(Story Summary: Every Saturday night, for almost half a year; the girls see Lincoln leave the house for some sort of "outing" he has planned with his pals. Yet, whenever they ask him what he does; he gives the same answer..."it's a secret." One night, the Loud Sisters decide that enough is enough and they decide to follow Lincoln; in an attempt to learn what his "secret Saturday outings" are.
What is the secret Lincoln's keeping from them? Is it something distressing, sinister...or something too embarrassing to describe? Read on and you will see.)
(Disclaimer: I do not own the Loud House or anything from Dungeons & Dragons. The former is a creation of Chris Savino & Team and under the ownership of Nickelodeon. The latter is under the property of Wizards of the Coast, Hasbro and its creator, the late Gary Gygax.
I also do not claim ownership of the story's thumbnail image. All credit for the picture goes to DeviantArt user, Barrander. So, please...don't sue me.)
Saturday Night Secrets
Ah, summer nights in Royal Woods; the air is sticky yet tranquil, the crickets sound off their soft melodies and the town is abuzz with fun activity. This is no exception for one family in this little town; namely, the Loud House. Inside this split-level house, ten young ladies could be found indulging in their usual business.
Beginning with the four eldest sisters/siblings; Lori was seen texting her boyfriend, Leni is showing off her latest 'fashion creation" (which is simply her usual dress but with a frill around the midriff,) Luna was playing her music and Luan was practicing her jokes with Mr. Coconuts (her dummy.) As for the youngest ones; Lucy was writing down some poetry in her diary, Lisa was in the midst of some form of experiment and the twins (Lana and Lola) were entertaining their baby sister, Lily. But in an instant, these young ladies suddenly stopped what they were doing and began looking around the room suspiciously.
"Something feels off here" Lori muttered, "it's never this quiet here on a Saturday night." The moment Lori mentioned this, everyone else soon noticed something felt off; it was as if something was missing...or someone. "Any of you dudettes seen Lynn anywhere" questioned Luna, "I ain't seen her since we finished dinner."
Everyone murmured softly with uncertainty, equally curious as to where their athletically inclined sister was. Then, as if on cue; the girl in question suddenly burst out of a door from the upper floor. From out of this room came Lynn Loud Jr., who appeared to be sniffing the air softly; as if searching for something.
"Dear sister, might I inquire as to why you are sniffing the atmosphere of the house's upper level like a bloodhound" questioned Lisa dryly, "you look as though you're tracking something." The young she-jock smiled at her sister and said that she was half-right. "I'm actually looking for someone, Poindexter" Lynn chuckled, "it's Saturday Night, which means it's time for my sparring sesh with a certain white-haired dork we all know and love."
The girls each let out a soft groan of annoyance, knowing exactly what was to come; once Lynn was in a sparring mood. Every Saturday, she would choose any sibling she desired to spar with her. Only the little ones were exempt from this "activity," which the elder siblings considered to be unfair.
When the girls and Lincoln tried to get out of it, Lynn Sr. (their dad) said it was a "necessary evil;) proclaiming that their sister needed to be in tip top shape (both in body and in skill) for her more strenuous sporting activities at school. For about five months, this was the Loud Siblings' lives every Saturday. This time, however; things would be different.
Then, from upstairs; everyone heard the sudden yet soft crash of a door opening. Then, everyone spotted their brother making their way down the steps. On his back, everyone saw him lugging a rather heavy-looking backpack; much to their surprise.
"There you are, Stinkin'" Lynn said with a mischievous chuckle, "you ready to get destroyed?" While doing his best to hold up his bag and keep a straight face, Lincoln smiled sheepishly at his sister and shook his head. "Sorry, Lynn; I can't spar tonight" he murmured, "I, uh...I've got plans with Clyde."
At first, everyone found Lincoln's statement to be believable. But somehow, something still felt fishy and his demeanor gave some small signs about it. "If you're going to see your friend, Brother...might we ask why you are carrying such a heavy load" questioned Lisa, "there's no conceivable way that your large bag contains your sleeping bag and clothes inside."
With that statement, Lincoln knew it wouldn't be easy to fool his little genius of a sister. He had to act quickly and think of another explanation. But the weight from his bag was so heavy, it made it difficult for him to think clearly.
Finally, he found the one idea he was sure the girls would believe. "Um...my bag is full of...really heavy books" Lincoln muttered, "see, Huggins gave us a writing assignment to do over the summer." At first, no one said anything and the only sound that could be heard was that of Lincoln's knees buckling weakly.
Finally, Lucy spoke up and asked why his bag appeared so stuffed; if he had to just read one book. "Because...Because my bag has other books for me, Clyde and our friends to look over" he stated, "we each browse through the titles, find which one interests us and we'll start reading up on it...heh." Once again, the room was silent; as the girl took a moment to think over Lincoln's words.
Finally, they decided to ask Lincoln one final question; were their parents aware of what he was doing? "Oh, yeah; of course they are" groaned Lincoln while struggling to hold up his bag, "in fact, I'm heading out to the van; they're gonna give me a lift to Clyde's place." By the end of the explanation, Lincoln appeared on the verge of collapse; while the girls remained ever suspicious of their brother's words.
Then, without warning, the front door burst open; which caused Lincoln to stumble over and his bag to fall on top of him. This fall caused something from inside the bag to pop out of the flap slightly. Before anyone could question what was inside; the girls' father, Lynn Loud Sr. stepped through the doorway and snatched Lincoln up by his bag.
"Come on, Son; we don't want to be late" he said frantically, "your mother's got Vanzilla all revved up and ready to go!" With that said, the girls waved at their father and brother uneasily and watched as the family van raced off down the road. For a moment, everyone sat in stone silence; unsure of what to say or think.
Finally, after almost two minutes of waiting; Lola suddenly spoke up. "Okay, I'm sure everybody's thinking the same thing; so...I'll just say it" she stated, "anyone here think Dad and Lincoln were acting rather suspiciously?" Soon after saying this, the other sisters (sans Lily) began voicing the same concerns.
"I'm in the same grade level as Lincoln is" Lucy said suddenly, "yet...I don't recall Principal Huggins or any teacher at school giving us a writing assignment." After this, Leni quickly spoke up; proclaiming that she saw something almost pop out of Lincoln's bag, when he fell over. "It looked like some sort of piece of fabric" she murmured, "and a rather tacky one at that."
With this reveal, everyone was more than sure that Lincoln was hiding something from them. However, the question remained; what was their brother's secret? "I say we try and follow Vanzilla to wherever Mom and Dad are going with Lincoln" Lori suggested, "something in my gut tells me they aren't going to the McBride House."
While most of the girls agreed to the idea, Leni wasn't 100% on board. "I dunno, guys; should we really do this" she murmured with uncertainty, "I mean...you know how much Linky hates it when we metal in his business." After reminding her sister that the word she meant to use was "meddle" and not "metal;" Lisa also reminded her that as Lincoln's sisters, it was their "duty" to meddle in his business.
"That's right, who knows if our brother might be getting himself into some serious funny business" Luan stated, "and not the kind that I do either." With this in mind, the girls (almost) unanimously agreed to tail Vanzilla and learn where their brother was headed. "A very good idea, dear Sister" murmured Lisa, "there is but one problem...how do we plan on following the van?"
With this said, everyone let out a collective groan of dismay. With their mom and dad going with Lincoln, the girls lost their only ride. But then, they all started thinking up other ideas.
First; Luna decided to give her pal and roadie, Chunk a call and see if he could give them a lift. But seconds after she sent a text to him; Luna got a reply back that read "Sorry, luv; got me hands full tonight...maybe next time." With that idea down the drain, the eldest sisters considered giving their significant others a call and ask them for a ride.
With hope in their hearts; Lori, Leni, Luna and Luan all sent texts to their lovers asking the same thing..."could you give us a lift?" Sadly; much like with Chunk, each of them offered up the same kind of replies...the dismissive kind.
Chaz: "So sorry, sweetie; Dana's stuck babysitting me while the 'rents are out tonight...maybe next time.
Sam: "I really wish I could help, Looney Tunes. But I'm stuck with Simon tonight and have to watch over him until ten. I promise to make it up to you. Kisses from your lil' Samurai!
Benny: "Sorry, Luan; I'm busy rehearsing for something important and I need to keep at it for another hour. I can't afford to lose my mojo now."
"I promise to make up for lost time as soon as I can, I swear. Love, your sweet Benny-Boo."
Bobby: "So sorry, Babe...but...Abuela and Tia Frieda want me to look after the boys tonight. I swear; I promise to catch up with you, in the morning,
To say that the ladies were displeased by this turn of events would be a gross understatement. "This is literally getting on my nerves, girls" Lori growled, "not only is our brother acting weird...but nobody we know that can drive is able to give us a lift!" The other Loud Sisters also voiced their annoyance, adding how there was no way everyone suddenly becoming M.I.A. was a mere coincidence.
"Sisters, I believe we are now left with only two choices" Lisa interjected, "we must either trail the family van on foot or...we find our old bicycles (if we still have them in our possession) and ride there." Almost half of the girls groaned loudly with displeasure, declaring both of Lisa's ideas to be bad. "I may love a good run but Vanzilla must be miles away, by now" Lynn murmured, "ain't no way we'd be able to catch up to it!"
Leni sided with her younger sister on her complaint, proclaiming that she did not have any shoes that were meant for running long distances. "As for the bikes, we all haven't ridden them in ages" grumbled Lori while gesturing at the five other tall sisters, "we don't want to be seen riding them down the neighborhood!" After that, the girls collectively slumped in the living room with defeat; feeling as though they've exhausted every option they had.
Just then, an idea came into Lana's head; which caused her to break out into a wide grin. "There's still one other idea, guys" she sniggered, "that is, if she'll be willing to help us out." After that, she cast a glance over at a moderately sized pink car in the living room.
When Lola saw all this, she immediately leapt up and cried out her refusal to offer up her "princess car." "If you think I'm going to let you all cram inside of my baby, you're nuts" she growled, "remember the 'clown car' routine Luan tried to pull at her last birthday party gig?" In a flash, the scene takes us to the party in question; where Lynn and her party clown posse is seen trying to cram into Lola's car all at once.
In the end, the car strained heavily from the combined weight and mass of everyone inside; which almost caused it to break down. When the scene cuts back to the present, Luan frowns with shame; remembering how much of her "Funny Business" paycheck she had to dig into to help pay for repairs. "I really needed that money too" she murmured, "I was planning on buying that confetti cannon prototype I found online."
With a sharp rebuttal of "too bad, missy;" Lola crossed her arms and refused to lend her car to anyone. "For the record, Sis; I wasn't saying we all cram ourselves into the car at once" Lana retorted, "I was suggesting that you could help pull our bikes along from behind." A look of pure outrage appeared on the pageant girl's face, outraged that her sister would even suggest the idea.
"Even if I wanted to...which I don't, my Princess Car isn't strong enough to lug nine people behind me" she said firmly, "especially since some of you have been dipping into far too many subs lately." It didn't take long for Lynn to realize that the "pink princess" was referring to her. Infuriated with Lola's insults, Lynn prepared to unleash a punch to her face...but Lori quickly intervened.
After taking a moment to calm her younger sibling down, the eldest blonde whispered something into her ear; which caused the wee jock to smile deviously. A split second later, Lori cleared her throat and immediately tried to appeal to Lola's...nosey side. "Think about it, Lola; while we're all here bickering...just imagine what Lincoln's doing at this very moment" she murmured, "he could be doing something tattletale worthy."
The other girls all gasped in unified disgust at their eldest sister's tactic, before quickly reminding her of how hard Lola had been trying to let go of her tattletale habits. This led to everyone bickering viciously at one another (which is not very rare.) The fighting didn't last for very long, however.
In less than six seconds, the phone started ringing; causing the ten sisters to suddenly cease fighting. After pulling herself away from the others and dusting herself off, Lori picked up the phone and answered with a soft "hello?" Soon after, her ears were bombarded with loud shouts and rants from the voice of a familiar old man.
"Yes, Mr. Grouse; I know we promised to keep our fighting down to a respectable noise level" she said while trying to remain respectable, "my sisters and I were...just having a heated discussion is all."
(Quick cutaway to Mr. Grouse's home)
Across the street, the Louds' elderly neighbor is seen dressing himself in his outdoor evening wear; while also talking on the phone. "Well, could you please make your discussions less heated" Mr. Grouse grumbled, "some people are trying to relax and enjoy their Saturday night in peace." With a heavy sigh, the man then said mumbled how thankful he was that he'd be enjoying a night out away from the family's chaos.
This bit of information immediately piqued Lori's interest on the other line. "Oh, you're going out tonight; that's great" she said with glee, "are you visiting family or just going for a drive?" While Mr. Grouse felt like he wasn't inclined to divulge his own business to his neighbors; he did however, simply said he was going out for a game night with some friends.
"A game night, huh; that's literally a great way to spend a Saturday night" Lori's voice stated, "hope you and your pals have fun." While still reminding her to keep the noise down at home, Mr. Grouse still thanked the girl for her best wishes and hung up the phone.
(Cut back to the Loud House)
After hanging up the phone, Lori ran her hand through her blonde locks in bewilderment. First, Lincoln and her parents went out for the night. Then, Bobby and some of her sisters own lovers also said they were busy and now; Mr. Grouse seemed to have something planned.
"This is just too freaky" Lynn cried in exasperation, "how could almost everyone we know all be having plans all at once?" The others couldn't help but agree with their athletic sister. However, one among them wasn't entirely convinced there was something odd occurring.
"With all do respect, Sisters; your fears might all be unfounded" Lisa interjected suddenly, "this could all be just a mere coincidence." Alas, the wee genius' words did little to stifle her sisters' ever-growing sense of curiosity. "We need to find out what they're doing" Lola chuckled crazily, "we must know, WE MUST KNOW!"
Despite their overall nervousness towards their sister's crazed demeanor, the other Loud girls couldn't help but agree with her. They had to figure out what everyone was doing and they couldn't help but think that somehow, Lincoln was at the center of it all. But with so many travel options down the drain, the only one left to use was the bike idea from earlier.
"I guess, we have no other choice" groaned Lori in her mind, "I just hope no one we know sees us riding on our old bikes and trikes out there." With that in mind, everyone headed for the garage and collected their bikes. After taking their seats, the girls pedaled with all their might to the McBride House.
For almost fifteen minutes, the girls pedaled with all the strength they had in their legs. They pushed themselves so hard, each of the girls thought their ankles would snap off at any moment. But through it all, they made it to the house and spotted Vanzilla parked outside.
"Good, they didn't leave yet" Lori whispered, "let's watch and see what happens next." Without a moment's hesitation, the girls hid themselves and their bikes inside of some bushes. While hiding, they kept a close watch on the van; waiting for it to move again.
Then, the door of the McBride House open and spotted their parents and Lincoln leaving with Clyde. After the quartet said their goodbyes to Harold and Howard, they climbed back into the van and drove away. "They're on the move again" cried Lynn, "let's catch up before they get too far!"
While some of the girls groaned at the idea of having to pedal again, they realized they had little choice in the matter. "Let's just get this over with" Lola grumbled, "I just hope they won't be making too many stops."
Moments later, we find Vanzilla still on the move; with all ten Loud Sisters still in pursuit (barely.) As the girls continued following the van, they appeared to be on the verge of collapse. As if Fate had heard her weary cries, The Loud Sisters discovered that Clyde's house wasn't the only stop Vanzilla was making.
For the next half hour; the girls followed their three other family members to the Spokes household, the Gurdle house hold and the farm where Lincoln's friend, Liam lives. With each of these stops, the girls soon became even more suspicious. Why would their parents be stopping at the homes of each of Lincoln's friends, when he claimed it was just him and Clyde working on the "book report" Principal Huggins allegedly "assigned him."
It was official; something fishy was going on with their bro and they were determined to find out, even if they had to pedal their bikes till their hearts gave out. But as they gave chase to Vanzilla, after it left Liam's farm; the girls all fell sideways in tired heaps. "It's...hopeless, girls" heaved Luan in exhaustion, "we came...this far but we can't...keep following them...forever, not like this."
Realizing that their sister had a point, the girls all climbed off their bikes and decided to continue on foot. "It's hopeless anyway" grumbled Lana, "how can we find Vanzilla now?" As everyone took a moment to catch their breath, Lisa was soon struck by inspiration. "I KNOW WHAT WE MUST DO, SISTERS" she cried, "we shall track the van by using science!"
Thinking quickly, she reached into her sweater and pulled out a tracking device. On the small screen, everyone could see a tiny red dot blipping. "Excellent, my tracker indicates that our quarry is less than eight miles from here" Lisa said with glee, "let's move along, everyone."
Before they decided to follow her, Lori and the girls questioned how Lisa was able to track the van's location. "Simple, dear sister" she replied, "I implanted a tracking chip into our brother's scalp, while he slept." The girls grimaced softly in both fear and disgust, before asking if they themselves also had tracking chips on them.
"If I were to say yes...would that cause us to give up our search" murmured Lisa with a nervous grin, "in which case...no." This revelation caused the girls to yelp in shock, before they started feeling around themselves for the tracking chips on them. "We can worry about that later, girls" Lori said firmly, "we've got a lead; so, let's use it."
With that said, the Loud Girls each felt a strong burst of determination rush through them; which gave them the strength to continue on. After another fifteen minutes of riding, the girls finally found the van. As they stepped off their bikes, the girls saw that it was parked outside of a large building; along with scores of other vehicles.
Upon studying the parking lot, the girls recognized several of the other familiar vehicles beside Vanzilla. Among these were Benny's car (which had polka dots on the hood,) Sam's motorbike, Chunk's van, the family car belonging to Chaz and Dana's parents car, Mr. Grouse's car and many others. "Okay...this is extremely weird, dudes" Luna murmured in disbelief, "everyone we know must be at this place."
The others couldn't help but agree with her but the question remained, why were they all at a place like this? "Let's go inside and ask someone for help" Leni suggested, "they might know what's going on." After taking a moment to firmly yet silently shush her sister; Lori reminded her that while the idea was good, they were trying to be sneaky.
"If we go in and talk to people, who knows what might happen" she said in a hushed tone, "besides, Mom and Dad might be upset with us; if they find out we all left the house." With few options left, the girls had to keep quiet and find out what was going on inside the building as best as they could. "I think I see some windows we can reach" Lynn murmured, "if we get close enough, one of us can look inside through there."
After everyone nodded in agreement; the girls left their bikes in the bushes, looked both ways at the nearest crosswalk and crept over towards the mysterious building. Once they were close enough, they spotted a window on the side and crept over to it. "Okay, Lori; you're the oldest and the tallest" Luna whispered, "go over and see what's going on in there."
Lori nodded slightly and approached the window as quiet as a church mouse. But rather than look through the glass; Lori took out her phone, held it up by the window and took a snapshot. Her mission successful, Lori gave a soft giggle; anxious to see what the big secret was.
However; when she brought up the picture on her phone, Lori let out a gasp of surprise. This sound immediately caught her sisters' attention, which caused them to rush over to her side in worry. "What is it, Lori; what did you see" questioned Lynn anxiously, "is it something worth teasing our brother about later?"
The elder blonde said nothing in reply but the look of suppressed laughter on her face spoke volumes, to the girls. Then, once she found enough composure to do so; Lori gestured for everyone to look at the pic on her phone. Confused yet intrigued, the girls complied with her order and looked at the cellphone screen.
Upon seeing the image, the Loud Sisters fought every urge to burst out laughing. For the picture did indeed, reveal that Lincoln and their parents were inside the place. But it also showed something extra, their brother dressed in makeshift Dwarf armor and a braided Viking beard. This sight was so ridiculous, it caused them all to roll around the concrete; bursting with laughter.
They laughed not just at how ridiculous their brother looked in his outfit. But it was also due to the comedic irony of their situation. Here they all thought Lincoln and his crew was doing something sinister.
When, in reality; it seemed as though they were simply taking part in (what they thought was) some sort of costume party. Lincoln was right, they did have a tendency to meddle in people's affairs without knowing everything. Finally, everyone calmed down enough to help each other off the ground and dust themselves off.
"C'mon, guys; let's load our bikes onto the van" Lori said with a chuckle, "maybe Mom and Dad can take a minute to drive us all back home, if we're lucky." The girls nodded in agreement and prepared to follow her inside. But before they could even leave the parking lot; they soon found themselves confronted by two large, fully-armored individuals.
"Halt, intruders; thou art trespassing on sacred ground" the first armored individual decreed, "surrender peacefully and perhaps, the council will grant thee a merciful punishment." The girls blinked confusedly at the two warriors and asked what the "H" they were talking about. "We can see that the lot of you lack a proper understanding of the common tongue" the second individual said with a slight chuckle, "to reiterate...surrender and you will not be harmed."
Upon hearing these words, Lynn scoffed at the two "warriors" and said she wasn't afraid of them. "You clods obviously don't know who I am" she said confidently, "so, allow me to show you!" With that said, Lynn charged the duo; prepping to give a swift roundhouse kick to one of them.
But much to her surprise and that of the other Loud Sisters, the first armored warrior snatched her by the leg and gripped her tightly in his/her arms; restraining her. "So be it, come with us" the warrior said with a disgruntled sigh, "the Council shall decide what to do with you." At first, the remaining Loud Sisters thought about fighting back and rescuing Lynn.
But after seeing how their most athletically skilled sibling was taken down so easily, they realized they might be in over their heads. So, with their heads hanging low; the girls surrendered themselves and followed the two warriors inside the building.
(AN: And cue dramatic music from Psycho! Guess it's true what they say, curiosity can kill the cat...or at least, get them into trouble.
Who are the faces behind the two armored warriors, why are so many friends and neighbors at this place, what business brings Lincoln and his parents here and most of all...what will become of the Loud Sisters?!
Tune in next time, to find out.)