1,265Chapter Thirty-Two: Severus v Regulus v James
"What do you want with her?"
Regulus looked up from his Transfiguration essay he was hunched over in the Sixth year Slytherin boys dormitory.
"Snivellus," he said, for one of the few things he still did that Sirius had taught him was the proper way to torment Snape, "I'm surprised you're showing your face. Haven't you been hiding from Avery and Mulciber the elders for ages now? Since you cozied up with Mudbloods again?"
"This, from you?" Snape said, his dark eyes watching Regulus like an especially twitchy hawk, "you, who are snogging one?"
"Don't let her hear you say that," Regulus said, "she won't like that. Not at all. Calling your beloved Evans vile names again? I guess at least this time it's not in front of the whole school."
"I didn't call her–you're the one who said–what are you doing with her, a game?" Snape demanded.
"Not at all," Regulus lied, "I'm thinking of making her the next Mrs. Black. I'm sure you approve, Snape. She's Head Girl. She's beautiful. You understand. You're sleeping with your wand in your hand for her, after all."
He watched Snape go red with fury at the duel meaning. Everyone knew Evans had him by the balls again. He'd turned himself into the pariah of Slytherin, never showing his hideous face until he'd skulk to bed at 2am, gripping his wand and warding his bed against his roommates like a pathetic little blood traitor. Typical half-blood. And now everyone knew Evans had Snape by the balls and was giving her kisses to Regulus instead. It was almost funny. Until mother had written to him earlier that day to talk about her shame. He'd doused the Howler in pumpkin juice and the screaming was warped enough no one else could make out what his mother was shouting about before he'd fled the Great Hall.
"She's my friend," Snape blustered, "she's too good for the likes of you! What have you done? I gave her an antidote the other day, so if you poisoned her that should fix it."
"Gave her an antidote?" Regulus said coldly, "or slipped it in her drink without her knowing about it?"
"What does it matter?" Snape said, the color rising, "you're bewitching her somehow, I know it! Salazar, even Potter wouldn't stoop this low!"
"He wouldn't slip her a potion, and neither would I," Regulus said.
He was pretty sure he meant that. Maybe he'd sneak a love potion into the drink of a blood traitor, the type of person he hated most in the world, if the Dark Lord asked personally. He wasn't sure. But he wouldn't feel good about it. Regulus wouldn't give a love potion to Evans, no matter who asked. It felt wrong in a way he couldn't explain, even to himself, and was deliberately not thinking about.
"You're actually making me wish she was snogging Potter instead, you rat faced, lying little toad! Do you know how disgusting that is?"
"Are you actually insulting someone's looks?" Regulus sneered, "you?"
"What are you giving her?" Snape hissed, "tell me!"
His eyes, which Regulus had just noticed were black and fathomless, bore into him. Regulus blinked, tore his gaze away. Well. So Snape had been practicing Legilimency. Too bad for him, Regulus had become quite the master of Occlumency. Teaching Granger had improved his own abilities fast. It had been the one saving grace of his failure with recruiting Dumbledore's goddaughter to the Dark Lord's side, even if he couldn't tell Bellatrix and Rodolphus that.
She thinks I'm her friend, he'd lied, and I can manipulate Sirius with her. It's still a good thing!
He was quite sure Rodolphus at least saw through his lies, but Regulus's improved Occlumency skills had kept them from knowing for sure. That, and Bellatrix's disgust at Sirius lusting after a boring looking Mudblood was easy to twist to his advantage. Regulus would just push forward his own initial bewilderment and revulsion at hearing about his brother chasing a terribly coiffed Mudblood who read books all the time and Bellatrix would stop prying further into his mind immediately, and go on an hour long rant about her own anger at Sirius. Rodolphus would join in and seethe about his own horror at anyone finding a Mudblood attractive, and Regulus would lie and say he didn't have the slightest clue why Sirius was chasing after her.
Of course he knew why his brother was going after Granger. If anyone knew Sirius at all, it was obvious. But of course, no one knew Sirius like Regulus did. Not even his beloved Potter.
"Who has been teaching you that?" Snape said slowly. He'd gone (if it was possible with his rotting plant in a cabinet complexion) whiter.
"Teaching me what?" Regulus said flatly.
Snape watched him coldly. There was something in his face that raised the hair on Regulus's neck. He'd always regarded Snape as a bit of a pathetic buffoon, a poor and awkward boy who had no class, no money, and certainly not the proper bloodline, who was always desperately trying to prove that he belonged in Slytherin. Snape was the twitchy ugly boy his brother had bullied for years, with complete justification to Regulus. It was the one thing Sirius did that he backed wholeheartedly. But Regulus knew now that he'd misjudged Snape. Greatly.
"I think I hate you," Snape said at last, "I think I hate your guts."
"Add me to your list, then," Regulus said, affecting boredom, "somewhere between every person on the planet who isn't Evans."
"No," Snape said, "I think you're at the top."
He swept away like a ponce, and almost all of Regulus's fear evaporated again. Most, but not all. He needed to have a chat with Bellatrix at once.
"What a plonker," he sneered to the empty room.
If he'd known he sounded exactly like Sirius insulting Snape, perhaps he would've come to his senses. Or perhaps, that would've made the little part of Reglus that was still the stupid boy who'd cried and begged when Sirius had run away, smile.
Lily was applying makeup charms in the loo like a fool. She studied herself clinically. Freckled a bit. Dark red hair. Too pale. Nice eyes, at least. Nose a bit bigger than she'd like. Too skinny. Not a lot of breasts or hips. Nothing to indicate she'd one day have three boys pretending to be after her for her alleged good looks. At least Sev wasn't pretending. She'd give him that. Regulus was lying about liking her because he was trying to recruit her for Voldemort. That was clear. Potter was lying about liking her because he was playing his longest prank ever on her. That was also clear. But Sev liking her? Well, that made sense. Sev was no great beauty himself. Lily was clever and strong willed, and Sev liked both of those things. But above all, she'd been the only person who'd been nice to Sev for years. Really that was probably all it took to get him interested in her. Any other girl who'd been nice to Sev instead of Lily would now be the object of his obsession, that was clearest of all. That girl would be the one getting pestered day and night about what she was up to with Regulus Black–
"Add more to your lips," a voice came from the door, and Lily jumped, her blush charm splashing on her nose instead, "like you've been kissing."
"I haven't been," Lily blurted, turning to look at Hermione, "unlike some people."
Hermione came to the sink three down from Lily, scowled at her own reflection, and picked a leaf out of her hair for some reason.
"Well?" Lily said, "aren't you going to argue with me?"
"Why?" Hermione said, "we both know I snogged Sirius. And we both know you're lying about snogging Regulus for some reason. I was there when you admitted it, Lily!"
"It was barely a kiss!" Lily protested, "certainly not a real snog! And it was ages ago, now!"
"Hmmm," Hermione said, twisting around and rubbing some dirt off the back of her skirt.
"I didn't enjoy it!" Lily said, voice going higher, "I thought you at least would get it. It's part of…" she gave a swift look around, whispered a search charm, and continued only when she got confirmation they were the only two in the room, "you know. Business."
Hermione grabbed a towel and started rubbing dirt off of her legs.
"He's too young," Lily said, "also, I'm sure he probably calls me Mudblood behind my back, and um. You know! He's practically a Death Eater," she whispered the last, after another glance around the room.
"James isn't looking too bad in comparison, is he?" Hermione said, rubbing at another dirt spot on her back now.
"No he–I mean–he doesn't want–why are you covered in dirt and leaves?"
Hermione grimaced. "I fell over."
"A trip jinx?" Lily said swiftly, "who? I've heard some of Sirius Black's stalkers are coming for you. I meant to warn you yesterday but I haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been?"
"Busy," Hermione said, "what else have you heard, so I can stop it? I don't have time for this teenage nonsense, you know."
"Right," Lily said, face burning with shame, "no, you're right, I shouldn't be focusing on teenage nonsense."
"That's not at all what I said," Hermione said, "you can focus on teenage nonsense. Live your life and all that. But I can't."
"Why?" Lily said, embarrassed at how wordly Hermione seemed in comparison to Lily and her stupid problems with boys, "listen, I know you don't want to confide in anyone. You've made that very clear. But if you change your mind, you can confide in me. I promise you can trust in my discretion."
Hermione paused, her face spasming.
"I know," she said carefully, "and…if it means anything, if I could confide in anyone, I'd pick you."
"I…that does mean something," Lily said, touched, "I feel like…you know when I first saw you in the Great Hall standing with the first years waiting to be sorted…it's so odd, you're going to think I'm mad…but I felt like I knew you."
"Oh?" Hermione said, "why is that, do you think?"
"I don't know," Lily said, searching Hermione's face, "but I think you might feel the same."
"I do," Hermione said, not looking at Lily still, "like we're…long lost cousins."
"Sisters," Lily swallowed a lump in her throat that meant she was mourning her relationship with Tuney again, "we fight and we make up but we still–" she stopped herself before she said something to really convince Granger that she was batty.
"Love each other," Granger finished, "right?"
"Yes," Lily said, fighting back tears now.
"If you want me to confide in you," Granger said, finally turning to look at Lily, "maybe you should start by confiding in me."
"What do you want to know?" Lily said, "that I've always felt like I don't fit in here because my parents are Muggles? That my sister hates me no matter what I do, and she used to be my best friend? That she's dating the most useless, repulsive arsehole I've ever—" Lily took a deep breath, "that my new best friend I made right before Hogwarts is obsessed with the idea of me, and also is obsessed with studying the Dark Arts? That I liked kissing a boy who probably hates me and is a Death Eater?"
"Yes," Hermione said, "all of that. And James. What do you really think of James?"
"I can't tell you that," Lily said.
"Because you don't know?" Hermione pried.
"No, because you'll run and tell him immediately," Lily said, "I'm not stupid. I know you've been helping him toy with me. Why do you think I'm so confused by you? I feel in my gut that you're like a long lost sister to me. But then I use my brain and realize Potter has been completely different to me since you made friends with him."
"I won't tell him," Hermione said, "I promise. And you're wrong about James. I swear. He really does like you."
"Well I think Sirius Black really does like you," Lily said, "but you won't believe me about that either."
Hermione turned away again, shaking more dirt out of her robes, "oh I think he likes me well enough," she said, "you know. The way a boy who's never been told no likes a girl who tells him no."
"Is that a thing?" Lily said blankly.
"To the unbelievably immature and emotionally constipated," Hermione scowled at her robe.
"Like Potter?" Lily pounced, "the way Potter is unbelievably immature and emotionally constipated, and likes me because I'm the girl who tells him no?"
"No, not the same!" Hermione said, "why does everyone act like I'm being irrational, here? Sirius Black is a…well he's promiscuous, isn't he? Not particularly the type to settle down with one person ever. He rides a motorbike and he skips around in giant boots and kisses every girl who will let him and–"
"He's not been kissing anyone this year but you," Lily said pointedly.
"Not true," Hermione said at once, "he kissed someone on his birthday."
"Oh, that," Lily said, "it's silly, I grant you, but the lipstick is kind of a tradition–"
"No, he snogged some girl before I arrived at the party!" Hermione said impatiently, "Lula something or other."
"What?" Lily said, shocked, for Lula Williams had been one of the few girls in the school she thought impervious to Sirius Black's charm, along with Lily herself, and approximately three other girls.
"He told me himself!" Hermione said, "so why should I get involved with a boy like him? He's just going to…" she paused, her face twisted briefly, then she took a deep breath.
"Hurt you?" Lily asked with sympathy.
"Yes," Hermione said, the word coming out like it was painful.
"Well right now, I think you're the one hurting him," Lily said gently.
"Impossible," Hermione snorted, "he'll get over it. I'll find him a new girl, even. Who in this school would interest him, do you think?"
"You," Lily said, her eyebrows raised.
"Right," Hermione sighed, "anyone else?"
"Listen," Lily said, "I get it. You're new here. But anyone who has observed Black for years knows he's really, actually got it bad for you. He's like a different person! Why do you think you're getting bullied so badly when the rest of us aren't around?"
"My charming personality," Hermione said sourly.
Lily laughed, and Hermione smiled a little, then frowned again.
"I'll give you the courtesy of trying to believe you about Black," she said, "if you try to believe me about James."
Lily opened her mouth to argue, and forced herself to nod.
"You've convinced yourself James is joking with you," Hermione said, "I don't know why. But he's not. If he is, he's lying to everyone around him at all times. He's lying to me. He's lying to his mates. He's lying to himself."
Lily glanced in the mirror again.
"I"m not even pretty," she said, baffled.
"Are you blind?" Hermione said, "is that what this all is? You've got low self esteem, when you're gorgeous?"
Lily felt herself go red.
"I'm not–"
"This all makes sense," Hermione said, and she gave a laugh that would've cut, if it wasn't so clearly a laugh of relief, "you think no one would really like you because you've not realized how amazing you are! I had no idea, you're so confident and have so many friends–"
"I'm just speaking the truth," Lily insisted, "I like myself otherwise, but there's no point in lying to yourself about–"
"Do you like James?" Hermione demanded, "if he meant it, if you believed he really liked you, do you like him?"
"No," Lily lied.
"Do you like Regulus, then?" Hermione asked.
"No," Lily lied, "you know that's part of my job, with Professor Dumbledore!"
"Do you like Severus?" Hermione pressed.
"Yes," Lily said, "but as a friend only."
"What could make you like James?" Hemione asked.
"Oh no," Lily said, "I won't tell you that. You'll tell him to act that way and trick me! I get he's your mate, but we're friends too and that's just not on, Hermione! He's been acting so different this year, being brave and helping out first years and being more mature and making me laugh–"
"But I didn't tell him to do any of that," Hermione said, looking baffled, "that's all him, Lily! All I told him to do was leave you alone more so you'd miss him! That and some tips on being less awkward around you."
"You're lying," Lily said automatically, fear growing inside of her. She'd realized she liked James Potter ages ago. But when she'd come to her senses, she'd also realized she only liked a version of James Potter Hermione Granger had built. That had clarified things. She didn't have to worry. She could just avoid Potter as much as possible, and realize the version of him she'd grown to like a little too much wasn't real. But if Hermione was telling the truth, and the things about Potter that had changed, like him being kind and brave and funny were all Potter…
"I'm not," Hermione said, "and I think you know it."
The terrifying part was that Lily did know it.
"Pssst. Psssssssst!" James stopped mid bounce-walk on the fourth floor corridor containing the Transfiguration classroom and squinted at a nearby statue of a knight that only wore bloomers to battle.
"Peeves, I've got better things to do than–"
"It's me," Snape said, poking his head from around the statue.
"Oh," James said, "Sniv–Snape. I could give you detention for being out after hours, you know."
"Salazar, you're boring now," Snape said, "now I've only got Black willing to break the rules in order to continue our blood feud."
"Sorry, you want me to attack you?" James said irritably. Typical Snape. The boy was entirely resistant to ever being even a smidge likable.
"I'd rather that than this dull little rule follower," Snape sneered, "look at you. Patrolling the corridor with enthusiasm, alone. What are you going to do, catch one of your mates breaking rules that you broke a million times before you became Head Boy and give them detention anyway?"
"As fun as this little chat has been," James said, fighting the return of Old James, who would have attempted to curse Snivellus on sight while giggling, "did you really skulk around a statue of a knight in his underpants in order to throw weak insults at me?"
"You used to like it," Snape said, "before you got your personality removed."
"You're mad," James said, shaking his head, "even for you, Snape, this is unhinged. Should I put out my foot and trip you? Will that brighten your day?"
Snape's eyes were glittering for some reason. James had never cared enough to try to analyze Snape and his lunacy, so he didn't know what this meant.
"Regulus Black," Snape spat out like it was a curse, "he's manipulating Lily. I'm sure of it."
"I knew it!" James exploded, punching a fist into his palm. "Ah, I mean…I don't think so. He wouldn't do that." He pictured his best mate puking into a toilet with worry over his stupid tit of a brother and forced the words to defend Regulus Black out of his mouth.
"That was pathetic," Snape said, "don't try to lie because of your obsession with Sirius Black. His brother isn't the same type of wizard."
"Don't I know it," James said moodily. He'd only recently stopped threatening to jump off of the Astronomy Tower because he believed Lily (and mostly he trusted Hermione's word) that Lily was only messing about with Regulus as a way to save him from Voldemort. How her tongue would do this, James didn't know, but he did have faith in the magical power of Lily Evans's tongue. Hadn't the mere thought of it done wonders for James for seven solid years? But what didn't sit right with him, and never would, was why Regulus was messing about with Lily. Hadn't anyone else considered that? Surely he wasn't the only one?
"Of course you're not the only one," Snape snarled.
James jumped. Had he said that out loud? Shite. Or else–
"Are you using Legilimency on me?" James demanded, and Snape looked guilty.
"I only got that last thought," he muttered.
"Dammit, Snivell–Snape! Just because I don't use the Dark Arts, don't forget I grew up a pureblood, and–"
"Yes, rub that in," Snape muttered, looking away from James.
"My point," James said, growing more and more irritated, "was not to act like that's an accomplishment, Snape, but to warn you that I grew up understanding just as much magic as Sirius, so don't try–"
"I couldn't read anything in Regulus's mind," Snape cut in, "because he's mastered Occlumency. Do you know who could have taught him that?"
"Lots of people," James said, "I mean, even Dumbledore could've–"
"That was–it was a rhetorical question Potter, you complete tit!"
"I thought you were making a point," James said, "so what if he knows Occlumency?"
"The only reason you need to master Occlumency is so the Dark Lord can't read your mind," Snape said bluntly.
"Right," James said slowly.
Should he act surprised? Snape wouldn't know about the mission Lily was on. Of course James knew Regulus Black was practically a Death Eater. James knew Lily had been assigned to go with him to a party, to try to get some sort of reconnaissance, to try to drag Regulus back to where he should be, at Sirius's side, a loyal baby brother who couldn't even crack a single solitary joke because he was the worst pillock to ever exist–
"Potter," Snape said, "pay attention! Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes," James said, "so he's mired in Dark Arts. Shocker. He is a Slytherin, right?"
Snape glared at him.
"You nincompoop, I'm not talking about– he's using dark magic to make Lily…to make Lily…."
"What?" James said, "to make her what? What has he done?"
"Who knows," Snape said, "that's my point! He could make her…" he faltered, looking sick.
"No he won't," James said, also feeling sick, "he's not…that's disgusting, he's not a monster, he wouldn't–"
"I don't think you understand what some people will do," Snape said, "I don't think you know one of the top crimes in the wizarding world is mind control and mind wiping, and how often that's tied to taking advantage of people, especially pretty girls. I think you're in a comfortable little bubble, where you've delusionally convinced yourself everyone is a good person dying to be saved from their mistakes–"
"He's not a rapist," James said, trying to convince himself as much as Snape, "he's Sirius's brother!"
"And we all know what a champion of morality Sirius Black is," Snape scoffed.
"Don't you dare imply that Siruis would ever do that to a girl," James threatened.
"Calm down," Snape said, "no, even I don't think that of him. Why should he need to?" An ugly expression crossed Snape's face, a mixture of anger and jealousy that James had seen on a lot of bloke's faces about Sirius's success with girls.
"What do you want, Snape?" James said. "I trust Lily. She knows how to handle herself. I suggest you trust her too."
"I trust her, I don't trust Regulus Black, weren't you listening?" Snape demanded, "we've got to do something, Potter! Why else do you think I'm talking to you?"
"You missed my winsome personality and stunning visage?" James said.
Snape's face spasmed.
"I really hate you," he said.
"I know,' James said, "are you going to miss me, next year? Who are you going to hate with such a passion?"
"Regulus Black, apparently," Snape said, "I'm serious, Potter!"
"No, you're Severus," James quipped. Snape glared at him again. "Come on, that was funny!"
"It was a juvenile joke I'd expect from a seven year old's wit," Snape said viciously.
"You're right, I'm slipping," James said glumly, "I've not been sleeping well."
"Because of Lily dating Regulus Black?" Snape pounced.
"Maybe," James hedged. He looked at the wilted spidery beanstalk in front of him. Snape looked back at him.
"We're not friends," Snape threatened.
"Merlin no," James shuddered.
"We are merely teaming up out of mutual self interest," Snape said.
"Teaming up…how?" James asked, intrigued against his will. New James was mature, and responsible, and sometimes that was deathly boring.
"I'm glad you asked," Snape said.
He smiled. James recoiled.
"God, don't do that, I'm going to get nightmares!"
"So," Fabian Prewett panted to Caradoc as he dodged a curse, "are you ever going to tell us what's going on between you and Dumbledore's goddaughter?"
Caradoc blew a hole in the wall, and Gideon flung the still fighting Death Eater through it with a well placed hex.
"Is now the time, Fab?" Caradoc said through his teeth. Idiots. He was surrounded by idiots.
"What?" Gideon said, standing up straight and cracking his back, "he waited until we got the last one, didn't he?"
"You two are as bad as Dumbledore," Caradoc said, standing at the hole in the wall and squinting down at the unconscious Death Eater in the alley below. He aimed carefully, and cast a disillusionment charm before a Muggle could spot the body. If they were lucky, the Death Eater was dead. Caradoc knew better than to say that out loud to anyone else in the order. They were all about rehabilitation, and fighting fair, and being better than the other side. That sort of well intentioned stupidity left people dead. Gideon started tying up the other unconscious Death Eater in the room who was covered in fungus and toadstools.
"You're the one who meets up with McGonagall for gossip," Fabian said, looking carefully around the flat for evidence of what the Death Eaters had been up to. At least this time the flat's witch occupants hadn't been home. That had saved their lives.
"A man needs a hobby," Caradoc said grimly, levitating the almost invisible Death Eater up from the alley below. He removed the disillusionment charm and felt disappointment creep in when he saw the man breathing. That scared him. The war had changed him too much. It was best if no one but Hermione knew that. And Hermione only knew that because he hadn't been able to hide it from her, that night in the lake house with Abbott and Burke.
"He's not meeting McGonagall for gossip," Gideon snorted, "Fab, come on."
"I know," Fabian said, "I was just waiting to see if he'd admit it, or if he'd keep lying to us."
"I'm not lying about anything to you," Caradoc lied, "why should I?"
"So you're not going to Hogwarts to meet with Slughorn for information on which of his students are being recruited for the Death Eaters?" Gideon pounced.
"Like Slughorn would ever risk his own neck by doing the right thing," Caradoc said.
"Oh, he's not doing it because it's the right thing to do," Fabian said.
"He just fears Dumbledore right now more than You-Know-Who," Gideon said.
"Does he?" Caradoc said, poking the unconscious Death Eaters with his boot. Pity Hermione wasn't here instead. Maybe he could've gotten away with making sure they didn't wake up.
"Who is it now?" Fabian said, yanking off the mask of the Death Eater closest to him, the one Gideon had blasted through the hole.
"Johnny Jiffords," Caradoc said with disgust, "and after all of those Muggle charities his father started too."
"We should investigate the father too," Gideon said, face hard, "sounds like he might be overcompensating for something."
"They usually are," Fabian said, yanking the mask off the second Death Eater. "What a surprise. Inder Molehouse. Johnny's best friend." He kicked Inder's ribs.
"Fab," Gideon said, without much feeling.
Well. Maybe Caradoc had misjudged the Prewett brothers.
"What do you want to bet these are the two that raped and murdered the Collins sisters up in York?" Fabian spat, "the Muggle girls. They've left the same spell damage around this flat that was left there."
"I know who you mean," Caradoc said, squatting down to inspect the two captured Death Eaters.
He should contact Dumbledore at once, to spirit away these two Death Eaters, or turn them over to the Ministry, who would most likely let them go after a hefty fine was paid by their rich fathers. He turned Jiffords's face to the side.
"He's got a burn on his face. Cindy Collins was found with a Muggle fire device in her hand. Why do you think he didn't heal it?"
"Trophy," Gideon said, his face hard. Out of nowhere, he kicked Jiffords in the gut as well.
All three of the men looked at each with identical expressions.
A patronus flew through the window. A phoenix.
"Boys," Dumbledore's voice said through the phoenix's beak, a circumstance that never got less bizarre, "I hear you have good news. Bring them to me. We can't trust the new head of magical law enforcement. I strongly suspect Tom has got him under a subtle Imperius. It was always one of his specialities." The phoenix dissipated.
"Has he got to call him Tom?" Gideon said, "It's unnatural."
Caradoc pulled out his wand. "Expecto Patronum!" his panther sprang to the ground, and stared at him unblinkingly. "We'll bring them to the usual spot," Caradoc told the panther, and it jumped away out the window.
Caradoc looked back at the Prewett brothers. Their eyes were back to normal. The moment had passed.
"We are running an undercover mission," Caradoc said abruptly, turning away from the unconscious and restrained Death Eaters before he did something violent and scared the Prewetts.
"Okay?" Fabian said, after a glance at Gideon.
"Hermione and I," Caradoc snapped, "so don't ask me questions about her. You know the rules."
"An undercover mission that requires you to kiss her?" Fabian said.
Caradoc swore internally. No one was supposed to have seen that. Of course they had been spotted, and Hermione had had to fix that.
"Don't know what you mean," Caradoc lied again.
"She's a little young, isn't she?" Gideon said, "if she was older, the age difference wouldn't be as weird, but–"
"An undercover mission," Caradoc bit out again, "and while I'm at it, I am meeting McGonagall for gossip. It takes effort to pry it out of her. I have to spend hours to get the slightest bit of information. Now stop asking questions."
"Sure," Fabian said, after another glance with his brother, "only, if the older Black brother finds out–"
"He won't," Caradoc said, "we've made sure of it."
"You are going to fail your classes at this rate," Sirius said, as Granger adjusted her telescope.
"No I won't," she said, as Professor Sinistra instructed them to adjust their viewports to Saturn's moon, Tethys, "unless one of your groupies murders me."
"It's a possibility," Sirius conceded. He glanced around. Geraldine Gudgeon was openly weeping in his direction. Again. At least she was one of the stalkers who wasn't murderous. Yet. "How long are you going to skip class and meals to avoid me, by the way? You're going to starve to death."
"Until you get the hint," Granger said, making a prim note on her parchment.
"I don't see why you're even coming to school at all," Sirius said, fiddling with his own telescope with affected boredom, "if you're never showing up to classes, wandering off to go on super secret missions with your lump of muscles–"
"Take that up with Dumbledore," Granger said. Across the tower top, Pete dropped his fifth telescope of the year. It shattered into pieces and Granger winced.
"Take what up, your determined refusal to snog me again?" Sirius asked.
"Me coming to school, thick head," Granger said under her breath, as Sinistra helped Pete and Geraldine Gudgeon wept louder, everyone ignoring her as usual, "I told Uncle Al the same thing. What's the point I said, I've got more important things to do. But you know how he is."
"Sadistic and deranged," Sirius nodded, "giggling while ruining lives. Fantasizing about choking someone to death on a bowl of his sweets."
"You know him well, I see," Granger said.
Sirius barked a laugh.
"Who do you think he fantasizes about doing in with those lemon drops of his?" he asked, leaning over to fiddle with Granger's telescope, "Mars is that way."
"I did actually know that, Sirius," Granger said, "and we can only hope he does Voldemort in that way. Poetic. Humiliating."
"Perfect," Sirius agreed with a nod, "imagine the obituary. Most powerful evil wizard of all time dies choking on lemon drops while a geriatric wizard giggles."
"The gravestone," Granger said, "a giant lemon drop carved at the top."
"It becomes a national hero, the lemon drop," Sirius said, "everyone eats them all the time."
"A holiday once a year," Granger said, "parades where everyone dresses up like lemon drops."
"Right," Sirius said, feeling the most exhilaration he'd felt since they'd kissed in the library, "let's go. Tell Dumbledore the plan. If we're lucky, we'll be celebrated as head lemon drops in the parade."
Granger's mouth screwed up and then she lost and laughed quietly. "I really didn't know that you're so funny,' she said, as Genevieve Bletchely whispered with Daisy Parkinson while watching them. You would think the Slytherin bints would get a hobby one of these days.
"I thought everyone told you how wildly amusing I am," Sirius said "guess you're as stubborn as me."
"Impossible," Granger said, "no one can manage that."
Sirius barked another laugh.
Geraldine's telescope broke in half between her hands, tears streaming down her face like Sirius was her husband she'd caught mid shag with another bird. Mental.
"You'd think," he said to Granger, pretending to work on his astronomy charts as Sinistra wandered over to Geraldine Gudgeon, "that they'd grow bored of pining after me, wouldn't you? Move on and all that? It's a bit sad."
"They'll get over it," Granger said, face suddenly hard, "and you'll get over amusing yourself with me. Won't you, Sirius?"
"Never," he told her dramatically, "on my dying day, dressed as a lemon drop, I'll call out to Merlin himself, why couldn't you keep us king and queen lemon drop for all eternity?! Why did she have to run off and be a Greek salad instead with a giant blonde bloke?"
"Stop it," Granger said, face bright red, "stop making me laugh!"
"I don't see you laughing," Sirius said, "and no, I don't think I will. It's the one thing you like about me I think."
"That's not true," Granger said automatically, "you're also very clever and loyal–" too late, she stopped talking at once, face redder.
"Yes?" Sirius pressed, trying not to look too smug.
"Manipulative and arrogant," Granger said, "bored and using me for entertainment. Well, it's fun talking to you Sirius, I won't lie. Sometimes, anyway. But don't take that to mean more than it does."
"So I imagined that kiss, eh?" Sirius said, lowering his voice after a glance around confirmed now half the class was watching them. Well. Who could blame them. Looking for shooting stars when there were none was deathly dull. "I imagined how you responded to me kissing you?"
"No," Granger said, voice cold, finally turning to fully look at him, "you didn't imagine it, but you did misunderstand. You seem to think girls only like kissing if they're in love or some nonsense. Some of us like to kiss because we're bored, just like you."
"I don't kiss girls because I'm bored," Sirius said, then reconsidered, "well I mean, I haven't in a while. Not you, anyway. I kiss you because I'd like to keep kissing you." He wondered if he could push that further and not get slapped. Probably not. Granger probably didn't want to know that his dreams and wank fantasies had gotten as pathetic as James the past week or so. The other day, he'd actually thought about where he could clear a spot for her things in his flat when school was over once he'd convinced her to sleep over! Like some boring old person with responsibilities!
"Then why do you want to kiss me?" Granger shot back, "do we both agree if it's just for fun? Because maybe then we could do it some more, if we agreed on that."
"Eh?" Sirius said, blinking. Had he misheard her?
"You know," Granger said, "like the understanding you have with that one girl. Lula."
"Definitely not the same," Sirius said, "I like you way more than I ever liked her. How do you feel about flying motorbikes?"
"Stupid and dangerous," Granger said, voice wintry, "fine. I see you are determined to toy with me more than just strings free kissing. Sorry, Sirius, then I can't oblige. Go back to kissing Lula or find some other girl. There's plenty of girls here prettier than me." She bent to her telescope again.
"But are they clever and funny and sassy?" Sirius asked, fiddling aimlessly with a dial on his own telescope, "are they brave and up to mysterious crime fighting deeds? No. So why do I want one of them?"
"Everyone knows you're doing this because you're bored," Granger said, an edge to her voice, "so please stop, ok? It's cruel now. I thought better of you."
Sirius swore under his breath.
"So you did hear that," he said, "and you took it seriously? Rosemarie Rivers? She doesn't know what she's talking about."
"Doesn't she?" Granger said.
"No," Sirius said, "She's a liar. And what kind of person places another person under a hex after they break up? Someone trustworthy?"
"No," Granger said reluctantly, "I suppose not. If you need help removing that–"
"I would love your help," Sirus said, smiling as charming as he could when part of him felt weird and desperate, and part of him felt rage at the very thought of Rosemarie Rivers and her lies.
"I'm not talking about me," Granger said, "go ask Caradoc. He'll help you."
"Caradoc?" Sirius said slowly. It felt like something was tugging in the recesses of his brain, but he didn't know what.
"Yeah," Granger said, "next Hogsmeade is soon, isn't it? You can meet up with him. I'll tell you the details when I get them."
"Will you be there?" Sirius said, "or will we be alone, and end up in a dramatic fistfight over you?" His eyes caught on Snape, who was glaring at Sirius like it was his fault Reg was stealing Lily Evans away from his greasy claws. Idiot.
"Not sure," Granger hedged, "but will you please leave me alone? I mean it. If you really like me, you'd do me this favor."
"I do really like you," Sirius snapped, "why do you keep making me say it? I never say it. That's not my thing. How many times do I have to tell you? What do you want from me, some sappy declaration of love? You're barking up the wrong tree. I'm not that type of bloke."
"I told you," Granger hissed, "I want you to leave me alone and find someone else to entertain you instead! You're distracting me."
"No," Sirius corrected, "you want me to kiss you again. Don't worry. I'll wait until you come to me and tell me. I'll wait until you beg."
"Have fun flying your motorbike through snowstorms in hell," Granger retorted.
For all of his surety that Granger did want him, and if you could just figure out the right key to fit into the door that was her mind he'd get her to admit it, really admit it, Sirius was proven wrong over the next few weeks. His frustration rose. His wanking increased. He was turning into James. Remus was still withdrawn and surly. Pete teary eyed and apologetic. And Hermione Granger was ignoring Sirius like he didn't exist. On top of all that, there was one big problem remaining in Sirius's life. One problem he'd taken to avoiding like the plague, out of sight out of mind. One problem that had sought him out instead.
"What are you doing here?" Sirius said as he walked out of Muggle studies, "have you realized understanding Muggles would help you kill them more effectively or something?"
"A master wit as always, Sirius," Regulus said.
"Your fake girlfriend isn't here," Sirius said, "so piss off."
"Neither is yours," Reg said.
"No, but my class is," Sirius said with an eye roll, "try again. I expect better comebacks from you."
"I do live my life seeking your approval," Reg sneered.
"Better me than the hag and the cheating alcoholic," Sirius said, "or have you moved on to dear cousin Batty Bellatrix?"
There was the tiniest shift in Reg's expression, just for a moment, that no one else would've caught.
"You're not serious," Sirius blurted.
Regulus raised his eyebrows, and Sirius swore. Due to the hag and the drunk's lunacy he'd been cursed with an exceptionally ridiculous name, even for a Black. He'd spent his entire life carefully avoiding using the word "serious."
"That should tell you how upset I am," Sirius snarled as Regulus smirked at him, "you know I hate saying that!"
"Seriously?" Regulus said, "What's the problem?"
"I see hanging out only with Slytherins has honed your personality to be as obnoxious and boring as the rest of them," Sirius said.
Regulus shrugged. "Better than being the slut of the school, eh?"
"Once more, with less jealousy in your voice," Sirius advised.
"What's there to be jealous of?" Regulus asked, "I've got the best girl in the school, don't I?"
I'm surprised to hear you say that," Sirius said.
"I've turned over a leaf," Reg said, "I've decided to listen to your many wise lessons on the value of Muggleborns, and–"
"No, I mean I'm surprised you're even attempting to pass that absolute codswallop onto me, like I'd ever believe it," Sirius snarled, "especially when you're cozying up with Bellatrix. Bellatrix! You can't be seri–" he snarled and punched the wall in a fury while his infuriating brother snickered, "You can't be this dumb, Reg!"
"I hate that nickname," Reg said, "I thought you knew that."
"You love it," Sirius said, "you told everyone it was your special name because your brother gave it to you, and–"
"That's when I still cared about you," Reg said, the words feeling like a curse to the heart, "that was ages ago, Sirius. Move on."
"You're my little brother and you'll do what I say!" Sirius said, poking Reg in the chest, "I don't care if you hate me, because I still love you!"
The words were out before he could register he was going to say it. Reg sucked in a breath, his carefully constructed look of smug dissolving off his face. The Black family
didn't do platitudes, or gushing, or "I love yous." It was something Mudbloods and Muggles and idiot purebloods like the Prewett trash did. There was nothing for it. Time to double down like he'd meant to say it.
"Does Bellatrix love you?" Sirius demanded, "well? Do our parents? No! And they don't love me either. But I love you, Reg. I did everything I could to protect you. I did everything I could to steer you in the right direction. And I won't give up on you. Why? Because I–"
"Shut up," Reg said, face angry and red, "just shut up, Siz!"
The use of the childhood nickname Reg had given Sirius because he couldn't pronounce his real name hit Sirius like a stunning spell. When was the last time Reg had called him Siz?
There was a second, where two emotionally constipated teenage boys who'd been raised in a repressed household of abusive magical parents teetered on the edge of something terrible. Something unfixable. Reg had recoiled when Siz had come out of his own mouth like Sirius had slapped him. He looked guilty and scared, his feet shuffling backward. Sirius was too stunned to talk. Regulus backed away further.
Somewhere, in another universe, two brothers cut ties and never restored them, one of them dying young and the other's youth stolen in prison, his heart breaking for his dead and lost brother, before he died young as well, if not quite as young. This had been the moment.
Sirius lurched forward as Regulus fled towards a stairwell, grabbed his brother's left forearm with his elder brother strength, and yanked Reg to him, who was wild eyed and expecting a punch.
"Let go, Siz!" Reg said, struggling in the embrace Sirius had forced onto him, "you promised you wouldn't let the Black family madness hit you until forty, at least!"
Sirius barked a laugh into his brother's shoulder. "You know there's no stopping it when it wants to get you," he said, throat clogged.
Was it tears? No. Sirius Black didn't cry. Even the night he'd run off, he hadn't been able to.
"Siz, I told you to-"
"Shut up and tell me you love me too," Sirius barked into Reg's shoulder.
His brother stopped fighting the hug. Something was mumbled into Sirius's shoulder.
"What?" Sirius said, his eyeballs feeling itchy, "speak up!"
"I never stopped loving you," Reg said, a little louder.
Something wrenched inside of Sirius.
"Well neither did I," Sirius said.
No. He couldn't have hope again. He just couldn't, but there it was, swooping and soaring in him. Hadn't they stopped Pete in time? Who said he couldn't do it again, right now, and have his little brother be close with his best mates, live in his flat, fly about on a twin motorbike, just like Sirius had always wanted, buried deep down?
Reg finally pushed him away, but gently, and said something that shattered every fantasy Sirius had ever had about his little brother.
"If you'd just get to know Bellatrix better," Reg said, "I know you'd love her too."
Author's Note: I know I am a broken record, and I do hope no one was worried about me...starting in August I've had some of the most eventful months of my entire life...both good and bad. Apologies for the delay but I did not have the time to write until now.
Also apologies I couldn't think of a better childhood nickname for Sirius than "Siz." I'm not super fond of it but it's the best I could do without using "Siri" for obvious reasons lol.