When the First Order found the Resistance, they were ready, as ready as they could be for as few they were in numbers, with spirits bolstered by periodic speeches by Poe and Finn and what seemed to Rey to be her mere presence. She took the fight to them as the doors opened, and fought through what seemed to be endless Stormtroopers as the other joined her. No matter what happens, we can say that we put up a grander fight than they ever would have expected. But there was no way they could afford to lose.
A shocked sound echoed through the fight, and Rey barely looked back until the impact of what happened, though she hadn't seen it, hit her in her stomach. "Oh," she managed, and fended off blaster shots before running back to find Leia.
The general was resting against a computer console, clothes stained dark with blood from her chest down as she grimaced just slightly. "Rey," she said, "I'm fine."
"You're not fine," Rey said, and fought the blind urge to panic. "You're - "
"This is fine," Leia said patiently. "My brother is gone. Han is gone. It's time."
"No," Rey said, fierce as she could. "No, you don't understand."
"You'll find a way without me," and this was when Leia's breath failed her, coughs rattling her throat, coughed-up blood staining her shoulder. "I believe in you, Rey. Use what you've been given."
"Don't you dare give up!"
"Go fight," Leia said, and smiled brilliantly.
There was nothing more to do or say. Tears streaked down her face as she activated her lightsaber again and fought, only then realizing that Kylo Ren was nowhere to be seen, had been nowhere to be seen, and why? Why would he keep his distance?
Rey stopped after slicing through a Stormtrooper's side. She saw the fight. She saw them dying.
She knew why.
"Ben!" she called, voice nearly breaking. "Ben!"
Rey blindly reached out to a forcebond that no longer existed, but didn't have to wait long; the fighting went on around her as she stared, watching him walk off of his ship some distance away. Everything was happening but nothing at all but this was happening, between them, as it ever had. "Ben," she said, harsh but pitiful. "Stop this."
"You know that I can't." He was about two strides away from her when he stopped. "You know that this is how it ends."
"You know what just happened," she retorted. "You know - " Her voice stopped, and she twisted her head away from him.
"My mother," Kylo Ren answered, and he was Kylo Ren at that moment, not the troubled Ben Solo she had known for those weeks. "I know."
"Doesn't that matter to you?" Rey pressed. "Have you lost everything of who you once were?"
"You remember what I said, that day." He took another step closer, and she held her ground, staring him in the face. "Let it die, Rey. Let Leia die, let the Resistance die."
"Never," left her mouth before she could help it, then she saw something in his eyes, felt something of the future around them, and broke her gaze to look back, where she could see Finn, some others, fighting, but too many dead. She dragged her eyes back to Kylo Ren, and took a breath. "Make it stop."
"Is that a surrender?" Kylo Ren's expression changed, just slightly, a bit of interest.
"Make it stop," she repeated, not answering, and deactivated her lightsaber. "Please, Ben."
It worked, as it ever had, to play on his feelings for her; he barked, "That's enough! Take prisoners, keep them here."
"Rey!" Finn called frantically, over the noise, but the Stormtroopers were grabbing what Resistance members were nearest.
"Just give me time!" Rey called back, and fought the urge to start shaking; she could feel a horrible absence in the Force. Leia was dead.
When Kylo Ren raised his hand in a jerky beckoning gesture, she strode after him, trying to match his easy confidence step for step. It wasn't a very big ship, but there was a table, and he sat on one side, nodding for her to sit across from him.
It was a very normal thing in a very abnormal moment. She willed her pulse to stop fluttering from the fight (he was calm, too calm, no good ever came from his calm), and said, "I'd like to barter for peace."
"You would," he said, and damn him, he sounded amused. "What do you have to offer?"
Her mind raced. What did they have? "We will not stop, and we are not the last. Don't think that this is the end."
"Do you think anyone will follow this antiquated notion of a resistance now Leia Organa is dead?" Kylo Ren shrugged, a delicate motion. "This is the end, Rey."
"What will it take for you to spare these people?" Rey asked, just short of demanding; she knew now she had nothing to offer. "What would it take?"
He considered her for a too-long moment, then said, "You. I need you, Rey, all of you."
But it was all too simple, the obvious thing. There were two things Ben Solo wanted; one of them was the end of all attachment to the life he had before, and the other was a new life he felt guided to by destiny. One that included her.
"Spare them," Rey said, refusing to be broken or frightened, "and I'll do what you want."
There was a shadow of a smile on his face before he extended his hand again, a deliberate echo of that moment in Snoke's chamber, and she didn't let herself think twice before taking his hand. His grip was strong, but careful, and he said, "Let me speak to my people. Then we can go."
"Let me speak to mine," she dared ask, and he released her hand as he examined her. "Please," she tried.
"They won't understand," Kylo Ren said, to the point. "No one understands the kind of decisions we have to make. But they have to be made." He inclined her head. "Go. If you change your mind and try to fight me, they'll all die."
Her mouth nearly formed thank you but she bit it back. "Let's go."
They left the ship together, and he called his Stomtroopers to him, leaving the shackled Resistance fighters alone in a huddle for Rey to approach.
"Rey," Poe said urgently, "Leia is dead."
"I know," Rey said, and her chest ached at the thought. "It's - " Over? Did she dare say it? "I'm going with him. To end this. You'll be spared."
"No," Finn said pointedly. "No, he's lying. He'll kill us all, he'll kill you."
"No," Rey said, firm, but gentle. "Finn, please. I know that this is what he wants. They'll let you go. If you fight back, they'll kill you all."
"So they win?" Poe asked, incredulous. "Is that what you're telling me?"
"Give it time." Rey resisted the urge to feel helpless. "Just trust me."
"I can't let you go with him," Finn said, as soon as she'd finished speaking. "I can't."
"It's my choice," she said, and smiled, terribly sadly. "I'm going. Be careful." I'm doing this for you.
"Rey," Finn pressed.
"Finn," Poe said, a strange, uncharacteristic weariness to his tone, "give it up. She's not changing her mind."
"You can't be giving up right now." Finn looked like he wanted to throw his hands up, had they not been shackled. "We can't just give up. I'd rather die than - "
"Don't die," Rey cut in. "Live. Be happy."
"I can't be happy if I know you're, you're." Finn exhaled. "Rey."
"I'm doing this for you." Rey managed a smile. "Give it time. The spark will rise again, and you'll need to be there to make it grow."
"Rey!" Kylo Ren called, a touch impatient.
"I'm trusting you," Rey told the Resistance. "So trust me." She cast a look at Finn, nearly apologetic, then turned and went to Kylo Ren's ship.
It was a strange disconnect, at first, to realize that her life had totally changed. This was decidedly not Jakku, the arid heat and shipwrecks to explore; nor was it the Resistance, ragged bases and friendly faces. This was a clinical ship with a relatively soft bed for her, food served to her room, a room that was surprisingly unlocked when she decided to step out the next morning.
The First Order didn't seem to know what to make of her, and mostly ignored her studiously. She stopped dead upon seeing General Hux at the end of the corridor, instinctively on the defense, and he smiled just on this side of unpleasantly upon seeing her as well. "Rey," he said. "The Supreme Leader thought you might be restless." He offered her a case. "Something to keep you busy until he has the time to meet with you."
"What is it?" Rey said, maybe understandably wary.
"We wouldn't think to harm you," Hux said, with a note of weariness. "It's something to keep your mind busy. Go on back to your room, he'll meet you soon." He held the case out a bit more pointedly.
She didn't let herself hesitate again, and accepted the somewhat heavy case. "Thank you," she said, and the words felt foreign in a place like this.
He inclined his head slightly in a nod, and turned swiftly around to go back down the corridor. She stared down at the case, then took it back to the room, opening it on the desk to reveal a slim computer. She turned it on, and flipped through the blueprints on it, realizing immediately she could edit these blueprints, and found software that would allow her to draw her own and examine them in holo. She exhaled. It was strangely thoughtful given the situation.
She fiddled with the computer for a long while, intent on distracting her mind from rising anxiety about what was going to happen next, until the door opened and Kylo Ren stepped through, promptly shutting the door behind him. "How do you like it?" he asked, with a slight nod to her computer.
"It's good," Rey answered, and tried to breathe to release her tension. "Thank you, Ben." Maybe using his name would make him kinder; maybe it would even bring him back.
"It's the least I can do." He hesitated, then took a seat nearby her. "I need to speak to you about something."
"Yes?" She noticed she was barely speaking, short sentences, maybe too careful.
He caught her gaze, and held it. "We need to discuss why you're here."
Rey nodded slightly, staying as calm as she could. "Go on," she prompted him.
"I need an heir," he said. "I don't want anyone but you."
Part of her had expected it, but the rest of her struggled as she absorbed what he said. You can't but you always wanted and you can't deny. She sighed before she could help it. "You want us to..."
"Our child could balance the Force," Kylo Ren impressed upon her. "A Skywalker child, your child, powerful, beyond Jedi and Sith. We could teach them well, give them a better life than either of us had."
Why did the idea appeal to her? This was a man who had killed countless members of the Resistance, and yet - the Resistance was behind them, behind her. This was about the future.
She thought of Finn, then immediately banished his face from her mind. He wouldn't understand.
"Yes," she said, her voice less certain than she intended. "I'll do it."
"Good." He looked at her for a moment, then turned away and stood. "I'll have someone bring you to the medical bay to determine next steps. Then we can start."
Then we can start seemed like an understatement for what he'd suggested. She recalled seeing him stripped down during the forcebond and couldn't quite meet his face. "Today?"
"Soon," Kylo Ren said, his expression unreadable. "I'll see you soon." He turned to leave.
"I'll see you, Ben," Rey murmured, and immediately went back to her computer for some measure of distraction, though part of her leapt at the idea that had just been posed.
Maybe part of you has wanted him the whole time. He's just like you.
He's not like me.
He's what you could have been. You were lucky. Even on Jakku, you were free from all of this until you were able to handle it.
That doesn't change what he did.
She stared at the holo in front of her for a long moment before she managed to come up with a better idea, one that would occupy her mind until they came to take her to the medical bay.
The medic, though silent through most of the examination, stated that nothing was wrong and everything was on track. It was strange to think that this stranger knew what Kylo Ren intended with her, and Rey wondered who else knew. It was growing increasingly easier to feel isolated, even in a ship as large as this with as many people in it, and she stayed in her room, building theoretical constructs on her computer with a fierce intensity borne from anxiety.
It was after dinner one night when the door opened, and she knew it was him before it revealed him. "Hello, Ben," she said, shifting away from the computer.
The door shut behind him. He approached her, and closed the computer. "Take off your clothes," he said.
Every bit of her tensed. "Now?" she asked, and felt like an idiot.
"Now," Kylo Ren said; he was still close. She drew away, and turned away from him as she began to carefully peel off the thin uniform she'd been provided. She could feel his eyes on her, and her mind reeled from the confusion of wanting this and hating it.
She kicked off her light shoes and pulled off the pants, leaving herself in a bra and underwear as she turned to face him. Her face was flushed, now, as her face asked the question.
He crossed the distance between them, expression intent, and put a hand on her nearly bare hip; he cupped her breast with the other, and looked down at her. "Take those off," he mumbled, and gripped her just slightly before turning away to begin to undo his own clothing.
The contact alone had been too much; it was hard to ignore the arousal as well as fear uncurling in her gut all at once. You want this. Just admit it, Rey.
She was wasting time. She peeled off the bra and then the underwear, unsure of herself and eventually taking a seat on the bed awkwardly, trying not to watch him strip down. She wasn't sure what she had expected for her first time, but this didn't feel like it.
"Lie down," he ordered, lightly enough, and she laid on her back. There he was, naked, and she wasn't sure what she had expected, but it was strange seeing him like, well, this, with his cock hanging out, half-erect already. She felt more blood rush to her face as he moved between her legs, spreading them more as he moved over her, close to her face, one hand gripping her thigh and another touching her face nearly gently.
"I know that this is difficult for you," Ben said, gaze intent on hers, and was he Ben at that moment, or was she just hoping that he was? "Let me try, Rey."
"Ben," she murmured, moving against his hands and feeling his cock against her thigh. "Please."
He had the expression that she knew meant he was fighting something internally, then he moved to kiss her neck once and again. She slid her arms around him and through his hair as he slid his fingers into her slit, stroking her first where no one had ever touched her before. It was so much different than masturbation; she caught herself gasping as he experimentally sought her clit and massaged it until shocks of pleasure broke across her. "Ben," she breathed, but he was enraptured by the way her body moved, eyes intent on the roll of her hips. "Oh, Ben - "
Ben slid a finger into her then, thrusting gently at first and then angling as deep inside her as he could get, until she twisted against the sheets and panted out a desperate, confused, "Oh, oh" but struggled right on the edge of orgasm.
"You are…" He didn't finish his sentence, just withdrew his finger and tasted her. "Do you want to, Rey?"
Rey didn't think she could go back now, in too many pieces, less frightened than before. "Come here," she said, grateful her voice was trustworthy in that moment, and he drew back over her; she slid a leg around his hip as he dug his fingers into her hips, and again she couldn't read her expression. "Ben," she said firmly. "Come back to me."
"I want this," Ben said, looking her in the face, gaze more focused. "I don't know if you do. But it's going to happen."
"I know," Rey breathed. "Do it."
He moved his cock to her entrance and started to slide inside; she gripped tightly to him, every bit of her tense as the uncertainty arose again, knowing what this would mean, that there was no going back. Still, it felt good. She exhaled sharply as he shoved deeper inside (he hadn't seemed this big when she'd first seen him) and he looked up at her for just an instant, startled but not fully there, mentally captured by her grip around his cock.
"You're all right," he managed after a pause.
Rey nodded, her head and pussy ablaze with the moment. He began to draw back, and she looked up at him, taking him in visually as he entered her again; she pulled him down close to her, and he turned his face away, but didn't hesitate to stay close as he began to thrust again, again, again.
You shouldn't be enjoying this.
He isn't who you think he is.
She shook her head and fisted her fingers in his hair, starting to move when he moved, meeting hips with hips. She felt light-headed in the best way, tingles and sparks of arousal bursting through her as she slid through each thrust with him.
"Rey," he panted, and she trembled, not knowing why.
He palmed her breast and began to thrust harder, until she felt herself coming apart with each movement, and she struggled right at the edge of orgasm again; then Ben was jerking into her and came inside her with a groan.
They both pulled in breaths, silent for a long moment, until he withdrew with a grunt and went to find his clothes. "I'll see you soon," he said.
She stared after him. "You... Ben - "
"Soon," he said, casting a look after her, and she saw him there. Ben.
Everything felt different after that, not because Rey had lost her virginity, but in the way she had, for the reason she had, to whom she had. Now she felt... owned, in a way she had never felt. She had always felt free. She felt claimed.
What troubled a part of her was how little that bothered her.
Still, something good might come of it all. A child, someone she could raise in a better life than hers, with two parents that would care for it. A child that would have their abilities, who would be raised to understand those abilities and how to be careful in their decisions.
A dream, maybe. But it was a dream that kept her from going insane as she lived on the ship, playing with holos and going to the medical bay for the next few weeks.
She was busy working on an X-Wing holo when her door opened, and Ben strode in, more Kylo Ren than anything today. "It didn't work," he said shortly.
"What didn't work?" Oh, but she knew, and her heart sank.
"We have to try again, Rey."
He was visibly frustrated. She stood and went to him, not touching him, just close. "Ben," she returned. "They said that everything is fine. It'll happen."
"We have to try again," he insisted.
If he was going to be impatient, she was, too. She drew her shirt over her head in front of him, and yanked off her pants. "Then you'd better fuck me," she said.
His eyes blazed with some mix of anger and lust, and he grabbed her, shoving her over the desk, near the holo, yanking down her underwear. He roughly went at her clit with a finger, shoving two fingers inside of her as he did. "Stay," he growled.
"Oh, oh, yes," escaped her mouth before she could help it, her pussy betraying her as she began to get oh so wet. He withdrew his finger from her clit and grabbed her by the hair, holding her down firmly against the desk as he fingered her.
"Do you like it?" Ben murmured, tone harsh.
"Yes," Rey breathed. "Harder."
He pounded his fingers into her until she began to keen, and for the first time with him she came around his fingers. He didn't hesitate after feeling her pussy pulse to withdraw his fingers and push his cock inside of her, shoving his fingers inside of her mouth as he did. It was a rough fuck this time, all Ben's frustration shoved up against her hips, but she welcomed it, loved it, wanted it more than she could have imagined in that moment.
She couldn't think this time, her mind jumbled by each heavy thrust, until she built to another hard orgasm and breathed through the last few thrusts before Ben came inside her again.
Rey nearly didn't want him to pull out; that would mean it was really over. But he did, and he released her hair, and started to redo his pants. She turned around just slightly to look at him. "Not so bad," she said. "Is it?"
He didn't answer her. "We'll check soon. See if it took."
"Right," she sighed, and straightened, pulling up her underwear. "I'll see you, Ben. Soon."
He cast her a look back before striding out.
There would be no focusing on holos tonight.
He arrived the next day in her room and forced Rey down, hands behind her back, to ravage her again, and she writhed against him, the desire for something she couldn't name overwhelming her anger and discontent at being kept and used.
He's not using you. He wants you. He's always wanted you.
She came and sank against the bed as he dressed himself and left without further notice.
It was the same two days later, and the day after that, until she started to ache for lack of him on the days he wouldn't arrive. She thought absently of Poe as she stared at the ceiling, of Finn, and of what they would think of what she had chosen, what she was becoming.
Did she care? Not if it spared their lives. Not if it means you can save Ben.
It was about an hour past dinner, the time he usually arrived, and her fingers crept into her pants as she waited, a bit impatient. She yanked her hand out when the door opened, but he had already seen, already knew, and halted as the door shut behind him.
"You were waiting for me," Ben said, tone tinged with surprise. "You… wanted - "
Rey didn't know what to say. "I agreed to this," she answered.
"That's not the same thing." He approached her, expression as uncertain as she'd seen it. "You want this."
"I don't know." She didn't know. Maybe she did want this. Maybe she had just grown accustomed to it. She could feel him watching her, and she sat up, instinctively using the Force to reach out to him, and he flinched back just slightly at the touch. She stood, then, and dared breach his personal space, seizing him by the shoulders and pushing him, unresisting, onto the chair, and shoving it back against the wall.
"Rey," he said, in his urgent way.
She dropped to her knees, ignoring him, and undid his pants. He was staring at her - she could feel his gaze intent on her - as she pulled out his cock and began to stroke it, focusing all of her attention on it. His breath hitched as his cock hardened from her touch, and she chanced a look up at him, an utterly captured look on his face greeting her, before she slid her mouth around his cock.
Ben fisted his hand in her hair as she began to work his cock with her mouth, unsure of what she was doing but being careful not to ruin the moment. Something about the way she could hear him becoming slowly undone as she sucked his cock uncoiled lust in her stomach, her pussy, and she kept on until he yanked her head away with her hair.
"The bed," Ben said, his voice uneven as he stared at her; she felt undone, and may have looked that way, as she wiped her mouth.
She pulled her shirt off, her pants, then gestured for Ben to go on the bed. He looked blank. "Go," she directed.
"Rey," he said, a shade warning.
"I said go," she said firmly, and pulled off her bra, kicking off her underwear.
Ben stripped down and sat on the bed; she wasted no time in pushing him down, though he briefly resisted the movement. She hovered over him, then faintly smiled before guiding his cock inside of her, sinking down with a sigh onto him.
It wasn't long before she'd established a single-minded rhythm burying his cock inside of herself, and she finally was able to resist the delicious distraction of him inside of her and his hands on her breasts, hips, to look down at him. His expression was indescribable, lust incarnate, obsession in his gaze as he opened his eyes to meet hers.
Something moved; nothing tangible, but she realized suddenly that they weren't just connected by his cock inside her, but the Force was moving between them again. It was bizarre but wonderful, like nothing she had ever felt, and she groaned under the beautiful strain of it all. Then Ben touched the nape of her neck and drew her in for a firm, possessive kiss.
It was too much, and she kissed him back as fiercely as she did anything, though she knew what this was, what they were, what he was. She felt him thrust up against her harshly and she abruptly came so hard she felt aflame; he groaned and came seconds later, fingers tight against her skin.
They were silent for a long moment, catching their breaths, then Ben refused to look at her. "I'm sorry."
"Why?" Rey found she could manage, but not much else.
"I shouldn't have - " He sighed heavily. "This isn't what I meant to happen."
"What do you think is happening?" she asked, and stroked his arm absently
"Don't be coy." Ben was in a snit now. "I should go."
She pinned him down, physically and with the Force. "Tell me what you mean."
"Don't start this with me," he warned.
"I want to know," she pronounced. "Tell me."
"We'll have a child," Ben said archly. "Children, maybe. But I expect nothing more than that."
"I understand," Rey said, a little weary. "I didn't expect more than that."
There was a very awkward pause, before Ben insisted pointedly, "Let me go." She did, climbing off of him and releasing her grip, gathering her clothes.
He dressed quickly, then tossed off, "Your designs are excellent," before leaving in a rush.
Rey watched the door shut, startled, the implications of it all seeping in.
He kissed you, Rey.
You mean something to him.
She'd known that for a while now. But this was something different.
Things were different after the kiss. Ben didn't kiss her again, though he clearly wanted to, and Rey didn't have the courage to kiss him and break his resolve to whatever it was holding him back. Every day they played this pantomime, the truth sinking into her mind about five days after, a cornerstone in her life that kept her from fearing for the end any day now:
He loves you. As much as he's able to love anyone.
It was a kiss. She willed herself to not be stupid.
The Stormtroopers took her to the medical bay to deliver the news; she was in fact pregnant. She didn't know why, but part of her wanted to cry in relief. "Thank you," was all she said, and the doctor gave her a few shots and a lecture about what to eat before sending her back to her room.
He arrived earlier than usual, and with a different expression; she knew that he knew. "We did it," she offered, as the door shut behind him.
"We did," Ben returned, and averted his gaze from her. "Are you unhappy?"
"No," Rey said, to the point. "I'm not."
"Despite how this child came about?" he pressed.
"Ben, stop it," she said, pressing in her own way. "I always wanted a child, but I... I was alone." Jakku was still a harsh memory for her. "Now I'm not alone."
"But you're with me," Ben insisted. "And that doesn't trouble you?"
"Because of what you've done?" Rey retorted. "You've done awful things. But - I can try to understand."
"You shouldn't want to do this with me." He tightened his fists, strained. "You - "
"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do, Ben Solo," she said sharply. "Now stop it."
"Why do you call me that?" he snapped back, tone cutting.
"Because that's who you are," Rey pronounced, and approached him, getting close. "I believe that."
"Ben Solo died," he said, tone hollow.
"Ben Solo was hidden," she argued back. "By darkness he couldn't escape, because of someone… destroying him from within. You can win him back."
He met her gaze, if briefly. "You want to change me."
She touched his face, though he recoiled immediately at the touch. "If I'm going to raise a child with you, I want you to know who you are, so the child can too. You can have done what you've done and move through it to something better."
"You know what I want," Ben said evenly.
"An end to the old things." Rey had heard it often enough. "Isn't Kylo Ren an old thing now?"
There was a long pause, then he touched her cheek, hand faltering, then he withdrew. He said nothing, and turned away to leave before Rey could speak.
She watched the door shut for what felt like the millionth time, and sighed.
No one said this was going to be easy.
The first few months of pregnancy were easy, with limited appearances by the father; she'd seen Hux more times to discuss her designs than Ben by the time he finally appeared in her room.
"You're well," Ben said, not looking at her. "The doctor said so."
"Everything seems to be going well," Rey agreed, pointedly not touching her stomach to remind him that the baby was there and theirs. Who knew how he was going to react on a given day?
"Is there anything more we can do for you?" he asked, tone muted.
She barely hesitated. "I want to contact the former Resistance. Finn. Poe. I'm sure you know where they are."
Ben now looked at her, annoyed. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"I'm not going to engineer an escape," Rey said, half a sigh. "I made a promise. We were going to have a child together, I'm going to have this child with you."
"Then why?" he pushed.
"Because I miss them," she tried. "Because I can't burn the past down the way you can."
"Do you need... companions here?" Ben suggested, though it sounded like an effort.
Rey rolled her eyes. "That's not what I mean."
"You barely knew those people," Ben pointed out.
"I barely knew you," Rey returned, with a bit of an edge.
"What we have is more than wartime friendships in foxholes," he said, a little irritated. "We have this - "
"Connection," she cut him off. "But they're important to me, too. I shouldn't have to choose. Should I?"
He was clearly bristling. "I'll see what I can do."
She went to him then, and took his hand, placing it on the round of her stomach. His gaze immediately went to hers, sharp but softening each half-second. "They can't compete with this," she said firmly. "I just want to make sure they're all right."
He kept touching her belly for a moment, then visibly struggled with something in his head before turning away from her. "I'll send someone once I have the information and communications open for you."
"Thank you," Rey said, sincere as she could manage, and exhaled as she sank back down in the chair, relieved at the support on her back.
Ben visited more after that, and it was like before again, harsh fucks against the wall, the desk, on the chair, more and more until she could feel her grasp on the past weakening. Her world had become this ship, had become Ben and the cloud over his face, his cock pressed inside of her. Did he have a point? Should the past die?
A Stormtrooper led her to the communications center of the ship, and a computer console with a screen was loading a transmission: Poe and Finn's faces showed up in about thirty seconds. "Hi," she said in a rush of joy, beaming.
"Hey, Rey," Poe said, his easy smile replaced with an outright grin.
"Rey, Rey," Finn cut him off in a rush. "You're okay!"
"I am," she promised. "I'm perfectly fine, everything's fine."
"Are you sure?" Poe asked. "I mean, not to start anything, but the way things left off - "
"We were really worried about you," Finn explained, with a flailing gesture. "About Kylo Ren. We thought, we thought, you know."
"I'm fine," Rey said, raising her eyebrows. "They're treating me fine. You're behaving yourselves?"
"Ha, never," Poe said with a natural smirk.
"We're not starting any trouble," Finn made clear, leaning in towards the camera. "We're working repairing ships. You'd like it."
"I'm doing my own designwork," she confided.
"What, on ships?" Poe interjected, interested.
"For the First Order?" Finn looked troubled.
"Finn," Rey chided gently.
"Yeah," Finn said, but he looked wary. "Yeah, all right."
"I'll be in contact more," she decided to say, though she couldn't really promise it. "I can't promise a lot after the baby, though."
There was a long pause when the two men stared at her, before Finn said, "Sorry - baby?"
"Yes, baby," Rey said serenely.
"How exactly is it you're having a baby?" Finn kept on.
"You know how she's having a baby," Poe said, tone flat.
"Shut up," Finn returned.
"You know this was the deal I made," Rey said firmly. "A child to balance the Force."
"I - okay, okay," Finn said, throwing his hands up. "If you want a baby with Kylo Ren, that's - your choice - "
"You're safe now," she said, exhaling. "And this isn't so bad."
"You're building First Order ships and, and," Finn cut in.
This was getting upsetting, honestly. "I should go," Rey said abruptly. "I'll send another message for you soon."
"Can't wait," Poe said immediately.
"Rey," Finn said, tone urgent.
"'Bye," she managed, and cut off the transmission. She got up from the chair and stalked back to her room, where she stayed in her bed for what was probably at least an hour and a half before the door opened. She didn't even look back.
"How did it go?" Ben asked.
"They don't understand," Rey muttered.
"No one does," he said, in the tone of someone who had said this before. "You made the right choice, coming with me. You know that."
"Come here." She didn't turn around.
There was a pause, then he laid on the bed next to her. She pulled his arm around her and breathed slowly for a full minute or so before she said, "It's okay if you want something more than this."
"What do you mean?" he murmured.
"You know what I mean."
Neither of them said anything for a moment, breathing softly, until he pressed a kiss to her cheek.
They would figure it out. Eventually.