TW: This story has heavy themes of suicide, and major character death. Read at your own discretion. I'd really hate to ruin anyone's day.
This fic is heavily inspired by the Vocaloid fanfiction Last Exit by pSilence. I read it and cried so much for two days. It moved me, yet it was so, so sad. If you enjoyed this here story, (which I doubt you will since it's kinda shabby), then go read pSilence's Last Exit (provided you arent too sad!) It's really well-written angst and you don't need any prior knowlege about Vocaloid to understand it. It has the same concept and premise. I tried doing it justice but I don't think I did.
This story takes place in a normal, everyday AU. No fantastical creatures called Pokémon are to be seen here.
I didn't write this with the intention of being edgy or to romanticize suicide. I just felt like writing the angst genre and broadening my topics.
You can interpret Candela's relationship with Blanche as either just friends, or maybe as a crush or love.
It all just seems so unreal. To be seeing you like this.
You were always so strong.
But now... I can barely feel that energy radiating from you anymore. That spark of poise and grace you've always had. You were the strong and silent type. Now you just look like you'd crumble away at any moment. But deep down I know you must still be fighting it. After all, that's what you've been doing for the past year or so.
You just happened to slip up a bit and make a mistake back there. That's what I keep telling myself. Everyone slips up sometimes. I'm sure when you wake up, things will begin to turn around. If not, I'll make them turn around. And I promise I'll never let you go again.
You are going to come back, right?
The monitor speeds up a bit. I can hear it, your breathing.
It sounds like you're in pain. My heart can barely take it.
Look what you did to yourself. Look what you did to me.
...No... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have just thought that.
You obviously must hurt more. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't have done this.
I just miss you. I miss when you were you. I miss the days we spent together.
Your pained breathing stops, and I feel relieved. Your heartbeat slows back to normal, and I gently cup your hand within both of mine.
...Hey, remember how we met? That day long ago in 9th grade where we got chosen together for a group project in front of the entire class? Gosh. Remember their reactions? The class was laughing at us. At me, I mean. Because you were so smart, and I was practically the dumbest kid in the school. And yet we were chosen to work on a big project together.
I guess I could understand why the class was laughing. Because the accomplished genius in the class was paired up with the class idiot. Me. But I was also ready to kick everyone's asses. But I didn't. I froze. The teacher was watching anyway. I just sat there feeling humiliated.
I remember later that day, you came up to me during lunch and asked me if I was okay, but in your own way.
You came to me, telling me not to worry about the project. You told me that I could do it if I tried, and that you'd help me with it the best you could. You offered to help me study. And well... that was the first time someone believed in me, really.
You were really quiet. But I understood you were trying to make me feel better. And it worked. But I never even properly thanked you.
Remember how I used to always sit alone like some sort of loser before you came around?
You really were the first person who saw through my ugly temper. I was such a mess back then. I was immature, I was unorganized... I was the total opposite of you. I couldn't do anything right. But you were the one who told me all these things I didn't know about myself.
Now I wish I could do the same for you. I know there's a lot of things you know, Blanche. You were known as the Queen of Knowledge after all. But I know a lot of things you don't know too.
...They're mostly about you.
But now I can't tell you those things. Because I'm too late.
If only you'd wake up...
The monitor slows a bit, and I hold my breath. I whisper your name and squeeze your hand gently. I want to squeeze tighter, but I'm afraid of hurting you.
If I could, I'd squeeze you so tight that we'd never be separated.
Blanche, I know one of the things you told me was how good a friend I was. But if that were really true, I probably would've picked up on it much earlier. That something was wrong, I mean. Wrong enough to lead you to doing this.
...I did start to notice something different about you when we started 11th grade though. You became a lot more serious for a start. But I thought it was normal at the time. We were in the second half of high school after all. Maybe I needed to step it up and be more like you so I wouldn't fall behind.
But then you stopped coming to my house after that Christmas. Was that when it happened?
Was there something you couldn't tell me? You know, you could've just come to me. Remember when I kept kicking those bullies' asses for you last year even though it made my reputation in school even worse? I didn't care much about that though. I just wanted you to be safe and happy the way I do now.
Because you were always there for me, and I always wanted to be there for you too.
Which is why it's been two days since I've been home, or done anything really. My entire life is basically on hold, and it will be on hold until I know for sure you'll be okay.
Because well... I can't imagine living life without you.
I hated seeing you getting bullied. I didn't understand why either. Why you got bullied, I mean. I think they were jealous because you were smart, good at science, fluent in French, and amazing at math. And pretty, and cool. I really think that, by the way. You just weren't very good with people. Your approach was to try to ignore the bullies, but they just kept at it. You were trying your hardest not to let their comments get to you, and tried so hard to keep a straight face. But I always could tell they were hurting you.
I know you're not very good with people, but well, you had the courage to get close to me! Considering how scary they thought I was at the time for being so tall, tomboyish, and hot-headed, I consider that true bravery right there.
But me? I was never really good with finding the right words. I was never good at cheering people up. All I usually did was accidentally make things worse. When you came to me crying, which you never did in front of anyone else, I tried my best to cheer you up, but then I always suggested something you didn't want to do, like sing karaoke.
I knew you were shy. But I think you really would've been happier if you sang out your feelings. It would've helped you come out of your shell too. I remember how much you would genuinely smile whenever I dragged you to the mall to hang out together, even though you were hesitant to do it at first. Also, did I ever tell you I always thought your voice was super pretty? Especially when you spoke that French you were fluent in.
Your voice... It pains me to think about never hearing it again. It was my comfort sound.
I wonder if people at school are wondering where we are. Practically everyone knew we were friends. I mean, are friends. I need to quit using past-tenses.
You and I both know, because that's part of why we got teased so much. Because we're so different, yet we're best friends.
In fact, we're like a team. When we're together, I've noticed, we kind of create a balance. I'm sporty and you're brainy. I'm emotionally charged and you're so calm and collected and tend to keep things inside. But well... you were actually kind of scary that one time you got angry. I was surprised. When someone in our class talked to you, putting me down, you got so angry at them and defensive over me... I felt so touched, to be honest. I guess we're really more alike than we seem.
But why couldn't you have taken that same anger out on the people who bullied you? You stood up for me. Now you should stand up for yourself.
You have this habit of keeping things inside. I know that. You've been doing that since I first met you. So many people always joked that you didn't have emotions or whatever. But I know that isn't true. There was always so much on your mind. So many things shrouding your brain. Was that what drove you to do this to yourself? All those painful thoughts... I can't imagine how much they must've hurt.
It pains me to think you thought you were worthless. Because you weren't. You had so much going for you. So much to stay alive for.
It felt so long since that horrible night a couple days ago. It must've been even worse for you though.
You didn't talk to me the whole day. It wasn't like you. You walked around in a gloomy daze like you just didn't care about anything. I was so worried. After school I texted you, but you wouldn't respond.
That evening, I got the call. From your father. I couldn't keep it in when I found out you were in the hospital. I never imagined you'd do this for real.
There's so much about you I wish I could've known. So much about you I wish you could've told me. I wanted it to hear it from only you. Because you're my best friend in the entire world. I would've given so much of me if it meant saving you. Because honestly you're worth so much more than me. I'm just an awful person who couldn't even save you to begin with.
I just wish we got to spend more time together. I wish we could've talked more.
I wish we could've laughed more. I wish we could've dreamed more.
I wish... I wish we could've become more. Even better friends than we are now.
I miss you already.
I glance over to you again. For the last time.
No... You look so still... so still... like you're a statue lying in repose. Involuntarily, I freeze motionless as well.
It's been too long since your last breath.
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm muttering without even thinking.
Please, don't go. There was so much we needed to do together...
I can feel the future slip away. The future I envisioned where you're here and everything's okay...
Your heart beats for the final time.