Right I'm quite very well aware I've been out of it for quite long and fairly certain atleast half of you probably thought I was dead (Not yet). But anyway between being deathly ill for half a month, then busy with other stuff I've not written much, so now with some time to myself I'll be giving it another go.

Anyway, now for something completely different. A giraffe riding a unicycle... No not really, but hope you're strapped in cause not even I know at this point where this rabbit hole's gonna go.

Also for those of you who have said "Shinji shouldn't be part of the grail war and all." I'm inclined to agree so let me just throw my own spin on this with an English-Polish military nerd with questionable connections and information on guerrilla warfare. Also while I said I have no idea where this rabbit hole's gonna go, I know Shinji's gonna get a good beating so least you have that to look forward to if you enjoy nothing else.


25th of May, 2019, Isle of Wight, United Kingdom

"Ughh... Why." John said groggily while the whole house filled with the sounds of heavy metal, turning over in his bed, smacking the top of his alarm clock, turning it off... Until he realised it was still playing then realised he actually set the alarm on his mobile, picking it up he unlocked the phone and turned off the alarm. "Well. That's one way to get my ass up. Switching alarm n all." John sat up in bed and yawned, stretching, noticing a red mark on the back of his hand he just shrugged it off, unphased by it, just imagining he might have nicked his hand up against something late at night as per usual with his late night walks to the bathroom then back to bed.

Getting down on the floor he started his morning workout routine then an hour later he got in the shower, hopped out after getting himself washed, then he shaved and went back to his room, getting dressed in some khaki brown wool pants, a black sleeveless shirt, ankle boots and an old khaki brown wool BDU jacket.

After gathering up everything for his day he went downstairs to see his nieces sitting at the breakfast table in the kitchen, waiting for breakfast, as usual on weekends it was of course bacon and eggs. Afterwards he washed the dishes and noticed something out of the corner of his eye. From the kitchen there was a door down to the basement and the light was on or what seemed like the light. "Oi, did you two go down to the basement and leave that light on?" John asked his two nieces, they were quick to reply with no, and they assumed he was down there first.

"Right. Okay, you two get up stairs and lock your doors." John said, the two took their cups of water with them upstairs and the house phone as per his advisement.

They both went up and John grabbed a kitchen knife out from the knife block next to the stove, unlocking and opening the door. He slowly made his way down, knife held at the ready and what he saw mildly concerned him. Some strange design on the ground he'd not seen before painted in some blue glowing liquid was on the floor. "Well. ...Bugger me." John said as he got to the last step and put the knife down on the old cabinet next to the stairs, he began looking over the design on the floor, inspecting it and just trying to make sense of it.

He didn't remember going anywhere other than the bathroom last night, surely he would've remembered going down into the basement. "This is lowkey some real satanic looking shit." John said, rubbing the sweat from his right eyebrow with the back of his hand, he noticed the mark on it had become more visible on his skin. "Fuck, did I do this and am just not remembering?" Soon enough the blue light intensified as the mark on the back of his hand took shape into some other design he'd not seen before. "Ah... Shit."

John said before there was a bright burst of light that blinded him, knocking him back into the about knee high(For his height anyway, being rather tall.) John found himself sitting and soon falling through the old cabinets. "Fuck did I piss off the IRA some how?!" John yelled as his vision cleared and soon enough there was a tall slender, purple haired woman with some sort of blindfold over her eyes.

"Okay... That's... Not anything or anyone the IRA would have...?" John said rather nervously as the woman looked around and the light subsided to a barely noticeable glow, the basement darkening just barely illuminating her. "Are you my new master?" The woman asked to John seeming to summon some sort of odd looking daggers out of thin air. "Uhm. Due to a desire to continue living I'm assuming, yes? Considering this is my house, and this weird mark and the one in the floor seemed to come in at around the same time?" John said, a nervous smile on his face while five million questions ran through his head, namely just repeats of 'What the fuck is going on, who the fuck is this, what the fuck is that, why is there a mark on my hand, is she gonna fucking murder me?'.

The woman walked over and extended her hand to John, he took it and she pulled him up, her face seeming to follow his to a point, her "sight" fixated on his chest. "So." John said and she looked up to him, hearing his voice, obviously not expecting him to be as tall as he was. "You're large." The woman said and John was quick snarkily think 'in more ways than one.' Before a displeased sigh escaped the woman's lips then it became clear to him.

She could read his thoughts. Or something to that effect. "Riiight. Well anyway, uh... Let's head up stairs." John lead the way and the woman followed, reaching the top of the stairs, John turned around and let the woman pass, motioning over to the kitchen table.

"Mhmm." The woman said as she walked past John and took a seat at the kitchen table. "So uhm... Might I have a name for ya?" John asked as he closed and locked the basement door again. "You may call me, Rider, Master." The woman now identified herself as... Rider? John thought to himself 'Weird flex but okay.'. "Alright then.. Uh.. Rider? I'm John, please just refer to me as that and not Master, alright?" John said and Rider gave him a nod.

"Right well anyway, uh.. You hungry?" John said nervously. This all was going to take a fuckload of explaining... 'Why does all the weird shit happen to me.' John thought to himself and sighed...


Two hours, three pots of coffee, one pot of earl grey tea, and another English breakfast later.


"So essentially you're telling me, I've been chosen as a last resort for something called a "Holy Grail War"." John said, Rider replied instantly. "Yes." John furrowed his brow. "Essentially a battle royale to the fucking death involving myself and a handful of others." John said. "Precisely." Rider replied. "This sound so sacrilegious. On a scale one may not entirely comprehend nor care to." John said.

"A priest would indeed agree however everything is exactly as I've told you." Rider said. "So we absolutely have to go to this town in Japan then murder the shit out of these other "masters."." John said. "Yes." Rider replied. "Fuck it might as well." John said, getting up and taking the dishes to the sink while whistling Róża i bez.

"Gonna have to make some last minute plans and all. Sell some shit to get the money for this excursion." John said as he finished washing the dishes, turning to Rider. "We'll also have to do something about that outfit of yours. Can't have you walking around like you just crawled up out of a BDSM club." John said, motioning for Rider to follow him as he left the kitchen and went back upstairs. "Girls, you can come out but Uncle has a friend over, don't come into my room she needs to borrow some clothes since hers are buggered." John said as he and Rider went back into his bedroom.

John looked through his closet and pulled out a set of Chinese Universal Camouflage Type 07 BDU pants, shirt and Chinese combat boots. "I've got some other stuff you could wear but I doubt you wanna go walking around in a Waffen SS British Free Korps tunic, pants and jackboots, or literally anything Soviet related." John said while he turned around and Rider began changing into the outfit.

After about five minutes, John turned back around and Rider looked.. Well mildly uncomfortable was an understatement. However thankfully it was only temporary. After she got dressed the two left the room and went back downstairs while John's nieces went back outside in the backyard and started playing.

John himself began making his plans, setting up the sale of a large portion of his military surplus and replicas to anyone nearby for the plane tickets, then he and Rider went off shopping to get her a proper outfit which was just a black turtle neck, glasses, skinny jeans and ankle boots, the next four to five days was much the same with most of it going to military surplus shops in the area around the Isle and off it.

Soon enough John had bough four plane tickets, two after some fierce arguing through the internet were going to the US, meanwhile his and Rider's ticket ended up going to someplace John hadn't heard of before, Fukuyki? Fuyuki?

Something like that, one of the two. He didn't know nor did he truly care. He packed a tent, MREs, some change of clothes, mainly camouflage BDUs he decided would be best. As with his own experience with watching and playing Battle Royale type games, it was best to just let those fighting wear themselves out and kill each other.

After all. Sometimes the best strategy is to just see what happens. Though would it come to it, John planned to make whoever or whatever came after him to remember his name even if he had to carve it in their forehead, chest, or whatever was most convenient.


A few days after the unintended summoning.


Whilst still in preparation for the journey to this town that may very well likely become his grave, John made a call to a few friends of a rather... Shady persuasion. One of them arrived just in the early morning hours and with handsome pay of another sale of his milsurp, and all he managed to get them to ship one valuable thing he figured he may need while in this new town. The package was wrapped in a lengthy brown box and taken with no questions asked. Meanwhile John also did his own research to the best of his ability with Rider and the internet's help he was able to figure out a few things.

This whole nonsense of magic was quite new to him but he managed to get a loose grip on it with creating a magical cloud of smoke and some sort of strange strengthening magic. Sadly the cloud of smoke was more effective... In most cases. Not in the house though. That just caused more problems with falling over tables and all. But still after the smoke cleared, he decided he was ready to go.

Thus began a lengthy drive in a lorry back to the same airport just a day before he escorted his nieces to with the intention of getting them to a friend in the US who would watch over them. Now was the first leg of his journey, and in his mind, the only thing that could go wrong was if the plane decided to drop off the radar or get taken by aliens or some other nonsense. But regardless getting through was rather smooth then was just the agonising wait of the plane's arrival.


Some hours later, Tokyo, Japan.


John and Rider left their plane and went to baggage retrieving John's bag, on the plane he decided to give in and figured if he was on the path to dying he might as well have one last bottle of vodka. And that's exactly what he had. A whole bottle of vodka and still somehow managed to act fairly normal just whistling war time British songs as he left the airport dressed in a WWI issue set of officer's boots, pants, shirt, and tie. The cap, tunic and Sam Browne belt was in his large pack as he left the rental car to Rider. He afterwards went and converted the money on him to Yen and taking some out of an ATM. After leaving the airport, he saw Rider sat ontop of a motorcycle.

"Rider... What the bloody hell is that?" John asked as he went over to the purple haired woman sat on a motorcycle he didn't even expect to be awaiting. "It's a Motorcycle, it's faster and more manoeuvrable than a car." Rider replied with, John didn't feel like arguing so he just shook his head and put on a helmet, getting on. Thus began the second half of the journey. About halfway there the two decided to take a break.

Or well, John did after his legs fell asleep from sitting and holding onto Rider which earned the two along the way rather odd looks, more so with a guy halfway dressed in WWI clothes with a large pack on his back and a woman with long, flowing purple hair. John donned the rest of his outfit, the tunic an officer's tunic with captain pips on the cuffs then the Sam Browne belt.

Meanwhile, Rider put on a leather jacket, where she got it from, John didn't know, and he had a feeling he didn't want to know. The two continued on their journey to Fuyuki and eventually reached the outskirts of the city, overlooking it from a peak in the hills, John looked over the city with a monocular. "Right, looks about normal..." John said not entirely impressed, halfway with the story he heard about these apparent Holy Grail Wars. "I don't think they would destroy the city unless they absolutely had to." Rider said, John gave her a silent nod then looked to his watch and then the sky above. It was getting dark, time to set up camp.

The two journeyed into the woods, John following a map with some marks on it to a hill surrounded by trees with clear lines of approach, off to the side was two long brown boxes leaned up against a tree, next to those was a smaller one. John took his pack off and brought the boxes over, Rider took a seat on the pack and John began unpacking them.

First box was an old cavalry sabre, next was a Lee-Enfield No.4 Rifle with a scope on it, next was a FN Five-Seven with a LAM attached to rails on the pistol, he checked the box only to find four more magazines, the Lee-Enfield box had a bandoleer with about 220 rounds of ammunition, the sabre had an attachment for being held by his Sam Browne belt, meanwhile Rider changed into her usual clothes.

John unpacked his pack and got the tent set up with two sleeping bags in it up next to a set of trees and bushes, John supplemented concealing... As did Rider knocking off a few tree branches, allowing John to use the leaves to help with the cover. After he was finished, John took a step back and let out a sigh. "Fucking hell, knew those old manuals I bought from that guy whose grandad was in the home guard would come in handy one day." John said, taking a manual out, turning a few pages to show a diagram of concealing a tent.

John lowered the manual and the tent looked mostly exactly as it looked in the manual. "Well not exactly, exactly as it should but it's still mostly there." John said as he put the manual away, Rider looked to the tent then to John, then back to the tent, then to John. "We're sleeping here? And this isn't some sort of booby trap from that book you mentioned." Rider asked.

"Nope we're sleeping here. I didn't have enough room to pack two tents. Just one. Eitherway, with this holy grail war, we're gonna show these motherfuckers a real war... Tomorrow I'mma need you to buy some glass bottles, don't care where from or what they actually contain, as well we're going to need a jerry can of petrol, as well as rags and a lighter. We're bringing the troubles to these boys and girls, whomever they may be." John said with a confidant smile on his face as he continued to set up camp.

He went around and setting trip wires, then he pulled the MREs from his pack, a couple canteens, a metal bowl, some cooking utensils and of course a battery powered lamp as well as a radio, setting them in the back of the tent. Rider climbed in after John and got in her sleeping bag as John got in his.

"Nobody knows we're out here so we should be safe for tonight, either way we need to keep moving so after tonight we're moving camp somewhere inside the city. Maybe in the cisterns or in whatever abandoned buildings we can find." John said as he closed the flaps of the tent and laid back in his sleeping bag. "Alright." Rider said as she drifted off to sleep, the Lee-Enfield and Sabre laid between John and Rider, the Five-Seven laid under John's pillow and the two drifted to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be quite a long day.