The next morning I didn't show up to school again but this time I didn't say in the house the entire time. I decided to go to the House. I sat in a random hallway away from the entrance, away from the Room and hoped to never be found. I don't know how long i stayed there. Esteban found me and surprise surprise Sara wasn't there, again. I didn't look up. I just continued to stare at the same wall I had been staring at for who knows how long. I wasn't even doing anything just staring.
"Get up," Esteban said, angrily and I still didn't look up. I couldn't. I didn't even know why he was mad at me. "You're mad at me?'' I whispered but I doubt he heard me. "What?" he asked with anger still in his voice. I didn't repeat my words, instead I asked another thing that was on my mind. "Where is Sara?" "Where is Sara?" he repeated, sounding angeryer. "How could you ask something like that after you raped her?" I looked up confused, my face scrunched up. "What are you talking about? When did I ever rape Sara?" At the time I didn't even think about that night. I felt too much and was too numb. Finally I remembered and said, "Did you know Sara's mom is in the hospital? I don't know if she told you. We had sex that night. To be honest i don't even remember all of it. My brain must have been super out of it from that day." I said seemingly devoid of any emotion in my voice. "I don't think we should spend time together anymore," Esteban said, no longer angry but he didn't sound happy with his decision either. "Esteban, I only ever wanted to be around you guys. But if this is the end and you guys want to stay away from me then that's fine too. I love you both."
I don't know what compelled me to say that. I was not thinking rationally yet a rational thought process came out my mouth. Maybe I didn't want them to hate me so I just didn't say the words I truly wanted to. Esteban seemed to have given up and crouched down next to me. "Look, man, I love you too, but you've done a lot of stupid shit. You've crossed a line with Sara. I should be beating you up right now," Esteban stopped to breath and continued. "I think Heroes of Evil was just supposed to be a game. We weren't supposed to hurt each other. We went too far more than a few times and you've gone too far. We can't continue with the way we've been acting. We can't continue treating people the way we have. You know that?"
I smiled a so very fake smile and said, "You've just joined the legions of the mediocre." Esteban laughed as he took something out his pocket. He smiled at me and I could tell he loved me. That didn't make this any easier. They were both going to leave me. "Yes, I've joined them. Now I'm a dickhead. Here. Here's my dickhead metal," he handed me his batman metal keychain, "It's yours." I looked up and he was already standing getting ready to walk away. "Talk care," he said and left. "You too," I managed to squeeze out and he turned back to look at me but didn't say anything.
I watched him leave and then I went back to my wall staring. This time my hands were actually doing something, playing with a pendant. My eyes were full of tears that slowly shed but I didn't make a sound other than my breathing and the sound of my hands tapping and rubbing against metal. I couldn't see the wall anymore but I didn't move.
I didn't go to school the rest of the week. I couldn't bring myself to. To not talk to either one of them. I stayed in my house not leaving room. I think this week is what made me realize that my parents didn't care about me the way they should. I was depressed. I didn't go to school. I rarely ate yet didn't mention it once. It wasn't a thing of giving me space. They truly didn't care.
And Esteban and Sarita didn't come looking for me. I felt rather it was rather abrupt. Suddenly everything was gone and no one loved me. I didn't want to do anything after that day. I was stuck. More stuck and down than I had been in a long while. It wasn't the fact it ended though that contributed. I think it was the fact that I didn't know why. What happened between me and Sarita to make her suddenly go cold? Did she lie to get me away from Esteban? Why though? Just why?