"So, now that you understand my situation, you'll let me join your party, right Kazuma?"
Kazuma sat there a moment and gave her a wide smile. "HELL NO!"
"Huh?" Her jaw dropped and she looked comically surprised for a second. Then in a flash, she was on her feet screeching at the top of her lungs. "What do you mean no?! Did you not just hear how awful and unfair things have been for me for the last three months?!"
Kazuma bolted to his feet as well and was glaring at Aqua.
"You want to know what I heard? I heard about you getting exactly what you deserve! You leeched off of every single person who ever helped you and when things got tough you quit! You didn't even try to fix your own problems! And now here you are just expecting me to save you? Are you an idiot?" Kazuma paused. "No, scratch that, I know you're an idiot. Are you a complete moron? There is no way in HELL I would EVER help you, you third rate goddess of debt and misfortune!"
"You have to! Everything that's happened to me is all your fault you worthless NEET!"
"How do you figure that?! You abandoned me for Mitsurugi! You sucked him dry and tried to screw me over again by poaching my teammates! You wasted a fortune on booze and that cult of yours. Then the second sword boy was gone you just expected everyone else to take care of you! You've never taken responsibility for anything or worked for anything! The entire time I've known you you've whined and cried without ever trying to fix things! How is any of that my fault?!"
"I wouldn't be on this stupid world in the first place if not for you!"
"Yeah? Well maybe if you weren't such a complete and utter bitch to a guy who'd just died, I would have wished for a magical wand instead! You ask me you're getting exactly what you deserve!"
"I do not deserve to be trapped on this planet until the end of time!" Aqua screamed at the top of her lungs.
"You sure about that?"
"You heartless NEET!"
"Blue haired moron!"
"Grrrk!" Aqua shuddered and grabbed her head as she suddenly crouched down. "No, no, no don't remind me about that!"
Darkness and Megumin hurried over to her. Darkness patted her shoulder.
"There is no need to worry, everything is fine."
"Yeah," Megumin said. "You're going to be okay."
Both girls immediately turned to glare at Kazuma.
"Hey! Don't look at me like that! I'm not the bad guy here!"
"Kazuma," Darkness sighed. "I know what a savage beast you are. However, there are times when even you should show some consideration toward a girl's feelings."
Megumin was more succinct. "Why do you have to be an asshole all the time?"
"I'm not the asshole here, she's the asshole!" He pointed at the girl couching down sobbing to herself and muttering, 'no.'
"Kazuma," Darkness spoke patiently. "I understand you hold many resentments towards Aqua. I also realize that much of her behavior has been less than exemplary. However, she needs help."
"She's had help, tons of it! From Mitsurugi and his party to every adventurer in this town. She's abused every person who's ever helped her, and that includes me!"
"Kazuma," Megumin said. "You need to be more forgiving. This poor girl has been through a lot and has some crazy delusions of grandeur."
"Well, that's a hell of thing to hear coming from you of all people."
Megumin hmphed and crossed her arms over her chest. "What would you say if I told you if you don't help her, I'll quit the party?"
"I'd say you've got thirty minutes to pack your shit and get out."
The explosion loli paled and uncrossed her arms.
Darkness coughed into her hand, drawing his attention back to her.
"No one is threatening to break up the party, Kazuma." At that Megumin eagerly nodded. "I also understand your personal feelings against Aqua. However, she did help defeat one of the Devil King's generals. She helped save Axel from the Destroyer. And she resurrected all of our fellow adventurers. Whatever your opinion of her, you must admit that she has done a lot of good and saved many lives."
Kazuma's lips twisted and he looked as if he's just chewed on a lemon. "I guess."
Darkness opened her mouth to continue, but before she could Aqua jumped up.
"That's right! I did all those things!" She hurriedly rubbed her eyes dry with her sleeve. "You should be grateful to me! You should- mmph?!"
Megumin had reached up and slapped a hand over Aqua's mouth.
"Shut it," Megumin whispered. "You're not helping things."
Sighing, Darkness started over. "Kazuma, for whatever reason she truly believes she has to help you defeat the Devil King or else suffer a fate worse than death. Since defeating the Devil King is your ultimate goal why not accept her? She is a high level arch priestess who turned all of Beldia's minions and resurrected close to a hundred adventurers in a single day. Do you really believe you couldn't use that sort of power against the Devil King?"
Kazuma opened his mouth to yell, 'hell no!' but didn't. Damn it! Why does she have to make such good sense when she isn't talking about getting beaten or stripped naked in public? He closed his mouth and explained the situation in the simplest way possible.
"The problem is it's her."
"I understand, but you're very good at getting the best results from people despite their flaws," her cheeks blushed. "I… I kn… know that very well. Can't you do the same with her?"
Kazuma thought about it for a moment. Then an evil grin began to slowly spread across his face.
"You know what? Maybe I can use her."
Seeing the expression on his face Aqua slapped Megumin's hand away and backed up a couple steps while protectively covering up her bosom.
"I knew it! You just want to have your way with me you perv! I don't care what happens I am not going to do those sorts of things with you!"
Kazuma stood there and stared at her with lifeless eyes. "You know Aqua, on one of those nights we were sleeping in that stall I woke up and looked over at you. You were just lying there, asleep, and defenseless. I lifted your skirt and stared at your thighs and ass. You've got an amazing body; I've thought that from the moment I first saw you. And as I sat there looking you over, I imagined having sex with you."
Not only Aqua but Darkness and Megumin were staring at him, waiting to hear what happened next.
"And as soon as I pictured it in my head, I had to run over to the corner of the stall to start puking."
"What?!" Aqua shouted, sounding equal measures relieved and offended.
"Yeah, it doesn't matter how great your body is. Your personality is so rotten there's no chance I'd ever get a stiffie looking at you."
"So, you don't need to worry about sex. I'd sooner do something with a sheep or even Megumin."
"But," Kazuma continued ignoring Megumin's outrage. "Before I even consider letting you join this party, I need you to answer one question for me."
"What?" Aqua huffed.
"Can you resurrect people who've been dead for more than a year?"
Many, many years later, after countless heart pounding adventures the Devil King was defeated and Aqua was at last recalled back to heaven.
"I'm back! I'm finally back!" Aqua cried joyously as she rematerialized. In an instant she had a Gamegirl with MarcoWorld 4 on it, a small mountain of chocolates, pretzels, and potato chips, along with her favorite vibrator and stacks of adult videos.
"Oh, I see you're back, sempai." A cute silver haired girl wandered in.
"Eris! You have no idea how happy I am to see you! I mean I don't even mind that padded bra you're wearing." Aqua was playing on her gamegirl as she spoke.
"Heh, how lovely," Eris replied with a forced smile.
"You would not believe some of the things I had to go through down on that world or the things I had to put up with! Do you have any idea what it's like being trapped in an orc village? Or having a sadistic robot trying to 'please' me?" She shuddered at the memory.
"Well, I'm sure it was awful, but everything worked out in the end."
"It was the worst! The absolute worst! There were lots of times I wanted to quit. Only two things kept me going."
"Oh? What might those have been?"
"Booze and the fact that if I didn't help, I'd end up trapped there for trillions of years. I mean I still can't believe all the other gods would have done that to me." Aqua was focused on the game and her quest to rescue princess apricot.
"Oh, we wouldn't have."
Aqua's thumbs froze and the little image of Marco the carpenter fell off a cloud. Aqua didn't notice. She slooooowly turned up from the console to look at Eris's smiling face. "What?"
"We actually had a meeting about it after you ditched Kazuma. We decided to leave you there for a hundred years after Kazuma's death to teach a lesson. But after that we would have recalled you to heaven. I mean we are kind of short staffed after all. Leaving you there until the end of time would have been way too petty."
"But… but what about the magical items staying on the planet forever?"
"Oh, that's still true, but you're a goddess not a magical item. That rule doesn't apply to you," Eris giggled. "You'd have to be pretty stupid to think it did."
The gamegirl slipped out of Aqua's hands and broke on the floor.
"YOU told me I'd be trapped there for trillions of years! I believed you! I stayed in that stupid party and put up with all that horrifying crap because of what you told me! Why did you tell me I'd be trapped there if it was a lie?! Why?!"
"Two reasons," Eris said completely relaxed and grinning. "First, I knew it was the only way you'd help Kazuma. I saw what you did to him and it wasn't right. And after he became one of my followers it only made me want to help him even more. I figured that helping him was your responsibility but that you'd never do it unless you thought you had to."
Aqua stood there glaring daggers at Eris. "And what was the second reason?"
With a huge smile Eris put up two middle fingers in Aqua's face. "It's payback for all the times you made fun of my chest, bitch."