It was a couple of weeks later and finally Kisaiya's birthday. She was excited to finally be a teenager. Ange woke the girl up to pancakes and presents before they both headed to school and work.
Ange ensured that she wasn't on cover this weekend so that they could fully celebrate. She was also having a few friends over on Saturday night for a sleepover. They were going ice skating, then to pizza hut before coming back for a sleepover. Kisaiya was so excited, it had been a few years since she had last had a birthday party.
When Kisaiya arrived at school all her friend's said happy birthday and gave her a balloon to carry. She was so embarrassed but still loved how thoughtful they were as well. She couldn't believe that she was finally a teenager, yet at the same time she felt more grown up that her friends. It was difficult to explain.
The morning went relatively quickly but after going out for lunch, it just felt like the afternoon dragged. Kisaiya just couldn't concentrate. So many thoughts were going through her head and nothing could get her to snap out of it. She tried to doodle while the teacher was talking, thinking perhaps that might work.
"Kisaiya Godard, are you even listening to me?" shouted her French teacher. Kisaiya jumped and looked up at her French teacher. Suddenly she could see her French teacher's mouth moving but she couldn't comprehend or even hear what she was saying.
Feeling ready to burst into tears, Kisaiya stood up and ran out of the class. She kept running and didn't stop until she was the only place she could think of going. She let herself in with the spare key she had in her bag and walked through to the room she needed to be in.
She grabbed her phone, she knew that the emotions and feelings she was feeling just now were dangerous and she needed someone with her. She texted the one person she felt able to speak to, perhaps not explain everything too but just to help her feel better.
15 minutes later, Chloe dashed onto AAU in a hunt for Ange.
"Mum" Chloe said raising her voice slightly in panic when she spotted her mother. Ange looked at her daughter, knowing that voice.
"I just got this text from Kisaiya and I can't get hold of her. She's not replied, and I tried phoning but didn't get an answer" Chloe explained. Ange grabbed the phone and noticed her youngest daughter's text.
I need help
Ange instantly worried and grabbed her phone. She saw a miss call from the school and listened to the voicemail. It stated that Kisaiya had ran out of class and they wanted to know if she had gone home.
"I'll need to run home and check. What if she isn't at home" Ange asked starting to worry. Chloe picked up on this and as she was panicked too felt the same as her mother. How could they find out where Kisaiya was?
"Her snapchat" Chloe said as she looked on her phone.
"She's at my flat. Well she was 15 minutes ago, that was when she texted me. We need to go now" Chloe said. She ran back to the ward and found Nikki before telling her to cover for her. She ran down the stairs where Ange was already waiting in the car to drive to her flat.
They arrived at the flat and the door was unlocked. Chloe knew the girl must be inside. She walked inside and instantly heard the hyperventilating. Chloe rushed to her bedroom closely followed by Ange.
Ange took charge in the situation as it was something she was used to with Chloe. She grabbed Kisaiya's hand and got the girl's attention.
"Breathe with me" Ange said put she had to use all her strength to keep the girl's hands down. Kisaiya kept trying to pace and bring her hands up to her face. Ange continued to talk to the girl until she calmed down. Worried about what the girl might have done during this time, Ange lifted the girl's top. She was glad to see no self harm marks. She saw that Kisaiya was almost in a trance and didn't even react when her top was lifted.
Ange instantly noticed when Kisaiya came out of the trance as she appeared to become really embarrassed. She shied away and looked down. Ange tried to get the girl's attention but the girl was fearful.
"Hey, everything is okay" Ange said but she could almost feel Kisaiya shaking.
"Kis, what do you want to do? Do you want to lie down here? Or speak to just Chloe. How can I help you?" Ange asked but instead Kisaiya's eyes flashed around the room.
"Do you just want to speak to Chloe? You texted her. She's here, I'll leave if you want" Ange asked. Again Kisaiya didn't reply but Ange did as she said. She left the room and Chloe stepped forward.
"Kis, what's going on?" Chloe asked softly as she sat down on the bed next to Kisaiya. Kisaiya slowly raised her head to look at her sister and burst into tears. It was too much. The sobbing started and once it started she couldn't stop. Chloe pulled her younger sister into her arms and rocked her back and forth.
After over 10 minutes, she calmed down. Chloe didn't let go until Kisaiya pulled away.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" Chloe asked encouragingly. Kisaiya didn't react. She couldn't explain what was happening.
"What set you off?" Chloe asked.
"My birthday but all my friends are already 13. I just thought about everything that's happened to me, makes me feel more like an adult and they don't know" She mumbled, it barely made sense, but Chloe understood.
"Some really horrible stuff has happened to you" Chloe said supportively.
"It's hard my friends don't know anything. I don't want to tell them but sometimes I do. Sometimes I wish that someone my age knew what had happened. You know like when the other girls ask questions about wanting to know about sex and stuff. Sometimes I know the answer but I'm too scared to answer in case they call me a slut or I have to explain how I know" Kisaiya started to get more confident as she spoke to Chloe.
"I don't want everyone to know. Just sometimes its hard keeping this big secret in" Kisaiya said looking down again as she finished her rant. Chloe nodded.
"I understand, you could always have a think and maybe you could tell one friend. It's hard because you are so young. Your friends wouldn't understand" Chloe said. Kisaiya nodded. She was glad that Chloe understood where she was coming from.
"I just couldn't stop thinking about it and then I zoned out in class. My teacher was talking but it all got too much, everyone was staring at me so I just ran" Kisaiya said "Mum's going to be so angry"
Kisaiya wiped the tears from her face.
"Mum's not going to be angry" Chloe said. "Shall we go and speak to her?"
"I'm scared" Kisaiya said as she stood up. Chloe was walking towards the door but Kisaiya felt like she couldn't move.
"Of mum?" Chloe asked "I promise she won't be angry"
Chloe was surprised by this, she didn't understand why Kisaiya had changed to be like this.
"What's scaring you?" Chloe asked.
"That she'll leave me for Fletch's children" Kisaiya said before bursting into tears. Chloe gathered her sister in her arms and walked her through to find her mother. Ange was instantly concerned and pulled Kisaiya into her arms.
"Baby" Ange said kissing the girl's head.
"Tell Mum, Kis" Chloe said but Kisaiya shook her head and snuggled more into her mother. Comfort was what she was needing at the moment. Not words. She drifted off to sleep and Ange placed her on the sofa.
"You go back to work, I'll stay here with her" Ange said and Chloe nodded.
"I'll come back with your car at the back of 6. She might talk then. She's shattered after all that" Chloe said reassuringly, and Ange nodded. She did hope so.
This is Kisaiya's birthday Part 1 – what do you think?