2"The Knock on the Door" - a missing scene from "His Fathers' Son
We'd already chosen the way by which we'd learn our separate fates: whether to be the one to give up life so that our fathers could return to theirs, or to live on and become the best son to Neelix and Tuvok that we could ever be.
We'd arrived at the method less than five minutes after we sat down at the table in Father Tuvok's quarters. Our quarters? My quarters? I've never been sure how I should refer to them during this brief interlude. I do recall that even then, I was aware we were spending the only few minutes we would have to be together as brothers, twins who had been the same person for the past two weeks, and thus even closer than twin brothers who are simply raised together in the same family could ever be.
At any rate, we'd decided the simplest way to do it would be to draw straws. A few seconds at the replicator, and we had a thin stalk of hay. We broke it into two uneven pieces which would fit easily inside someone's hand. "The captain's," my counterpart said immediately, and I quickly agreed. She had to be the one to hold them for us, when we picked our fates.
Then we sat back at the aforementioned table and compared notes, as Tom would say. Other than the half hour one of us flew back to Voyager inside Sacajawea with Tom and B'Elanna while the other strolled with Harry and Captain Janeway to the shuttlebay to greet them, we were either a single person or together in the same room. It was comforting to realize that whichever of us would soon cease to be, the memories were essentially the same for us both. Few of our memories would actually be lost, although, since we were different people, our thoughts were our own. One set of those memories would be lost. It was a bittersweet, melancholy time, but I wished it could have gone on for decades. Of course, it could not. We'd chosen duplication for one reason only, and that was so one Tuvix would die so that our fathers could live. Only one of us would survive.
The hour the captain gave to us was passing by swiftly. I had so much to say, yet I couldn't seem to come up with the right way to express it. I'd always thought of myself as so articulate, but the words stuck in my throat. Since my counterpart stuttered a few times, too, I was sure he was experiencing the same bewildering phenomenon.
We were saved from saying anything more by the knock on the door.
We called out "Enter" simultaneously and grinned at each other at this proof that we were reacting the same way to the same stimuli.
The door swished open. The last person I expected to see standing there was Kes. But there she was. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Tuvix . . . ," she said, in her low, sultry voice, which sent involuntary shivers up my spine, as always. She gulped audibly and murmured, "May I come in?"
"That's why you came, isn't it?" my counterpart remarked.
"You could have contacted us over the comm if you didn't want to be with us," I added.
A broad smile spread over her face as she stepped inside. I pulled out another chair for her, as my counterpart jumped up and replicated a cup of her favorite herb tea.
As she stirred the tea with her spoon, she asked, "Aren't you two having anything?"
"We decided it would be best not to add another variable to the separation process," he answered.
"I can't say I really feel like eating anything anyway, but we don't know if having molecules of a foreign substance in our stomach would complicate things," I said.
"We're trying to give both of our fathers a chance to be completely themselves once again, as if this never happened to them."
"Except for the orchid part of your genome, of course," Kes said in her delicate way. "They really can't be exactly the same as they were before."
"Well, yes, but we assume half will go to Neelix, and the other to Tuvok," my counterpart confirmed.
"That's what the Doctor predicts."
After I said this, none of us spoke for what seemed like an age, but while I suspect the awkward silence only lasted for a few seconds. I couldn't help wondering why she'd come. Clearly, my counterpart was thinking the same thing, for he said so softly, almost in a whisper, "So, Kes. Why are you here? Is there something one of us can do for you?"
Her blue eyes began to fill with tears. "I asked the captain if I could go to the transporter room and stay with the one who would be . . . leaving Voyager. To say good-bye. She denied my request. She wants me to go to Sickbay, to stay with the Doctor and . . . the Tuvix who . . . stays. So I came to say good-bye."
The tears began to spill out of her eyes. One slipped slowly down her left cheek. I felt an overwhelming desire to kiss it away, but I held myself back. A quick glimpse of my counterpart's face confirmed that he was on the verge of doing the same thing. Which of us had the right? Did either of us? We'd proceeded with the duplication process because she'd begged the captain to bring her Neelix back, but Tuvix wanted to continue to live.
Our conundrum was solved when she raised her hand to brush the offending drop of moisture away. She sighed deeply and asked, "Which of you will be the one?"
"We don't know yet," I replied. My counterpart explained the "drawing straws" method, and I showed her the uneven strands of hay that, inanimate though they were, would determine our fates.
"So it could be either one of you," she said. "I see." Her gaze flickered between us. "Then maybe I should say good-bye to both of you. Actually, that's probably best. Once Neelix returns to me, any chance of having a relationship with either of you will end."
"Not really," I responded. "We'll still have a relationship; it simply can't be a romantic one anymore. Tuvix is the son of Neelix, so the relationship will be filial in nature. You'll be filling the role of stepmother to the one who lives on." I had trouble saying anything more. She was so young and lovely standing there in front of me, I couldn't imagine thinking of her as a parent. But if I was the one who survived, I knew that was how it must be.
My counterpart broke in, "So we will still love and honor you, Kessie. Or should I say, 'Mom.'"
We all laughed then, even though my heart, I knew, was breaking. It must have been the same for my counterpart, and, from what I could see, for Kes as well.
Silence again fell between us. Kes was the one to break it. "I will always love and honor you - both of you. You must understand, it's not you, it's me. I begged the captain to bring back Neelix, but not because I couldn't love you. It's just that I can't imagine going through life without my Neelix, or Tuvok, either. He's my mentor, my teacher. He's helped me become aware of my potential and taught me how to tap my abilities, and tame them, so . . . Oh, But of course. You both know that. You have his memories."
"It's still very nice to hear that both of our fathers are so important to you, Kes," my counterpart said kindly.
"We know neither of us could take the place of either of them. And of course, we know how much you love flowers, too," I said with a flourish, pointing to one of our father's orchid plants. That set all of us to laughing again.
I didn't really need to look at the chronometer - even though I did - to confirm our hour was just about over. My counterpart and Kes followed my gaze and realized, as I had, that it was time for us to go. Kes placed her half-drunk cup of tea in the recycler, asking, "What happens now?"
We explained we were to go to the captain's ready room for the drawing. "Would you mind if I came with you? Not to go in, though. The captain wants me to go to Sickbay, to . . . wait." Of course we didn't mind.
As we started to leave, however, we heard a little sob. Without thinking, I put my arms around Kes' shoulders. My counterpart did the same. We stood quietly and comforted her. I wonder if my counterpart felt a little amused, as I did, that the one who'd come to comfort the twin who was, to use her euphemism, "leaving," was the one who really needed to be comforted. He probably did.
At last she raised her head and gave both of us in turn a tender kiss on the lips. "I'm so sorry it's come to this. I didn't want anyone to die so I could get Neelix back.
"It's all right, Kes," my counterpart said. "As short as it may be, it's been a wonderful life."
I mumbled that I felt the same way, and she promised, "I will never forget this moment."
I think we both said it at the same time: "As long as I live, I never will, either."
The walk to the turbolift was over in seconds, and yet it felt like time had stopped when we stepped inside to go up to Deck 1. It was such a strange feeling to be going so casually to our doom. When the lift reached Deck 5, Kes gave us each a quick hug before stepping off to go to Sickbay, to wait for the survivor. The door closed behind her, and it really hit me. One of us would never see her again. We were twins, but in mere minutes, there would only be one Tuvix again.
When we arrived at the captain's ready room. Commander Chakotay and Tom were present to observe the choice. It was over in less time than it took for us to plan the method. He was first to draw, as we'd agreed, and he chose the short straw. I was the one who would live on. The captain ordered me to go to Sickbay immediately, but I asked to go to the transporter room with them. I wished to say a final good-bye at the last possible moment to my twin, who would be known from now on as Neevok. I think she almost refused my request. She may have been afraid I would make a scene, like I did on the bridge when she gave me the news that the Doctor had discovered a way to separate the Talaxian DNA from the Vulcan; but finally, she agreed.
I don't know if my memories of walking down the corridors are real, or if I've simply reconstructed them from the many times I've traveled to the transporter room since then. I guess it doesn't matter. Either way, my memories of the event have a surreal quality, like a story that I've never finished reading, yet I know how it concludes. One of our stories ended prematurely. Ironically, it was through his own choice, and mine, about the way to proceed. I'm glad the captain didn't have to make that choice directly. We both could see how badly she felt that she was going to lose one of us.
We shared a moment, a short embrace. Neevok whispered softly that he hoped I would always remember him with fondness, and not to be sad. This was why he came to be in the first place. As soon as Tuvix realized he could be duplicated, he knew it would come to this. And once there were two of us, we knew it, too.
And then it was time. The commander touched me lightly on the elbow and led me out of the transporter room as the door panels swished closed behind us.
I remember the trip back to Sickbay, with Commander Chakotay by my side, much more clearly, even if those memories have a somewhat unreal quality about them, too. The entire time, I wondered whether Neevok's last minute had arrived yet. By the time we arrived at Sickbay, I knew it had to be over. I had misgivings then, even though it was too late to bring them up or do anything differently. What if my fathers couldn't be reconstituted? Would Neevok disappear into the buffer, without our fathers returning to life? If that did happen, could the captain bring Neevok himself back, at least? Would she even try? I didn't want to think about how I would feel if none of them survived after all this drama.
The Doctor and Kes greeted the commander and me as soon as we walked into Sickbay. I was a little shaky on my feet, but from their broad grins, I knew the procedure must have been successful. Kes took my hands in hers and gave them a little squeeze. "They're back, Tuvix. In just a few minutes, you'll get the chance to meet your fathers."
She touched my cheek very gently, the way a mother does her child, and I knew we'd reached a turning point in our lives. The feelings for her which I'd inherited from my father Neelix would have to be transformed. From now on, Kes would be a mother figure to me. Neelix would enter Sickbay soon, and all her love would belong to him - and I realized I was okay with that.
I guess I was trembling a little as we stood there, shoulder to shoulder. Kes noticed and touched my hand and asked, "Are you all right?" All I could do was nod a quick yes.
The door slid open, and there they were. My parents. I raised my right hand in a Vulcan salute and addressed them for the first time: "Fathers, I greet you."
Kes beamed at our newly-formed, if very unorthodox family. We were together at last; all of us, that is, except for my brother. But that was how it had had to be.
Kes said good-bye again today, when she left Voyager in her barely patched-together shuttle to return to her home planet, to educate her people about the true nature of their existence. Afterwards, I slipped off to my quarters. They'd belonged to Kes until she left us so spectacularly at the beginning of the fourth year of Voyager's journey. The captain decided the best person to "inherit" them was me. I went to the sofa and sat down for a while, but I didn't need to meditate. The memories just washed over me in a flood. Some of them are a bit fuzzy now. The ones from the time I spent with Neevok, though - those are chiseled into my memory. I promised I would always remember him, and I'm sure I always will.
Due to the uncertainty about what would happen to me while the Doctor was researching treatments to return me to my "people of origin," I had no place to record these memories. I didn't keep my own personal log at the time. I only made entries into Voyager's official logs as necessary during the performance of my duties. I've created this document now, but somehow, I don't feel like adding it into my personal log. This is the sort of experience I would only share with the people who were with me then, during those last few minutes of twin-hood. With Kes, who's journey homeward may turn out to be just as long, or perhaps even longer, than Voyager's own, and with Neevok, whose journey has brought him to . . . well, I can't really say.
Dad and Father are here, but they've never told me they retain any of Neevok's memories from his scant few hours of separate life.
Does my brother's katra still linger nearby? Am I safeguarding it for the day I will no longer be dwelling on this plane of existence either? To bring with me to Vulcan, to reside for all eternity on Mount Seleya, with those belonging to the rest of our Vulcan family? I don't really know, and that's okay, too. Whatever happens, will happen. But I do know one thing: I will never forget Neevok or Kes as long as I live. For however long that may be.
The End
Thanks, Rocky. I read your message about this scene that you would have liked to see, and off my imagination went. Since "His Fathers' Son" didn't include any sections from Tuvix's point of view, I thought this missing scene could be a way to correct the omission.
Paramount and CBS own all of Star Trek now, lock, stock, and photon torpedo barrel. I don't (although I wish they'd come up with this version of the episode so Tuvix could have remained on Voyager throughout the series).