*Sighs* I know I should've told you this like 30 years ago, but Rome wasn't built in under 30 years, was it now? I'll answer for you, since your mouth is currently occupied: No.
There's so many things left unsaid, all of which I'm incorporating into this plea. These are things that I want changed. You can help me, right?

I'm not here to talk about Watergate, no no no, mainly because nobody knows what the FUCK it even is. I'm not even here to ask how come you liked wearing prada so damn much.
I'm afraid you were just a deviant, weren't you, old man? Oh well. You thought you were so slick, when you stuck your hand down Martin Luthers corduroy pants, without the first lady's supervision, didn't you bro? Of course, ahahaha. Well anyway, what I'm getting at here, is that you have a lot of things that we should discuss, but I'm going to elect not to. I don't like to dwell, what's done is done. For example, when you showed up at the Macy's Day Parade wearing an inflatable cow tail, and acted like there was nothing sexy about it. There was, and I know you knew it.

On to my final request, though. I'm not going to hold off any longer. Richard, can you please bring back Crystal Pepsi? Haha, just kidding, Dick. No, here we go for real.
*inhale*
Richard, may I bring you back to life? No, dude, I mean it. Im sure you watched Childs Play in your elongated life, did you not? Regardless, thanks to Voodoo,
I've found a rich incantation that I'm about 40% sure can put your soul into the body of Teddy Ruxpin. You will be brought back to life, man. I'm not sure how you're going to respond to this, being in purgatory, but you were always good at finding loopholes in life, why should death be any different? Seriously, send me a sign.
Perhaps some vampire bats carrying scrolls would do the trick? Who knows, maybe you could intercept a radio signal or something, I have an AM receiver that I would really like to put to use. No, kik me! I'm sure there's blackberries down there, they can run that.

Enough chit chat, I gotta be on my way Chap. Like I said, snap me or something. Don't you wanna see what this world has become?