284An Autumnal Equinox
The humiliation of being squeezed into a coffin was very quickly worsened by the fact that Blaire was pressed between Sebastian and Grell like some kind of biblical sandwich. Precariously balanced on a wagon which was being dragged by a horse, each jostle sent everyone uncomfortably knocking into each other. Save for the sounds of Blaire and Ciel's breaths, everybody was completely silent. The sounds of the hooves clip-clopping against the cobblestone ground and the rhythmic swaying of the coffin could have sent her to sleep, were it not for the claustrophobic darkness and the disturbingly lukewarm bodies which pressed against her. In spite of the forced proximity, Blaire was unable to sense either Grell or Sebastian breathing. Perhaps, she surmised, they were being considerate. It was all too easy to feel as though she was being suffocated in the dark and the dead typically had no need of decent air flow. She was finding that out the hard way.
The plan was simple. The Undertaker would drive the four of them to the cathedral and distract the monk who stood guard at the gate, allowing them to sneak in. From there, they would look for the missing doomsday books and investigate what went on inside.
A bubble of nerves and excitement fizzed in Blaire's stomach as she thought of seeing Angela again. It almost made the sweat dripping down her back worth it.
After an indeterminable amount of time, they came to a stop. A brief silence preceded a double knock on the lid of the coffin. It was the Undertaker letting them know they had arrived.
Blaire was unable to hear what was going on outside and she suspected that Ciel was in the same boat. It was Sebastian who creaked open the coffin lid, momentarily blinding her as her eyes adjusted to the sudden onslaught of sunlight. Sebastian, Grell and Ciel hopped seamlessly out of the coffin. Blaire on the other hand, tripped over her skirts and knocked the coffin entirely off the wagon with a resounding thud which echoed loudly around the surrounding tranquility. Sebastian caught her before she knocked her head on the wagon but the damage was done.
Blaire glanced at the monk and the Undertaker, who were stood at the gate. Then at Ciel and Grell who were hiding behind a bush. Then at Sebastian, who was still holding her in midair. Each and every single one of them were staring right at her with varying degrees of incredulity.
"…sorry."
"You bumbling fool." Sebastian spat under his breath.
"Well, you try climbing in long skirts and a corset!" Blaire whispered back with a sneer.
The monk at the gate smiled. "In that case you had better come in after all. Your friends over there are welcome to come in as well." He raised his voice so that they heard him, waving right at Ciel and Grell with a serene smile. Both human and reaper promptly shot up from their admittedly dubious hiding place.
"In that case, I believe I'll take my leave of you." Said the Undertaker. "I've accomplished what I came here to do."
"I understand, thank you for all your hard work. I wish you only the best." The monk waved the Undertaker goodbye as he departed. "May your soul be truly cleansed."
"Good work, Miss Coleman." The Undertaker clapped Blaire's shoulder as he passed, prompting her to stare after him incredulously.
"You two are acquainted?" Asked Sebastian.
"No…? Isn't he just like that?"
"He spoke to you in his shop. He said 'it's great to see you again'."
Her brows knitted together. "I thought he was talking to you and Ciel…?"
"Oy," Ciel approached them. "I thought it was supposed to be difficult to get in here?"
"Yes, that is what I thought as well." Mused Sebastian, who was still staring at Blaire intently.
Ciel drew his eyes to Blaire, his expression full of distain. "You idiot. You almost compromised our investigation! And why are you even here?! You haven't offered so much as an ounce of foresight in ages!"
"Well last time I tried to offer some of my foresight-" Blaire lifted up her hands to her head and waggled her fingers, her voice becoming dramatically mystical. "-you told me not to bother! Said you'd rather figure it out on your own!"
"Yes, the young master tends to be rather tetchy when it comes to receiving help it would seem." Sebastian said pointedly, taking Blaire by the elbow and firmly turning her away from Ciel. Whether it was for her own or Ciel's sake, she couldn't quite tell.
"Infernal cheek, the pair of you!" Snapped Ciel.
Sighing, Blaire shrugged off Sebastian's touch and marched past the lone monk through the gate. The long path leading towards the cathedral was cloaked in golden light. Its silhouette loomed in the distance like a specter, framed by the somber glow of the evening sun. Stone walls and a thick blanket of trees were on either side of the long dirt path. Just as Blaire was thinking about how relaxing a walk it could have been, Ciel's sour voice caught up to her.
"You know, there is nothing wrong with making use of one's own intellect to solve a problem once in a while. Be that as it may, keep in mind what I'm paying you for."
"Well in that case, you should know; they were going to just let you in anyway. You didn't need the bells and whistles."
"And you didn't think to say earlier?!" Ciel exclaimed.
"I've gotten things like this wrong before. My visions are usually… cartoonish and exaggerated. I didn't think that getting into a cult would actually be that easy in real life."
"Perhaps in the future, you should tell us the contents of these visions and allow us to decide, hm?" Said Sebastian. "Your decision-making skills leave much to be desired."
"I can try." Blaire sighed, the excited bubble in her stomach deflating and giving way to something all too familiar.
"Is there anything else you've seen which may be of use?" Asked Sebastian.
"Erm… Just that the doomsday books are like, stories about people's lives. Including the future. People who join this religion, or cult thing, need to be cleansed by having the passages from the books changed to clean their… sins …Or something..?" Blaire scratched her head.
"The future?" Mused Sebastian.
"But I think you have to be in the children's choir to get to see that."
"Well, what use is that to us? None of us are children!" Snapped Ciel.
Conversation came to a still as a group of nuns passed by them, glancing at them with gentle smiles. A breeze gently rustled the branches as they past, causing Blaire to shudder.
"They have such perfect smiles, don't they?" Mused Ciel.
"Perhaps you should learn from them considering that you've forgotten how to smile yourself." Said Sebastian.
"Don't be so stupid. Those smiles were fake. And you know it."
They stepped inside the hallowed sanctuary, the air smelling of incense and whispering secrets of old. Towering ceilings and intricate gothic spires were beautiful. And yet, a chill lingered within the sacred place. As they approach the alter, Ciel abruptly came to a still, his expression aghast as his wide eyes stared up at the window. Ethereal light seeped in through the stained glass, upon which was the very symbol etched onto his flesh.
Sebastian leaned down, murmuring into his ear. "What troubles you, my lord?"
At that moment, three boys in their choir uniform ran inside the chancel, their giggles preceding them. "Good evening!" One of them chirped. "Another gorgeous day today, wasn't it?"
"Oh well look!" Gushed Grell. "Aren't you just the cutest thing! I really don't do well with kids though…"
One of the choir boys approached Grell with a wide smile. "Hello there unclean one! I can see every bit of your impurity!"
"Say what?!"
Blaire giggled, watching the scene unfold. Grell was becoming increasingly enraged, culminating in him chasing after the boys with an undignified growling sound. Where the boys ran out, a nun stepped inside, stopping Grell in his tracks. Blaire's eyes went wide as she recalled what was about to happen.
Sebastian was going to seduce the nun.
She tried to cover her snort with a hacking cough, causing Ciel to frown over at her.
"I'm sorry about that. After a certain age, everyone is considered unclean. I see from your clothing… you're a new convert? Don't worry. If you study the teachings of our leader, you too will be cleansed." Said the nun, whose name eluded Blaire.
"How dare you-!" Ciel exclaimed.
"Unclean?" Sebastian's sultry voice rang out as he stepped forward. "What a bizarre thing to say. I can't believe a lady as beautiful as you is impure."
Blaire watched Sebastian with unbridled curiosity, wondering if she should step in. Was this completely necessary? Would the nun, whatever her name was, be okay? Was this entirely consensual? After all, being used for information was, in Blaire's view, highly undignified…
…wait a goddamn minute-
Deciding that she didn't want anymore involvement, Blaire turned to leave the way they came in. Angela should have been around somewhere. And she, Blaire decided, was much better company. Sebastian's antics were something she could get her fill of any day of the week.
"Blaire?" Grell murmured, moving towards her and causing Sebastian to stop in his tracks, his head whipping round to appraise her with sharp eyes. He stepped back from the unnamed nun, leaving her leaning against the wall, visibly trembling and forgotten about.
"Going somewhere?" Sebastian demanded. And then all eyes were on her.
Blaire put her arms up in mock surrender. "You caught me. I won't go far, but I know what comes next and I have no desire to stick around."
"What are you withering on about now, woman?" Ciel asked with a tired sigh and a sidelong glance.
Blaire felt her cheeks warm, suddenly sweating despite the chill from the church. "I'm going to see if I can find Angela."
"No, indeed, you are not," Ciel sighed. His voice got louder as he went and Blaire started to feel like she was being told off. "You are on duty as my servant, and may not simply wander off in search of your friend! What sort of commotion are you stirring now?!"
She covered her reddened face with her hands. "I just seen something I don't want to see, just please-" She turned her back to the group and strode a few paces away from them.
"My apologies miss Coleman. I didn't intend to conjure such disturbing visions." Sebastian's voice was softened by amusement. Suddenly he was beside her, leaving the anonymous nun to hurry away, throwing a bullet of a glance over her shoulder. "I never realized you were so bashful." He continued, a thoughtful hand on his chin and his half-lidded stare now fixed entirely on her.
"I-I'm not I just-!"
"Come now, it's perfectly natural."
"Not for you it isn't!"
"Am I the only one who is completely lost?" Ciel demanded. "Cease speaking in riddles this instant, both of you. That is an order."
"He was going to sleep with that nun for information!" Blaire blurted out, dropping down to sit on one of the benches, ignoring how Grell audibly gasped. "I just thought I'd run away while I had the chance."
"Well, thank you for sparing us..." Ciel muttered from the tip of his nose.
"Talking about the birds and the bees with you guys was not on my bingo card for this trip out…" Blaire muttered.
"Of course, what with your fantastical visions, I'm quite sure you'll be able to tell me what I need to know rather more quickly… I wouldn't want to scare you away now, would I?" Sebastian said, sitting down on the bench beside her and leaning closer to her. He pinned her with a mirthless gaze. The deeper meaning conveyed in his casual tone weighed down greatly on her already stiff shoulders. The conversation they had in his office rang loud and clear in her mind. Both Ciel and Grell's cold eyes bore into her.
"Angela is going to come for Ciel. She's going to take him away. It's… not me you should be fussing over."
That soon wiped the smirk from Sebastian's face.
Blaire hurried to add; "She won't kill him though! You don't need to hurt her…" Her voice sounded more pleading than she intended.
"What on earth does she want with me?!" Ciel demanded, stepping over and sitting on Blaire's other side.
"I'm not completely sure I understand it myself… but I think… she only wants to give you peace. By changing your past, that is. All those horrible things that happened… you could forget all about them."
"…changing my past…would mean changing my very person." Ciel's voice had lost its edge. He gazed down at the ring on his thumb, beginning to fidget with it.
When she watched the show, she hadn't thought what Angela proposed was that bad. She was only trying to rescue Ciel from being consumed by a demon. She could never admit it out loud but she was on Angela's side in this instance.
Sebastian's voice, sharp and licked with stripes of ice cut through her and Ciel's thoughtful expressions. "Angels can create illusions of peace. But it is prudent to remember that it isn't real. Tomorrow is promised to no one, but you should insist upon your past."
Blaire looked at the ground. His words would have struck a chord in her but the last place she wanted to be today was a dusty old church in the middle of nowhere, with no sign of her new found friend. After a pause, Sebastian continued, his reddened eyes glancing between Blaire and Ciel. Accusing.
"If the integrity of my master's soul is compromised then the angel must be eliminated. And that is the end of it.
"But you said…" Blaire started, recalling what Sebastian had told her about her and Angela's bond. If Angela perished, Blaire was going to feel it. However, when Sebastian pinned her with his gaze, there was a ferocity in his eyes that caused her to straighten to attention. She was reminded that Ciel was Sebastian's priority. In the end, she was of little consequence. After all, the only reason she was here and not rotting on the streets of London was because Sebastian thought she could be an asset to Ciel. But what happens to assets when they are no longer useful?
Blaire closed her eyes, once again feeling sick with dread. For the first time in her entire life, she whispered a prayer in her mind.
Angela…
When the choir boys all entered the church and took their places at the front, the moon was high in the sky. Blaire and her 'merry gang of fictional characters' slipped into the shadows at the back farthest from the altar. Only the flickering candlelight guarded them from complete darkness as a figure ascended to the stage. His long robes whispered against the floor as he walked and though his face was hidden by his hood, there was no mistaking his authority. Silence fell.
"Tonight, the unclean will be made pure again. It is time for the cleansing ceremony."
Two silhouettes in the faltering light were led onto the stage. When their cloaks were stripped away, the bold black markings which snaked across the pale skin of their back were revealed. The two knelt in silent submission before the leader. In his hands he cradled two worn leather tomes.
"I suppose those books are cinematic records?" Sebastian quipped, his voice hushed and breaking the eerie stillness.
"Hmm. I'm too far away to tell." Said Grell lazily.
The tomes were placed on the altar and opened. Addressing the congregation, the hooded leader without name spoke up. "I shall read the doomsday books of these impure, lost children. First Jill Pheasant, the second child of a farmer. She conceived a child in sin. Then we have Thomas Adkins. He has committed no evil deeds per se, but has spent his life meaninglessly. And that is a grave sin to us."
The two kneeling shadows began to convulse. Violent screams ripped through the stillness as a dark haze coiled around them, swallowing their pale skin into a deep black void. The hooded congregation were unmoved. Dutifully, they kept their heads bent with their hands clasped reverently beneath their chin in silent prayer. Still and completely quiet, their demeanor was a harrowing juxtaposition to the scene unfolding before them.
Suddenly, from the towering stained-glass windows, a brilliant golden light surged forth, flooding the cathedral in radiant splendour. Blaire squinted against its brilliance, momentarily blinded.
"I say!" Exclaimed Ciel.
The window transformed, shimmering as if becoming a screen upon which the lives of the two wretched souls played out in fleeting images—fragments of sin, regret, and memory.
"What is happening?!" Asked Ciel, his voice shrill with alarm.
"Hell, if I know." Blaire sighed, her mind wandering. She half expected Angela to show up at any moment. Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on the bench in front.
"Snuff out the unclean!" Came the voice of the leader, his voice rising in fervor. "And the unwanted! And the unnecessary! Snuff them out! All of them!"
Reaching an unbearable intensity, the light seemed to shatter the window with a piercing crash. The screams of the two souls echoed throughout the chancel, their torment lingering in the air long after the light had begun to fade. And yet, as the final echo died away, the window reformed itself, as pristine and untarnished as before.
"And now, despite what they have done, these people are no longer unclean. Our brother and our sister, now as pure as snow."
"Something's wrong here. Those books that the priest had? They were definitely not cinematic records." Said Grell, leaning against the outside of the church with his arms folded across his chest.
"They weren't? Does that mean he doesn't have the power to see the past or the future?" Said Ciel.
Sebastian looked to be in deep thought. "Even if the doomsday books are fake, they still hold power. And this business with the angel… complicates matters…" He glanced at Blaire, who was looking up at the sky wistfully.
"Unclean he said. That's what the doll called me… Then there's nothing else for it." Said Ciel.
"My lord?"
"One of us must convert and go through this… cleansing ceremony."
"If I may be so bold. Given that Angela has been prophesized to take you, I don't believe that this would be a wise move." Said Sebastian.
Blaire cleared her throat. The three looked at her again. A moment's pause preceded her proposition. "I could do it. Always wanted to be a nun." All three of them stared at her with blank gazes. She smiled. Like a scarecrow flapping on a barren field until the wind rose enough for her to lose her cool. "Okay, not really. But I'll do it. I… Don't remember much before I was erm… employed. And Sebastian is right… I… want to discover my past. I want to know what happened to me. If they have those books – that can read people's lives, I might get some answers."
"…As much as it pains me to admit it, I do believe you are our best option." Ciel said.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "Anything to see your precious angel, is it?" He sneered.
Ciel looked at her seriously, turning to her and placing a hand on her shoulder. She stilled, glancing between his face and his hand. The clouds up above suddenly seemed like translucent brains full of bad thoughts.
"What those people experienced up by the altar… did appear rather painful. Humiliating, even. We will stay nearby. You won't be alone..." Blaire's mouth opened in surprise. Their eyes met and then she was sinking in the bluest blue. Then he smiled.
"…I wouldn't miss your humiliation for the world, you see." He finished, stoic and straight faced, leaving her wondering if he was being playful or not.
It all happened so fast.
Blaire could scarcely recall the last time she'd had the luxury of a proper bath. Now, she had been scrubbed mercilessly until her skin flushed raw, reddened by the efforts of the nuns tasked with preparing her for initiation. Once cleansed, the familiar symbol from the window was drawn on her back with something cold and wet. A heavy cloak was draped over her shoulders like a shroud.
Words she couldn't hear were exchanged with blurry faces. She nodded and smiled and said yes when appropriate. When she blinked, it was time to go.
Her heart dropped into her stomach as she made her way up the aisle. Eyes were all over her, burning her with their scrutiny. Sebastian, Ciel and Grell had indeed resumed their previous seats at the back. Sebastian and Ciel wore matching smirks and Grell waved languidly.
But Blaire's brow soon furrowed in confusion. The leader—this time—held no book in his hands. Where was her book? The absence gnawed at her unease. She slowly ascended to the stage, keeping her back firmly to the crowd. Cringing, she anticipated having her cloak removed in front of everyone. Oh, this was going to be shaming. Why couldn't Ciel have done this instead? Why did she have to open her big stupid mouth?
It was a sobering thought – that if she had just held her nerve and let Sebastian screw a nun, then she wouldn't be up on stage converting to a cult.
"Miss Blaire Robbie Coleman." The leader – her leader's voice reverberated through the grand hall. "By divine decree… we bid thee welcome, for thy soul is already as pure and unblemished as that of a new born babe. Miss Coleman's records bore no sin. With pages white as snow… she will be the crowning jewel of our hollowed institution…"
Blaire's confusion deepened. Her unease tinged with disappointment as she realized she would not find her answers here.
Then the organ started to play. Its deep notes filled the cathedral as heavenly light began to stream through the stained glass. She scarcely had time to react before a sudden rush of air swept her off her feet. Her wide eyes locked onto Angela's, only for a startled cry to tear from her lips as Angela's great wings unfurled, propelling them into the air.
Gasps echoed throughout the hall, followed by frantic shouts of her name. But all were drowned beneath the booming organ and the anguished cries of monks and nuns whose beliefs had, in that instant, been quantified.
A rush of excitement swelled in her belly. "Angela!"
"Dear child…" Angela smiled sweetly. "I heard you call out to me."
"You were supposed to take Ciel, not me!"
"But I want you." The tenderness of the angel's words was broken by the sound of Sebastian shouting her name, his voice rising above the commotion and suggesting his proximity.
Blaire turned her head to glance down, only for Angela to prevent this by tugging her hair, holding her in place. "Where are we-?" Blaire was cut off when Angela smashed her lips against hers.
Still and completely stunned, Blaire had no choice but to accept the angel's hungry affections. Angela held her firmly in place, her lips moving against Blaire's with a brutish intent. Only one of Angela's arms, wrapped under Blaire's knees, prevented her from falling to her death. Wind howled in her ears and ruffled both of their hair, entangling white and brown strands together. Blaire's hands grabbed the angel anywhere possible as she clung on for her life. The presence of the angel in her mind pressed upon her, demanding her to do as she was bid. Having no choice, Blaire kissed Angela back. The wretched moans emanating from the creature holding her were confusing as much as they sent waves of pleasure through their bond.
Eventually, Angela pulled back, preening at Blaire with a savage smile. Their surroundings had changed. The church was gone, replaced by somewhere bright and warm. Or was that just Angela?
"It is my wish to find out who you truly are now."
The human soul is guided by two horses
A light horse of reason. And a dark horse of passion
This story is officially over five years old and I think my writing style has changed since 2019. Some (what I hope are) improvements have been made to the story to reflect that. No major plot points have been changed. There's no need to re-read anything. Here is a summary of what has been changed:
1) The scene in which Blaire meets Ciel properly in his office in "Smoke Filled Room" has been slightly changed – stronger themes of sexual assault
2) Blaire's manic episode has been extended to clearly begin at the beginning of chapter 16 (The Hand of God), and the scene between her, Grell and Sebastian is a little more emotionally hitting for Blaire
3) Blaire's suicide attempt in "A Sea of Thought" was rewritten and slightly expanded
4) The scene in Sebastian's office following Blaire's attempted suicide in "The Third Wave" was rewritten to improve characterization
5) The scene in 'Shards' has some more dialogue between Blaire and Sebastian when he is inside her mind. She ponders what it's like to be a demon and questions the dull, limited emotions she can sense from Sebastian.
6) Blaire is shown to be a bit more scared of Sebastian from the onset to make her transformation to a more-timid character less abrupt
7) Abrupt shifts in point of view mid-scene have been removed in favor of dialogue/body language cues. The story is mostly from Blaire's point of view so that Sebastian is a more mysterious character like he is in the anime and manga. I don't believe we should know exactly what he is thinking *exclusing Starry-Night Interlude and possible future interludes
8) Dialogue has been changed to sound more in character/suitable for the upper class in the Victorian era, particularly in Sebastian and Ciel's case
9) Sebastian has been rewritten to be more collected and less outwardly full of rage as I believe this is more fitting for his character
10) Some word choice and paragraph structure where I felt the reader was being "spoon fed" has been changed or cut.
11) General sentence structure edits
12) Disclaimers added where applicable