44From the Desk of Sharper
"Stoppable Family Vacation"
Last year, I decided to make a story based on a vacation the Stoppables took sometime last November as they were planning to make a trip to South Dakota on their way to the Lipskys house for Thanksgiving. Yes, I know that I used the formula before with Lipsky Family Thanksgiving but it veered to focus more on the Stoppables and their misery and woes on the Vacation From Hell than the Lipskys. So I decided to retitle it as such. The other reason why I put Lipsky Family Thanksgiving on hiatus is that it didn't have any mature humor in it, which is why it was rated T. So for this story, the humor will be more of the mature, classic, crass, weird, and gross kind, similar to what you'd find in the classic 1980s comedies such as Caddyshack, the Blues Brothers, Planes Trains and Automobiles, and, most importantly, National Lampoon's Vacation (the 1983 version, not the crappy 2015 remake). But it will still take place in the same timeframe (November of 2018) when the LAM Drakken and Shego were revealed.
And as such, as I usually do with my other mature-rated fanfics, I will point out a WARNING that the fanfic is rated M for mature crass humor throughout the story involving bodily functions and including the crude and sexual nature, strong language, some nudity (mainly on the adult Kim, Monique, and Ron plus a few other adult characters as well and it's more for comedic effect than in the sexual aspect, making this story a Lime), some alcohol drinking and smoking, several drug references including the smoking of marijuana, and a LOT of irresponsible behavior including driving stunts (mainly on Kim's part) that you should not imitate in real life under any circumstance as it would be a violation of several federal, state, and local laws and would either get you arrested or killed IRL. This is only for Rule of Funny for this story. Readers under the age of 16 should not read the story. Those that are or those that are squeamish about such humor should stop reading this summary and read any of my other stories that are rated T and lower.
I am going to post two versions of the story: the Lime version here on FFnet and the Lemon versions on AO3 and Wattpad.
Kim Possible, characters and settings, are created by Schooley and McCorkle and (c) by Disney. Once again, Justin Stoppable was created by the great Hotrod2001 and Alexa Stoppable was created by KPRS4ever, both very good friends of mine and all credit is given to them.
Any OC I create is made by me.
With all that bein' said, let's begin the tales of woe for the Stoppables.
Prologue: Murphys Law 1, Stoppable Family 0
(Middleton, CO, November 30, 2018, 11:09pm)
The night sky near Middleton was getting dark and thunder was heard from the clouds approaching the city, along with some intermittent flashes of lightning. It wasn't raining yet, but it was about to be Other than that, it seems to be quiet and peaceful...until it was interrupted by the sound of a car engine sputting and metal scraping on the pavement.
The 1996 Drudge Tangerine Minivan, affectionaly known as the Stoppable-mobile, moved slowly on the highway heading into the city. Or to be more fair, it should be known as what was left of the minivan. Both of its front and rear bumpers were gone and the grille was gone too. The hood was barely held on together with duct tape. The top half of the mini-van was gone as well. No windshield, no side mirrors, no rear-view mirrors, no windows. The body of the car was covered in dents from a hailstorm and a fire burned off all the paint off the vehicle. Luckily for them, it also burned off the grafitti of the vehicle. Only the working left headlight and the right tail-light remained on the vehicle. There was a large hole in the sliding door of the van. A second fire had burned up the plastic off the steering wheel and melted the gagues and half the seats, in addition to said seats having claw marks from a bear attack. The radio was all smashed up. The driver side front door was missing. The front axle was bent, causing the wheels to go at an angle and squeak uncontrollably.. The rear axle was straight but the wheels were on balding and patched tires and were also wobbling badly with only one lugnut holding them up, causing a rattling sound in the chassis. The tailpipe was dragging on the highway, producing sparks and a trail of white smoke followed by engine backfire. A single intact suitcase containing their unburned and untattered clothes remained in the back. In addition, a red-haired hula girl on the ruined dashboard was the only other thing besides the suitcase that remained unscathed on the trip. A chorus of squealing breaks and squeaky wheels irritated the ears of passersby. The floor of the van basically reeked in garbage with flies buzzing around the poor Stoppable family.
And driving this sad excuse of a vehicle was Kim Stoppable, famous heroine, top agent of Global Justice, and matriarch of the family. But on this night, she had been defeated by the forces of Murphys Law. She was wearing a crop-top plaid shirt tied up at her breasts and also a pair of baggy Club Banana denim overalls with the buckles manipulated, going up and down against the buttons. The bib was also covered in vomit. She also had on gold hoop earrings, a statement gold necklace, a long silver chain pendant, a heart bracelet, the wedding band, and sneakers without any socks. But her normally-flowing red hair was completely drenched in water and had bits of chocolate syrup, pink slime, pie-cream filling, maple syrup and various bits of animal poo as the cherry on top of the syrup. There were dark circles under her eyes as well, indicating bad nights of sleep. Her eyes were twitching as well. It also didn't help either that, with said driver's door ripped from the vehicle, the side buttons to her overalls were missing, showing off her bare bottom, which was still recoving from poison ivy. This was because all her bras and panties that she chose for the trip were either stolen or destroyed. Passersby often took photos to record the indignity of poor Kim, later to be used for social media purposes.
As for the rest of her family, Ron was only wearing his Ducky Momo boxers and his wedding band and had a plunger stuck to his head. The six-year old son, Justin, was in a sailor suit with a giant lollipop stuck on the back of the outfit. The three and a half-year old daughter, Alexa, was only clothed in a potato sack with holes cut out for the arms and legs. They were asleep in the back with Rufus, whom had seen his fair share of the misery of this trip. None of the Stoppables had a bath in the last two days. The kids also have earplugs in their ears, and there was a reason for this.
Kim was unable to even say a word for the past 50 miles on the trip since the mechanics performed shoddy repairs on the car and swindled them of whatever money they had left. She had kept a thousand-yard stare while on the road, putting her hand lightly on the steering wheel.
Ron sighed, wishing to talk with his wife, whom had seen enough on this trip .
"KS...I know that we didn't have a good vacation throughout the whole nine days and I'm sorry that we had to go through all of this and ..."
Kim finally gathered some courage to reply to her husband, but it's not the response he desired.
"I don't understand this fucking sitch, Ron! It was supposed to be the perfect family vacation! I had everything planned right down to the boots I wanted to wear every day! Now, it's nothing but shit!" she exclaimed, her cursing clearly in line with the vacation that ended up being fecal matter hitting the apparatus with rotating blades.
"Not all family vacations are perfect. They usually have a few bumps and bruises in the roads." Ron replied. "And would you mind the language? The kids are trying to sleep!"
"This whole damn trip has been sick and wrong, Ron! We've seen things that aren't supposed to be possible, no pun intended!" Kim whined. "I'm not supposed to get animal shit in my hair and vomit on my overalls! None of this was supposed to happen!"
"Where did we go wrong on our vacation!" Ron screamed in agony with outstretched arms into the stormy sky. This scream, in the process, woke the kids up with Rufus.