Idek what this is but enjoy
TW: suicidal thoughts, implied sh and ed
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.
"Parker!" My head shot up, startled by the loud yelling. "Were you sleeping in my class?!"
"Sorry..." I trail off.
"I need to see you after class. Now, as I was saying..." I blocked out the booming voice of my math teacher, Mrs Sherman. I was absolutely exhausted from my late night of stopping crime. Not to mention it was 7:30 in the morning. I stared blankly at the worksheet in front of me. I couldn't possibly focus on quadratics right now.
The bell rang, and I made my way over to Mrs Sherman's desk. She looked up from the stack of tests she was grading, eyeing me sternly.
"Peter, your grades have been slipping. You used to be my star student." She handed me a test paper, a big bold "F" in red ink. "You need to get your act together. The final is next week." I nodded, shamefully folding my test paper in half. "That will be all. Move along, now." Sighing, I trudged down the hall to my next class. Of course, it had to be gym.
It wasn't that gym class was hard. Ever since the spider bite, gym has been a breeze. It was more of who was in that class with me.
"Hey everybody, get a load of this! Penis got an F!" Flash yelled, directing all the attention to me. "Looks like we might have a new alternative for decathalon soon," he said smugly. I spun around on my heel, heading out the door. Nope. Not today, not today... gym wasn't that important anyway.
I hid in the bathroom for the rest of class, hating myself for everything wrong with me. Too pushy. Too pudgy. Too nervous. Too stupid.
I hadn't eaten yet today, but I didn't really care. I can't remember the last time I ate a full meal anyway, a little more hunger won't change anything.
By the time third period rolled around, I was already done with school. Well, I still had classes, but I really didn't care. My next few classes went by quickly, I just zoned out and ignored everything. What am I even going to learn, anyway? Nothing important, surely.
Finally, it was lunch, and I could- well, I just zoned out again. It wasn't like I was going to eat, and Ned and MJ were both busy during lunch on Tuesdays. The rest of school went the same as the morning did, except I actually fell asleep in last period. We were watching a movie, and I didn't care. The exhaustion quickly took over, and I found myself in a deep sleep.
The bell rang, and I blinked awake, realization setting in quickly. I grabbed my bag, running out to the sidewalk. I didn't really want to go home, I knew May would be at work still and I would be left alone. But I wasn't going to bother Mister Stark, not today.
I walked quickly, keeping my head down and my back hunched. When I finally made it home, I immediately headed to my room, grabbing my blade and heading to the bathroom. I took a deep breath, and it caught in my throat, mixed with a sob. God, I'm pathetic.
I used to be able to resist it, at least most of the time. My life comes in waves- and there was always a calm before the storm. Three days of ok eating habits and staying clean from self harm almost always led to a week of I-couldn't-get-out-of-bed-if-I-tried. And yeah, it sucked.
I had realized a few things, too. People didn't care. Why should they? Everyone else has shit going on too, and they need to put themselves first. I don't blame them, but still, I wish someone would care.
When it came to talking about my problems, I was definitely lacking. But whenever I tried to mention it, the subject was always switched incredibly quickly.
"Hey, I actually want to tell you guys something..." I murmured awkwardly, gaze averted.
"Sure man, what's up?" Ned shrugged coolly.
"So, I've been having some problems lately... with food..." I trailed off, frowning. Could I tell them I only weighed 105 pounds?
"Dude, same, like, I can't stop eating! Oreos just taste so good, yknow?" He chuckled, MJ glancing up from her book.
"He's not wrong," she added. I sighed, nodding defeatedly. Why couldn't I just speak up? They were my best friends... and I feel like I'm caught in a lie.
I pushed the memory back down, rinsing off my blade before heading back to my room, closing the door. I grabbed my phone, putting one earbud in and starting my sleep playlist. The sound machine had worked for awhile, lulling me to sleep, but I found that soft music worked better sometimes. I just needed a short nap...
I woke up feeling worse than I had when I fell asleep. This wasn't normal... but I hadn't been for a long time. It had been nearly two years since that first therapy appointment, and I hadn't found myself back in that office since. And everything had just gone downhill, so, so quickly.
I sighed, a split second decision sending me up the stairs to the roof. I sat on the ledge, letting my legs dangle carelessly off the edge. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and letting myself just feel the soft breeze. It would be so easy to just let myself fall...
But I couldn't do that.
Well... I wanted to, sure. But also... I still had a glimmer of hope that things could get better. That they would get better. Maybe it was false hope, maybe my expectations were too high. Whatever it was, I didn't want to let go.
And so I didn't.
I went back inside, back to my room. May would be home soon. She would come home to her living nephew. And someday, things will change. Everything will be ok again.
i hate myself but uhhhh I finally finished this
Anyways y'all should go read my other crap (its so much better than this I promise-)