Disclaimer - Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss/ME. Terminator belongs to James Cameron/Paramount. Parts of this story are directly from Terminator Genisys and will be marked in bold.

AN: This is just a plot bunny that came to me while I was at work earlier this week and wouldn't freakin' leave! Don't forget that reviews are always appreciated!

EDIT: Okay, so stupid-me forgot to mark this story as complete since it's intended to be a one-shot. I could be persuaded to do some follow up segments if there's enough interest. For the three people who have this story on follow and the four who favorited, thanks!

Trolling Skynet

John Connor gave each of his troops a grim smile and a short nod. Today was the day the war ended. The last dozen factories were due to come under attack by resistance forces and with them went the last server hubs housing the AI that was Skynet. But the mission he was currently leading was the most important one of all.

"You ready, Kyle," he asked his second in command. Who also happened to be his father. The whole situation was seriously messed up.

"Ready, John," Kyle Reese said.

"Everyone load up!" John yelled, leading by example as they climbed aboard the captured supply transport trucks. The trucks were driven by T-800 units that had been repaired and converted. They weren't autonomous by a long shot, rather they were operated by remote control.

The trucks made their way over the broken roads, the journey taking a solid hour to complete. At the gate to the compound, one of the T-800's manning the gate did a scan of the truck's driver, and found that it's main CPU was offline. It opened fire on the truck, but the resistance had prepared for that - the sides of the truck had been re-enforced and a surprised was mounted on the outsides in the form of improvised claymore mines.

The explosion was loud, but the human warriors all had ear protection to save their hearing as the blast took out the machines advancing on the trucks. Immediately pulling out their earplugs, they heard John shout "Everybody move!"

The fight was short - they had surprise on their side. The two aerial hunter-killer units had barely gotten off of the ground before they were taken out by multiple stinger missiles fired from the human troops. Thankfully there were no ground-series HK's other than the T-series. Plasma rifles dealt with those easily.

John could hear Kyle barking orders on the radio, and a pair of repaired Black-hawks came screaming in, gatling lasers strafing the troops trying to flank the ground forces. One of the troops ran forward and placed breaching charges on the main doors before ducking to the side. A few seconds later the door was blown open and troops rushed inside - putting down any resistance.

Inside was a large, open chamber with a raised platform surrounded by computer banks and large metal forms. It had clearly just been used.

"What the hell is that thing?" Kyle asked.

"Fate," John said heavily. "The first weaponized tactical time weapon. Skynet just used it."

"What the hell?" Kyle said wearily.

One of the technicians John had brought along was already at the control console. "It'll take us fifteen minutes to get it ready, sir! We're running the coordinates and should have them for you momentarily."

On the screen they watched as a date and location popped up: LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA 5-12-1984

"Skynet knew it was losing, so it tried to rig the game," John said with a smirk. "It sent a terminator back in time before the war."

"And who's the target?" Kyle insisted.

"My mother," John answered. "Sarah Connor. If the machine succeeds, I'll never be born. They'll kill her first, and by doing so, erase every victory we've fought for - including tonight's. There won't be a resistance to challenge the machines. With this one act, Skynet will win."

Turning to face his men - all who were watching with rapt attention - John continued. "We can use the technology ourselves. Send someone back."

The room was filled with the voices of his troops volunteering to go.

"I'll go back," Kyle insisted.

"Why should I send you over all of them?" John demanded.

"Because I'd die for Sarah Connor."

"All of these people would die for Sarah Connor. What makes you any different?" John asked - his gaze burning into Kyle's.

"You know why," Kyle almost growled. "Everything you've told me about her. I know her, John. Let me save her."

One of the techs interrupted. "No weapons. We've measured the magnetic field - it'll rip apart anything not encased in living tissue. Think tinfoil in a microwave times a few billion - nothing left but a crater. No clothes, either."

"She's going to think I'm crazy," Kyle muttered even as he began stripping. "You knew the device would be here. You knew when it'd be set for. You knew the machines would fall tonight. Just before I go, tell me..."

"Tell you what?" John asked with that damned smirk.

"Do you see the future?"

"No one can see the future, Reese."

"Okay, then how do you know?" Kyle insisted.

"I cheat," John laughed. "Sarah told me so much, gave me signposts. When I was a kid, it seemed like my mother knew everything."

"Must've been great," Kyle said as he stepped up onto the platform.

"Not really. It stops here. Once you go back, my knowledge ends. That's as much as Sarah knew," John said morosely.

"So, no more cheating?" Kyle asked with a grin.

"No more cheating," John grinned back - pulling something from his pocket.

"John? Why do you have a condom?" Kyle asked wearily. It would be just like his mentor to pull a practical joke on him since he was naked in front of everyone.

"I'm sending some important information with you. Things you need to do and need to know and to pass on," John said as he pulled the condom out and unrolled it. Stuffing a rolled piece of paper into along with what looked like a men's ring, John knotted the condom and then tied some string to it.

"Tie the string to your back tooth, and swallow the condom. Don't worry, it's non-lubricated."

"John, there are days I really hate you," Kyle said as he followed his orders. "Fuck! That was vile."

"Would've been worse if it was lubricated. Never let a girl kiss you after she's gone down on you after you wore one. Trust me," John grinned. "Anyway - once you find clothes you need to follow the instructions on the letter to the T."

"So, any messages you want me to pass on?" Kyle asked even as he fought not to retch.

John paused a moment, feeling pensive. "Tell her this: 'Thank you, Sarah, for your courage during the dark years. I can't help you with what you must soon face, except to say the future is not set. There is no fate but that which we make for ourselves. You must be stronger than you imagine you can be. You must survive, or I will never exist.'"

Giving one of the techs a nod, the machine started up. "Take care of her for me, Kyle."

"I will," Kyle promised.

Parts began to move, and machines started to hum. Everyone felt like static was building up on their skin, though for Kyle it was a thousand times worse. Then, like being born he felt more alive than ever before.

John looked at the display and started laughing.


"You think he'll be mad?" John asked the tech - an old friend named Andrew Wells.

"I'm pretty sure he'll get over it, Xander," Andrew said with a grin.

Kyle landed with a thud on the hard pavement, feeling half-blind and half-deaf. Luckily a homeless man was in the alley with him, though he felt bad for stealing the guy's sweatpants. An encounter with the local police man had left him confused. Why did I go back so far? Did the machine miss its projected date as well? Or did John give me more time to act?

Either way, Kyle broke into a department store and stole a trench coat, shoes, and a shirt before slipping past the cops and stealing a shotgun from a parked cruiser. Tucking the weapon under the coat he calmly made his way down the road before finding a parking garage. There he found a station wagon that was unlocked and easily hot wired.

Driving until he found an empty parking lot, Kyle parked and proceeded to expel John's care package. Reading the notes, he found that up first was a letter to Kyle that John had written in advance.

"Son of a bitch!" Kyle swore.

Dear Kyle,

I knew you'd be the one to volunteer, because mom told me so. First of all, Sarah Connor is NOT my mother. That's just the name I picked out to hide who she really was - though everything else I've told you is true. Why the ruse? To keep Skynet away from my mom.

My real name is Alexander Lavelle Harris - son of Tony and Jessica Harris. If the time machine dropped you in the right place, my mom will have just conceived me. The problem is, my real dad will disappear the same night. She'll be devastated, even more so when she find she's pregnant with me. You'll need to step in and support her. Guide her - she already knows a lot since my grandfather was a survivalist nut but it'll be up to you to fill in the gaps.

The ring is worth a large sum of money. Take it to Willy at Willy's Alibi Room and have him set you up with the papers you'll need as well as the deed to the abandoned house next to where my mom is living. And don't worry - you make a great dad!

John Connor aka Alexander Harris

"Son of a bitch!" Kyle repeated.

It was a few years later that the T-800 appeared in L.A. - right where the letter said it would.

"Okay, you're not crazy," Jessica said with a sigh as she watched through her binoculars and picked up the sniper rifle. Little Alex was staying with a neighbor while she and Kyle had a 'night out.'

Kyle grinned as he heard his wife's voice over the walkie-talkie, and waited patiently. His back was to the T-800 and he could hear it approach from behind.

"Your clothes. Give them to me," The machine demanded.

Kyle grinned even as the machine's head snapped back from where the fifty-caliber round smashed into it's skull - sending metal debris and gore everywhere. "And now I get stuck with cleanup," he sighed - even as he started dragging the machine's body into the back of his van before grabbing a broom and dustpan to sweep up any lose debris. The body would cremated to get rid of the fleshy bits before being dumped into the trunk of a car destined for the crusher at the scrap yard he worked at.

"I still can't believe he trolled Skynet," he muttered as he swung around to pick up his wife.