When the sun went down, the party went up. The mess hall had been cleared of all the tables and covered in decorations. Action Jackson was DJ-ing and everybody was already there when I popped in, including Lincoln and Renee. They were chatting it up over by the snack table. Those two were so sickeningly perfect together that they were the official camp power couple. Rumor had it that they actually had sex on a regular basis, but of course neither of them ever owned up to it so nobody could prove it. Then I saw Girl Jordan walk up to the table right next to them. This was it. Time to go get my flirt on. I approached her with my most charming smirk.
"Hey there G.J. What's good, girl?" I said.
"Wow. Are you for real, Rusty?" she spat at me.
"Everybody knows about you and Zach's little peep show this morning. You seriously think any girl's gonna wanna be around you after that? Later, perv."
Then she walked away. My only chance now was the Burning Desire. Time to find out if this stuff was actually worth what I paid for it. I sprayed the cologne all over my neck and then chased after Jordan again.
"Jordan, wait! Please just let me explain." I caught up to her, but before I could say anything, she cut me off.
"Hang on. What's that smell? Are you wearing cologne?"
"I like it. I REALLY like it! You know, maybe I was too hard on you. I'm sorry I snapped at you, Rusty. You wanna come dance with me?"
"Definitely!" Whoa. She asked me to dance? That stuff really does work! It was like pure magic.
Jordan and I danced together like there was no mañana. The DJ was playing one of my favorite love songs, so I had lots of energy and so did she. We were starting to draw a crowd, but I just wanted to focus on mine and Jordan's sweet moves. I was having the time of my life right now and it was all thanks to Burning Desire.
When the song was over, I stopped to catch my breath and everybody cheered for us. Jordan came up and hugged me. "That was awesome, Rusty," she said. "You are such a hot dancer."
"Thanks. You're not too bad yourself," I replied. Then she whispered in my ear.
"What do you say we go somewhere private and make out?"
"Wha-ho! Sounds great. Let me just get a drink first. I need to refresh."
I went back to the snack table and poured myself some punch. That's when Clyde came up to to me. "Man, Rusty. You are killing it out there. How'd you get Girl Jordan to dance with you?"
"I guess some guys just have the magic touch, Clyde," I said.
"Rusty! What's taking so long?" Jordan called.
"Coming!" I called back. "Sorry Clyde. Booty calls."
I walked back over to Jordan and suddenly she grabbed my arm and yanked me into the broom closet. That chick is a lot stronger than she looks. Once we were both inside, she locked the door behind us. She had a pretty fierce look in her eyes that was both arousing and kinda scary.
"Finally, we're alone," she hissed. "Just you, me, and that wonderful, delectable scent of yours!"
"Yeah, it's uh… it's pretty great, huh?" All of a sudden, I realized how weird this was getting. I knew she liked my cologne, but I didn't know she liked it that much. She took another big whiff and suddenly it was like her eyes just went wild. She grabbed my head with both hands and started frenching my lips like crazy.
"Oh, that smell just gets me SOOOO HOT! Oh, Rusty, I want you to EAT ME ALIVE!"
Okay, I admit that I'm not used to having girls be this into me, but now it was obvious that things were getting really crazy here. I had to get out of there. She held onto me tight, but I managed to inch my way over to the door and unlock it. "Uh, Jordan? You know, this is great, but… I think I really need some fresh air." I opened the door and tumbled out, landing on my back with Jordan still on top of me.
"What the hell?! Rusty? Jordan? What are you guys doing?!" said Stella, who was standing over us.
"Can you please get her off me?" I pleaded.
Stella tried to pull Jordan off of me, but Jordan wasn't making it easy. She was pushing and growling and trying to get away. It was like she was possessed. "GET OFF ME, STELLA! RUSTY IS MINE!" she shouted.
"Jordan, get a hold of yourself! What is wrong with you?!" Stella said, pushing her away. "Are you okay, Rusty?" She reached her hand out to help me up.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks."
But then, just when I thought I was safe, Stella took a big sniff. I started to panic since I knew what she was smelling. "Wow, Rusty. You smell amazing."
"Oh no," I whimpered. Stella started looking at me with the same seductive face as Jordan.
"You know, I never noticed how cute you were before. You wanna come back to my cabin and get freaky on the mattress?" she said, fiddling with the tips of her hair.
Jordan grabbed Stella's hair and pulled her away from me. "Get back, skank! I told you he's MINE!"
"Take a number, rat tail!" Stella shot back as the two started tearing each other apart.
I've always wanted to see girls fighting over me, but this was terrifying. That cologne was working way too well. I had to get out of there ASAP and wash it off.
But of course, that's when the exact opposite happened. I tripped over somebody's foot and the entire bottle of Burning Desire spilled out of my pocket and all over me. All I could hear was a symphony of sniffs. I looked around and suddenly every girl in the whole place, including Erica the counselor, was staring at me. I crab-walked backwards, trying to get away as they all gathered around me with lustful stares in their eyes. And then they all said in unison, in the most hive-minded way possible, "Rusty… you smell amazing!"
I stood up and ran away as fast as I could. I never thought I'd be so desperate to get away from a room full of girls who all wanted to bang me. I jumped out of the way when Penelope dived at me and I just barely avoided getting caught by Giggles when she made me slip right towards her on a banana peel. Stella and Jordan, suddenly working together, backed me up into a corner where it looked like they were both about to go to town on me, when something suddenly came down and pulled me up towards the ceiling.
It turned out I'd been intercepted by Haiku, who was hanging upside from the banister and smiling at me with… FANGS?! Oh no, false alarm. They were just fake costume fangs. Still, this wasn't much better than being on the ground. "I am going to suck you dry!" she whispered in my ear. I really didn't wanna know what the spooky chick's idea of sex was. She was about to bite my neck, but somehow I managed to wiggle free and fell all the way back down to the floor, where I landed painfully on my face. I saw Erica coming my way, so I closed my eyes and quickly rolled under the table.
It felt like I had rolled on top of something. Something warm and pleasant-smelling. And there was something squishy under my hands. I opened my eyes, looked down and saw that I was lying on top of Tabby with my hands squeezing her tits. Even so, she looked very happy to see me.
"Blimey," she exclaimed with a giggle. "You sure are forward, aren't ya, love?"
I screamed and hit my head on the table, then scurried out as fast as I could. Only to bump into the long, yoga-toned legs of Renee on the way out. She picked me up and squeezed me close to her. I had no idea how I was gonna explain this to Lincoln, but I didn't have time to think about that right now. I'd make it up to him later. I freed myself from Renee's grasp and FINALLY made it into the kitchen. I locked the door behind me, feeling confident that I had finally given all those cologne-crazed girls the slip.
My spine froze up when I heard another female voice say my name. This one terrified me way more than any of the others. Ronnie Anne was standing right there in the kitchen, wearing an apron and a hair net.
"Ronnie Anne? What are you doing in here?" I asked.
"Ugh, the counselors said I had to work in the kitchen tonight to make up for kicking your ass this morning, even though you totally had it coming," she explained bitterly. "What's going on with you? Why are you all-" *sniff*
'Oh no! No, please God! Not her!'
"Whoa…. You smell…. amazing!"
Ronnie Anne's eyes went wild, her face formed a wicked smile and at that moment, I knew this was it. This was how I was gonna die. She started walking towards me (actually, not walking, stomping) and taking off her apron and hair net.
"No, no! Ronnie Anne, fight it! Fight the burning desire!" I begged, but it didn't stop her.
"Oh, I am gonna have a fun time with you, hot stuff."
Only one chance. I unlocked the kitchen door and bolted like lightning. Hopefully, she'd get lost among the sea of horny ladies. I ducked, dodged and shoved my way through the crowd with all my strength. By the time I reached the front doors, I was sure I'd be in the clear very soon. But nope. Ronnie Anne was bulldozing right through all her competition like an elephant in heat. "My God! Does nothing stop this chick?" I wondered out loud. She was about to catch up with me, so I made a break for it through the double doors.
I ran into the thick part of the woods. It was my last chance to lose Ronnie Anne. I had an idea for how to make all this craziness stop, but it wouldn't matter if I ended up getting plowed to death by the muscle girl first. It was bad enough having to avoid a room full of regular sex-crazed women, but now I felt like I was being hunted like prey. I needed to stop for a minute to catch my breath, so I crouched down behind a bush.
"Come on out, Rusty! Don't you wanna squeeze my ass and stick you face in my huge, soft boobs?" Ronnie Anne called out teasingly to me. I may have been hot for her before, but right now I was too afraid for my life to even think about sex at all. "Come on. I've got a vibrator with your name on it."
Once I had my breath back, I got up and started running again. I just had to make it through the trees and I was almost there. "You can't run forever, Rusty!" she called out again. "I can smell that sweet, sexy cologne of yours from a mile away."
At last, I was clear of the forest. I came out standing on the beach of the lake. I was almost home free. Then I heard Ronnie Anne's horrible stomping again. She pushed apart two trees with nothing but her bare hands. It was like she'd torn the forest itself apart trying to find me. And now she had me in her sights again.
"Gotcha now, you gorgeous sex god!"
As Ronnie Anne charged at me like a horny bull, I made a break straight for the water. The second I ran out of beach, jumped head first into the lake, narrowly avoiding her clutches. As I fell, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then I hit the water. I stayed under for as long as I could hold my breath, rubbing myself down to make sure the smell came off. When I came back up, Ronnie Anne was still standing there, looking confused, but otherwise normal. Still, I stepped out of the water and approached her carefully.
"Ronnie Anne? How do you feel?" I asked her.
"I feel like myself again," she answered, which I was very happy to hear. "What the heck happened to me? I smelled that weird cologne of yours and suddenly I just completely lost my mind."
"Well, funny story about that." I told her the whole story. Buying the cologne, wanting to impress Jordan, getting mobbed by every girl in camp, all of it.
"Wow. You really are a creep," she said judgmentally.
"All I did was buy a bottle of cologne to impress a girl. I didn't know it was literally gonna drive every girl in camp crazy. I am so getting my money back."
"Well, hopefully, being out of the smell range will calm the all down." She shuddered. "Can't believe I was actually attracted to you."
"Yeah, well you're not exactly at the top of my list either."
"Oh yeah? Is that why you had a rager in your pants when I caught you watching me in the shower today? Maybe if you treated women like people instead of trophies, Jordan would actually be willing to give you a chance."
I sighed. "You're right. I've been a real jerk. But I promise I'm gonna make up for it starting now. Ronnie Anne, I'm really sorry for spying on you in the shower. I didn't respect your privacy, or any of the other girls' privacy, and I totally deserved what you gave me. I promise I'll never do it again."
"You really mean it?"
"Thanks, Rusty. I really appreciate that. Now you just have to make it up to every other girl in camp."
"And maybe some of the guys, too, since my cologne made their dates go crazy over me."
"True. And, hey, if you do a good job of it, maybe I'll even put in a good word for your with Jordan."
"You'd really do that?"
"Thanks, Ronnie Anne."
"Don't mention it. Just don't let me catch you pulling any tricks like that again."
"Deal." Well, I had officially learned my lesson. Ronnie Anne and I headed back to the party. I had a long road ahead of me to make up for a lifetime of pervy behavior, but if Ronnie Anne kept her word, it would all be worth it. I was also gonna have a serious word with that Mr. Bub. I mean, what kind of general store sells cursed cologne? That's usually the kind of thing you only see in those old sci-fi horror shows. Or in perverted fan fictions...