.
Before he could protest, she pulled him in for a long hug. Tears shamelessly ran down her face as she held her best friend. "I'm so sorry, Zuko. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
Of course, she had heard the rumors from the others. Sokka and Aang figured it was some kind of training accident, but Katara had the feeling that there was a story behind it.
And it was a very serious story indeed. One that shook her to the core.
When the siblings first found Aang, Zuko had been adamant about capturing him. She figured he was just trying to help the Fire Lord, without having any regard to anyone else. He was the face of the enemy for so long and she hadn't even thought about his personal life or experiences. How could she, when his people killed her mother? And then she had an encounter with him in Ba Sing Se, where they connected over their lost mothers. She had began to really see Zuko. Just another broken teenager caught in the midst of war. But now that she thought about his scar, she put the pieces together. The only person willing to burn a prince would be a king, she thought. She held him tighter, not willing to ever leave him alone. Never again.
Zuko was trembling in her arms now. He held on for dear life. Ever since his banishment, he'd tried to stay strong. For his uncle, for himself. When times were hard, he forced himself to keep going, even when he wasn't sure if life was worth living anymore. He told himself he wouldn't cry, that he wouldn't give in to the feeling of utter despair. But with Katara holding the pieces of him together, he decided to lay down his defenses. It was time to let it all go.
He still held onto her as he spoke. "I had begged my uncle to let me join the war meeting my father was holding. My father always told me that Azula was born lucky and that I was lucky to be born. I wanted to make him proud, show him that I could handle political assignments and stuff. The army was in the Earth Kingdom and wanted to infiltrate a base, so he recommended sending fresh recruits at the front of the formation, sacrificing them to get in. I spoke out against it and was told that I had to duel the general.
"I didn't know that I'd actually be fighting my father. I thought I had just disrespected the general, but I was wrong. So wrong. I begged my father for forgiveness, but he wouldn't listen. He decided to burn and banish me, saying that suffering would teach me respect," He wiped his tears, "All my life I thought, 'What's wrong with me? Why can't I ever please him?' I was his biggest failure and it was somehow my fault."
Katara pulled away, wiping away her tears. "I wish I had known back then. I had no idea your father forced you to capture Aang," She spoke menacingly, "Your father is a fucking monster. If he was here right now, I'd crush his heart."
Zuko allowed himself to smile a bit. "Yeah, well, now you see why I'm not particularly fond of firebending anymore."
"Zuko, I understand why you would resent it. Believe me, I didat one point. But I now believe that fire is life. It can bring heat to the cold, light the darkest places, and it can be beautiful. It can destroy, yes. But so can water, earth, and air. I destroyed a Fire Nation factory using water, I can kill with water, but I choose not to, because that's not who I am. Aang has the power to do all of that too, but you don't see him doing that, do you? Bending is what you make of it."
Zuko couldn't believe she was reiterating what he had previously told her. Yes, he believed that bending is what you made of it, but he just couldn't bring himself to believe the same about firebending. Perhaps he had let his past experiences cloud reality.
He smirked. "This is ironic, considering that I was just giving you this talk a few minutes ago." Katara rolled her eyes.
"I just think you believe you're a bad person, therefore, you think the advice you gave me doesn't apply to you. You're not a bad person, Zuko. Your father? Yes. But you? You were misguided and just wanted your father to love and accept you. That's not hard to understand."
Zuko smiled. "You really believe that?"
She scoffed. "Why wouldn't I? You've clearly made amends and you're even teaching Aang firebending. You've made me see you in a new light, you know."
He blushed. "Well, uh, thanks for that. It means a lot. So, um, what were you saying earlier about my bending helping people?"
"Oh! Well, let's say someone was unconscious or something. Maybe using lightning could help bring them out of shock?"
Zuko's eyes widened. "W-What?"
"It's just a theory of course, but I do believe that every element has a healing ability to it. Firebending is no different."
"So I suppose you have an unconscious person I could work on?"
Katara groaned and slapped her forehead.
A/N: So I know some of you may have questions about Zuko's 'bending talk' with Katara. Yes, he knows that there is no such thing as bad bending. However, you must keep in mind that he has been abused and fire pretty much ruined a good bit of his life. It's kinda like when you tell someone advice that you should apply to yourself: you know it is true, yet you can't seem to apply that to yourself and/or your situation.