Chapter 1: The Funeral

Christine

The last note ascended to the heavens of the sanctuary as her tears fell like crystal waterfalls upon her cheeks. Rachmaninoff's "Vocalise" had been her father's favorite - an impassioned arrangement that could either make the angels weep or serenade the demons to slumber. Christine's hands trembled, it was her last tribute to her father. Not a sound could be heard as Christine slumped back onto the church pew, immediately crumbled into the arms of Nadir Khan and wept. Nadir, her dear father's friend and family lawyer, would be the last physical connection she would have, to remind her of the stories, the memories, and the love Gustav would leave behind.

As Widor's Toccata rattled the stained-glass windows of the church, the choir voices soared, and the string ensemble's notes pulled in reverence, Christine picked up Gustav's ashes and walked with Nadir down the aisle. In her now numbed and unfeeling haze, friends and Gustav's colleagues extended warm wishes and continued prayers to Christine and Nadir; and before realizing it, the reception was over. Nadir ushered Christine into the car for the drive back to the house in the woods.

"Nadir…?" his name but a faint whisper from her throat.

"Yes dear...?"

"H-how does… how can I do this? Where do I go from here?"

"One day at a time, kiddo. And if that's too much, then one hour at a time. And if even an hour is too much, then just one aching minute at a time…" Nadir's voice cracked and finally he let his tears fall. His heart broke for the adoringly best friend he had ever known and for the fragile 19 year old next to him. He watched as her thumbs gently glided over the urn and saw the defeat etched on her face. How do I survive this? I'm not Gustav, I'm not her father… I can't carry a tune to save my life. How do I bring her back? I'm losing her already, this young woman who has always been like my own daughter… How do I bring her back? Can I bring her back?

The cancer stormed in like a ravaging tornado, and as quickly as it came, it just as quickly claimed Gustav's life and destroyed everything. And like the recovery efforts after such a devastating storm, Christine felt her life in ruins. How do I survive this? How do I fill this void? How can I ever love music again without him?

Since childhood and the death of Marie Clare Daae, the tricky trio, as they would label themselves, were thick as thieves. Gustav and Nadir and Christine were always together. Gustav, a Vietnam War veteran, was a retired music teacher and opened a small private teaching conservatory out of the house on a part-time basis, teaching all ages the violin, the piano, and every woodwind possible. Nadir, who served with Gustav in Vietnam, was an attorney in Philadelphia, owning a small law office specializing in military veterans disability claims. Upon Marie Clare's untimely death when Christine was just two years old, Gustav tried his best but the darkness of depression cast a foreboding shadow upon the Daae household. That's when Khan stepped in to rescue Gustav from turning inward, keeping his focus on raising Christine. Khan was by their side ever since, and Christine saw him as a confidante and a friend; but most importantly, he was family. Music was always the common bond between Christine and her father. As long as she could remember, Gustav opened her eyes and ears to the storytelling music could unfold in her imagination. At age four, Rachmaninoff's "Vocalise" was the first real masterpiece Gustav exposed to Christine.

"Close your eyes and listen. Feel the notes in your bones and veins. What do you see? What do you feel?" Gustave prompted her.

"I see an angel and he's sad."

Of course… it's ALWAYS an angel. Gustav quietly chuckled. "Why is the angel sad, Chrissie?"

"Because he doesn't have another angel yet to sing with him. He wants to be in love, daddy! Duh!" She threw her little arms up, flailing her hands in the air, and jumped off the deck into the backyard. Both Gustav and Nadir sat at the patio table and laughed until their sides hurt.

"She is 1000% your kid, Gus! What a pistol!" Nadir coughed through his laughter.

"But like her mother, she's a perpetual hopeless romantic…" He grew quiet, closing his eyes, remembering the first time he saw Marie Clare. "Hopefully she won't fall for some stubborn old fart like her mother did."

"Stubborn, not always. Old fart? All the damn time!" They erupted into boisterous laughter.

That laughter was a constant companion in the small house tucked in the woods. That laughter made the house a home.

But tonight, there was no boisterous laughter. Tonight, only silence.

As Nadir parked the car in the driveway, the motion lights flickered on and Christine slowly emerged from the car. It was a beautiful night, with stars littering the sky. Christine looked up at the twinkling stars and felt like they were twinkling in a mocking joviality, "A new angel has come to join us!" Stop it, Chrissie. Don't go that dark; it's no ones fault. Not yours. Not dad's. Not Nadir's. Not God's.

"Hey kiddo, can I make you some tea? Come on, let's go inside. I'm not going back to the city tonight so I'll stay as long as you need me to."

"Ok yeah, tea would be good I guess. Thanks for offering to stay Uncle Nadir. I don't think I could be here alone tonight…" She sounded so formal, on autopilot. She still couldn't believe he was gone.

Despite the bitter cold, Nadir and Christine sat at the table on the back deck, wrapped in warm blankets, and cold hands enveloping their hot mugs of earl grey tea infused with lavender. Again, Christine's eyes blinked upwards, burning from the cold and from her grief.

"What happens next, Nadir?" Her voice was barely above a whisper as a cold breeze blew through her long, brown hair. Pulling the blanket around her tighter, Christine folded her legs underneath her for warmth.

"Well, there's a lot we need to do, sweetie, but I'll take care of most of it. We do need to go through the rest of your dad's will and settle any outstanding financial matters for his estate. It's a blessing Gus was so smart with his money - the mortgage is paid off and I think there's only his car payment left. But that's a small thing to take care of. Tomorrow we'll tackle the life insurance policies, retirement funds, and settle the conservatory business stuff. Then at some point, maybe start cleaning out…" But he stopped his thought, staring at Christine, who's eyes were filling with tears and her bottom lip and chin quivered. "Oh Chrissie, my dear girl," his own voice breaking and his tears fell. They couldn't fight it any longer and they wept.

The next two weeks went by in a blurry haze as Christine fell into a distant existence. Nadir would catch her staring off in a blank expression, lifeless eyes lost deep in thought, lacking emotion. She looked tired, exhausted, and defeated.

"Christine, have you thought about when you'll return to school to finish the semester?" Nadir proceeded cautiously, hoping to re-engage.

Her eyes flitted up briefly to meet Nadir's face but quickly sank down to her mug of hot tea. "I'm not going back. I can't go back."

"Of course you can, I think it'd be good for you to return to some normalcy and…"

"I said I wasn't going back, and I'm not changing my mind. The Dean already has the email sitting in her inbox. I'm never going back there, Nadir. Do you have any idea what that shithole college was like?" Christine's temper was beginning to boil. Anxiety started pricking her skin as an uncomfortable, dull pain arched through her spine. "Those girls on my floor were appallingly vicious. Why would I EVER go back to that?"

"Ok, ok… I'm sorry, sweetie. I know it was a tough semester to adjust to a new place; I just thought you'd want to maybe give it another chance." A long uncomfortable pause sat between them. " What do you want to do?" Nadir felt helpless, like he was making things so much worse. He didn't know what to say, what to do. Admittedly, he felt just as lost as Christine.

"Just let me work in your office for a while; you don't even have to pay me. All I know if that I can't go back there and I can't stay in this house alone." Christine fell quiet once again, her bout of anxiety slowly dissipating, as the look in her eyes drifted back into an empty abyss.

Oh how the teasing what relentless during her first semester as Haven Lake University. She honestly didn't want to go there, but the few high school friends she did have were going to another university just an hour away, so she felt it was a good compromise to be far enough away from home to grow some independence but to have somewhat of a safety net close by. But as the weeks drifted on, her friendships with her high school friends quickly and quietly dissipated. And there was absolutely nothing to do on campus.

Haven Lake was tucked into the old mining mountains in north central Pennsylvania, where things fell into a dreary, dark, depressing environment as soon as the last leaves fell from the trees, bowing to the oppression of cold winter. Christine attempted to become social and interact with the girls who lived on her dorm floor, but they were always partying, drinking, and acting impulsively immature. Even her roommate, Melissa, who was on the university soccer team, usually came back to the room every other night stumbling drunk. By the time Thanksgiving break rolled around, Christine welcomed going home. But it was the day after Thanksgiving that brought the announcement from Gustav: the cancer had returned.

"Dad, you beat it before two years ago, you can beat it again, right? What did the doctors say? When does treatment start?" Christine was reliving the panic all over again from her junior year of high school when Gustav was first diagnosed with a brain tumor. The initial bout wasn't aggressive and no surgery was required; but the radiation and chemotherapy left Gustav very weak, but he was able to beat it the first time. However, there was something different about it this time.

"Chrissie, sweetie, it's not a tumor this time. The doctors say it's spread to my pancreas and it's…" Gustav looked at Nadir, who gave him a no-bullshit nod. "It's stage four, and um, the doctors say there's no chance with this one, so I… we, the doctors and me, won't be seeking…"

"Treatment. You decided to not fight and give up just like that? Without even talking to me about it? What the hell, Dad?!" she interrupted, pursing her lips tight while biting the inside of her cheek, realizing that being combative never got anywhere with her dad - it'd just make him dig in harder. "I love you, Dad, and I love you too much to let you give up." Gustav took her hands in his and sighed. She knew down in her soul that he wasn't wanting to fight anymore.

"I love you too and I love YOU too much to not spend my last months, weeks, days, or hours being holed up in a hospital and NOT spend every last breath of time with you. You're stronger than you know, and I love you MORE than you will ever know." He leaned in and kissed her forehead and Nadir rubbed her shoulders. These two men were her entire world, she'd be completely lost without them. "Just promise me you'll give college another chance. You have so many talents and are so smart. If anything do it for these two old geezers, huh?" Christine gave a strained grin and gave a brief nod. These two are insufferable.

Upon returning to Haven Lake after the Thanksgiving holiday, Christine found her dorm room had been completely cleared out of Melissa's items. Rumor had it that Melissa, who was on a partial soccer scholarship, was caught by county police for driving under the influence her first night back on campus after the holiday break and lost her scholarship. Although Christine and Melissa were never close, the emptiness and loneliness further isolated Christine for her peers. And the further isolated she felt, she quicker she began collapsing in on herself. A week before the end of the semester break was to begin was when the phone call came from Nadir.

"Hey kiddo…" Nadir's voice was quiet, but the background noise gave away his location: the hospital. "So I had to bring your dad to the emergency room last night and it looks like he has pneumonia. It's not severe but the doctors are keeping him for the next few days."

"I have my last final tomorrow; come pick me up tomorrow night. I'll be ready." With that, Christine quickly began packing up her dorm room. Her belongings were sparse - why make some place comfortable when all it brought was misery, depression, and sadness. This was never my home - good riddance to this ridiculous place. Christine put on her favorite playlist, which immediately had "Vocalise" as the first track, and she began to hum out the melody and felt oddly at peace.

"Christine… Chrissie, hey…" Nadir's voice breaking through her foggy memories. "Of course I'll let you work in the office. I need some admin help anyway and you can help me find a paralegal or a clerk to help. I have a feeling things are about to get really busy." Nadir sat up from the table and began washing his mug. "I gotta head back to the city and catch up on things in the office. How about you swing by on Monday morning whenever you feel like coming. If things start feeling too oppressive here, call me and stay at the apartment, ok? I love you kiddo."

"Ok, thanks. I love you too, Uncle Nadir… and I'm sorry." Using the table for support, Christine pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around him. "See you Monday morning."

Nadir hugged Christine and placed a kiss on her forehead and walked out to his car. The faint jingling of his keys fell quiet, and for the first time in three weeks, Christine was left alone in an empty house. She felt tired, cold, almost empty, and dearly missed hearing her dad's humming.

Now what?